topic Sick of the fight in Depression

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Sun, 17 Mar 2019 22:05:55 GMT

Hi, it’s been a year or two since I last posted. I have had depression for 15 years and anxiety for 5 or 6.

I have lost 3 jobs over my anxiety and depression and today my fourth.

I go along nicely for a few months and try my hardest to be positive and push myself every day then something just tips me over the edge. This weekend it was my 10 year old being defiant and tantruming.

I saw a psychologist for 4 years but moved to the country 1 year ago which has limited resources.

I feel like I want to give up but know I can’t. I have a 17 year old and a 10 year old at home and two adult kids that live elsewhere.

I was 2 weeks out from finishing my tafe course but now just want to give up on everything. I’m so tired of the fight and my family not understanding.

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Sun, 17 Mar 2019 22:49:35 GMT

Hello Katherine

Welcome back. This is a good place to write about your mental health as I am sure you know.

When you saw the psychologist did it help? If so It would be good to find another psychologist or psychiatrist if there are no psychologists around. Country people do have it tough with limited resources. It may help to start an online course. Have a look at the Mindspot web page and see what they can offer. https://mindspot.org.au/

You can also contact the Suicide Call Back Service 24/7 on 1300 659 467 or visit their web page https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ You can talk via the phone or have online counselling via Skype if you have that facility. I know the name sounds a bit drastic but do not be put off. They have great skills and because of where you live it may be convenient to try both organisations for help.

When you were here before did you read any of the information available here? If not have a look around, download fact sheets and send for booklets, free of charge. It may be helpful to give this information to your family to help them understand what is happening for you.

What is happening at work that causes you to lose your job? Did you talk to your manager about your difficulties? Most employers are sympathetic when their staff members are unwell and can often help you with different duties if something in particular is pushing your buttons.

Please try to complete your TAFE course. I know it feels like climbing a mountain but finishing it will be a great achievement and give you a boost. It's good to look back and see what you have achieved.

Both your boys are old enough to help you round the house and to understand tantrums are not acceptable. Have you been able to talk to him about this? It would be worthwhile to explain why this is unacceptable. Not just because you are unwell but because it is unacceptable behaviour from someone his age.

Mary

Sick of the fight

CourtneyJ — Mon, 25 Mar 2019 04:51:40 GMT

Hi Katherine,

When I read your post I just had to write and say I UNDERSTAND BEING TIRED OF FIGHTING.

Every single minute of every single day is a struggle for me with my anxiety. What no one understands is that it literally takes 60% of my total allocation of mental energy just to get out of bed, get dressed and go to work. And that's before I even start work! And I have an incredibly demanding job in HR which requires a lot of mental energy. And it's frickin exhausting!! And I'm so practiced at it that to the casual observer it's looks second nature to me.

And then on the weekend when I FINALLY get some time to myself I just want to hide in my apartment and binge watch Netflix because I don't have the energy to socialise or do any hobbies at all. I need the whole 2 days to recuperate to do it all again.

And then people take it personally (especially my mother) that I don't reach out to organise coffee dates etc. Which just makes me feel more guilty.

Almost monthly I have to make a conscious decision to either keep fighting or give up. There are months where it's a very close call.

I don't have any advice for you and I certainly won't say that I know how you feel. I just hope that knowing you're not alone in wanting to give up the fight may bring you some comfort.

Stay strong and remember you're worth fighting for.

Sick of the fight

Guest_682 — Tue, 26 Mar 2019 12:41:33 GMT

I understand i too am sick of the fight,hope you can cope

Sick of the fight

blondguy — Tue, 26 Mar 2019 20:50:34 GMT

Hi Katherine22

I have also been on the same roller coaster ride with anxiety. It took me nearly 20 years to understand that 'fighting' anxiety is counter productive and can actually exacerbate our anxiety levels

'Acceptance' therapy does work well. All anyone has to do is ask their psychologist as once we genuinely accept the symptoms/feelings of anxiety, we will have greater peace in our lives. It is possible to reduce the severity of these awful symptoms. Yes it is hard work....and requires strength and determination that we dont have through exhaustion....There is always a way to diminish the severity of anxiety

Just from my experience...I hope some of this helps

my kind thoughts

Paul

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 07:03:52 GMT

Hello Katherine

It's been a few days since you last wrote. How are you going?

As you can see others have the same experience of fighting as you and I have gone through that also. For a long time I found life so hard and wanted to leave it all behind.

Hello CourtneyJ and Guest_682

It is good to share experiences and give some hope to each other. I wonder if you can tell us any positive experience you have had with the fighting. Is there a way you have found to cope? I see Paul has written about his experience (Hello Paul) and how acceptance therapy has worked for him.

It is so true that if we can accept our feelings we do get greater control over our lives. It's also true as Paul says, that it takes energy and hard work, both in small supply at this stage.

Does anyone have any professional mental health help? Has acceptance therapy ever been mentioned? Perhaps if you can pool your resources and support each other on this thread it may make the journey easier and you know you are certainly not alone.

Mary

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 02:14:27 GMT

Hi Mary thanks very much for your reply. Yes seeing a psychologist did help I have since posting spoke to her and feeling a little more positive. Work is a giant challenge to me, I’m very sensitive and don’t handle difficult personalities very well and the last few positions this has been a problem. My last two positions I have had passive aggressive bosses. I think also I just take too much on and I sort of set myself up for failure.

my son is behaving better the last week and I’ve had a talk with him about how it’s affecting me. I’ve also decided I will go and complete my assessment at tafe in two weeks and just finish my course.

