topic Really Struggling in Depression

Really Struggling

startingnew — Fri, 16 Aug 2019 02:09:57 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been online for a while but I am really struggling. I don't really know where to start.

Really Struggling

Oscar93 — Fri, 16 Aug 2019 02:18:56 GMT

Hi startingnew.

Good on you for reaching out. Did you want to share how your day has been so far?

Really Struggling

startingnew — Sat, 17 Aug 2019 07:51:46 GMT

Hi Oscar

Life just really feels hard. the constant up and downs of anxiety and depression I can no longer manage very well and all the drs just keep trying to add more and more medications or they say im treatment resistent because i didnt do anything sooner. I cant make or keep friends and I miss being around people but then being around people make me nervous. I don't really like my jobs but I have to do it because no one else will.

my sh and suicidal idealation has become very strong again and not much diffuses anymore. I just want to be normal and live a normal life without 100 responsibilities and nothing to show for it

Really Struggling

startingnew — Sat, 17 Aug 2019 10:36:51 GMT

it was a really tough day today

Really Struggling

Ebi — Sat, 17 Aug 2019 11:46:15 GMT

Hi startingnew,

I'm sorry to read that it has been a tough day for you. It sounds like you're having a difficult period with the medications, and the lack of friends, and the responsibilities. I don't really think there is a normal life but I'm guessing you would like some peace, contentment, and joy... I wonder what sorts of things you imagine being in your life if it were 'normal'?

Anyway, just wanted to reach out and let you know you're not alone.

Thinking of you, Ebi

Really Struggling

startingnew — Sun, 18 Aug 2019 10:10:00 GMT

Hi Ebi and thanks for the support

I know theres not really a normal so I guess wanting a normal life is pretty stupid. I guess I just don't want to be pumped full of medications to make me better or having no life besides work, work, home responsibilities and well more work.

Really Struggling

Doolhof — Mon, 19 Aug 2019 23:43:28 GMT

Hi Startingnew,

Sorry to read you are in such a rough place. From what I remember from previous posts of yours, life has been a struggle off and on for a while now.

I believe that trying to find our own kind of "normal" can change from day to day. I try to aim for "acceptable" even if that means acknowledging when life is less than I intend it to be.

Some days are a struggle. There are times when just being might be all we can do, that is certainly a huge achievement on rough days.

Each day can you think of one thing to be thankful for?

Have the Drs/medical people said if the medications will be long term or just to help you out right now?

Thinking of you SN. I know this has been quite a journey for you!

Regards from Dools

Really Struggling

startingnew — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 01:04:10 GMT

Hi Mrs D
Life has been quite a struggle lately. My mental health has gone downhill quite abit as has my physical health. Being a carer can be a really tough gig and with minimal health and minimal acceptance from the person I care for it makes it a harder. Im still trying even though it doesnt seem to be getting very far. If I dont take my caree to do what he needs then its neglect on my behalf but if I do its never ending whinging and blame towards me.

Right now im struggling to even just 'be' I sleep or I sh or something else to try and get through the day and I thought I was past this stage. After 6 months of no sh and managing better (or ignoring mostly) I thought I mightve been on the right track to getting better.

I no longer see a psychologist as my sessions have ran out but I havent found the sessions that helpful for a while. I cant seem to be comfortable or find a right match and the more I go the more I seem to shut down.

My gp and my womens health nurse just seem to shove me out the door before I even sit down evne though they know about my current thoughts (not intentions) and sh'ing. I go there to get help for a variety of things physically mostly but it seems im put into the to hard basket now that ive been refferred to specialists. It basically feels like a waste of time, I go there and I try to get help for things like weightloss (as the nurse is also a dietician etc) and keeping on track with that rather then letting my binge eating disorder get ahold of me again.

I am really scared to go to the gynaecologist on friday. They are checking for pcos and endometriosis but also ive had quite a lot of cervical changes and even though its been 2 years they are still progressing rather then getting better so its quite worrying to me and also triggerring due to my trauma in the past.

I spoke with the psychiatrist last week and it wasnt good. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I found it quite distressing esp having to go over my trauma (except the sa) and wanted to get out asap. I found it hard with his accent and had to keep double checking that I was hearing him right. He kept kaughing at me because im stubborn (because I said I wasnt comfortable in a group therapy setting and that I didnt want to go on medications) he said I either take medications or I become more treatment resistent thats if im not already treatment resistant because I didnt get help straight away. He gave me like a sex ed talk and made snide comments about young people such as ' well you know what young people are like, these medications may give you more urges and affect pregnancy so just use protection and youll be right' this was in regards to asking if I was planning on getting pregnant. He says the medications will be long term and along with GAD, depression, PTSD and BPD he also thinks I might have Bipolardisorder which doesnt make sense to me but im not a professional so will see how that goes. If the medications dont work he think I am treatment resistant and may take me off the medications as it wont be worth taking them since they dont have an effect.

