topic Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends in Depression

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Fri, 30 Aug 2019 01:08:48 GMT

Hi my name is "J" as a pseudonym and I am a 26 year old female. I have had the mood disorder bipolar disorder since 2011. So far I have had 4 different types of episodes - so it makes my life and my carer's life a little more challenging to identify symptoms of bipolar. I rarely tell people I have bipolar - the stigma is still there, even though the psychiatrist says I'm an elevated person - I'm rather depressed and pessimistic. People treat me differently when I say bipolar yet if I said depression or anxiety it appears to be an accepted thing.

I've gone through a lot in 2018 for my 2nd last episode - ask If you want to - and to this day it still affects m - I think during that period of my time I literally became a broken person. It was one problem after the other.

I am being currently cared for but sometimes I get upset when he offhand says something like "taking you the hospital would've been easier" duding a tiff... I cried a bit he was the one who adamant about me not getting placed into the hospital.

I'd like to get to know more people who are like minded:

I have a dog
Does occasionally garden
Likes knitting
Positive mind set
Creativity
I have a few aquariums
I am a closet otaku I like reading anime, manhwa, manhua - because I've quit smoking for almost a year now
I am not sure if I am asking for too much but I am open minded
I rarely drink its about like 5 days of the year if you want a number haha

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

smallwolf — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 00:53:23 GMT

Hi J,

welcome to beyond blue.

There are the few people here with biplor, and have a thread here...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/this-bipolar-life

where you can chat with like-minded (?) people. I am unsure whether being treated differently is a good thing or bad thing - some people I have told about depression and anxiety (recently) have you look so good, you should not have that, or are you still seeing a psychologist?!? I am confident that you will find people here to talk to about a variety of things, and then there is always the cafe for other chatter, and evryone here is non-judgemental and supportive.

Tim

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

Zonnekp — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 02:52:49 GMT

Hi J,

I am a 49-year old female with bipolar and would love a friend who understands the illness. I tell close friends I have depression, because bipolar still has a stigma.

I am married with one daughter (who turns 25 this year), love my dog and enjoy cooking, reading and playing the piano. I also enjoy shopping (love it! lol) and going for walks.

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 04:09:32 GMT

Hi J and zonnekp

Welcome.

I am sad that you both are still experience stigma.

I was diagnosed over 45 years with bipolar and while there was much stigma back in the 1970s and 1980s , I was hoping things had changed as they have for me.

Zonnekp J, How do you people feel treat you differently if they find out you have bipolar.

I have found through giving talks to community groups has helped people become more informed.

Tim has mentioned the thread This bipolar life and you are most welcome there. It is a friendly group.

In your list J, I can do basic knitting, I am sort of creative, I like growing and eating herbs. Mainly I am interested in other people and learning from their experience. I also like my shop .

So zonnekp and J pleased to meet you

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 17:39:09 GMT

Hi smallwolf. I am literally medicated on a concoction of medication.

I should correct that it was my third episode in 2018 was tough - trying to stay rational while a lot of stressful events unfolded in front of my eyes. I did check out that forum earlier but it had age restrictions and I am a bit of a loner. In am under treatment by a psychiatrist and case manager.

Thank you for your reply I am having short memory issues haha.

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 18:03:48 GMT

Hi Zonnekp

Sure, I would not mind having a friend who has bipolar. Lol here comes the train of questions hehe. Are your symptoms when you have bipolar episodes obvious? I have had two while on meds and completely clueless that I was having episodes.

You are quite fortunate to have close friends to rely on, Currently my support network is my psychiatrist, my parter, case manager, accessibility person from Uni. So I do feel rather lonely at times. This is the second time I have had to pull out of third year of my degree,

I vowed that I would not have children. I have also had a painful childhood. Where my my own mother said horrible things like *when you were a baby I wanted to throw you out the window because you wouldn’t stop crying* another one is * you are exactly like your dad, nobody will like you and there are no such as friends*. As you can see I carry a lot of baggage.

I love my dog too he is a very clever and independent dog. Training him was soooooo hard (he was not food driven... he knows about 100 or so commands and even hand signals. I cannot imagine a life with out him. I even trained my dog to ring the bell to go toilet or outside... since he just taps door knobs hehe.

