topic lost with no clues in Depression

lost with no clues

old-reject — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 07:06:22 GMT

Hi people, so lost at the moment, landlord threatening eviction, no friends, no family, I have a good job but real estate agents say I don't fit their "demographic" meaning they don't want older trades people in their rentals, been giving away all my possessions online to try to make any move easier, just feel so isolated in this big city, I'm high function aspie so have always been alone, now so scared, don't know where to turn, been bullied all my life, abused as a child, I don't have any good memories, just wondering if it's worth trying anymore

didn't know where to post this so chose "depression", I wake up most mornings almost in tears, it's like life is over for me, feel like I don't fit in anywhere except work, especially since Covid my customers are very happy to see I've fixed their issues, but I get stuff all as I can't bargain, it's like one wall after another, thats the story of my life, rejected since birth I've struggled to get to my 60s, without property your no-one in this city

20 years ago I tried running an ABN, hopeless got ripped off many times, most clients just didn't pay realising I was push over even though they got what they wanted from me, went broke, got a job back in the "industry" tried to move on, but I'm getting nowhere, this govt seems not to care about those of us on the margins, it hurts to know your dispensable not wanted anywhere but work, don't get me wrong, I do love my work and I'm very good at it, just get used a lot and I'm so over it,

Any help or clues appreciated, thanks to all

lost with no clues

Sophie_M — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 07:26:57 GMT

Welcome,

We are so glad to see that you've reached out here today - we understand that this can be difficult to do for the first time, so thank you for having the courage. We are so sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult journey. It sounds as though things are especially tough on you at the moment. Please know that you are not alone, and our community is here to support you. Hopefully a few of our members will pop by over the next few days to welcome you and offer some words of wisdom.

If you think it may be helpful, you can also speak with a Blue Knot Helpline childhood trauma counsellor including for support and applications around national redress - 1300 657 380 Monday - Sunday between 9am - 5pm AEST - https://www.blueknot.org.au/

Have you considered joining a support group? It might be helpful to join one to try and build a social network in your area. You can also find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

You may also find it useful to take a look at some of the Beyond Blue resources:

“Life starts at 60” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/older-people/starts-at-sixty
“Loneliness” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/in-focus/loneliness-the-public-health-issue-we-should-all-know-about

Thanks again for reaching out here today and joining our friendly online community. Please feel free to keep us updated about your journey here on your thread.

lost with no clues

Nurse_Jenn — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 12:19:24 GMT

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum. I am hearing the sadness in your words with so many things getting you down. I am sorry you are going through this hard part. You are not alone. We are here to listen. Sophie M has posted some really great resources and support links. I wonder if you have tried to talk with any one such as a GP or a counsellor? As you are feeling really low and waking up tearful, I would recommend that you talk to a GP and explain the symptoms you are experiencing. You might try to write these down prior to attending an appointment so you have everything there and ready as it can be hard to get the words out sometimes.

When you are feeling so low, it can be hard to even think of solutions. Working with others can help to find some new ways of healing. It is normal to feel stuck when you are feeling weighed down with so much. I encourage you to get advise from a GP or contact a support line such as the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. Sometimes talking about things in a hard moment can really help.

If you feel that it helps, please keep posting here. The forum is a safe and supportive place to get support.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn

lost with no clues

sisu100 — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 04:07:39 GMT

Hi old-reject,

Thank you for taking such a brave step in sharing this with us. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and I’m are so glad that you have reached out here. It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, and are waking up most mornings nearly in tears. How are you feeling today?

I’m so sorry for all you've been through. Growing up can’t have been easy for you, from all the abuse, bullying and being ripped off by those around you- that is not okay and I’m truly sorry that this has happened to you. I’m sure this has led to a very isolating and distressing experience for you but I want you to know that you do not have to do this alone. I'm here for you, as well as our caring and supportive community to help you get through this. The forums are a safe and supportive space and you are always welcome here to share and talk about your feelings, or just connect with others.

It sounds like you’re great at your work and your customers really appreciate what you do for them. You come across as such a resilient, strong and brave individual. Know that you are not dispensable, you are amazing and important in your own right. To have gone through everything you have and to get to where you are is an amazing feat in itself.

