topic I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much in Depression

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Sun, 03 Apr 2022 03:53:19 GMT

I have been off work for a very long time due to an injury. Throughout that time I was hassled and bullied by workcover. I was also dealing with the depression and stress from losing the job I loved. I ended up drinking as I was so lonely, bored and anxious.

I have now recovered from the injury and have got my payout etc. Trouble is I now trust nobody and have no faith in anyone or anything. I have attempted numerous jobs and they have all turned out to be horrible in that the focus on inclusion etc is not actually happening? Bullying is rife out there!!

I now just like drinking and zoning out a bit as I find reality too awful. I find most people to be rude and selfish. I am totally disillusioned with all of the jobs I have taken on (and left). Same with the help I have offered to rescue dogs. Everyone appears to be a control freak and all I want is peace and to rescue a dear dog. But everything always goes pearshaped. I am on my own with a difficult teenager and I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do goes wrong.

I have spoken with counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors. Again...get palmed off and that just adds to my disillusionment with everything.

I am a very strong person and I never give up. I just want to know if anyone else feels the same. The lack of respect out there is terrible. The focus on everything is apparently to not bully or judge people but it is ludicrous as that is all that seems to happen.

I am fed up with society in general and I just want to live a quiet peaceful life helping dogs. Is that too much to ask?

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

white knight — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 00:03:47 GMT

Hi, great to hear from yuo again

It is too much to ask for life itself, to insulate yourself from what rightly is- a cruel world. So you are right, people overall are selfish and many are bullies. These people have a big negative effect more on soft kind souls like yourself than people that are just like them.

In order to create such insulation I needed to develop my own fortress (links at the end of the post), a means to protect myself by semi withdrawal. It means an extravert needs to, in the workplace, become an introvert, to dodge the toxic stuff thrown around.

Your interest in rescue dogs needs to be your focus as is kind empathetic and beautiful people. Learning to reject toxic people is an art you can hone and life can be great.

The extent of such defensive measures can extend to family members as well if their input into your life is destructive over many years. I've rid my life of my mother (now 91yo) as she was destructive and ruined my first wedding then threatened to ruin the 2nd 26 years later. I made a decision to stop her with the 2nd with an AVO order forbidding her from attending and making a scene.

I've also stopped my youngest daughter from contacting me. There is only so much abuse one can take. I have an older daughter that is simply wonderful.

So, you go to work for money, not to make friends. You are civil to everyone and more friendly to those that are "your type". You treat neighbours as simply that, limit your involvement. Slowly your life turns around as you build those walls of your fortress.

You only need to read the first post of these. Well worth it!

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-2

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-3

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/bullying

TonyWK

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 00:59:53 GMT

Thanks so much for your response. It is greatly appreciated and I will take onboard your wonderful suggestions and investigate the links.

It is nice to have someone out there like yourself who actually cares. xxx

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 01:23:50 GMT

PS I am so sorry for what you have gone through also with family. I am very glad you have one darling daughter xxx

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

white knight — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 09:47:32 GMT

There are many caring people out there.

TonyWK

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

mmMekitty — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 10:32:35 GMT

Hi again, Panicmerchant.

Having read other threads you've posed, all the ups & downs you have been through with your first dog, then a rescue dog you were both madly in live with & unable to deal with, , then thinking of getting another rescue dog - I think you said you wanted to get a puppy next, yet I'm reading up here, your finding reality difficult to deal with, you don't like nor trust people, you have a son who is still needing help & support, & I read now, you are drinking & zoning out.

Maybe it would be nice if it all went away, but this is not how life works. I've been there, done that - lots of people have, & it doesn't work. This is no way to care for yourself, let alone for your son or any dog.

In the first instance I din't trust people. So, I had to begin to learn to care for myself. To put this in another way, since no-one was going to care for me, because I wouldn't let them, I had to do it myself.

I'd like nothing more than for you & your son to be happy, healthy & to have a good relationship, with a dog in the mix, but until you can care for yourself, & I guess, those people who treat you badly, well, who are they to you anyway? As Tony says, go to work for the money, which you nee to earn, rght, to look after yourself, your son, & any dog you might have again.

& so long as you are wanting to talk here, I'm sure there are people here, who will talk to you.

mmMekitty

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 01:35:23 GMT

Thankyou xx

Yes I am floundering around and getting nowhere. The main priority is for my son to get a job as he is basically spending his entire existence in his gaming room. Never does any exercise; eats too much etc...no motivation. He is applying for another job today. I truly feel once he is sorted I can then breathe a sigh of relief.

