topic Have ruined lives in Depression

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 05:23:36 GMT

Hi, I’m new here.

I have struggled with depression a few times in the past 10 years but nothing like what I’m currently going through.

I’m a 33 yr old female, married with a 6 month old baby. I have wanted a baby for years and when I found out we were pregnant I was so happy. I really wanted to be an awesome mum and wife and I have failed dismally already to the point that I feel I have ruined all 3 of our lives.

It all started when we came home from hospital with our baby. Everything had gone well so far. I struggled with breastfeeding but had some help in hospital and wanted to keep going. A week later, I thought I was being proactive getting help, but turns out it was too late. My baby had been getting virtually no milk and has likely suffered brain damage due to this. We have an appointment with the paediatric neurologist soon, but I am struggling to imagine how I can possibly look at my child each day, knowing I’m responsible for her suffering.

I don’t know what to do because nothing can fix this. There’s no cure. I feel ashamed, complete guilt, and that I can never forgive myself.

I wanted to give her away, to find someone better to look after her, but everyone is saying that’s silly. And I know it is- it’s incomprehensible to me that I would ever want that, but so is the fact that we are in the situation that we are now due to my failures.

I have tried to get help, seen my GP, psychologist, called Panda, taking medications, voluntarily doing a parenting course. But I still feel completely distressed. And since everyone tells me I can’t give her away I just feel like running away and disappearing. Like I could hide, get a job and send money back for her care.

I can’t see a way to beat this depression. If I leave, I would be depressed and lonely. If I stay I will be depressed seeing the suffering I caused on a daily basis. Either way, 3 lives ruined and other people hurt by whatever I do.

Have ruined lives

Sophie_M — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 06:18:29 GMT

Hi Blue1556,

Thank you so much for sharing this. It sounds like you’re having an incredibly difficult time and carrying so much self-blame when it’s not your fault. We can hear that’s having a huge impact on you, and we can understand you’d be dealing with some incredibly difficult thoughts and feelings.

Experiencing all of this while being a new mum to your baby sounds hugely demanding, so please know that you’ve come to a safe, non-judgmental and supportive space to talk about this. It’s also really important to give yourself space to process these feelings and know you don’t need to act on any of the thoughts you’re having.

Thank you for sharing the supports you’ve currently been reaching out to. We think it’s great that you’ve been talking to your GP and to PANDA. Have you received any follow up from the GP, like a mental health care plan and a referral to a mental health professional?

Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. We think continuing to speak to PANDA is important too, on 1300 726 306. Reaching out is so important for those moments when you don’t know what to do. Other options are Lifeline on 13 11 14, as well as the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. We can imagine you’re dealing with some incredibly difficult thoughts and feelings, given what you’ve been through, but please know that in sharing this here, you are showing incredible strength, resilience and love. We hope you can see how inspirational this is.

We're sorry to hear how things have been, and we want you to know that we're here for you. You never know how your story might help someone else, so do feel free to share more if you're comfortable to. Our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Have ruined lives

white knight — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 06:20:48 GMT

Hi, welcome

I could sit here and suggest that it isnt your fault. Well that's exactly what I'm going to do, please let me explain dear Blue.

The mother of our kids, we had our first child and she had Cholic. For 3 months our baby refused to be breast fed and my wife and I struggled so much and with the baby crying non stop. My wife only 22yo and immature, anyway we persisted and finally the visiting nurse explained the damage we could cause if we didnt introduce the bottle. We did but even though I thought I was up with all the information needed to raise a baby after much research- I didnt know this.

We humans make mistakes. We try hard but sometimes being human in itself has ramifications beyond our control.

What does your baby need now? It needs the very best of attention and devotion from you and your partner. This means you must put aside any past mistake and move forward with the devotion in your veins and I know you can do that because you care and love your child so much. To write in here as you have tells me everything I need to know about you as a loving mother. Your partner will breathe a sigh of relief that he is no longer alone in trying to hold the family together.

I know running away is tempting- no, that is the last thing your baby needs. You certainly haven't ruined 3 lives, you will make 3 lives happy by remaining there and caring for your baby.

We are here for you.

