topic The Roller Coaster Ride in Depression

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 00:44:01 GMT

Hi All,

Sorry if I stuff this up.

I recently got diagnosed with a scary condition that I am simply not coping with. I do not understand how I went so long without it being found out. I guess as has been explained to me, a true diagnosis is not achieved until it escalates. Currently I am still awaiting a full diagnosis as I was told it can be a long process.

I have a wonderful partner who is supportive and pushed me to get help after a bad lot of episodes, but he doesn't fully understand and sometimes simply has no idea how to be supportive.

I really just wish someone understood. I feel quite alone trying to deal with this, despite the support of my partner. I am scared by the diagnosis and what is occuring.

Sorry All, but thanks.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Soberlicious96 — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 01:36:59 GMT

Dear BDmelody,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I would like to start by saying that there is no need to apologize for 'stuffing this up'. You have not stuffed up anything here on Beyond Blue ..... but perhaps you are feeling, on the inside, a bit 'stuffed up' due to your recent diagnosis, yeah?

It's great that you have a very supportive partner, especially in the current climate. Sometime the people we love and whom we are closest to, just don't get it, even though they want to and they try so hard. Maybe that's the thing to focus on; the fact that even though he doesn't get it, at least he is being supportive and trying, yeah?

In the meantime, we are here for you and with for for as much and as often as you like.

Try to remember to be gentle with yourself, and with your partner. I hope things improve for you soon, and that life becomes more manageable for you.

Take care xo

The Roller Coaster Ride

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 01:42:07 GMT

Hi BDMelody,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us. You have absolutely no reason to be sorry and I'm glad that you are here. I can see that Soberlicious96 has already offered you a warm welcome too.

It can be really hard to support people sometimes without being able to relate to what's going on- especially with health issues.

While you haven't told us about your condition, I'm imagining that there are other people with it and perhaps that can be a way to get some support? Even with very rare health conditions there are often online support groups that you can use, and that can be a way of connecting with people who 'get it'. Maybe this could be something to explore.

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 02:22:37 GMT

Thanks to you both.

Soberlicious, I feel all kind of out of sorts by the diagnosis. I regards to my partner, you are correct! I could never take away from him that he tries. He sees the daily struggles and drastic shifts of mood that drive my life and disrupt it. However he fundamentally doesn't get it. He just can't comprehend how someone lets it happen, however he then remembers I have no control, and he states so - whether to himself or me who knows.

Thanks RT. Currently the working diagnosis is Bipolar type 1 - potentially rapid cycling. I would have no idea where to start with online supports. hence this was my first port of call, so to speak. I feel so horrid googling support avenues, and besides, what do I type into the giant search engine.

Thanks for your warm welcomes. I guess I felt sorry for attempting to post. I know in the scheme of the world my problems are my own and don't even register in the words problems.

Any ideas on where to turn please let me know. I kind of got lumped with this diagnosis and whilst I have the support of a psychologist and psychiatrist - all still new people, it was like here you go and we will see you in a months time. I really am not sure how to process it all. We have known for a long time something was not right, but reality feels like a chock-hold at present.

Thanks again,

The Roller Coaster Ride

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 04:41:20 GMT

Hi BDmelody,

It's good to hear back from you!

Hearing that it's Bipolar - I'm glad that you decided to share that with us. You are most definitely not alone in that diagnosis. Up the top of the page you can search 'bipolar' and find so many threads of other people here dealing with this.

One of my friends has Bipolar too and I really struggled to understand it too at first - but learning about it for me was very helpful;- does your partner know much about Bipolar?

If you are interested in support groups - online I'd figure here is a good place to start (ha!), but in person ones - http://www.bipolaraustralia.org.au/services-directory/wpbdp_category/support-groups/

Hopefully this can help!

I also want to let you know that you really don't have to be sorry for being here. You deserve to be here and your problems matter just as much as everyone else. Just to emphasise that - I posted to you this morning, and then I went off the computer for a while and came back just to see if you'd replied. I do care, and you deserve to be heard and cared about no matter what you are struggling with.

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 06:36:57 GMT

Thanks RT,

Thanks for checking and providing information. It is appreciated that is for sure.

I confess I have been sitting on the site myself, I probably should be working though - yes I have managed to hold down a job (nearly lost it several times tho).

Unfortunately, from what I can see, none of the groups I can attend - but thank you none the less.

My partner and I have done a lot of information searching, asked a lot of questions. Basically I have lived with the condition for what we assume is 14 years. It's apparently the reason for all my drastic behaviours - skipping states, sudden life changes because it's a great idea. I just thought that was normal and no one ever told me it was a problem till this last couple of cycles.

Sorry, got side tracked. I guess that we have done a lot of information searching and been trying to understand it all. It is just so difficult. Kind of hard to come to terms with, which again sounds selfish. Guess this is not my area of expertise and whilst I have clearly lived with it for a while, it's getting a lot worse and I seem to have very little control at the moment.

Sorry if going blah too. Normally everyone blah's to me, so feel this is role-reversal right here.

Thanks so much,

The Roller Coaster Ride

CalmCat — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 08:43:37 GMT

Hi BDmelody,

What a emotional post, you nearly made a tear roll.

I might be in the same boat with regards to a unknown diagnosis, however I've chosen to not know my diagnosis as I feel the diagnosis comes with too much stigma.

However my health care providers agreed that a diagnosis in my situation maybe unnecessary also.

I hope I was of some help, as your post was very helpful.

Hope you had a special day, full of smiles.

Reards,

Doran

The Roller Coaster Ride

LolaLM — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 12:36:16 GMT

Hi BD

i just want to say I am proud of you! It takes cuts to do something or see a professional. I was diagnosed with BPD 2012.

