topic My kids deserve better in Depression

My kids deserve better

new_beginning — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 03:31:32 GMT

I hate weekends. When families are out enjoying time with their family and friends, experiencing life. My kids and i are at home, they on their tablets watching some mind numbing thing while their childhoods drift away.

I cant give them the life they deserve. Theres only so many times you can take them to the playground before it gets boring. I just want them to beable to look back on their childhoods with fond memories and so far all they have is mum who is basically forever crying and a dad who is never about.

i cant even find a job to try and improve our financial situation. Just knock back after knock back and reiterating the fact im not good enough for anyone despite me really wanting to make anything work.

I just want out of this entire situation.

My kids deserve better

Matchy69 — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 03:55:34 GMT

Hi new beginning i absolutely understand about sitting at home with the kids not going out.My daughter will be on he laptop playing games while watching a dvd while my son might be outside playing or on my bed watching a dvd.I hardly take them out for various reasons from my son being to full on when i take him out,not having enough money or anxiety is to bad and i just feel safe at home.Maby they are just excuses i just use.I know people who take their kids out every weekend and that makes me feel bad that i just stay home.But one thing i know is i give my kids all the love i can and i think that is the most important thing.

Take care,

Mark.

My kids deserve better

new_beginning — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 04:53:23 GMT

All i seem to read lately is how much damage its doing them, having a parent like me, having a non existant parent like him..

I cant afford to get help for me.. i cant afford to do things with them..

What are you supposed to do? Just throw your hands in the air and say sorry to them down the track when they resent me for what i couldnt do

My kids deserve better

Matchy69 — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 05:11:47 GMT

Hi new beginning i can see how it effecting you.Dont be so hard on yourself,it is natural to want to take your kids out and to give them the most wonderful life.Just give them the best life you can and you dont need money for that.Just show them that you love them and your kids will appreciate what you when their older and know how hard it was for you and it is hard for you as it sounds like the father isn't in the picture but you are raising your kids the best you can and thst is all you can do.

Take care,

Mark.

My kids deserve better

Birdy77 — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 06:36:06 GMT

Hello new beginning, (and hi to Mark)

You sound absolutely exhausted and at the end of your tether.

I am so sorry to how hard everything feels for you right now.

Looking for work to try and improve your financial situation, but being knocked back; doing the parenting alone without support from their father; not having supports inplace for your own mental health ... all this is a very heavy load to carry.

When you say you can't afford help for yourself, have you tried to get a mental heath care plan in place that allows you to see a psychologist under medicare? There are some that bulk-bill - your GP can arrange this (sorry if you have already done this). It would be a good place for you to start, it has certainly helped me to reset my life when things have fallen apart.

I think that getting support for yourself is number 1 priority at the moment. I was going to ask you if you would like to brainstorm some ideas for cheap/free things to do with your kids, but if you are barely hanging on at the moment yourself, this might not help, i don't know.

Parenting is such a hard job, there are so many posts on these forums very similar to what you have expressed. Please know that you are not alone.

We are here to listen, cheer you on and support you.

As Mark said, don't be so hard on yourself.

Come back and talk some more if you would like.

🌻birdy

My kids deserve better

new_beginning — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 07:37:33 GMT

I went to the drs this week got a new mental health plan to then find out the bulk billing psychologist i was seeing has now retired and been replaced with 2 that charge min of $40 a session..

The only place that $40 can come from is our food budget, as it is we live on basic staples. So again my kids would have to go without.. thats just not going to happen

I just dont know how to make anything better for anyone. A happy medium just feels so far out of reach

My kids deserve better

Birdy77 — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 08:04:48 GMT

Hi again new beginning,

How disappointing that the bulk billing psych has retired.

Is there a women's health centre in your area? They often have coubselling available at no cost if you are unable to afford it.

Another option may be a Community Mental Heath Centre, if there's one close by.

Could you ask your dr to get some gurther psychologists to choose from? Some will do sessions by skype if they are too far away?