I like to shop but maybe not the typical way - been recently obsessed with novelty cooking timers, cleaning (I am a messy person) and Pioneer headphones. What do you enjoy buying but it reminds me of my first episode going on a shopping spree.

I am a bit of a homebody but when I am elevated I become confident... this bipolar of mine really is odd

For the last two episodes I played with this website https://www.16personalities.com/ I was quite shocked at how much one person change during an episode. It is up to you but I am a Logician this year.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, I would love to hear more about you.

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 18:30:16 GMT

hi quirkyword

How are you?

There are always going to be stigmas including black dog syndrome that my doggie experiences, yet he is pretty gentle for a male dog.

I have a large lot of ways people treating me differently:

They say ‘how’s life treating ya’ I hate that question just say hi, how are you?
when people try to *help* I just wanted to talk to Counsellor that I had bipolar and all I wanted to just talk about it - she bombarded me with extension plans and getting a scribe for exams (uni).
i had dr. who i first me said I wouldn’t be able to finish my degree or last a year in the teaching field - she was a dr specialised in mental health and I was explicitly told she couldn’t change my meds because I was still part the community psychiatrist team. She was trying to prescribe psychotics... she even told me to become a librarian instead.
people treat you differently, they avoid you.
people do that finger motion of a roller coaster. It pisses me off because my roller coaster is ongoing ride that I would really love to stop
they consider me *special* but I want to be treated like everyone else
Since mid 2013 entry uni I haven’t had an episode until 2018.
i am a bit of antisocial person, it takes a bit for me to warm up. But whatever works for you is great!
i have to the point where I begged passing doctors and nurses to take my blood. I had a registrar that was anal and he even over medicated me because he though I wasn’t taking,,, that he even arranged a nurse to check my mouth.

I like knitting especially cables - but right no my brains right now - some days motivation and concentration. I am also a creative person I like to believe: that in life, there are more than one way of finding a solution.

which kind of herbs... I like chives and garlic chives if they are herbs.

I look forward getting to know you,

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 23:06:11 GMT

Thanks for all your feedback .

I am sorry for your experiences .

When I was experiencing my mood swings I was having them every 6 to 8 weeks alternating between high and low and it was very disruptive. During this time I managed to scrape through with a degree, I started off doing a teacher librarian degree and ended up after 6 years of many withdrawals and time out with an arts degree. I was seen as either lazy or rude but never sick but then again I was in denial too.

It must have been hard for you to have an episode after 5 years.

Do you like reading and watching movies. ?

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 23:39:59 GMT

Hey quirkyqpword,

I have had a roller coaster of experiences that continue. Don’t apologise you were never the cause of it. I don’t know if I have mood swings but during the day I’m placid and irritable at afternoons/evenings.

i cant imagine how you would feel. But I always feel elevated at uni at odd times. Reading my episodes are hard. I have had two hypo manic episodes where I didn’t know I was having an episode- this time it was migraines and being snarky... not really bipolarish symptoms are they?

i hate to read... unless it’s something I really like. Uni stuff is all I usually read... I think uni is overrated.

i used to watch movies but I think uni wrecked it for me as well as counselling. Why are these movies illogical... why do we see these female or male characters as typical... why is the quality of movies losing originality and flair.

The last movies I loved was the Asian girl with her love letters and crazy rich asians.

P.S what books and movies do you like?

Thanks for all your feedback .
I am sorry for your experiences .
When I was experiencing my mood swings I was having them every 6 to 8 weeks alternating between high and low and it was very disruptive. During this time I managed to scrape through with a degree, I started off doing a teacher librarian degree and ended up after 6 years of many withdrawals and time out with an arts degree. I was seen as either lazy or rude but never sick but then again I was in denial too.
It must have been hard for you to have an episode after 5 years.
Do you like reading and watching movies. ?
Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 23:46:10 GMT

Hey Quirky

do not apologise none of this is your fault. Besides I have had a fair few experiences that were worse.

i do not enjoy reading, I used to. But I read for uni now. I am sorry for your experiences- I don’t know how I would deal with it. But I call my days either the moon or the sun... depending on mood. I don’t watch movies no time and the quality of films is getting worse.

how about you what books or movies do you like?

during the day I’m outgoing but when it hits 4pm I get aggravated and irritable.

today I while getting a blood test. I am on the sad side of things today

i have a bad memory right now sorry if I left anything out.

