topic I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness in Depression

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 09:01:36 GMT

I will start by saying that I have suffered with depression for about 15 years. A couple of years ago I found who I thought was my soulmate, but all he did was take advantage of my kindness and just used my emotions up like a sponge. Today i took the first step by telling him that i will not accept this treatment anymore and i need a week without contact so i can self reflect.

I have PCOS, chronic pain and chronic insomnia (the later two caused from an accident 6 years ago) I take meds to sleep and for the PCOS and losing weight is pretty much impossible. I could eat a salad leaf and still gain weight. I do know that if i exercise every day that i can lose weight, i just lack the motivation. I recently bought a treadmill and hope to walk every day, But i am having difficulty with motivation.

I have had some dark times due to my depression and apart from steps every day, i really need some help in some basic everyday steps i can take to help with my motivation, and motivational posters and sayings dont help, just annoy me. I found that doing small things like drinking a glass of tea at night, with a heatpack, which has helped in the past with stress to relax me a little, I just need more ideas.

Sometimes I dont even feel like i have the energy or motivation to brush my teeth, shower or eat.

Ideas anyone?

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

anxietyalien — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:22:32 GMT

I'm really not one to be giving much advice right now, but can't help but suggest Manuka Honey! There is something about it, that makes me feel good. And I don't just mean because it has antibacterial properties, but because pouring a little bit in my mouth when I wake up each day, gives me a bit of a happy feeling (although only for a moment). Those bees work so hard, and are so amazing - it feels good going down the gullet compared to chocolate (for example). It is also pretty healthy. If food and everything in general is just so boring, and lacks pleasure (like I am finding with my own illness), Manuka Honey has given me a slight piece of hope (for how unique it is!). Maybe even normal honey, could replicate that sensation. I treat it like medication, I guess you could say. But please stick around - I can assure you that some great advice from many compassionate members here, are to come (much better advice than my silly honey trick).

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

blondguy — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:45:39 GMT

Hello Skitz

Welcome and thankyou for posting with us! It takes courage to write our first thread topic and good on you 🙂

I understand you with the depression and being in such a dark place. I am sorry that your partner took advantage of your kind heart. That feeling on its own is painful. You have done well by letting him know that you refuse to accept his behavior anymore. You are strong

Can I ask you about your support network? Do you have a couple of people/friends that are there for you?

I am very fortunate not having the chronic pain you experience. Just to let you know this is my 37th year with chronic anxiety followed by depression (20 years on SSRI's) under management with a crackerjack GP every month and a psychologist every quarter.

The heatpack and tea are excellent where feeling peaceful are concerned!

Just a couple of ideas that have worked for me...(to feel better overall)

Apple Cider Vinegar....the brand is Braggs.....organic and a great cleanser/health booster (Woolworths)
Avoiding overly negative people/toxic environments

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you Skitz

The forums are a safe and judgement free place where you can post. Your well being and privacy are paramount

I really hope you can stick around the forums (when convenient of course)

my kind thoughts

Paul

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:45:49 GMT

Thank you. small things are exactly what i am looking for.

Maybe i will try honey or something else that does the same. Food holds great memories and can evoke great feeling.

Thank you AA

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:52:34 GMT

Thank you. unfortunately i am very isolated. My only real friend lives over two hours away and has a job, family and no real time to babysit me. Isolation is probably the worst part of things as i have no one to help with motivation. I've tried things like meetup to meet new people but for some reason people just dont like me and i have trouble finding people that i can connect to. This only makes everything worse and harder to deal with

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

blondguy — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 10:59:30 GMT

Hi Skitz

Thanks heaps for posting back to AA and myself 🙂

Having a support network (even 1 or 2 people) can be a huge help......even on the phone too. Do you have anyone that you can have a chat to on the phone when you are in a bad place?

It doesnt have to be face to face.....a friend on our mobile can work wonders

Paul

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Ggrand — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 11:01:18 GMT

Hello Skitz,

Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums, we are a kind and non judgement community of people who care about you and the other here..

I am pleased that your taking time out for yourself after your b/f took advantage of your kindness..Well done on your self care..

I have major depression and a few more "labels" and motivation is extremely hard to find on most days..There is a thread here if you want to go to the search bar on top of this page and search..."Depression and our daily routine..this thread does help us to get up each morning and get back into a routine..Your welcome to comment on the thread, ask questions or add suggestions or just have a chat...

I was saddened when I read your last paragraph...

