Bipolar & Addiction Journey

Hopsy — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 01:33:10 GMT

Trying to do life with a broken emotional thermostat, where every feeling is magnified - it is extremely difficult. I understand now exactly where my Bipolar Disorder originated. Family history. I tackled my 20's by riding the moods & the rapid cycling with substance abuse & gambling. Isn't that normal? Truth was I was suffering & it held me back. My relationships were reflective of my illness & I never..ever let anyone close. The intoxicated me was everyone's best mate then I'd lie in bed for days at a time. So I continue this manic way of life & meet a woman that saw something in me, behind the my erratic behaviour. Happily ever after? Nope. After 5 yrs of marriage & a child I did improve alot but I still battled everyday to keep my head above water. We moved states, I thought a 'fresh start' would help me. I was wrong. The isolation & loneliness was detrimental & along with life pressures I regressed. I gave up. The 13-14 period I lost it. Alcohol abuse, porn addiction, rampant gambling & very grandiose behaviour. I was out of control & also out of the family home. I saw a doctor for the 1st time during this period. I sat and I cried for the whole appt. Broken. As it turned out it took some months of medication changes to land @ Bipolar. It was during this period I gave up. I $30K lost on a 2 day bender. Most would say, what an idiot. But inside my world at that time I didn't care if I lived to see the next day. And that is exactly what happened, I texted my estranged wife to say sorry, ready to end my life. Someone called the police & i was coaxed not to & taken to hospital. I got out after 3 weeks & on day 1 out I tried again. Another month in hospital followed by another month. Time changed me. I kept therapy going, I started to make small changes & looked after my sleep. Accepted & embraced my illness & my treatment plan. Got my family back!! I don't forget the feeling of the policeman talking to me in the back of the ambulance...telling me i can recycle my pain & make it work for me, don't give up & make sure your daughter has a Daddy. I'll never see him again, wouldn't know him if I ran into him - but thank you, i'll never forget. I write this to remind people they aren't alone & to also to encourage others that it is ok to have a voice, don't be ashamed. Also that I am as normal as the next person! Get help early, if you think something is wrong get to a doc. Love yourself. You're so worth it

Bipolar & Addiction Journey

quirkywords — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 08:28:14 GMT

Welcome hoppy to the forum .

Thanks so much for sharing your story honestly.

I have lived with a diagnosis of bipolar for 40 years and while my experiences are different I can relate to the broken emotional thermostat and the chaos.

I see you as a determined person who never gave up and is now using his experiences to remind others they are not alone and not to give up.

many people will be helped by your story.

Quirky

topic Bipolar & Addiction Journey in Depression

Bipolar & Addiction Journey

Bipolar & Addiction Journey