TonyWK

Have ruined lives

tranzcrybe — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 06:29:53 GMT

I feel you are being way too harsh on yourself.
The hospital had a duty of care to ensure you were equipped to handle the task, possibly requiring follow up assessments if in any doubt.
But another thing comes to mind - are you drawing a false correlation with breast feeding and brain damage? I'm certainly no authority on the subject, but the warning signs of malnutrition would certainly pre-date brain injury - weight loss, dehydration, would result in bodily sacrifice before any cognitive impairment? Just a layman's view though.
Overriding all of this, is that the love from your daughter will be none the less and joy can always be found in what you do together, as a family - often bringing you closer together over the years, you will find enrichment without placing expectation or carrying blame.
Also, young brains are very malleable and adaptation is their specialty - early intervention under medical guidance may surprise you with how things progress.

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 07:58:23 GMT

Hi TonyWk,

Thankyou for replying. Like you, I felt that I had done enough research-watched videos, read books, went to classes- to feel that I would know what to do. I know that I was never going to be an expert on everything, but it just shocked me that I didn’t even know this was possible- obviously not common, but I had never heard of this happening to any baby before. Now I have read so many stories of babies with lifelong neurological problems. I clearly didn’t google what happens when babies are underfed before this happened.

You have touched on something else that I struggle with- having control. I seem to keep expecting that if I do everything I can/ try really hard etc- then I should have a good outcome. Really hard to overcome that thought pattern. I know life isn’t fair but for some reason I expect it to be most of the time.

I do want to be a caring mum and wife. I will keep trying, just feels impossible. I do feel terrible for all my husband is dealing with.

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 08:22:26 GMT

Hi transcrybe, thankyou so much for your post. I agree the hospital has duty of care, but really it is my responsibility and my fault. There were certainly a lot of factors that went into this situation,- the hospital was so busy and I felt rushed and like a burden and sometimes they didn’t come to my buzzer, -some staff were great, others were useless (unfortunately the discharge nurse was one of them), -some little things I wasn’t told - some things I thought I was doing right but wasn’t - some advice I misunderstood -I was given information leaflets that I didn’t read straight away -it was full covid lockdown (no visitors) -I listened to advice that didn’t suit my situation/personality. So just lots of little things. Holes in the cheese. And I felt great in hospital, I’m sure they thought I was absolutely capable, confident and under control.
My baby did lose weight, a small amount, but there is no number to know when it causes brain damage or not. One of the things I misunderstood was that I thought the ‘7 day check’ meant 7 days after discharge, but it actually means when baby is 7 days old. So if I knew I was supposed to get her weighed earlier then we probably wouldn’t have this problem. Also she would have been dehydrated, I was focussed on counting her wet/dirty nappies, as they had been in hospital. I didn’t know that they should have increased significantly in volume. Seems ridiculous now, like I know it’s common sense stuff, which is why I do take absolute responsibility. They probably didn’t think they had to tell me that the sky is blue.
I do love my baby, but I struggle sometimes because it feels like my real baby was born healthy and now my baby here isn’t all that she could have been. Like I have taken opportunities away from her. Sometimes all I feel when I’m with her is pain and suffering- for all 3 of us.

Have ruined lives

Summer Rose — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 10:53:33 GMT

Hi Blue

I’m so sorry for the pain that has occurred within your family. Your story is absolutely heartbreaking.

If I could, I would give you a big hug and tell you again what others have already said: this is not your fault.

Breastfeeding isn’t easy and despite what people may think it doesn’t come “naturally” for many women and babies. You should have never been discharged from hospital without your baby being able to successfully feed.

I can clearly remember leaving hospital after my first child was born. Physically I felt exhausted. I was anxious and fearful about my capabilities. Sleep deprived, I know I wasn’t mentally sharp.

You would have been in the same space. It’s understandable that there were some miscommunications and misunderstandings. And, please remember, your husband missed things too. I’m not blaming him, just gently pointing out that it’s a really challenging time for everyone.

From my experience, the “system” assumes new mothers have knowledge that none of us have. And I’d argue that they do need to tell us “the sky is blue”.

I can remember calling my local maternal nurse on a 40 degree day, from our home with no air conditioning, because my new born wouldn’t stop crying. She told me to take his clothes off and sponge him with a cool flannel.

