topic Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive in Depression

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 05:06:41 GMT

Hello All.
First time poster.

It's great to see that I'm obviously not alone which I knew.

Over the last month I have felt down and sad for reasons I really can't seem to understand.
At times I sit there and tears are about to flow but I stop myself.
I know it not weak, but I feel lost.

I have a great job (albeit demanding), a great family and other extra-curricula activities (coach of footy and cricket teams).

Recently, as stated above I have no motivation to get up each morning, my productivity at work is rapidly decreasing, I dont seem to care as much for my work.
I also have no general motivation for extra-curricula activities including maintaining my lawn which I used to love doing.

I have seen a psychologist once after a referral from my G.P but it was only a 'meet and greet as such.

I want to lock myself up in my room and keep away from people. I start things but have no desire to complete them (can't believe I am forcing myself to do this).

I know I need to address this concern but I feel ultra guilty to be absent from my workers and my family at times to get myself better.

I sit here, typing this thinking of the next thing I have to do and already this is making me sad.
I'm lost.

I'm not really asking questions as such but I would love to understand what could come next for me with some insight from others who may have been in this situation.
I am not sure I will act on it though. I want to get better but I dont know if I want to act upon it (if that makes sense).

Thanks for reading. Ahhhhh.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

smallwolf — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 21:28:25 GMT

Hi OptimisticQuail,

welcome to beyond blue.

on guilt and absense - it really does depend on how often you are seeing the professional. At my worst, it was once a week, and now every second week. I wonder how you might feel if were going to a dentist (odd, I know) or going out to lunch every second week or once a month?

the other thing is (and I don't know much about your job), is recognising that you have done all that you can in a day, and what would happen if item you were going to do was left not done until the next day. For myself, I could only rest after all I completed all the items in my inbox and then some each day. Thing was the inbox never really emptied - someone, somewhere had a perceived issue that I felt needed to be fixed immediately - which was not the case.

and on that note, there are a few things I would ask myself... is this thought good for me? and what would I tell friend who who told me that story?

and your thoughts are normal for whatever is happening for you.

fwiw, I also see a psychiatrist who added a number of blood tests to make sure there nothing medically wrong with me - but there was.

lastly, and ending with a question - at what times do you feel lost? what are you thinking about? feeling?

I hope you come back and share some more of your story.

Tim

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 13:27:21 GMT

Hey Tim.

Thanks for the response.

I'm one to want to have a clean slate when moving on from work. I.e - all emails marked as unread, responded to or filed away/deleted.
This is sometimes seeing me work at home at night to make sure I dont come into an unopened email the next day. This certainly takes a lot of effort.
Lately though given my feelings, i've been deleting most emails. I can't be bothered responding anymore.

I have spoken to a work colleague who noticed during a meeting that while I was physically present, I was mentally absent. I had no care for the meeting and didnt want to be there. I later spoke to that colleague and told them how I was feeling. They were supportive and offered suggestiins to turn things around as they have been through tough times. I could hear what they were saying but I'm not sure I have the effort to want to feel better...

They asked me if I had suicidal thoughts which was an out there question. I was take back but answered honestly. I had for maybe 10 seconds but I would never want to put other through that grief nor would I believe of mustering up that much emotion.

To answer your question. I feel lost at times when I am alone and 1000 thoughts are running through my head. I usually over think and analyse a lot, but recently these thoughts (what I'm doing next, random thoughts, etc.) come and go without effort. I sometimes find myself at my workplace or home not knowing how I got there. I'm just in auto pilot when I drive at times.

I just dont know why I'm feeling how I'm feeling but I know it's just no me. Do I want to feel better? I'm not sure I do or can be bothered with the effort.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 17:09:50 GMT

Hello OptimisticQuail, welcome to the forums.

What you have said 'but I'm not sure I have the effort to want to feel better', may make it feel easier to just stay sad because recovery seems too difficult, depends on the situation you are in, and each one maybe different, but has the same cause.

Anything you do feels like nothing is working, and wanting to get better means your emotions need to change, that maybe frightening but it happens slowly.

This isn't your fault, depression comes knocking on your door and as soon as you open it it's to late unless you know how to stop it and this is something you need to do.

Take some time off work if you can and please don't get down on yourself, the first meeting with your psych is a get together, but write down how you are feeling so you can pass this over to them, this will make the sessions a bit easier.

Hope to hear back from you when you are able to.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Fri, 04 Oct 2019 01:30:55 GMT

Thanks Geoff.

That make complete sense.
It feels too late and although I don't want to put in the effort to get better most days, the days that I do are few and far between.

Meeting two with my psychologist next week which will hopefully give me some motivation to move past this frustrating time.

I have had the past 3 days off work (planned a long time ago) and it has felt brilliant although the thought of going back next week is frightening.

Again, thanks for the support!!!

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Fri, 04 Oct 2019 15:35:25 GMT

Hello OptimisticQuail, sometimes when people are in depression it's easier to stay sad because we don't have to make decisions, they're made for us, compared to feeling well when we have to decide between a, b or c and then cope with all the necessary obstacles or problems along the way.

That was something I did like when I was depressed, my wife made all the decisions, the biggest choice I had to make is whether I go or not, usually, it was the latter.

Let us know how you get on if that's OK.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Sat, 05 Oct 2019 13:38:00 GMT

Thanks Geoff.

Spot on really. I feel as though I have been serving others and making decisions constantly which I believe may be wearing me down quite significantly.

Lately, I have increasingly avoided or cared for making decisions as you have put.
I also exhibit the later of your comment (not wanting to do anything or go anywhere).