Just trying to think of some options for you.

I know that if you ring lifeline or BeyondBlue they will be able to help point you towards something, i am sure.

My kids deserve better

Matchy69 — Tue, 25 Feb 2020 23:55:22 GMT

Hi New beginnings I was just seeing how you have been going with your kids.I have mine home from school sick.I am taking them to the Doctors this afternoon.

Take care,

Mark.

My kids deserve better

new_beginning — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 03:39:02 GMT

Hey Mark,

Thanks for checking in.

Not going too bad atm, seems to come in waves. Yesterday wasnt such a good day.

Im just trying to make the most of my time with the kids, we did lots of colouring in last night, reading together and playing minecraft together before bed.

Alot of my problem is i am too hard on myself but at the end of the day i am the parent that has stuck by them and continues to try every day to make their lives better and happy. All i can do is my best.

I hope your kids have a speedy recovery and that you get alittle time to yourself to relax. This parenting gig is such hard work at times!

All the best

My kids deserve better

Matchy69 — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 03:49:35 GMT

Hi new beginnings i think you are hard on yourself.I think your doing a great job raising them yourself.I think kids just need love and for you to be there for them.Plenty of actvities that you can find that dont cost much like couloring in.I do that a lot with my son.Both mine have been sick the last week.I will see what the doctor says this afternoon.Thanks for your well wishes.

Take care,

Mark.

My kids deserve better

Lulu78 — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 09:40:12 GMT

Hi new beginnings, oh i know this feeling all to well 😥... the guilt is hard. You know what matters the most? That your there. At home with your kids. Not out partying or leaving them at home to fend for themselves, u put a roof over their head and provide the essentials. Thats plenty. Dont buy into everyones fb perfect life as most arent as perfect as they seem. Your there, home with them. Thats huge ♥️

My kids deserve better

new_beginning — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 09:54:29 GMT

Thanks Lulu,

Its so hard to find a happy medium. Whilst i was working i felt guilty that the kids had to be in oshc and daycare for so long and that i couldnt go to the school things, help with reading, excursions etc and now im able to do that but am guilty because i cant do the 'fun' stuff and holidays because i dont have the funds..

But i am here.. my kids are such happy healthy little people, they tell me and each other how much they love eachother multiple times a day and that gives me so much joy.

Im sorry that life didnt go as planned for them and myself but together we are perfectly imperfect

My kids deserve better

Step_Twelve — Sat, 29 Feb 2020 04:31:28 GMT

Hi new beginning,
Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I wanted to add my support to what some others have said - that the love you give your kids is far more important than spending money on them.

It sounds cliché, but all your kids really need is your presence and attention. Beyond the necessities, there's no evidence I'm aware of that material possessions or expensive outings make children any happier or better off in the long term. The crucial stuff that helps children flourish, you have plenty of: Support, love, communication, play - these are all free.

As for screen time, I'm no expert but I know there's an awful lot of alarmist crap in the media preying on insecure parents. I try avoid browsing the news headlines now - they're more about getting attention than actually offering useful information.

Your family may well sense your sadness (as mine does) even if you're quite good at hiding it. I'm learning that even very young children have an uncanny ability to sense sadness, stress, or tension in the home. They absorb everything and trying to hide it is futile! I'm mentioning this because you seem like a very selfless mum, and I suspect you often put your own needs last. It's hard to convince such people to commit to, and practice, self-care 😃 But perhaps if you think about it as an act of service for the benefit of your family, it might give you enough motivation to go out and get some expert help.

After your first post, you went on to acknowledge that you're very hard on yourself, the sadness your experiencing "comes in waves", and that you get these negative feelings of guilt and inadequacy regardless of whether you're working or not. This all sounds as though these feelings might not be purely caused by your situation. Perhaps there's a more 'clinical' cause that your GP and/or a psychologist could help you to identify? This was certainly the case for me. The mental health care plan the Birdy77 mentioned is really worth asking about.

Take care, and let us know how you're getting on.
All the best.
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