You mentioned that you are having some troubling with your housing situation. I can imagine that it would be a very stressful and frustrating experience. If you’re comfortable in sharing, I was wondering how that has been going for you this week?

I’d love to see how you’re getting on, and I hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

lost with no clues

mary121 — Mon, 20 Jul 2020 13:57:04 GMT

I do hope you’re finding some joy in something.its not fun just existing in this world and not belonging to anything or anyone.try smelling the roses.try a peaceful thought.all the best

lost with no clues

Givi — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 10:54:56 GMT

Hey there old fella,

You certainly aren't alone there. I'm only in my 30s, but I understand a lot of what you are going through. I'm in a similar position at the moment no friends/family, but not even a job at the moment. It's certainly scary when you think about it too much, but I've come up with some plans should the "..." really hit the fan, so to speak. In your case, have you thought about moving somewhere else? If I get a bad feeling about the place I'm living in or the landlord/real estate then I look for an alternative pretty quickly. It should be easier to find accommodation if you already have a job, which you do.

Don't feel bad about getting ripped-off in business, it happens to everyone. In the business I was involved in a number of years ago we had some people who simply wouldn't pay, a few just saw it as if it was their right to take. In the end, sometimes we could reclaim the money, other times we just had to put it down as a loss. The price of doing business I guess.

I'm sure you would be a really interesting person to talk to, and not used just for work. If you ever want to talk more, just me know.

Cheers ol' Fella 🙂

lost with no clues

old-reject — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 07:38:21 GMT

I don't know how to progress, it's difficult, I'm on better wage than many in more precarious employment, but because I'm old the real estate agents won't talk to me, have bad chest pain at the moment and medication just gives me headaches and causes liver pain,

So I go without treatment, last visit to a gp was years ago, total waste of time, unless you walk in on crutches you get no help at all, they just don't get mental illness, no wonder the suicide rate is so high, i realise now I've been self harming since I was a kid, no one ever picked it up, CBT and mindfulness is a load of garbage, doesn't work for deep seated issues with long history of being ignored by medical professionals who long ago lost my trust.

I've tried them all a hundred times, waste of time and money, then some weirdos try to shove spirituality down my throat, they just remind me of the men who abused me, when driving around town I look at trees for their suitability, maybe that bridge would work, then I remember, I don't have to do that, just try to push through, find a way, fix this broken thing,

Now we have no hot water and the roof leaks during rain, the landlord just wants to put the rent up or evict us, no discussion of repairs, bludger owns 20 properties, call himself a christian, reminds me of our politicians and then I loose all hope, the system is only geared to help the rich and prosperous, forget the little people who build this country, my customers scream at me to fix their services but won't let me use their bathroom, saying go down to Macdonalds knowing they're closed except for drive through, people are just so self centred and I'm so over it, all i see is greed and injustice in the world,

I feel so sad for the young people growing up in this world of greed, I'm old, life has been hard but soon I will be gone, I won't have to endure much more of this pain, but the young people of today have a lifetime of it to live through, hopelessly ripped of by big business and government authorities, everything is wrong way up, the sadists have the upper hand and people still vote for them at every election, only thing that matters is the house price rising in value, forget your fellow human beings,

I don't know what to do next,

lost with no clues

Sophie_M — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 08:01:10 GMT

Hey Old-reject, thanks for reaching out again on the Beyond Blue forums. We're so sorry to hear what's been going on with you lately. It sounds like a lot has happened and we can understand why you would be feeling so hurt and lost.

We can imagine having the possibility of an eviction looming over you would be so stressful. It might be helpful for you to read through the following webpage. It has some useful information on the resources available to you during this time as well as what steps to take if you are in financial difficulty due to the pandemic: https://ndh.org.au/debt-problems/housing/covid-19-changes-rent/

We're sorry to hear your GP wasn't very helpful in the past. Can we ask if you are receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

lost with no clues

old-reject — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 10:41:07 GMT

Landlords don't seem to care about laws, they can evict whenever they feel like it with a "No reason" clause in my state, we have never missed any rent, we have done repairs at our own expense, all to no avail,

now they are saying I can't park my ute on the property, wtaf ?

I'm no longer allowed to pursue my trade, ?