I still want a darling doggy. I decided against the dear puppy as I realised it was a bit too much work for me right now. I have applied for an older pooch who is apparently well trained and beautiful.

xxx

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 04:58:31 GMT

So I have applied for the dear pooch and had no response. I checked the site and it said apps were closed. Are they playing games? If so they are horrid people 😞 All these dogs need help but these cretins want to play power games. I was so upset to find out the source of the gossip...the retreat where Hazel went. I am so totally done with stupid control freak so called humans.

Meanwhile I am going to resign from my new job as it was not what I applied for and I have had a terrible time there.

My son will get a job and if not he will get nothing other than a decent home and food. I am not paying for his various addictions anymore.

Speaking of addictions...I have bought some patches to stop smoking and I have made a vow with my beloved aunt that tomorrow morning I will go for a walk. I have gained so much weight since my darling doggy died and I have become a very lazy person. My house is always immaculate. Bills paid. All that is fine . But me... I am not fine and I know that a great deal of this is my lazy son.

So....tomorrow is a new day. No more self sabotage. My son can figure out what he wants to do. I am not wasting my entire life chasing after him and trying to help.

I'll give the doggy organisation five days to respond. If they don't I will deactivate my account. I am so glad I have finally seen the light. I am a lovely caring person and I don't need any horrible people in my life. Regardless of who they are.

Wish me luck friends. Any support much appreciated.

xxxx

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 04:34:32 GMT

Yes...me again.

Still no response re the doggies I am looking to foster. Found another dear pooch on another site who is in dire need as his owner has gone into care 😞 Again....rang first thing; sent photos etc...no response. What is it with these people? So frustrating and worrying to think of these poor dogs that need help and I am being palmed off and ignored. I know they run on volunteers etc but surely if these animals urgently need fostering they would respond? I think because I do everything yesterday and am ridiculously efficient I get very angry when others aren't.

Well I have done all I can and I will just try to relax for now. I never thought trying to help animals in need would become such a convoluted, stressful and upsetting experience.

It truly is a difficult life when one cares as much as I do. I wish I wasn't so sensitive and such an empath but I am and that is never going to change.

Thanks for reading.

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

white knight — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 17:50:41 GMT

Hi again,

Re: " I wish I wasn't so sensitive and such an empath but I am and that is never going to change."

I hope you dont lose your sensitivity. As a very positive person I recognised my hyper sensitivity as an asset many years ago. In fact it is really valued. Sensitivity makes you the beautiful soul you are. To look for a dog to love? That's wonderful.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-sensitivity---a-connection-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/sensitive-beyond-reasonable

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/depression/highly-sensitive-people-(hsp)#qxupzHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

TonyWK

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Sat, 09 Apr 2022 01:07:59 GMT

Thanks again for being there for me.

I got a message late yesterday stating the dog I wanted had been fostered to someone else. I was so upset. I am not going on those sites anymore. I don't understand the people who operate them!

I will check out the links. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I truly feel devastated and as if there is something wrong with me. 😞

I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

Guest_1573 — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 05:25:56 GMT

Me again.

Since last post I have had two different jobs.....both quite physical and boring....I quit when I realised the money I earnt was all going to my son! Plus being treated like a nobody because of my age...no thanks.

My son has a few job interviews lined up over the next few days. I have told him how important it is that he gets a job as I am not spending my nest egg on him! He is so lazy and unmotivated..it kills me. The job interviews have only come about because of me! He certainly hasn't done anything to find a job as he loves living the life of Reilly here at my expense!

Meanwhile because of all the stress around his jobs/payments etc I have gone off the rails again. I find life so boring/stressful all I want to do is eat or drink or gamble. I am a nightmare. The only respite I have is when I sleep as my ridiculously vivid dreams are far more interesting than my crap reality.

I guess I just wonder if others feel like me. Essentially I feel totally washed up and done for. There will be no happy ending for me. I am isolated; have no friends and no interest. No interest in a partner after the disgusting men I have allowed into my life previously. Nothing at all interests me except for food and alcohol. Which I fight against daily. The stress my son has put me under since I became a single parent has totally ruined me. I have no help from his so called Dad....never have.

I used to be thin, good looking, happy. Worked at many jobs and was ok. After being abused by so many men and having to undergo such trauma with IVF etc I now just feel like nothing is worth the effort. The only good I can say is that I have rescued many animals and donated a lot of money to animal rescue organisations. That has also made me worse as when I see what goes on with dear innocent animals it makes me so furious and upset and I just hate everyone afterwards.

I ring counselling lines every week and that makes a slight difference. But other than that I am just so tired and over it all. I must be paying off a karmic debt because absolutely NOTHING I do makes any difference.