topic Over myself in Depression

Over myself

jenms — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 05:28:58 GMT

I have only just joined BB online. Talking face to face with absolutely anybody...professional, friend, family just makes me cry non stop and not feel any better in fact i feel worse. Thought i could try this to 'vent' without being readily judged (which happens all the time). People don't get it and i understand why they don't get it but that doesn't help. I have been in what i call 'robot mode' for years to be honest. Get up, work, finish, eat, bed, occasionally go out, keep the 'actress' face on. I am getting lower and lower and lower. Logically i know some of the things that i need to do to feel better but it is so hard to push myself to do them. Ironically in the past i have felt better when i have gone for a walk or done some yoga or similar but i just can't seem to even force myself out of the house at the moment. Sooooooooo over myself.

Over myself

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 05:58:53 GMT

Hi jenms

We're glad you're here to share. I imagine a lot of people can relate to the difficulty of finding people in our lives that truly understand. For me personally, that's why I like to come here. I can give and get support, find people that are having a similar experience, and give and get tips on things that help.

I did read something this morning that said that motivation comes after action. So that's like you describe - feeling better once you're doing it or have done it. The suggestion was to then come home and immediately journal about it. This helps "set it" in our mind. I haven't tried the journalling bit, having only read it this morning, but like you I struggle with motivation, but always feel good once I do something, so I'm going to give it a go.

Anyway, I'm really sorry you're struggling. Keep chatting here, it's a great community with plenty of wonderful people.

Katy

Over myself

Ggrand — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 06:20:46 GMT

Hello Dear jenm,

Welcome to our forums...

Motivation is so hard when depression finds us..and it takes a lot of hard work for us to go against what depression is doing to us...

I can relate to your robot mode...I have their before when I worked....and now I’m not working I feel again I’m in robot mode...Get up...snot knowing what to do..and counting the hours until bedtime....it’s a vicious circle..

What helped me when I was working and if I got home before my husband...I would make a cup of coffee and sit outside to try to connect to nature ..listening to the birds, feeling the sun on me...I feel that we should get outside on our own to download ourselves from the constant hassle and bustle of every day living and to help us fight depression...because it’s our everyday routines that I feel adds to our depression....

I agree with Katey...once we can start to do something for ourselves..ie walking, yoga, or exercise..it does help our motivation some....

I hope you are okay and please know that you can talk here anytime you feel up to it...Many people with depression find motivation a very hard thing to overcome..

!y kindest thoughts dear jenm, with my care..

Grandy...

Over myself

jenms — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 07:31:37 GMT

Hi Katy, Thanks for acknowledging my existence because so often i just feel invisible. i am good at my job and ironically the feedback from my clients is what gets me through the day. Normally people who work in customer service say the opposite but that is how it is for me. I have a best friend visiting from interstate in a few weeks and a small group of us are meant to be going out for lunch. I had already started working on an excuse to not go. Maybe i can make that my 'one thing' (at a time!) to try and get me out of the house. Thanks again for listening and understanding.

Over myself

therising — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 11:10:17 GMT

Hi jenms

I feel for you so much as you face the challenge of finding yourself. You mention acting in all the ways others prefer you do but have you ever wondered how you could naturally act as yourself? A strange question perhaps but do you know who you naturally are?

This may sound a little questionable but, at 50, it wasn't until the last couple of years that I discovered the natural 'intolerant b**ch' in myself. I had no idea 'til then that I had this in me, having been a people pleaser most of my life. During my years in depression, if someone said to me 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up' it would really bring me down, leaving me feeling incredibly low and defective. If someone says to me nowadays 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', my response 'Damn right I'm sensitive. Actually, I'm sensitive enough to feel your insensitivity. What the heck is wrong with you?' The challenge in discovering the natural B in you involves developing a filter 🙂 By the way, being yourself will inevitably trigger people. You gotta be prepared to trigger people.

I'm wondering if you can pick what other people label as your 'faults' and actually see them as abilities:

'You're too sensitive'. Do you hold the ability to sense degradation, being shut down, the right kind of inspiration, a lack of a motive to get you moving and so on? The ability to sense these things gives you a compass, direction toward or away from people or things
'You over analyse/question too much'. Do you hold the ability to question everything that should be questioned? Do you ever question why others are so insensitive? Do you wonder why they are? Have you reached a conclusion? Have you ever thought 'Why is no one paying more attention to this or questioning that? Why am I the only one who sees something wrong here?'
'You're so detached'. Do you hold the ability to detach from what brings you down? While I've found this to be an incredibly helpful ability at times, it's positive impact is only felt when I attach myself to what raises me. Example: My husband likes to spend a lot of the time sitting in front of tv outside of work. He's not big on adventure or romance. While I used to let this bring me down, now I detach from this unfulfilling pastime. What I grab onto, in the process, may involve coming here or watching the kind of YouTube that feeds the mind and soul. In detaching I'm gaining something, a productive or loving channel in life

I imagine you have many abilities 🙂

Over myself

jenms — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 23:54:53 GMT

OMG! You people actually 'get it'. I have spent 60 years not talking...when i was a kid i had parents that should never have been parents so i just held everything in. For the last 40 years talking face to face to people has just been a disaster for many many reasons. Being able to do this 'safely hidden' away is a huge thing but to get replies that clearly understand, i can tell you hand on heart, i have NEVER had before. I am still a basket case. Okay(ish) one minute, bawling my head off the next but thank you thank you THANK YOU for listening.