They knew we were tradesmen when we moved in, steady incomes, no kids, no pets etc etc,

We're old blokes, we are quiet and don't make any trouble, but because we wear hi-vis suddenly they want us out,, what kind of country has Australia become, I'm lost for words, seems like a waste talking to government or support groups, they can't provide housing, it's like genocide in the suburbs, and the politicians think it's fine,, same as the bush fires, no help available, just fend for yourself, i've tried all the help lines, won't waste my breath on them again, seems to be no law but that of the holy dollar, sad isn't it, what we have become, this country is lost

lost with no clues

sisu100 — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 05:19:35 GMT

Hi old-reject,

It’s great to hear back from you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a negative and disappointing experience with receiving medical and psychological support. It takes a lot to go and seek professional help, and I can see you’ve tried so many different professionals and treatments but not one of them has been of use to you. I can imagine how upsetting this must have been, and I can understand why you’ve lost your trust in medical professionals. Unfortunately there are some professionals who are not good at their jobs, but there are some great and skilled ones out there- although it can be a difficult process to find one that clicks with you and has the right approach for you. It’s completely understandable that you don’t want to use the helplines, but if you do ever want to give them another go, please know that it is available for you whenever you need.

You mentioned that you’re experiencing bad chest pain- how are you feeling today? Is this something new or is this something you’ve experienced before?

How incredibly unfair and frustrating the housing situation must be for you. From what I’m hearing, you sound like ideal tenants- quiet, don’t cause trouble and have never missed rent. The decision to evict you sounds very sudden and unexpected considering that you being tradesmen is not new information. Have you talked about the situation with your other housemates?

Dealing with your rent situation, chest pains and inconsiderate customers at work can all add up and take a toll on your wellbeing. I do hope that you are taking care of yourself during this difficult time. What type of things do you enjoy doing in your free time?

I get the sense that you’ve become used to dealing with problems head on by yourself. Please do know that you don’t have to go through all this alone, we are here to help and support you. Feel free to update us on how you’re going if you feel up to it.

lost with no clues

old-reject — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 08:36:42 GMT

Hi, yes help is difficult, my chest pains have been present for about 2 years now, GP ignored them last time I mentioned the issue, I probably have a tick against my name at his surgery which indicates depression and to therefore ignore all issues and get rid of this person asap. Lately it's become more severe, like a burning sensation in my upper chest right side, extends through to my back, used to feel like a muscle caught on my rib cage at the back. Now when driving turning to the left is difficult and I have to drop my right arm from the steering wheel. Heavy lifting has become something I try to avoid at work. I am so tired all the time, down to 50 kilos from 70 a few years ago. Lucky the young guys idolise me and are always happy to jump in. The young people I meet are so inspiring, it's a terrible world they will inherit. They are are smart and have morals I would be proud of, even when the boos is just using them.

Other housemates are resigned to our situation, one is stuck overseas due to covid but still paying rent, other is here on job keeper (just wants to send angry emails to the agent, which I have been discouraging, anger doesn't get us anywhere), but we have enough money to pay the rent etc, even a new bond if we can find a place,

I used to enjoy reading but have been giving all my beloved books away lately, lots of old lit, all hardbacks and some very rare, sad to see them go, but I need to strip back to essentials for what seems inevitable. Tried selling on gumtree etc but that's just a pain, people are so demanding, even when I'm offering things for free. Many things I just take to the park and leave on a bench somewhere, less trouble that way.

What I see going on in medicine and mental health is just criminal abuse, Dr Pat Mcgorry has been ranting about it for years, but he's a lone voice in the wilderness. Seems the weak are meat and only the strong get to eat, Life has so much potential, so wasted by those in power.

I have tried all the helplines, seems they multiply daily, but they can't help me get past a medical system in which I am doomed to failure,

Thanks for at least reading my posts, feel very isolated at the moment

lost with no clues

old-reject — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 08:48:03 GMT

Thanks for your response Givi, I was not made to do business, almost laughable how generous I was with customers, no wonder I went broke, couldn't value my self or my work properly, no self esteem etc. Now I work for people on wages that eclipse mine, and they can't do what I do, only hired because they are family or effective bullies, I can't wait to resign and leave them in a heap of WTAFs ??, will miss the young blokes though, they are inspiring people, with huge hearts and smart minds to match, I wish they were running the world already.

