topic New guy just struggling.. again in Depression

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Tue, 03 Mar 2020 09:13:53 GMT

Hello,

My first post here.. feels safe to open up a bit on here.. I’ve struggled with depression since 2005 (after some traumatic evens) I was put on medication but never really felt it helped much.. but I got through it eventually and enjoyed most days until about 2017. My marriage was falling apart for many reasons, however February 2018 we separated. I feel I was forced out, we owned a fitness business but she lost my trust from a previous affair and always having guys over from the gym.. the wheels where definitely falling off.
Anyway since the separation and now divorce my whole life has fallen apart.. She set the situation up and I basically lost everything including our fitness business which she now runs.. I’ve been in and out of jobs but nothing has really worked out. I see our kids, 35% of the time but been hard to adjust not seeing them everyday.. this is just the very small story of all the mess I currently feel in.. but it’s a small start to opening up. Currently my depression and anxiety is very crippling. Just really want to not feel like this.. just don’t know if I can ever get through this.

that’s it for now.. thanks for ready.. hope it makes a bit of sense.. and my head is in a spin from the mess I’m in right now.

New guy just struggling.. again

Hutch86 — Tue, 03 Mar 2020 11:07:39 GMT

Hi Steve,

I hope you can start to feel better.

I am struggling with similar issues at the moment.

If you want to share anything further and bounce anything off me I am all ears and can maybe help somehow..

New guy just struggling.. again

blondguy — Tue, 03 Mar 2020 19:47:12 GMT

Hello Steve

Welcome and good on you for having the strength to post considering what you are going through. Your post made a lot of sense and your pain and anguish. Can I ask if you have a couple (or one) of close friends that you can confide in? Even having a small support network of 1 or 2 people is crucial at this time

Even seeing our GP can take a huge weight off our shoulders too! Making a double appointment is a bonus as our doc can help us more effectively...I still see my GP frequently after going through the family court back in the 1990's which left me mentally exhausted....anxious...depressed...sleep deprived..This is a difficult time

I echo what Hutch86 has posted above as there are so many of us struggling..(thankyou Hutch)

the forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post SteveB...

we are supportive and listening

Paul

New guy just struggling.. again

White_Rose — Tue, 03 Mar 2020 20:49:58 GMT

Dear Steve

Hello and welcome to the forum. It does take courage to write in here for the first time. Well done.

I cannot imagine how devastated you are with the series of events. It must hurt tremendously. I presume you were given the antidepressant meds by your GP so you must have opened up a little about what is happening in your life. Is this right?

Antidepressants (AD) are not a cure for depression or any mental illness. It's a bit like taking pain relief. It helps to keep you moving and reduce your pain but does not 'cure' the reason for the pain. For that you need medical intervention. Same with depression.

With all the events in your life in the past few years I suggest you see your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Of the two options I think a psychiatrist would be the best option. There are many good psychologists out there but it depends on how many sessions you will need to decide if this is financially viable. Medicare only subsidises psychologist's fees for up to ten sessions per year. After that you must pay the full fee. Your GP will be able to fully explain the system.

Psychiatrist's fees are all subsidised by Medicare in the same way all your doctors' fees are subsidised so the cost is greatly reduced. From a financial viewpoint this is the better option. I am suggesting this as I suspect money may be a bit tight for you. However you need to discuss your needs with your GP and be guided by him/her.

In the meantime please look at the information on depression available on this website. Look under Get Support at the top of the page and also search under The Facts. I have found the more informed I am about any illness the easier it is to make decisions. You can download much of this information.

You are doing well to have got this far on your own. Congratulations. Sadly the road is not easy and I know from my experience how overwhelming it can be. When we have been betrayed it is so hard to trust anyone again. This is certainly true in my case. It has taken a long time to heal and I think I will be healing for the rest of my life even though the worst has passed. Hope I am not scaring you. I find it useful to look at these things and prepare myself for what is in store. However we are all different and what works for me is not necessarily best for others.

We can talk here about what you have done and how well it worked. Also future plans so please continue to write in.