How could I have not known he was just hot? Seems so obvious now but it wasn’t at the time. If only babies came with with handbook … sadly they don’t and we all have to learn largely on our own.

I know this is an unbelievably difficult time for you. I want to encourage you to treat yourself exactly how you would treat a friend—with love, understanding and compassion.

And I want you to believe that you will get through this because you will. Concentrate on being the best mum you can be and enjoying the now.

I will pray for you and your baby.

Kind thoughts to you

Have ruined lives

Petal22 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 12:44:28 GMT

Hi Blue 1556,

In really sorry you are going through this I understand how difficult it is to be a first time mum it’s hard and we don’t know everything and yes we need to be told and have a follow up from the hospital nurse on discharge which is usually 5 to 7 days after discharge…… did you see a nurse that came to your house after discharge?

I struggled with breast feeding with my first also, it didn’t help when all the nurses in the hospital I was in where all about “ having to breast feed” they were against bottle feeding I felt so pressured to breast feed so I kept trying……. It all got too much for me eventually so I went to bottle feeding…… I felt so anxious by all this having been told that breast feeding was best for baby by the hospital………. I ended up having postnatal anxiety and I think this contributed to my anxiety…. It was hard and confusing for me being a first time mum………..

Can I ask who has advised you that your baby may have suffered brain damage? Please don’t think the worse…… you don’t know this……. Wait until your appointment with the paediatric neurologist……. everything may be ok……

Your a strong loving mum and your baby needs YOU!

Please don’t run!! I know your mind is running with thoughts like this but it’s the anxiety talking! Stand firm against that anxiety pick your baby up and cuddle her and tell her everything is going to be ok because YOU are going to be ok!

I understand the feeling of being distressed I felt this way through out the time that my children were babies I was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety and OCD……. I received professional help for these conditions and I’ve now recovered.

I understand you are going through depression but has anyone been able to do an assessment on you for the way you are currently feeling after child birth?

Someone who specialises in perinatal conditions? Like post natal depression or post natal anxiety?

There are clinics in some areas that specialise in perinatal conditions, there is sometimes a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist who run out of the same practice they understand these conditions and would be able to help you.

Im here to chat to you…. Hang in there

Have ruined lives

tranzcrybe — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 13:22:51 GMT

"They probably didn’t think they had to tell me that the sky is blue"
Well, for new mums, it is imperative not to leave any stone unturned - pandemic or otherwise, they should have taken nothing for granted (not even your assurances!).
My sister spent quite a while in hospital with her first child - precautions, checks, and tests to ensure she was well enough (in body and mind) to manage such a precious arrival (she hated that, just wanting to get on with it); whereas the second child was over and done with in a couple of days!
I'm guessing there was no support from your mother (or partner's)? Wisdom of experience can see things before they occur and this too should have been in the minds of hospital staff in their determinations.
But in hindsight it's always easy to find fault, and assumptions have been made under duress.
Have you a formal diagnosis of her condition, including accurately defining when and how? Although it won't 'change' anything, you might find other factors to at least ease your troubled conscience.
Either way, it is never your fault for doing the best you can - you needed support that wasn't forthcoming and that is all you can justifiably claim.
Your baby is all that she is and more - this is simply a challenge in her life as much as any others that ultimately strengthen character and resolve to overcome; and you know in your heart that love is stronger than any ailment. Still, you will learn things you never understood before which will strengthen you also.
Treasure is not always found in shiny trinkets - dig a little deeper and you will soon see. Take care and allow yourself peace.

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 18:00:09 GMT

Hi Summer Rose,

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me.

In hospital we were able to feed successfully and she had gained a small amount of weight before we went home. I am angry about the amount of support that I got from them, but it was ultimately my fault. Advice that my husband got really went along the lines of - ‘tell your wife she’s doing great’. Lovely, but not helpful. I agree that I was not sharp at all, and my normal self would have done better.

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 18:26:49 GMT

Hi petal22, thankyou for your support.
I was told to take Bub to dr or child health nurse for 1 week check. I took her 1 week after discharge. I was supposed to take her when she was 1 week old. I misunderstood what it meant. So it was the difference of a few days but my mistake and unfortunately it would have been life changing.