When I first found out I was lost, confused, depressed but it was definitely a huge\massive weight off my shoulders. Finally a reason for my behaviour. All made sense

i wish you all the very best. Things can only get better moving forward

🙂

The Roller Coaster Ride

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 23:48:47 GMT

Hi BDmelody,

You're very welcome - if there's nothing in your area you could potentially reach out to your psychologist or even local community centre? You could also have a google search something like this: "support group" + "bipolar" + "(your location)" just to see if something pops up.

Of course it would be difficult for you - 14 years is a very long time and wrapping your head around it does not sound like an easy feat. Thinking that something was so normal for everyone and then suddenly learning that it's not 'normal behaviours' must be very strange. I imagine that if I was in the same boat I'd probably be thinking which part might have been the 'bipolar' and which part was just me. Maybe some of that could have been a fine line, or you might not even know.

I know you do have a psychologist and psychiatrist; do you feel like they are being supportive with this? Hopefully they can give you a few strategies or be able to help you reflect on this and what it means for you both in the past and now.

I also don't see any of your post as selfish too - given what you've gone through, it's completely understandable you'd be feeling this way.

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 00:07:09 GMT

Thanks Doz86, Lola M and RT.

Doz, I am so glad that you've made it work for you and are able to get the support that is helpful for you 🙂

LolaM, on one hand the diagnosis is a relief and then on the other hand, as RT mention, it's taking a while to wrap my head around it.

RT you could not have hit the nail on the head any harder. I can now see the first times I began to become "unwell" and there was a drastic shift in who I was, so now I feel like I have no clue. The medication is slightly helping and I feel more myself, however I am still in the throws of episodes and the depressive ones seem to be worse than the manic - or more so, the unpleasant ones and outweighed so much by the real fun times. Kind of funny how the "fun" times can be so destructive yet so inflating at the same time. I guess it is more the aftermath that is the issue.

I am fortunate that my manic episode are full of delusions but they are not scary ones. I have read that many have scary manic phase. I guess mine just tend to be the depressed phases as I become quite paranoid.

It is funny though, you write it out like this and you can see there is an issue, or the first time my psychiatrist got history, you could see there is an issue but you quickly forget and return to normality. Or more I guess your perception of normality. Still can't quite come to terms that it is vastly different to how others experience the world.

Also rather ironic that something which was passed off as "teen troubles" turns out to be considered a severe mental health issue. Ironic really.

Thanks to you all kindly. It is nice being able to voice (type) these concerns and be understood.

Thanks

The Roller Coaster Ride

bushwalker — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 13:28:13 GMT

Hi BDmelody, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2013 and on diagnosis identified that I had been living with it for many years. I also am fortunate to have a great partner and with the appropriate guidance from my doctors and specialists I am have now been living a very good life. I found support from my partner, ( i do have medication) but also a very healthly lifestyle, good food,exercise and mediation has assisted me immensely. In fact when I was diagnosed I was relieved because prior to this I did have some difficulty. Now life is good, I understand my condition, I feel in control and the more you learn about it will assist. I am reaching out as bipolar only affects a relatively small percentage of the population and we need to talk about it.

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Mon, 20 Apr 2020 00:58:00 GMT

Thanks Bushwalker,

That does fill me with some hope that all will be ok.

I am glad that there is a diagnosis and medication is seeming to have some impact, it's just been a scary adjustment really.

To a degree, I am also struggling with the diagnosis as it, yes explains my behaviour, but also highlights the behaviour. So whilst I now sort of know why things are happening, it makes it a little harder to deal with because I now know something is not right or normal. As before it was what it was and you just took one after that other not realising it was abnormal.

Hope that makes some sense to someone.

Thanks All,

The Roller Coaster Ride

BDmelody — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 01:35:31 GMT

Hi All,

How do you all feel about hospitalisation?

A chat with my psychiatrist today resulted in him wanting me to consider admission. I am a little concerned and worried about this to be honest. I do not understand what can be achieved in hospital that can't outside of.

Then, how do I convey to work, especially after barely keeping my job due to turmoil of behaviour.

Sorry all, would appreciate any advice and help.

Thanks

The Roller Coaster Ride

Paws4Thought — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 02:33:00 GMT

Hi BDmelody,

Hey, what a brilliant idea to ask other people in similar situations for their opinions about hospitalisation rather than just do it. Good on you for taking time to consider it fully!

My first thought is that your health should ALWAYS come first, no matter how important your job might be - even more so if, as you say, your job has been in a bit of turmoil lately because of your condition at the moment.

Next thought, how about you ask the psychiatrist directly before making the decision? As he/she is recommending hospitalisation, which might mean a pretty significant change to your lifestyle for a time, it seems only reasonable to ask them to explain all the details of (1) Why they think it's a good idea, (2) How they think it will help, and (3) What are the pros and cons of either hospitalisation or non-hospitalisation?

My personal 'hospital experiences' might differ from yours as I suffer from major depression and anxiety not bipolar (all these labels!). When going to hospital was first suggested to me, I jumped at the idea. It felt like I could have a holiday - a legitimate (acceptable?) way to be able to just stop and not have to worry about all the difficulties of everyday life. Then, in reality, I had both good and bad experiences while I was in hospital. Both were only due to the personalities of individual nurses - just like everything else, there were good and bad.

In hindsight, I'm glad I went into hospital but I wish I had been better prepared for the ups and downs I could expect there so that I could have been more focused on me (selfish or otherwise) and how to get me better. Maybe that's another reason to ask your psychiatrist about the expected benefits and how you can personally achieve them whether in hospital or not?

Good luck on your journey to getting and feeling well!