I have a gratitude journal and try to put at least one thing in there each day but its getting harder and harder and mymood just seems to be getting darker. I dont really know what else to do. the coping strategies I have are barely having an effect either.

Thanks for your support xox

Really Struggling

Tess2 — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 03:30:58 GMT

Hi Startingnew,

i completely understand what you are saying about how you are feeling. I feel much the same way. My head seems totally preoccupied by suicidal ideation. I try to accomplish one thing each day so I feel ok about myself, but it is so hard. I am really struggling, my mood is very dark and flat. I don’t want to be like this, but can’t seem to move on at the moment.

i will be thinking of you

tess

Really Struggling

startingnew — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 02:02:57 GMT

Hi Tess

im sorry your feeling the same way, its a really tough space to be in especially when our brains don't like to shut down and relax. being in those dark places really suck and they can be really hard to get out of hey.

hopefully we can both find some light soon

xox

Really Struggling

startingnew — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 10:21:37 GMT

Hi everyone

its been a while since ive been online and alot has happened. To much to list i think but it hasnt been easy for me to say the least. Right now im really struggling with carer burnout and fatigue. i am struggling to bring myself to get supports or to talk to anyone because it usually end up with me getting into trouble. i can feel myself sinking further but even after making some good changes like reducing work outside of caring and putting in some boundaries with family it hasnt helped. i dont really know what else to do.

Does anyone have any suggestions they could share with me?

Really Struggling

Doolhof — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 21:15:15 GMT

Hi Startingnew,

Do you feel comfortable using the support services like here at Beyond Blue or Life Line. It has helped me in the past to talk things through with people. Sometimes I have just been so confused and frustrated I have just cried, but even that seemed to help.

Is there someone at work you can talk with? Is it possible to have some hours reduced? Are family not adhering to the strategies you are trying to implement (if that is the case) It can be hard to stick to our boundaries.

When I feel like people are not listening to me and my needs are not being considered let alone met, it affects me negatively. Is this some of what you are experiencing?

Can you make a list of priorities and deal with those on top of your list or is that too overwhelming to even consider?

I am sorry you are struggling. These are just my thoughts and some suggestions. They might not fit your situation at all. Just want to let you know I care.

Kindest thought s to you from Dools

Really Struggling

Guest_4643 — Fri, 29 Jan 2021 02:49:26 GMT

Hey startingnew, how are you?

Really Struggling

startingnew — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 04:59:08 GMT

Hi Mb20lover

Not great atm unfortunatly

Really Struggling

startingnew — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 05:07:55 GMT

Hi Mrs D

I sometimes use helplines but I am struggling to even talk to them right now. I cant really find the words or the wait time or the session just fatigues me to much that I just want to end the chat and stop talking. I feel a lot of helplines havent really helped me since I have many coping strategies now. Im often told to see gp or just to use my strategies and im tired of hearing that when I really need someone.

My work is on my own so I dont have anyone there either. I just manage my own clients hours etc and ive already basically dropped those in half and some days I dont have anything to do for it.
It does make it hard working as a carer on my own and also my own as a second small job on the side as well.

Family dont listen to me, they only hear and see what they want. The last time I asked for help I was yelled at and told to grow up. I cannot grow up any faster im already much more grown up then most my age and has made it difficult in many aspects of my life because of it.

With the list of priorities I think im doing that already or as best I know anyway. Ive sorted out bills etc and payment plans etc its really a matter of those bills eventually getting paid off. I think for me its much deeper now, even with things sorted it hasnt made life any easier. Im mentally and physically exhausted to the point I dont even want to be in the same house as the person I care for anymore. Its like I need to be right away from everyone and everything to recover or something which isnt going to happen. At the same time even if I was to do that it basically feels hopeless to me.

Really Struggling

Guest_4643 — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 06:11:55 GMT

Sorry to hear. Anything we can do?

Really Struggling

startingnew — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 04:33:49 GMT

Sorry Mb20lover

i dont know. ive already written things in previous posts above. Sorry im not up for rewriting them atm

Really Struggling

Guest_4643 — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 06:02:25 GMT

Sorry I was just trying to be friendly and offer support..