So far we have seen GP, paediatric physio and paediatrician. I hope the neurologist can give me some insight because it is petrifying not knowing what she will/ will not be able to do. Will she be independent etc.

My psychologist is listed as someone that specialises (?) in pnd, but It’s not been very helpful so far (4 sessions over 3 months). I am also talking to someone at the govt health community centre (where the child health nurses are). Not sure exactly what her qualifications are, but she’s basically an early intervention person for parents and families that are struggling. I went to them to ask about a course that focuses on secure attachment bonds between parent and baby. So now I do that plus she pretty much does counselling too.

I’ve never been to a psychiatrist before, but perhaps it is time. It’s hard to know what to do. When my gp did my mental health plan, she asked me what I wanted. At that stage I said psychology. Then I went back after a few weeks and said I need meds. I need to stop thinking that hospitals, Drs, nurses etc will be proactive. I know I need to be mine and my baby’s advocate, it’s just hard in this state.

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 18:55:27 GMT

Hello and many thanks again,

It really does help to talk here and I want to ease the burden of these conversations on my family as I know it gets hard to deal with.

I didn’t get enough support from the hospital for sure, but I had access to information and support that I didn’t access when I should have, because I didn’t know I needed it, and didn’t understand the consequences. Before all of this I would have thought that only severe long term neglect by horrible parents could cause this, not early day issues like I thought I was experiencing.

My mum and mil are both supportive, but we were not allowed visitors to the house until after the check where we found out that everything had gone awry. If my mum was able to have come visit, she would have changed a nappy and told me that there was a problem, but alas it was against the law for her to visit at the time. And she wasn’t asking about this kind of thing when we were on the phone. I was telling her, my sister, friends that I was finding breastfeeding challenging and painful, but nobody dreamed (including myself) that it was causing trauma to my baby. Friends told me to ‘keep trying’, ‘it’s not easy’. My grandma told me that she thought it was good that I was breastfeeding because ‘it’s important’. All true and trying to be supportive. Not once in my conversations, reading etc, did I hear the message ‘get help today’, which is what I needed to hear.

It’s not possible for these types of things to determine the ‘when and how’ unfortunately.

I feel like I’m mourning the baby that was. I feel terrible that I feel that way. That’s why I feel like she might be better off with someone else caring for her. I feel that she will sense this from me and anything but complete love from a parent is devastating to a child. I’ve caused so much trauma to her already and a lack of secure bond is probably the next worse thing that can happen to her- but I feel it’s impossible to achieve.

Have ruined lives

Athenry — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 18:57:23 GMT

Even in this day and age, there is pressure to breastfeed. One of my friends was in your situation on about day six, and was telling me baby had gained a kilo. I remarked that this wasn’t possible and asked her how baby was doing. She said great sleeper, she’d rather sleep than eat. Dream baby. I asked her a few more questions, had some concerns and was comforted to know she had an MCHN appointment that day. Turns out baby was getting very little milk, lost 16% weight and was jaundiced. My friend is intelligent and a great mother. (Baby is totally fine)
my experience was baby had lost 11% weight by day 3 and hubby and I put her on formula. Luckily, it hurt too bad for me to feed her by then, and she was screaming the place down, so it was very obvious something was wrong, which it sounds like it wasn’t in your case.

I reject you blaming yourself for this. I felt like an inferior parent, I just couldn’t breastfeed. It hurt so much, babies had painful latches and the hormones made me feel so sad. Parenting is SO hard. You are completely untrained for it - you don’t learn it from a book, it’s from experience. It sounds like you needed more support. I’m so glad you’ve reached out to us now. I hope that in a couple of weeks time you will have a baby who is catching up, plumping up and you will feel elated.

Take this on as a project now, get a bit clinical - take good notes about volume intake, output, how baby’s demeanour is. This will have been a horrible experience for you but it may just be a small bump in the road. You obviously care so much about this baby. If there were any doubt about your ability as a parent, they would have removed her. Show everyone you can do this. You sound smart, caring and utterly worthy of this child.
Work with your hubby. This is 50% him, 50% you. You both need support, love and to take an equal part in your baby’s recovery.

I wish you all the best in your new life as a mother. You CAN do this.