When you start thingking unhealthy thoughts do yo think you could try to distract those thoughts onto something you enjoy doing..hobbies, internet games, music with earphones in, singing, puzzles, tv, just anything to change your line of thinking until the unhealthy at least leaves you hun...

Please come back anytime for a chat or releasing things from your thoughts, your safe here as its annominous..(oops forget how to spell it )..looking forward to hearing how your getting on..

kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy...

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

MsPurple — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 11:05:34 GMT

hi Skitz and welcome tot he forums.

I have struggled with weight, depression, anxiety and lack of motivation. I think the lacking in motivation is common for those who have depression.

Sorry to hear you have had to take a break from your soulmate. It can be hard when you feel like they are taking advantage of your kindness and goodwill. Have you had a talk to him about this. How you feel like you maybe he is taking advantage of your goodwill. I had a discussion with my partner about how I was feeling and that I wanted him to pay more attention to my needs like I do with him. To also resriprocate my kindness.

With your mental health have you talked to a gp about it? It can be a hard step to take but a necessary thing to do if you want to get help and support. You can also discuss with them your weight concerns. I found it helpful talking to them about my weight as well so I could have support s well. My doctor refered me to a psychologist. I found it really helpful to talk to them about all this. Especially my lack of motivation.

Some things I have found to help with my weight, depression and lack of motivation. I find exercise helps. But yes like you I struggle to exercise when I am lacking motivation. I found trying to do little things helped. I decided to start walking to work on sunny days. Then I started going to a few gym classes. I built it up slowly. Maybe it is something you can do. Doesn't have to be much but something. ALso exercise is really good wiht mental health. I found it was for mine as well.

I sometimes find motivational posters annoying to! I feel like they are too corney sometimes. But I also that some days they can be just what you need on the day.

If you ever want to talk I am here for a chat. Sorry my brain is kinda all over the place, but I hope this has been helpful

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 11:19:14 GMT

Thank you Purple. I have spoken to him many times and like me he also suffers from issues. The problem is, i am there for him he is not for me. He is very loving and is trying to fight for me to not walk away, he said to give him a week and he will turn things around, and although i am hopefull, it is not the first or tenth time i have heard it.

He gets too wrapped up in his own issues that he forgets that I am not just a security blanket, i am a human being with feelings. One of the worst things, is since we do not live together yet, we dont spend any time together, and when he does give me time, he often cancels or moves it for his own reasons. It makes me feel like i am pretty worthless and just an object that can be moved without any thought to my own life or feelings.

I love him so very much, my heart is broken

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

StillKicking — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 11:31:08 GMT

Congratulations on making that move to set yourself back on track. Removing yourself from that kind of issue is a BIG thing, so be proud.

My only suggestions for first steps are to set yourself 3 simple goals every day, and write down your brain vomit.

Goals can be something really simple like having a shower or eating one proper meal or getting out of bed for an hour. Try to make them a bit of a challenge, but keep them achievable so you can feel good that you've done them and recognise your progress. Slowly increase the difficulty as you improve.

My thoughts are my greatest enemy and when they're left running around unsupervised in my head they can cause all sorts of trouble. Writing them down makes them easier to look at without the emotion of feeling them, and often helps drill down to the root of the issue once you get the distracting thoughts out of the way. I just find that if i get them out of my head i can then start to work through them more rationally.

Appreciate the steps you make, no matter how small.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

MsPurple — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 05:33:50 GMT

I get your frustration Skitz. There is so much giving and helping you can give without having the favour returned. It is frustrating and emotionally draining. Maybe that could be something to talk about if you do decide to try and work on things. Saying how you feel like you support him in his time of need but he doesn't do it for you. Not saying you should stay or leave your partner, that is completely up to you, but I think you would need to work on both supporting each other and not just it going one way. I think you should also discuss prioties. How they are making you feel like you are not a priority, and that you should be a priority. Life happens and sometimes things have to be cancelled last minute (e.g. illness). Maybe explain how it makes you feel when they cancel last minute, put it in a point of view where he positions himself in your shoes, I found this helped when I had this discussion with my partner.

So what else has been stressing you out lately? I feel like you don't just want to talk about your relationship (although it sounds like part of your stress is from your relationship so it needs to be discussed/vented) because you didn't post in the relationship section. Is there anything else you would like to discuss or vent about.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 22:51:37 GMT

I am not suicidal, just broken.