Already picked out one young guy to give all my tools to, he's a gem of a man

lost with no clues

old-reject — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 09:03:56 GMT

Hi, yes growing up was hell, rejected at birth, one of my brothers called me terrible names.

It doesn't get easier, you just learn to become invisible, so no body sees how stuffed up and anxious you are,

Love this from Prof Pat Mcgorry

Patrick McGorry @PatMcGorry 4 Aug
Similar for “personality disorder”. Need a creative leap here which doesn’t minimise the complexity and need for care but which doesn’t cause harm, increase stigma or invalidate the person. Having a single diagnostic axis is one change worth considering.

Such insight

lost with no clues

sisu100 — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 04:45:17 GMT

Hi old-reject,

Two years of chest pain, you must have quite the pain tolerance! That sounds unprofessional of your GP, I'm no doctor but chest pain sounds quite serious and something to further investigate. It seems like it's getting worse and quite severe if it's affecting your work and even driving. I know you don't trust medical professionals but would you consider possibly seeing another GP if it continues to get worse? Are you doing anything to cope with the pain? That's so touching to read how willingly your younger colleagues are stepping in to help you out. The fact that they idolise you tells that you must be a great mentor to them. It seems like you are quite fond of them as well, what a strong bond you guys must have there.

The whole rent situation sounds like it's taking a toll on all of you. It seems like you are being very rational about the whole situation, despite how frustrating it is, and are leading your other housemates on finding a practical solution. I'm glad to hear that at least you guys okay financially to pay rent or find a new place. I wish you all the best with working out a solution that works best for you and your other housemates.

Sounds like you are an avid reader! I've been looking for new books to read with lockdown going on at the moment- do you have any recommendations? That's so kind of you to be giving your books away at no cost. What a such a shame that it's so complicated for people to even accept books for free. I'm not sure if it's something you'd be interested in or able to do but some of my local op shops accept book donations and then they use the profits to support their programs if you're looking for ways to get reduce your books.

It sounds like you had a really difficult and upsetting childhood growing up with your family. Do you still keep in touch with them?

I haven't heard of Professor Pat Mcgorry before but just did a google search after reading your quote. What an inspiring figure, I love that he's such a keen activist for discrimination of mental illnesses. Definitely going to look into some of his work!

Hope you're staying well during these tough times.

lost with no clues

old-reject — Sat, 08 Aug 2020 03:23:30 GMT

One learns after multiple visits to a doctor which are met by scepticism and disbelief that’s it’s easier if you just give up, they put you on drugs which just make you sick or unable to remain at work, or worse they do nothing, tell you to call back in a few weeks, the pain is becoming intense, wakes me a night, it’s so weird, like a burning sensation, not like muscle pain, I am going to try and see the doctor tomorrow, but with covid issues this may not be possible, and ED is just a waste of time, you just sit there for 4 hours until you walk out the door due to frustration.

Rent is ok, I just paid 6 weeks in advance in case I do the worst thing, who ever picks up the pieces will need time to do so, have an automated transfer set up of my bank balance so at least they will have money to do the job,

read Candace Pert "Molecules of Emotion" it's a long read but explains much about our minds and related health conditions, ground breaking science. Most of my books are old lit, Graham Greene, Stendhal, Zola, Robert Graves, Steinbeck, Old Papa etc, really recommend Dorris Lessing especially "Shikasta", amazing writer, Nobel Laureate,

mostly I'm sad about getting rid of the books, they are like old friends, I read many again and again, I've tried the op shops but they don't take books here anymore, maybe if I chuck em on gumtree one of the book dealer ghouls will call up,

Family contact is rare, a few emails a year, they are supposed "NRMLs" so they don't relate to my situation, too busy with their own battles, they all have kids etc, so they don't think of me that much, a default contact occasionally is all I get,

Australia has some stand out people in the mental health arena, but the government doesn't listen to them, preferring to fund their mates instead and rort the system to gain votes and stay in power, no wonder ordinary people have so little hope, how many suicides were caused by robodebt, we will never know.