I just wonder - how do I return to normal if I do not want to make the decision to change my current ways? Deep down I am sure I want to return to being the optimistic, laid back, decisive person I usually am, but the will to snap out of this current mindset is not there.

Appreciate your kind support.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Sat, 05 Oct 2019 16:26:13 GMT

Hi OptimisticQuail, I know how this feels and it's not good at all.

People keep asking themselves 'when is the perfect time to do something or to start to feel better', well it depends on the situation you're in and also we may feel that we’re too exhausted to keep giving to others, maybe that's burnout and I've been there a few times.

Your mindset is not ready to change at the moment so give yourself some breathing space, concentrate on the little things in life you like, such as picking a flower you love and put it in a vase or go and feed the birds, somewhere you can be by yourself.

Your thinking won't change overnight, but remember to say no to what you don't want to do.

Please get back to us.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

Desedrata — Sat, 05 Oct 2019 18:34:59 GMT

Hello,

When I get super stressed out, I listen to music in the car to help reduce the frazzle effect of where ever I have to be and watch ten minutes of a comedy before bed. It helps drown out some of the negitive thoughts that like to fester whilst I'm sleeping.

I also learnt that by forcing myself to smile whilst, I walked down the street, helped cheer me up. It was an excruciating chore in the begining but after a week or two I found I was smiling for real as all the strangers giving me smiles back made me feel good.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 04:59:08 GMT

Thanks Geoff and Desecrate.

After a session with my psychologist it was mutually agreed that I need time away from work to focus on myself.

I have a GP appointment to gain a formal certificate to take to my company and to discuss the potential of medication.

We (psychologist and I) discussion that a combination of therapy, medication and getting up amd about to look after myself should start to see results small steps at a time.

While I look forward to feeling that way it seems so far away amd something I am not sure I am ready to commence.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

Desedrata — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 09:27:03 GMT

You are doing well just having organised things this far. It is okay to take a moment between steps. Change even for the better can be very stressful. Take things at your own pace. At varying times of the journey you will need more or less self-reflection and recuperation time, this is normal.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 14:24:19 GMT

Hi OptimisticQuail, I agree with Desedrata just take your time, it's not something that we only wished would go away with a click of the finger and please don't worry if you take one step forward and two back, that's a process that only strengthens going forward.

You always have our support.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 00:04:54 GMT

Thanks All.
Desedrata - Apologies for the spelling. My auto correct called you something different....

Following on i am looking to formalise some time off to look after myself and rejuvenate hopefully.

Do you have any tips on how to bring this up with a Manager and other team members?
I get extremely anxious about this.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 00:53:27 GMT

Hi OptimisticQuail, I think that maybe a great idea, having a day off here and there is not going to help you, you need to see your doctor who will give you a certificate for a length of time off while you can get the help you need.

This certificate is something they can not argue with, it's medical issued by a GP.

Can you please let us know.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 01:43:06 GMT

Cheers Geoff.

Do you know of another forum topic or any experience you have gained which would help me prepare to tell my manager and/or team members of the situation i am currently in?

How do i convey how im battling at the moment?

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

geoff — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 13:55:26 GMT

Hi OptimisticQuail, perhaps the doctor's letter would explain the majority of the situation you are in, or you could click on 'All Posts' and chose a section that relates to what you are going through.

If you get involved in a discussion with the manager trying to quizz you why you need to do this, it maybe very upsetting for you, so tell them that you may tell them at a later date or write down and then send it, this all depends on how you feel and what you want to do.

The less stress for you the better.

Take care.

Geoff.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

Desedrata — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 14:53:03 GMT

It's all good. I knew who you meant.

Whilst your employer will hopefully be understanding s/he does not require any information beyond that of which the doctors certificate states. Simply inform them that it is personal. "Personal" is a very important word to remember as it saves you and others a very long and awkward conversation that neither of you really wants to have with each other. It is also important to let your employer know that you do enjoy your job and like your co-workers it is just that you simply are not able to cope with personal issues at the moment but hope that s/he will be understanding of your need for some time off.

Something along those lines has always been taken respectfully and the door has always remained open for me. So, I would hope that this would be the case for you as well.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 05:21:10 GMT

Thank you so much to the both of you.

I now have a certificate from my Doctor as well as some medication which will hopefully help remove this numb feeling.

My partner is not too keen as she has had a bad experience with addiction and prescriptions with her family but I have tried to assure her these pills are not addictive as the Dr has advised.

I am keen to tell my manager and my team some of the detail but not a lot and have drafted something last night (ad midnight while I couldnt sleep).

Thanks again for your advice.

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

OptimisticQuail — Wed, 30 Oct 2019 09:06:11 GMT

Hello All.

Well this is my third week off work (after initially thinking I'd be off for two).

I am not sure I am ready to return next week as I still struggle to do even the simplest of tasks some days, which i will discuss with my psychologist and Doctor.

I believe i am on track but am not where I think I need to be.

Does anybody have tips on returning to work following time off due to mental health issues?

Thanks in advance!

Motivation depleted, sadness exhaustive

smallwolf — Wed, 30 Oct 2019 20:49:42 GMT

Hi,

I was in a similar position to you having time off work. I was off for 5 weeks. Following the advice of my psychiatrist I started with half day and would build up with half day increments.

Regardless of whether that is possible for you, use all the strategies and tools you have at your disposal - pop-up notifications on your phone or guides meditation or breathing exercises etc.

And just remember the following

1. You are doing the best you can

2. You are awesome

3. It doesn't matter what others at work think.

4. You are strong for the actions you took

Tim