topic unsure on depression or anxiety in Depression

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 04:41:41 GMT

Hi everyone long time reader, first time poster. As my title suggest I am unsure on my issues. I will tell you a little about my self. I am 29 years old, overall I have a good life, I have a good job with potential, good family, small group of friends, and a few close friends. 2 years ago my girlfriend of 4 years left me, it upset me, I have since gotten over it and moved on. It was mainly my doing causing her to leave because of my issues. I have a lot of uncertainty, very stagnant and lack motivation in a lot of things I do. Lately it has been getting worse, I always feel down, lonely and want to run away. I went and worked interstate for 6 months thinking it will help, and I ended up hating it and came back home, now that I am home I miss it and want to go back. I am always looking for something, I feel lost, no confidence and even in my job I have lost drive. I enrolled in a course a while ago and I was confident, once it came to assessment I crumbled under pressure and just froze and failed, even the teacher was surprised with the result. I went for a re test, and same thing once assessment happened, I froze and stuffed up. I feel like I am struggling with learning, understanding and feel like I don't know why I am here for. Don't worry I am not having any self harm thoughts, but I simply just sit in my room during the week after work with no motivation, once the weekend comes I do some fishing which relaxes me or I might go away and escape everything, but once I go back to reality I feel trapped and want to run away but I cant as I have commitments here like a job and mortgage. I look at everyone else and see how they are happy and even people with less than me (not that I'm saying I have a lot or I'm better than anyone) and yet I cant understand how I am not happy with my self. To put it simply, I feel like a big loser and it is effecting my day to day life with my concentration as I simply just don't care anymore. I am very disappointed that I failed my assessment as it would of been good for a career change. I am going for a 3rd test in a few weeks and I am nervous and sick of spending countless money if I am going to fail. It hurts the most when I see people less capable that pass and I know I am good at what I do, just lately lack the drive and confidence. It is the complete opposite of what I used to be. I was confident, up lifting, helped everyone and wasn't scared to give anything a crack. Thanks for reading my big essay :).

unsure on depression or anxiety

Jackson85 — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 06:56:04 GMT

Hi Jules, thanks for posting, I enjoyed your essay 🙂

Sometimes when we feel upset, or bad about how our life is, we can invalidate that feeling by thinking of all the people who have less than us. We think that because we have the basics, a nice friendship group, nice family, a good job and enough money, we should just be happy, because lots of people don't have those things. But this constant comparison to others, and the idea that we should feel a certain way inside because of what's happening on the outside just doesn't seem to line up. If my fish dies, am I not allowed to be sad because at least it wasn't my brother, and someone else in the world lost their brother today? If we look at how materialism fails to bring us happiness, we should at least allow ourselves the liberty to be unhappy despite material contentment!

I found that around 29 I started looking for more out of life; figuring out who I really am, which of the endlessly conflicting theories of the universe I'm going to align myself with, but most critically, how I can still get upset by the tiny little spikes of life missing a light because someone cut me off. Why do I feel so guilty about failing uni subjects nearly 15 years ago? Was I not smart enough?Was there something I should have known but didn't? Is it really my fault?

That last question is the one that's lead to the most productive answers for me. I'm just doing my best now, as I did then when I failed those subjects (and there were many!), so how can I expect more of myself than what I was? I feel like I'm who I am now, so I don't expect anything other than that, and whatever comes as a result isn't my fault, because I can't be more or less than whatever I am. Something that I can control, though, is how I view myself, and I've decided to go easier, and understand that I'm not perfect, but more importantly, that no one is, and all the happiness we see from the outside, is just what they're showing us. We all have our stuff to deal with, and it's not a race, we are all just trying to get there ourselves while simultaneously trying to convince others we are just happy to be alive.

Hang in there, and feel free to chat more here if you're up to it.

Jackson85

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 22:33:21 GMT

Thanks for the reply. You have some valid points which I am already aware of. Problem is I feel like giving up on everything and just exist in the background. I am sitting my re test in a few weeks, I got to snap out of it and not freeze and go into a mental blank. I am really lacking confidence at the moment, always feel disappointed at my self. Even something so simple with waking up in the morning to train, I have lost all motivation and always feel like I cant be stuffed doing anything anymore. How can I snap out of it and get my drive back. If I ever figure it out I will help others as what I am feeling isn't a nice feeling and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 23:42:20 GMT

Hi jules781,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I'm sorry that you're having this tough time; I'm kind of getting this sense that even though you're doing things (studying, working interstate), it's almost like you're stuck in the mud with how you're feeling.

Can I ask you a weird question? If you were to cue an inner Disney movie, and wake up and tomorrow everything would be better, what would that look like for you? Would you be working/studying? Would you still be living in the same place?

It's a weird question because often initially it's like 'well life isn't a Disney movie'! But if we think about it some more it can encourage us to think outside the square. Maybe the thing that you're trying to study for isn't what lights you up, or so far you're not excited about where the study could lead to. I'm not sure - but imagining a future where things are 'really good' can help us find one little step towards that.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 23:46:14 GMT

Hi jules781,

P.S.

I just realised I forgot to answer your question in the title -

A lot of what you've talked about - no motivation, feeling down, feeling lonely, no confidence, feeling like a loser, not caring - these sorts of things align more up with depression over anxiety. To me personally, I don't see a lot of signs of anxiety just from reading your post.

You can read about the signs and symptoms here -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression/signs-and-symptoms

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/signs-and-symptoms

Hopefully this helps. Your GP is the best bet if you're looking for a diagnosis.