PS. Unless your baby’s been actually diagnosed with brain damage, set this thought aside. If you’ve read it online somewhere, chuck it in the bin. Concentrate on building baby up right now, not bringing you down.

Have ruined lives

white knight — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 23:07:52 GMT

Athenry said

"PS. Unless your baby’s been actually diagnosed with brain damage, set this thought aside. If you’ve read it online somewhere, chuck it in the bin. Concentrate on building baby up right now, not bringing you down."

Wise words.

TonyWK

Have ruined lives

Summer Rose — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 01:54:58 GMT

Hi Blue

Athenry and White Knight are spot on.

First important point, it’s entirely possible that you are mourning a loss that may not have actually occurred.

Second, important point, this is not your fault.

I feel that if you can shift your perspective about your role in the events that occurred you may be able to relinquish your unnecessary feelings of guilt. This is really important because it will free you to love and care for your baby the way you want to.

I really want to encourage you to keep working with mental health professionals to let go of your guilt.

If we stick with the evidence in this situation I think it will help you. I hope we can agree on these facts …

You were at a new mother’s most vulnerable point. Exhausted, not mentally “sharp” and new to the job. This is all to be expected. You were no different to any other woman.

You were let down and not properly or professionally supported at home.

You were either not given clear instructions about your next appointment date or someone didn’t check that you understood and someone failed to call you to follow up at the appropriate time for the appointment.

You didn’t access the information you needed at the time because you were not properly informed and didn’t understand the significance. The same is true for your husband, family and friends. It’s unfair to expect any non health professional to have known this.

Covid restrictions prevented you getting family visits that could have helped you at home. Completely beyond anyone’s control.

Everyone around you, including your husband, missed the warning signs or didn’t understand the significance. It’s not reasonable to blame anyone. I certainly would not have had this knowledge, despite being university educated, because I didn’t study medicine.

Despite a rocky start to breast feeding in the hospital no medical professionals warned you of the potential dangers ahead.

It’s crystal clear to me that a series of misfortunate events beyond your control has brought your family to this point.

This is not your fault.

Your baby needs you. Your husband needs you. You need them. You are a family now and you can get through this together. Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

Have ruined lives

Petal22 — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 02:00:00 GMT

Hi Blue1556,

Thats ok, happy to support you 🙂

Has someone in the health profession given you indication that your baby may have brain damage?

Im glad that you are seeing a psychologist has you Psychologist been able to help you in regards to your thought patterns in regards to this?

Can I ask if you have been on your medication for long? Medication can take up to 6 weeks to work and it can make things worse before they get better.

Please don’t jump ahead, if a health professional hasn’t diagnosed your baby with brain damage then everything may be ok.

Here to chat to you

Have ruined lives

tranzcrybe — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 03:30:14 GMT

My brother's first born was a time of great pride - of course, 'heir to the king, next in line for the throne...', one can't help but consider what lies in store as they grow into valued members of the community and pillars of society.
It was many months later when he received devastating news that his son, able to count the numbers of every house in the street and was ahead of the curve in growth and physical development, had autism.
But surely this can't be...
Schools had already been selected (even into secondary level!), and they had found the right neighbourhood to accomplish the projection and propel the child into some predetermined vision of...

Ah, you see? Fundamentally, there was nothing 'wrong' with his son; but by being earmarked for a future which nobody could be assured in any case, the focus on the individual was overlooked.
Once my brother came to terms with this through removing his preconceptions, he could finally see the qualities that made his son unique, loved, and a valued part of the family.
It transformed my brother's whole outlook on life, giving him a new grace and humility. His son was never 'deprived' of a future for it was never written that way to begin with.
In many ways 'value' rests with what is given, not received; and his son has found a life of independence (with supports in place) to be the best he can be. It also led my brother into working in the disability sector to help others in need.

No, it wasn't without it's trials, but what family isn't?

Have ruined lives

Blue1556 — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 09:52:50 GMT

Hi all, thanks again for being so kind and supportive. I am hard on myself and I know this. And I know it comes from my values- like most people family is the most important thing in my life. Stories about things happening to babies and children really distress and upset me.

I have been on medication for about 10 weeks now, I will book in with my GP to talk about it.