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 23:48:18 GMT

Sorry I have r ally poor concentration skills right now

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 01:59:45 GMT

No need to apologise, I can relate to not being able concentrate.

have a very bad memory , I am much older than you and put it down to getting older.

I am opposite I am grumpy and irritable in the morning by 2pm I am ok but by late afternoon I feel very tired and start yawning.

Take care.

If you are not up to it, you don't have to reply to posts, only when you feel comfortable to.

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 03:06:43 GMT

Hey quirky here’s a rant if I could say this to my SO without interruptions

”if we could have a normal conversation... I would tell you that you can hear me but you are not listening to me. You talk to me everyday but you are no talking with me but at me.

i do not want your hugs as apologies... I’m not an affectionate person and I cannot accept them as apologies because you do it so many times that sorry isn’t even a word anymore.

i want someone there for me to validate me, listen to me and just be there for me,

i know you care about me but it hurts - you hurt me everyday and you do not even know. Your one liners references to my illness in altercations. They hurt so much since I suffer a mood disorder that affects my emotions. Sometimes I wonder if this how you gas light me or power over me,

sometimes i want to give in the bipolar... this is hard to pretend or consider someone else’s or point of view... you say things to me where it hurts and that’s every day just about whether initentional or not.

I am rather feeling low

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 04:52:18 GMT

That was a very powerful and moving post.

I can see you are feeling low. Keep posting here if it helps. I will look to see if you have written.

I have thought of those words you wrote.

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 20:55:01 GMT

Thank you... but sometimes I feel I get too poetic. But that really is the situation. It’s like he thinks the pills fix me. They don’t fix me when I am angry, crying, yelling or being genuinely happy. Sometimes it worries me I think he goes overboard with extremely thin line of what’s me and bipolar.

my tablets do not usually stay stable... my body can tolerate a lot of medication right now I take 13 tablets. It restricts me mentally and physically I say mentally first because it requires thought before acting upon something... unless you are impulsive.

talking to you has been great tell me more about yourself and your thoughts or experiences that you are comfortable to share.

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 23:16:51 GMT

I think poetic is a good thing.

I too find people think medication is verything nadvthye don’t know all th eothervthings we need to do to stay well.

Many years ago when my second major relationship was falling apart and I knew I had to leave but was scared how I would cope , I had well meaning friends and family telling me to just take more medication!! Those people said they would be there to suppport me but they were not.

I think I just don’t expect my partner to understand me, as they can’t, they can support . I have found through this forum I have been given support and understanding that I haven’t in my non internet life.

After so many years of living with bipolar I don’t really have too many answers just more questions. I am luck my medication has worked for me but I still need on a daily basis to really been vigilant about what is happening. I think we need to be our own experts.

Ask me any questions, if you like.

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 01:59:44 GMT

Hi Quirky

Wish this forum was done in real-time.

Being poetic leads to these silly philosophical thoughts. E.g. regardless of whether luck exists or not it is you who determines your success in life

Don't like that - makes me feel old. I'm 26 but I've always felt old. Could never blend in with my peers - the 'i' generation.

People assume meds fixes your emotions. It's tough when I'm turbulent.

I've to do so many things just to get out of the manic phase. For 3 weeks from I'd wake up and clean the house. I'm a messy person.

Typically, ppl who say they understand - don't. Ppl who say they will be there for u typically avoid you, it's their way of getting out of 'another problem'.My partner is apprehensive about meeting the registrar next Monday meds change he thinks i'm not ready... but my body is telling me I am. It's hard being in a relationship, have you ever had that feeling?

I think you should have a partner that knows somewhat of what you are going through. A relationship embodies a 50/50 percentage. I also do not have a support network. My mum has no idea what bipolar is despite being there for my 1st manic episode - she kept telling it's "God's punishment, and that you're feeling guilty". My mother is toxic, she conditionally loved me and compared me and my little sister. She used to also tell me that "when you were just a newborn...you wouldn't stop crying and you gave me post natal depression" - she would tell me these things from the age of 6/7. She also told me that i was exactly like my father, where nobody liked me, where he had no friends, and that he only had her because she understood him. My mum also used to blame me for my little sister's errs. My father during my 2nd episode after I was discharged... he kept ringing me at early hours he sounded unstable and then he blamed me for why my mother and father separated - after each of his phone calls i would be trembling in fear unsure of what to do. My support is my psychiatrist, case manager and SO.