Over myself

therising — Tue, 29 Jun 2021 19:44:48 GMT

Hi jenms

I'm so glad you feel the freedom to be you here. I believe one of the most liberating things in life involves re-membering your self, putting yourself back together after what feels like forever being dismembered by people.

When you amaze yourself, based on the number of abilities you actually have, you have no choice but to realise you're amazing
When you wonder so much about so many things in life, you have no choice but to realise you are full of wonder. You are wonderful
When you begin to long for a difference, when you begin to imagine your potential, there is no choice but to see yourself as an imaginative adventurer. As a natural born adventurer, you begin to long for adding ventures to life, not repeating the same ones over and over. Repeating the same ventures can perhaps become intolerable. If you are sensitive enough you may feel the intolerance
When you come to feel a numbness from all the people who have drained you over time or have 'sucked the life out of you', sometimes to the point where it's depressing, you come closer to the realisation - you long for excitement. You long to feel a lack of numbness. You long to feel the energy it takes to reconnect and you would do just about anything to find it. You begin to choose to become an excitement seeker, even if it's in small ways, with the occasional big excitements thrown into the mix perhaps

It can take so long to re-member our self, to put our self back together like a complex puzzle just waiting to be solved. When all the pieces come together, when the picture starts to become clearer, there is that moment where we have no choice but to say 'I had no idea this is who I am. I am incredible'.

Jenms, my wish for you is that you begin to see clearly how incredible you truly are.

🙂

Over myself

jenms — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 22:35:59 GMT

Bad bad day today. I am working but just so flat and 'nothing'. I need to work for the distraction but struggling today.

Over myself

therising — Tue, 06 Jul 2021 19:49:56 GMT

Hi Jenms

I feel for you. Anytime you want to talk, even if it involves a much needed vent, give yourself the freedom to come back here and do just that.

Anything in particular you can pick that might be bringing you down?

🙂

Over myself

jenms — Wed, 07 Jul 2021 03:43:36 GMT

Most of the time it is nothing in particular and everything in general. I have an expression "it is what it is" but some days just seem waaaaay harder than others. Thanks for replying!

Over myself

quirkywords — Wed, 07 Jul 2021 07:22:14 GMT

Jenn’s

I have been reading your posts and I can relate.
I often say it is nothing in particular and e erroneous in general

Some days are harder but we are here and listening.

Your post will help those reading who don’t post so they don’t feel alone.

Over myself

therising — Wed, 07 Jul 2021 11:09:02 GMT

Hi jenms

I find the days which tend to be the tougher ones are the days where I really need someone to either raise my spirits or my level of consciousness.

With the consciousness aspect, it can involve a number of things I may feel the need to ask someone, myself included

Tell me why I have next to no energy
Tell me what this challenge I'm in actually is because, for the life of me, I just can't pick it and it's bringing me down
Tell me how to get through the challenge in a way I can get through it, not necessarily in a way you'd get through it. The 2 could be different when it comes to strategies
Tell me why my chemistry's doing what it's doing
Tell me why I don't have enough inspiration in my life

It can take me days and days before something suddenly clicks or comes to light. There are times where I'm left thinking 'No wonder I feel or felt this way'. Probably the most common questions I feel the need to ask is 'What is it I need to do to make a difference in my life? What will change things?'. When I ask myself this question, sometimes I don't like the answer. I know that sounds a little strange but when the answer or solution involves a lot of deep challenges, inspiration can feel more like a hard task master than a savior. My current challenge involves how do discuss with my husband the fact that I feel our marriage is over. I'm done trying. I've tried so hard to the point where it's almost depressing when it comes to how one sided the effort is. I spoke with him about a year ago regarding the need to bring this 20 something year relationship back to life and nothing changed from his end. Inspiration says 'It's time to call it a day. You've done an amazing job you should be incredibly proud of yourself'. I am.

Some days are definitely more challenging than others, that's for sure. It's hard to imagine the way forward sometimes, especially when the challenge is a new one or a big one but the fact of the matter remains there is no choice but to imagine a positive difference toward significant change. If it's hard to imagine on our own, it's then that we may need those who can lead us to imagine what we so desperately need to sometimes.

I cannot allow myself to imagine hopelessness, as I know where it will lead me. Depression is a place I work hard at never returning to. The challenge can be enormous sometimes.

Take care jenms. I will wish that the way forward for you comes to light in truly brilliant ways 🙂