Psychology hasn’t been helping so far. I will keep going. I think that I feel like I deserve to be suffering so when I do have a good day or two, I go backwards soon after. I don’t want to be like this because I want to be a decent wife and mum, but feeling like they would be better without me at the same time doesn’t help. I recognise that these types of thoughts and my guilt are the exact thoughts/beliefs that I need to stop letting take me over.

The GP and Paediatrician have both said that my baby might have cerebral palsy (which can range from very mild- a clumsy person- to very severe- wheelchair bound, nonverbal totally dependent). I know this isn’t an official diagnosis, but she has so many symptoms that it can’t be nothing at this stage (i know that’s my belief only but any attempt to persuade me otherwise is honestly pointless). I really wish that I could just bury my head in the sand until a later date, but like someone said young brains are malleable and the earlier treatment starts the better. I hope the neurologist can tell me something insightful to ease my mind- like ‘she will be able to walk’, but even then it’s not certain given these conditions are unique to the individual. And it’s not just physical disability that concerns me given her symptoms, but I know that there’s no way of knowing about other neuro issues until she is years older. Petrifying thought that I will never ‘know’ and just have to wait and see anyway. I always wanted 2 or 3 kids, now I feel like I shouldn’t have had any at all.

Have ruined lives

Petal22 — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 12:26:30 GMT

Hi Blue1556,

Thats ok 🙂 happy to support you.

Im sorry that your gp and paediatrician have said that your baby might have cerebral palsy………. But it is a “might”……

Has a health professional specifically said to you that the reason your baby”might”have this condition is because she wasn’t getting enough milk in her early days?

Has your psychologist been able to teach you how to challenge your thoughts and beliefs? You really can learn to do this and once you do a whole new world will open up right before your eyes.

Sometimes as humans we choose to hold onto certain beliefs and perceptions but once we challenge these, those old thoughts, beliefs and perceptions will fall away..

I understand that you are putting a lot on your shoulders it’s alot for you to carry a big weight……. please go easy on yourself…….. even if you feel that you have contributed to something in your babies life in a negative way I’d like you to “ forgive yourself “ forgive yourself for blaming yourself for so much………… you deserve to be free of this weight so you can then move forward and be happier in yourself, once you can do this all of your relationships will benefit because you are giving yourself back some self love and understanding.

One that can learn to love themselves is one who can help many including themselves………

Hang in there

Have ruined lives

Summer Rose — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 12:34:45 GMT

Hi Blue

I hope it’s okay if I share a story with you …

Ten years ago I was a carefree happily married, mother of two. Life was as good as I reckon it gets.

Until one day my 13 year old daughter—a gregarious, high achieving student and sportsman—told me she was too sick to go to school. It took her two days to tell me that she was hearing a voice in her head.

Shocked doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt. A few months later she received a diagnosis of anxiety and OCD, a serious, chronic and sometimes disabling illness.

I wanted to know why. Why my girl? Was it hereditary, childhood trauma, something I had done or missed in her childhood? Truth is, said the psychiatrist, it could have been any of these things or a combination or it could have been a random onset of an illness.

I drove myself crazy with guilt—it was unproductive and soul destroying. I mourned the daughter who could have been. I was terrified about her future and what would become of her.

Fortunately, I had a great counsellor. She helped me to release the guilt and sadness and get on with what I needed to do help my daughter heal and keep my family together.

While my daughter carries an invisible weight on her shoulders and fights daily for her best life, at the same time she is amazing, strong and brave. I am so proud of her and her achievements. I love her just the way she is.

She has taught me not to judge what I don’t understand. Supporting her has created an unbreakable bond amongst all family members that we cherish. We talk about our mental health and look after each other and the people we love. We all know what is really important in life—the people we love.

Importantly my daughter’s illness has brought me here, to beyondblue and this forum. In my darkest days, beyondblue was always there for me. Now I am so fortunate and honoured to be able to give something back.

Talking with you, walking with you through your struggles, gives meaning to the worst experience of my life. I never thought this would have been possible a decade ago.

Please try not to get too far ahead of things in your head. Don’t rule anything in or out in terms of your future at this point. Get all your facts and take it one step at a time. No one knows what the future holds.

Kind thoughts to you