Thanks very much

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 02:19:48 GMT

Hi Courtney thanks so much for your reply. Yes it’s 100% exhausting!

People think I’m all good too but getting up and pretending is debilitating. I want to hide away also and I love the night time, it calms me and feel like I can hide away. My family pressures me to be social too and just don’t understand that I want to be alone. Hope you’re doing ok and thanks again:)

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 02:23:07 GMT

Hi Paul, thanks very much for your reply. I have actually just heard of acceptance therapy the other day! I spoke to my psychologist on the phone and she was saying about it and about a book called the Happiness Trap. I like the idea of it but I’m very sad to accept it also 😞

I wish it wouldn’t be a forever problem. Thanks again and take care

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 02:30:59 GMT

Just wanted to thank you all again for replying it really means a lot to me!

Also if anyone can give me their opinion please?

I got a job last year but had a massive panic attack on the morning I was supposed to start 😞 therefore didn’t go through with that job.

The employer was lovely and said at the time to let her know if I was looking for work later. Well it’s been 8 months since then and I emailed her just to see if she had a casual shift or two, she has invited me for a chat about working there again. She knows I have anxiety and still willing to give me a go but I’m feeling bad I let her down in the first place. Any advice? Thanks very much

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 07:09:32 GMT

Hello Katherine

What a great response. I have to dash out so cannot write much. My suggestion is to go for it. Try to leave your guilty feelings at the door. This employer knows about it and is willing to listen. Be as open as possible but try not to put yourself down.

Must fly.

Mary

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 09:49:24 GMT

Thanks very much Mary!

Sick of the fight

Bells88 — Fri, 19 Apr 2019 17:50:59 GMT

hey Katherine22.. how did the job go?
i came across this thread and i really resonate with every thing you described.
I just wanted to say i hope you got it, i hope you beat what was holding you back.
And if you didn't... i know you WILL. You sought that employer out again and it speaks volumes to me of your strength.
Alot of people couldn't have done that, I've had times i couldn't.
Thanks for posting this, it showed me I'm not alone in these feelings and i can't tell you how grateful i am for that knowledge.
All the best xxx

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Fri, 19 Apr 2019 18:54:09 GMT

Hello Bell

Welcome to the forum Bells. So pleased you found us and even more because reading Katherine's post has helped you. If you would like to chat about anything please feel free to start a thread. I suggest this rather than writing on Katherine's thread as your posts may get lost in a different conversation.

Mary

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Fri, 19 Apr 2019 19:02:32 GMT

Hello Katherine

Haven't heard from you for a while, how are you going? What happened with the job? I do hope you were successful and have now settled in to work. Bells is so right in saying you have strength to go back and ask for another job. When you feel anxious and stressed please try to remember you can be strong. It doesn't make the whatever you are worrying about go away but it can really help you to take a few more steps forward and deal with the problem. I believe this is half the battle when life gives out a few raw deals. In the end you do have to manage so remembering and accepting your strength can make the world of difference.

I would love to hear from you again.

Mary

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 12:32:07 GMT

Hi Bells88, great to hear from you!

Thanks very much for your kind message. I’m glad my post has helped you in some small way and your definitely not alone. It sure can feel like it can’t it?

The job is actually going great thanks I also was able to find the strength somehow to do my two day assessment and happy to say I have completed my tafe course now.

The stuggle has been unbelievably hard, I guess the main thing is to NEVER give up even when you think you can’t possibly fight anymore.

Would love to hear from you again and find out how you are going.xx

Sick of the fight

Katherine22 — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 12:37:53 GMT

Hi Mary, I’m good thanks, you?

Well I have been in my new job 2 weeks now. They are lovely people and I’m very lucky. As I’ve posted below I have also managed to finish my Tafe assessments and finished my course now. I’m just trying to keep positive and relax a little more into life. I’ve been an anxious stressed mess for way too long. I’m also trying to practice self care a little more and also saying no to people sometimes. Thanks for replying again, I was excited to read the messages! Xx

Sick of the fight

blondguy — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 12:51:58 GMT

Hi Katherine

Just offering my congratulations to you regarding your new job and well done!!....That makes you amazing!

Its not a 'forever' health issue....My anxiety is different like yours and everyone else's

Happy Easter Katherine 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

Sick of the fight

White_Rose — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 23:42:51 GMT

Hello Katherine

I was so pleased to hear you have finished your TAFE course and have been working for the past two weeks. Great news.

These are the events to remember when we get dispirited and down on ourselves. We just do not know what's around the corner. I know it was your initiative to reapply for the job you had been offered earlier but you have followed through with the process and that makes it so exciting when it all turns out well. I am so pleased for you.

Are you still meeting with your psychologist? It may be very useful to help you bed down these more positive feelings and thoughts. Being able to relax and 'go with the flow' is easier said than done I know. Remembering how well you have managed in the past can help you get through a difficult patch and as each new challenge is met successfully you will regain your confidence. It's all about recognising yourself and your abilities without putting yourself down. If you do something well you can acknowledge it. Being lucky with the people you come into contact with may be part of the story but you can give yourself a pat on the back as well. After all it is you who has pursued this job and no matter how kind and understanding your new boss is, you would not have a job if you had not taken that step of contacting her.

Share the honours and move forward with the self recognition of your worth.

Mary