I am looking for people to give me small things I can do everyday to help me stop the cycle of depression as it's destroying my motivation. I have started to have a night time ritual where i shower at a set time, drink tea, use a heat pack (muscle & nerve damage makes most of my upper back and neck muscles constantly stiff causing extreme pain from strains, the more stressed i am the worse it is) then after the heat pack and tea, an alarm will go off and i will brush my teeth, then watch 30 minutes of whatever i was watching earlier, before going to bed at 9:30 sharp, reading for 30 minutes, then sleep. This is helping, but i am having difficulties with the time in between, after i get home and at work.

I left early from work yesterday because of the pain and emotional distress i was in and i just can't afford to run away.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

StillKicking — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 02:30:11 GMT

You're allowed to be sad and pissed off and whatever else you feel. I'm in a similar place where a lifelong self-esteem deficit makes me try to please people who don't matter and results in me feeling even worse about myself. By the time I realise I've slipped back into depression I'm totally overwhelmed and can't cope with life.

The realisation that I'm depressed is the first step and the first thing I need to work on. The things that I'm constantly thinking about can't be addressed until I crawl out of that pit. Things like weight and health can only be improved once my head is in a better place so it has to be my priority for a while. You can't do it all at once and thinking of everything you need to do will make it worse. Having a routine is fantastic and something I know I need but never could do.

Try to just focus on the depression for now unless there's something else that can't wait. Is there an underlying theme like pleasing people and wanting to be accepted that you can identify and work out how to change? I find writing things down and seeing them in black & white helps me identify behaviour patterns and work out ways I can manage them. It also gives power back to me instead of just wishing other people could treat me the way i want. I'm not currently in a good place either but I'm feeling much more hopeful now that I've put a bit of a plan in place. Relieving the depression will have a positive affect on my anxiety and in turn I'll be able to then focus on eating better and excercising more, with a flow on to my general health. I've done it before. When you think you have no chance of succeeding your motivation will suffer, so try to think about what you can do rather than what you can't. It's not easy but you just have to keep reminding yourself that your goal isn't to cure everything at once, but to deal with the first step, however small that may be. Acknowledge every step you take because it's something you couldn't do yesterday.

Motivation is a really hard thing to get when you think there's no point, which is why you have to stay realistic. As an example instead of giving yourself a goal to lose 20kg, you give yourself a goal of losing one, or half, or whatever. It's much more attainable and when you get there you can aim for the next one. It's the same idea but with your mental health instead. Set yourself an achievable goal and move on from there. Have a think about a what small changes you can make.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

MsPurple — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 12:18:23 GMT

SKitz I completely understand the feeling of being emotionally broken. I am glad you are not suicidal, however you know if you ever need to talk to someone instantly on 1300224636.

Stillkicking has given some good ideas about motivation. Small achievable goals and not just looking at the big picture as it can be overwhelming.

I find after work my routine can vary day to day. Maybe having a few routines can be handy. Like M/W/F home cooking (with left overs), going for a walk and on T/Th have left overs/dinner out doing jobs around the house. Something like this maybe helpful without being too repetative. I find something like this has helped me.

Have you talked to your GP about your pain. Have they discussed pain management for bad days. With my mum when her pain was bad it could affect her anxiety. Maybe this could also something to bring up.

Also one thing to try is meditation. I do it for 10 minutes (probably every second night) before bed. I find it helps me sleep and de stress. It also helps me with anxiety during the day because I can take the skills I have learnt.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

BluBelle — Mon, 09 Jul 2018 04:06:21 GMT

Hi Skitz, I identify with so much of what you have written. I battle against depression and PCOS too, and also have days where I just don't have the energy (or even care about) showering and eating properly. For a long time I have been wondering if it is my depression or my weight making me feel so flat. It's probably both. I decided to try the Keto diet, because apparently most of us with PCOS have insulin resistance and don't react well to carbs. I'd also heard it can give you mental clarity and focus, which I was desperate for. It's been six weeks, and although it hasn't been the miracle everyone online hyped it up to be, I've lost a reasonable amount of weight and don't feel quite so flat anymore. Plus it means I've been cooking for myself every day, which in itself is a big achievement for me! I'm still taking it fairly slowly, being kind to myself for those days where I just need to sit and stare at the TV, but I hope to start including more things that will help - like yoga or gentle exercise, seeing friends more often, meditation. I don't know if something like that interests you, but just sharing what has helped me.

I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

Skitz — Mon, 09 Jul 2018 05:22:31 GMT

Thank you for sharing