I have questions about my bipolar too. Why has every episode been different? Why were the last two episodes harder to detect. Why do I walk out on certain psychiatrists? I've burst in tears and refused to re-enter the room. Why the clinical questioning and the question of what meds i am on they have it on record

You sound mature Quirky, how old are you? Did you accept that you had bipolar at first? Don't you want your SO to understand you?

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 02:02:00 GMT

I'm sorry it took so long to respond... the word limit was like 1800 or 2000 words over haha

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

quirkywords — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 02:44:39 GMT

I will be you age reversed on next birthday!!

I was diagnosed ay 16 and in denial until I was 32, when I was married with 3 children. I did not want to accept it as I knew no one who had it and there was one support group many hours from me. I went to one meeting and felt I had nothing in common.

I know you have found people treat you differently but at least they know a bit about mental health, back in the 1970s and 1980s there was little knowledge and much more stigma.

I think my partner wont understand but he can support.

Every person I have spoken to who has bipolar has had a different experience from me and from each other. I suppose I have stopped asking why and I feel it is what it is.

I used to feel guilty that everyone I know who had bipolar had had trauma as a child or in the past and I had a loving childhood., so what excuse did I have.

I asked too many questions but I try not to keep asking why me instead why not me.

That is sad how your parents treated you. I suppose they were scared and instead of trying to help you they blamed you. Alas fear does that to you.

I found this best thing for me was to start my own business as I found it hard working for others as a teacher. I like being my own boss.

Do you know any people with bipolar offline. I did not meet my first person with bipolar till I was nearly 50.

I was so angry for many years , then one day after being on medication for many years I wrote a letter to my bipolar. there was a website that invited people to write about a letter to their illness.

I did not send mine in just wrote it as a writing exercise. I thought I was ok about things but a lot of resentment and ager came out.

This is a lot longer than I usually write and I never run out of characters but I think I am more long winded when I talk.

Quirky

Introduction; Hi I am J I have bipolar and I would love to make some friends

insertaname — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 03:08:27 GMT

My computer is playing up.
Wow, is all I can say. I was diagnosed at 17, turned 18 in the psych ward. I was in denial after being diagnosed in 2011: at one point i was hoping God would cure me. I have not gone to meetings... you don't typically encounter young people... I've done counselling but did not really gain much from it either.

I still feel the stigma - it's better if you say you have anxiety or depression - people my age are judgemental and assume bipolar means up and down like a rollercoaster like that Katy Perry Song... too many time bipolar has been used incorrectly. "I think my partner wont understand but he can support." - true, but it's because this you experiencing it and feeling it, not him all he can do is observe.

Yes each person is different too. The last time I met someone with bipolar she really drove me up the walls she was one year older than me and she was being treated with ECT. She kept going on about how God will help her and cure her. Everything she was doing was mirroring what I did myself. So it flipped me out. She first made me change rooms because 4 is an unlucky number. She then began trying to philosophically talk to me ... even though I didn't want to... I WANTED TO GET OUT because at 4 am at the hospital she'd wake up screaming and then they'd inject her with drugs. She made me feel sick and I said everything I could just to get of the hospital... during the day they were constructing more on the hospital so it wasn't quiet at all.

I was also thrown onto a mattress on the floor during this hospital say.
My mum and I aren't close, she treated me as a her confidante not her daughter. My father wasn't much of one, he's dead and I haven't even mourned for him once. He used to kick me out of the house.

I don't know anyone with bipolar as friend or acquaintance - that girl was freaking me out and her parents kept begging me to tell her to take her meds. I don't know if I am angry that I have bipolar but it definitely affects my cognitive functions - I got a distinction and high distinction this semester but I was almost having an episode during it... they don't teach or answer questions. I shouldn't had gone back to uni after recovering from the third episode in 2018. If I didn't have bipolar maybe I could do better.