This government is sick to it's very core, thanks for your post sisu100

lost with no clues

sisu100 — Sun, 09 Aug 2020 01:09:51 GMT

I'm sorry to hear how bad the chest pain has been, it sounds like it's getting quite serious and intense. I truly hope your doctors appointment goes well so you're able to resolve or at least manage the pain. Please let us know how you go with the appointment.

Thanks for the recommendations, I'll definitely check out 'Molecules of Emotion'! It sounds really fascinating, I'm keen to learn more about the biology of our emotions. I totally understand your attachment to your books, I've always been very reluctant to give any of mine away. Is there any way that you might be able to store your books elsewhere until your resolve the rent situation rather than giving them all away? It does seem like they mean a lot to you.

From what I'm hearing, it sounds like your family have been quite uncaring and neglectful towards you growing up. It doesn't seem like much as changed, it seems they aren't willing to put in the time and effort to connect with you. At least it sounds like you've surrounded yourself with a lot of supportive and caring people, particularly those at work.

Hope you've been having a lovely weekend and are staying safe and well.

lost with no clues

old-reject — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 06:58:51 GMT

Hey Sisu100, good news sort of, went to GP I haven't seen for 2 years, he was quite concerned, sent me for a barrage of tests etc, he was really present, really there for me eh, I was blown away.

Anyway did the first major test today, CT with contrast dye, was very weird, didn't take long, Doctor said do A, if nothing do B, if nothing do C, they stopped at A, so they must have found something on the first run, can't discuss with me of course, protocols etc, but it felt good to get some kind of result.

Spoke to my boss warned him of the worst case scenario, ie I may have to resign, they've recently introduced a quite draconian HR system called "Happy HR", it's a sign this or get the sack kind of thing, Uber drivers get a better deal than what we are offered, irrelevant though to me, just felt good to take some action and be honest with everyone hiding from my dis-ease has never served me well.

More tests to go yet, told boss I will be off on xyz days due to testing centres being closed outside normal times, told him I will get certificates etc, I will move on, may be able to cash in my super, but no decisions yet,

Just try to get to work each day when I can, and progress through it all. Pain is bad and Doctor can't give me anything for it yet, but that's as it needs to be at the moment. Can't drive on strong pain killers.

So feeling very positive, the books and stuff can all go to auction, I may have lost of time to put it all on Gumtree as well, housing is going to be an issue, funny thing happened, we have a leaky roof which I may have mentioned in previous posts, I have been videoing the leak whenever it rains using an APP on my phone, it timestamps the video on screen, been sending the videos regularly to the Agent, he was supposed to do an inspection today to see if we had got rid of all our tools etc, he never showed up, we've sent him a letter suggesting we will go to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal if he does not arrange for repairs to be done, so looks like we have had a result,

A small win I know and I don't want to get ahead of myself, just keeping fingers crossed, I've had a hard life, as much as I love my job I may have to leave, I know a young bloke to whom I can give all my specialist tools, he's n amazing human being, young people like him give me hope for the planet.

lost with no clues

sisu100 — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 02:23:02 GMT

I'm so happy to hear that the appointment went well with the GP!! So glad to hear that they're taking your pain seriously this time, what a stark contrast from your previous visits! It looks like they've taken action quite quickly, since you've already had your CT scan. Hopefully they will have some answers for you soon, fingers crossed that it's nothing too serious. Have you got many more tests to do? Has your GP arranged for another appointment to discuss the results yet?

Good on you for being so upfront and honest about your health to your boss. For such a harsh workplace, they're so lucky to have an employee like you.

Well done to you for taking a stand and holding your ground!! (virtual hi-five!) Sounds like you've definitely proved a point and got your message across! So happy and proud of you for your win, I hope they get onto finally fixing the repairs soon 🙂

I hope the rest of the tests go ahead smoothly. Hope you're keeping well and are coping okay with the chest pain.

lost with no clues

Roshelle — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 04:34:11 GMT

Hello sir. I think your landlord and your boss have both behaved very badly, and probably illegally. There should be a tenant's union in your state/territory that you can ask for help from, or at least advice. There are also usually free legal aid services in each state/territory and they might also be able to help with dealing with your landlord and boss. I'm sorry you are being treated this way. It is not acceptable.