topic mild multi personality in Depression

mild multi personality

maturenature — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 06:19:06 GMT

in my mind, im almost identical to my brother and i hate it. my brother is cool and all, but for so long i have put up this character of being a dominating person, which he is definitely not, and it feels so obscure and depressing to think that im not who i thought i was. i so badly dont want to be that. i start to cringe any time im around him and he does anything at all.

i only noticed how alike i am to him last time i was smoking weed. were born about 9 years apart, and if you were to compare photos of us side by side the only differences would be his absurdly long hair and my progressive weight loss. i just stared at myself in the mirror and started to dissect how different i am to every single person i'm around. im a lot like my brother when im around my parents, especially my dad. i cant stand being like him when im around my friends, especially girls. i have to keep up the, what now feels like, an act.

the thing is the act is different around every single person i am around. im going insane just interracting with people and closely judging myself from the inside, what i now think is the true central me.

i cant figure out who i am or how i truly feel or react to anything. i dont think im quite numb but it definitely feels like im headed that way.

im popular, but have no real friends. i got to parties, but i dont hang out with people, not even in larger groups. my attitudes seem to be so inconsitent that i manage to push people away, or at least keep them on the edge of close friend and equentance to protect my self from people learning who i really am. i spend my time listening to music in my room, engaging in very long isolated exercise sessions, or staying up late to avoid contact with anyone.

i just needed to tell someone. i could go through and make this easier to read, even make it more accurate to my experiences and thoughts, but whats the point.

mild multi personality

james1 — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 12:36:14 GMT

hello maturenature,

Welcome to the forums! It's nice to meet you here and good on you for having the courage to tell us your story. It sounds like this is quite a personal thing for you and not something you've been able to share much with others in person.

It sounds like you are very confused about who you are given you change who you are a lot. I'm quite similar and, even now, I also find I can be very different depending on who I am talking to, to the point that I am not confident in saying that it's all the same person inside me. I am not sure how to explain that, except to say I don't feel like one person or even multiple parts of one person. More just that there's many me's.

May I ask if you've ever spoken to others about this at all & if you have, what they said? Most of my friends just kind of missed the point but the psychologist I now see has been quite nice and accepting of what I say even though I'm not good at explaining it.

James

mild multi personality

maturenature — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 14:45:31 GMT

been a long time but thought i would check up on this post.

i went on an adventure to discover why im the way i am, why i treat people the way i do. i pretty quickly established im just super insecure and past trauma has caused me to built a kind of mental wall to keep my self safe.

the tricky part of my soul searching was figuring out why im the way i am in the first place, and really im still piecing it all together, but i think i can pin it on escalatingly bad behaviour as a kid when i didnt get enough attention.

moving forward, rather than blame my parents or wallow in pity im trying to better myself. form relationships, open up more, but its not easy.