Mary

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:15:49 GMT

Hey Hutchy,

Thanks for your reply.. hope you are going ok today.. I would definitely like to keep in contact and hopefully help or listen when needed..

thank you mate

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:30:03 GMT

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your reply means so much. From losing my marriage and business left me with no close friends, and my depression leaves me wanting to isolate, it’s horrible.. my family have given up on me now.. my sisters did a year ago but recently my dad has.. i really have to control my illness now.. I have kept close contact with my GP, I’m now waiting on my psychologist appointment.

im sorry you had similar feelings during your family court struggle. It is horrible. I hope you had a good day and thank you again for your kind words and support.

steve

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:38:34 GMT

Hi Mary,

thank you for taking the time to write to me. I hope you are doing ok today.. Yes I was given anti depressants I started them in 2006 but my GP recently changed what I was on, as I felt they where not working.. been on my new type for about 6 months.. but I need to do more to complement them. Just so hard when to get your brain to think clearly to figure out how to get through everything.

No, you are definitely not scaring me I appreciate your honesty and help. I didn’t know about psychiatry fees being coved by Medicare. I have needed to cancel psychology appointments previously due to no money..

thank you again, I will definitely continue to write in.

take care

steve

New guy just struggling.. again

Curleee — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 10:52:33 GMT

Hi Steve,
Sorry to hear of your hard time right now.
Just to let you know (and manage expectations), a psychiatrist is only partly medicare funded, unless you are on a public waiting list.
Last year, I started seeing a psychiatrist and given their greater knowledge on medication, i have found it good. (Ive been on medication for 14ish years....3 types for depression)... I am now (after my diagnosises), on something to moderate the manic moments and after 3 months I can really notice the difference..... and after this settles down, I will be reviewing the anxiety/depression medication. It is also good to feel supported in different ways: GP for day to day; psychologist for retraining my brain (work in progress 😑); and psychiatrist for medications and structure around my care plan, if that makes sense. I also do myotherapy and osteopathy to assist with face and neck tightness/aches from jaw clenching. It is expensive given my reduced hours at the moment, but I find i need this structure to get into a new place. In some cities, there is also free trauma counselling.... and sometimes myo or osteo or massage students do No or low cost sessions to practice

Keep reaching out on this network

New guy just struggling.. again

Hutch86 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 13:27:00 GMT

Stevo you are a legend mate. Us men gotta stick together. Will stay in contact.

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Mon, 09 Mar 2020 02:52:24 GMT

Thanks Hutchy,

hopefully we can help each other get through everything mate.

Cheers

steve

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 04:03:35 GMT

Hello everyone,

thank you to all the replies. They are so nice to read. Deep into depression feels so lonely, but it is nice to be part of the BB group.
Today is such a low day, usually happens every second Wednesday when I drop my kids back to school as they then return to their mum. I feel busy and worthy around my kids, when there gone it is so hard to adjust again, I miss them so much when they are not around.
their mum makes my symptoms so much worse it’s like she knows I really struggle on drop off days.. I usually get an abusive text from her about something. In my mind I know I am doing everything I can. I pay above and beyond just child support but I’m totally broke after I use every cent I have for my kids. When you feel hopeless she definitely knows how to keep you feeling that way.
sorry, was a bit of a vent message but this is my only outlet now.
thank you all for those who read this.

Steve

New guy just struggling.. again

blondguy — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 13:58:02 GMT

Hey Steve....thankyou for your kind post too!

you never have to apologise for posting about the pain you are going through...ever

When we have an ex that is 'upset' it can have a detrimental affect on our well being...I understand and respect what you are saying..The drop off is a bad place to be in Steve...especially when we have zero support/empathy from our ex partner...and unfortunately this seems to happen frequently...

For you to take the time to share your feelings shows you are strong...and then some!

I know its not much help to you now...yet you spoke from the heart when you mentioned....

* In my mind I know I am doing everything I can....and

* I pay above and beyond just child support but I’m totally broke after I use every cent I have for my kids....

Please be proud of being the great dad you are Steve

we are here...and listening

Paul

New guy just struggling.. again

SteveB1978 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 08:05:08 GMT

Hello everyone,

hope everyone is coping with these scary times, and keeping well.

well, after waiting 3 months for my first Psychology appointment i finally attended my first session today. My psychologist was really good, and very nice, caring and supportive kind of man. Gave me a chance to talk and gave me some helpful reminders of things to do when my situation seems hopeless and overwhelming. I am so determined to not live like this anymore, some of the things the psychologist told me to do, seem so simple but in saying that I never do them. It’s definitely time to get the help and do whatever it takes.

that’s it for now, take care everyone.

steve