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 00:31:05 GMT

Yeah I thought it was more depression than anxiety. Problem is I feel so lost I don't even know what I want to do anymore, where I want to go. I am always looking at running away but I know deep down it is not the answer. Unfortunately I know there is not a quick fix, but I wish there was. I don't think a gp would be able to help me as I don't want to go on anti depressants. I don't understand how I have falling so deep in the hole, but like I said I am starting to struggle in day to day things including my job, its like I am sub concisely self sabotaging my self, reason why I don't know.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 00:41:41 GMT

Hi jules781,

I hope you don't mind me asking - but have you ever considered going to therapy?

You're right - it's not a quick fix (I seriously wish there was), but it might be helpful and something worth thinking about.

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 01:02:12 GMT

Yes and no. One thing is a time factor as juggling time between work as I work full time, also financially. Plus I wouldn't know where to start in the right people to speak too. One thing is thou when I am on holidays and I simply forget about everything I feel so happy. I don't have the stress of money, work and simply life is a lot better. Last week I was away fishing on the NSW south coast and I can honestly say I did not have one feeling of depression, I was really happy, confident and it was like I never had a issue.

unsure on depression or anxiety

Jackson85 — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 02:03:27 GMT

Hi Jules,

It does sound like talking to a psychologist could help, I've always found it really comforting and productive. One good place to start would be your GP, (or any GP if you don't have one). If you make an appointment to discuss this stuff with them, they'll help you set up a mental health care plan, and you'll likely be referred to a psychologist. You will get a number, maybe 6 or 10, sessions with the psychologist with medicare rebates, so it can be quite reasonable. I won't comment on rates for you, but the rebates do help a lot.

Good luck, and feel free to chat more,

Jackson85

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 03:01:55 GMT

appreciate the thought, I might look into it in a few weeks I just really want to try and get through this my self. I know its been a massive control on my life, but I know deep down I know I can beat it, as I have helped people in the past with similar issues yet I didn't know I had issues my self. I really just have to get the confidence and finish this course so I can start looking for a job outside again.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 23:12:42 GMT

Hi jules781,

That's no worries, I can see where you're coming from.

Are you on holidays now? I know that holidays always make life feel easier since you are away from all the stressors, but the other benefit of being on one is that I think there's a bit more perspective on life. I don't know about you but whenever I'm away from home I try and look at my life this way - like all my problems are just kind of confined to where I'm living and how I'm feeling when I'm living there. I'm not sure if this even makes sense, but it can help.

I want you to know too that if you were to see a therapist, it wouldn't mean that you can't 'beat it' on your own! It's almost like giving you a professional friend or another tool in your toolkit - all the work you do is still very much yours. and, you can see them on evenings or Saturdays too.

With all that said though, thank you for considering it! What do you think you need to be able to finish this course?

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 23:31:09 GMT

What I need to finish this course is simply confidence. When I think about it when I'm at home I know I can do it, and the other day I went for my re test and crumbled under pressure again. I have to admit the course teachers are not the most friendly and professional, but I am not using that as an excuse. Was a little annoyed when they were sending us home early because he felt like it, but I saw it as we are paying you to train and teach us, unfortunately some of us slower to learn students needed a little more time to take it all in. But I'm not using that as an excuse, I just have to find a way to finish it off so I can put it to rest and move on. Once I finish the course it will be a massive weight off my shoulders as it will open so much opportunities. From the thinking I have been doing I have been in the automotive industry for 12 years, I don't think I enjoy it anymore, I have tried different aspects of the trade including office and engineering work and the passion isn't there anymore. I enjoy it as a hobby but I feel trapped because its all I know. The course I am doing is a course to guide cranes in the lifting and directing a crane on a lift. I have seen them on site as I was always fixing the cranes and watching them made me want to do it, being outdoors, going somewhere different and it opens up more opportunities. My biggest problem is I'm always chasing something better, I am never settled. Once I start something I get bored of it as its not a challenge and I wonder what else is out there, surprisingly it has a effect on your life outside of work as you feel drained. But when on holidays it all goes away and life is good again. Deep down I know what the problem is but I just have to act on it, and first step is passing this course, don't mean to sound rude but sticking it to those teachers who can be some what arrogant because they have done it for 20 years and expect everyone else to know everything and that they never started on the bottom.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Thu, 11 Apr 2019 00:30:52 GMT

Hi jules781,

Ok, so your current priority is to be able to postpone those thoughts around not being settled and instead focus on passing your test. I don't think that you sound rude at all and honestly it sounds like what you're going through is incredibly frustrating.

When you talk about confidence you said that at home you know you can do it but then you get to the test and crumble. When you're at home, how do you know you can do it? What is it that you're thinking/feeling?

While I can't give you confidence over the internet (I'd like to though), my thoughts are that if you can hold onto that feeling at home it'll become easier not to crumble when you get to that test. Almost like if you were to soak up those feelings so much they weighed the other ones down. I think that to do this though you almost need tunnel vision - blocking all the other worries out (for now) so that you can get through this course. Sometimes it can even help to visualise the test at home; picturing yourself going through it and feeling confident and being able to hold onto those same feelings of knowing that you can do it.

unsure on depression or anxiety

jules781 — Thu, 11 Apr 2019 01:21:26 GMT

I do visualize the test at home and I know I can do it but its like I get nervous when it comes to the test. Its so frustrating. Its like I don't like to be put under pressure and I doubt my self. I know in life pressure is normal but I got to get a hold on it.

unsure on depression or anxiety

romantic_thi3f — Fri, 12 Apr 2019 01:18:58 GMT

Hi jules781,

That's understandable. Perhaps you could try some anxiety techniques? I'm not sure which ones you've tried. There are a lot out there that might work for you - things like breathing exercises, mindfulness or challenging some of your inner self-talk. If you're feeling confident at home, it's important to keep reminding yourself of why you can do this and you are capable.

Unfortunately though getting a hold of your anxiety can take a bit of time and work, and this is kind of where the therapy techniques can come in. You might find this link helpful - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises