topic Feel useless in Depression

Feel useless

Lukyfil — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 03:28:11 GMT

Why am I 55 years old and still struggling to manage my severe depression?. I never got over my childhood, have no family, poor social skills, no support network and my life is a complete mess and I feel like a waste of space. I

Feel useless

Sophie_M — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 03:42:03 GMT

Hi Lukyfil,

Welcome to the forums, it is so lovely to have you join the community. We are sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now with no supports. It must be so difficult to not know where your place is in this world and dealing with childhood trauma can take a lot out of us.

We have contacted you privately to offer you support. Please get back to us so that we can support you. There are other supports and services for you also.

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

You are not alone we are here to support you. Please continue to visit us on the forum and be part of this caring community.

Feel useless

jtjt_4862 — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 04:20:32 GMT

Hi Lukyfil,

Welcome to the forums! I'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you're going through at the moment. It must be hard on you to be feeling this way, making you feel hopeless and miserable everyday...You're doing great to be reaching out to this forum, and I'm really happy to have you here. Would you care for a chat on what's been in your mind lately? Hope to hear from you more Lukyfil! Stay strong, you're never alone!

Feel useless

Lukyfil — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 06:15:48 GMT

Thanks JT

I'm just dealing with way to much to wrap my head around at the moment, and being socially isolated in the rural setting that I'm in makes it just that much harder.

Feel useless

jtjt_4862 — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 10:47:52 GMT

Hi Lukyfil,

It certainly sounds rough, when our head is filled with thoughts, along with external factors pushing us around, it's hard for us to get a sense of direction on how we should approach life. You're more than welcome to share any thoughts you have one at a time here, and it can be any time. While I'm not a qualified practitioner, I'm always willing to listen to you and hear about your thoughts. If you're not sure where to start, we can try from the list of things you mentioned in your initial post. Like, the childhood that you never got over for starters.

Being socially isolated in a rural setting does sound hard, and you mentioned that you feel you have poor social skills as well. I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm really glad you were able to find the Beyond Blues forums. There are a lot of wonderful people here who are willing to listen, share their stories and experiences, or just have a general chat with others. Take this place as a safe space for you to spill your thoughts, without any judgement at all.

Feel useless

Lukyfil — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 06:57:52 GMT

I was born in Wales to the daughter of a coal miner who from the age of eight for the next ten years had to come home from school and run the household. Because her mum was an alcoholic she had to do all of the washing, cleaning and cooking.

Even her two older brothers used to take advantage of her, polishing shoes and other jobs that they should have been doing. So my mother was the true definition of a bitter twisted person and because of her brothers she also had issues with boys.

My father's dad left when he was a baby and grew up with his mum and four older sisters. So basically I had a mother who didn't know how to be one and my father was exactly the same.

My sister was born three years before me, and for some strange reason mum believed that babies should spend their first year in their bedroom and the only person that they see is their mother.

My dad once told me that there was a lot of fighting between his family and my parents over the way me and my sister was being raised. And because of the issues that mum had with boys me and mum never bonded.

I was born with bronchial asthma and was a sickly kid who cried most of the time. Some time around my second birthday a combination of me constantly crying and my dad's drinking led him to throw me out of a window.

To this day I still have a crack in my skull and it bulges like a vein on exertion. Plenty of people have asked me about it over the years but I just say, oh that, it's nothing.

The following year we ended up emigrating to Australia under the ten pound tourist scheme. My parents ended up waiting nine years to get a housing commission house and the three houses that we lived in for those nine years were bulldozed after we moved out. So you can imagine that they weren't nice places.

After three years in Aus my mum's uncle that sponsored us to come here gave up trying to help us and that was the last we saw of them.

Phew that was hard.

Feel useless

smallwolf — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 13:12:48 GMT

thank you for sharing your story here. Revisiting what has happened to us in the past can be difficult to think about - it is something I have had to do as part of my healing. So you be able to write it here is a very brave and courageous thing to do. And it sounds like you have had a number of challenges to deal with growing up.

The one thing I know about depression is that (in my case) the negative thoughts can crush whatever positives might actually exist. Perhaps like a dumping wave that smothers. I would also think that you have been through this period at other times in your life and have made it through those. Any maybe in writing here you are able to release so of the pain you feel? The people here are very supportive.

Can I ask what you do in your day?

if you want to chat... I am around the place.

Feel useless

jtjt_4862 — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 13:44:17 GMT

I am very grateful of you for sharing your story Lukyfil, it certainly takes courage to be able to recall your past and write it out here. I'm really sorry to hear that you had a really tough childhood, and you weren't given the love and support from your parents. If it's okay for me to ask, what happened to your sister?

Feel useless

Lukyfil — Sat, 05 Jun 2021 01:27:16 GMT

My sister, Caroline, ran away from home at 15 ( I was 12 ) and ended up dying in a motorbike accident when she was 19. She also as never spoken about afterwards. It was bloody hard for both of us growing up with no joy or happiness in our house. I had never heard my mother laugh and I don't even know if she is still alive anymore. The last time I saw her was at my father's funeral in 2005.

For the last 15 years of my father's life we used to meet up at a pub most Sundays for a couple of beers and a few games of pool because me and mum couldn't be under the same roof together.

In my early thirties I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it certainly explained a few behavioral and social problems that I had as a child. I was pretty much cured of having manic episodes as a child by being disciplined and punished for getting too excited.

Feel useless

smallwolf — Sat, 05 Jun 2021 02:25:55 GMT

As I was reading the next part of your story, I was reminded of my own relationship with my dad. Very different to yours. But I have also been able to have some chats with him about various things. And the one thing I found out, if nothing else, was the reason why he exhibited certain behaviours. And for what it is worth this is something I found out about 30-40 years after the fact. There are some thing that still confuse me, and so some things I will never get the answer to. And so there is a person and then their behaviours. Of course being able to split these does not remove the pain caused yet it allowed to me to see what it was coming from vs me being useless or thinking I was.

It is sad to read what you have gone through. I can say you deserved to experience love and joy and the things you went through were not your fault.

Can I ask whether you have looked into bulk billed psychologists or similar?

Feel useless

white knight — Sat, 05 Jun 2021 03:01:22 GMT

Hi, welcome

I see you have some support here already and some key questions from Smallwolf that would be interesting.

Life is hard for all of us humans, the difference is that some people cope with the rocks that rain down upon us better than others. Like you, many of us cannot flick off the past -like a confusing disfunctional childhood. Well done in writing and posting yours.

In my case in terms of a positive approach, my whole life changed at 26yo when I attended a motivation speech. In 30 short minutes I did a flip on everything I thought of. Even Covid19, recently here I mentioned the positives of that rotten disease!.

That leads me to mention a few thoughts for you to consider.

A 1,2,5 and 10 year life plan. Mainly for setting goals and those goals can include- financial goals, hobbies and sports, and special interests.
Peace in your mind. There's some great links in this thread. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---it-helped-me-for-25-years
Distraction and variety. That can include from a big jigsaw in a spare room where you go to allow your mind to move from whats bothering you to focussing on pieces of a puzzle to walking around the block. Read the first post of this - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety
A more positive approach to mixing with others. The balance of meeting new friends must be found, it might include a visit to the "mens shed" in your town but missing a week here and there to allow coping.
Learning more about bipolar disorder. Lots of information here.

We have a thread here called THIS BIPOLAR LIFE. Feel free to join in the chat or just read.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/this-bipolar-life

Motivation- (just read the first post) https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

Finally, depressive cycles. I found with my bipolar depressive cycle there is little point forcing motivation at the wrong time. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation

You've taken a big step to write in here. It is a place I call home, being here many years I've seen members improve over time. It certainly is more accessible than professional medical staff (although not replacing them) being open 24/7/365.

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK

Feel useless

jtjt_4862 — Sun, 06 Jun 2021 07:29:53 GMT

Hi Lukyfil,

Thank you for sharing such a tragic memory of yours. You're doing great, and you're strong for being able to share that. I'm sorry for your loss. Your childhood sounds really rough... I'm not quite sure whether to see the word "cured" as a good thing, as you mentioned that it was through discipline and punishment from just being who you are... On a positive note, your father sounds like a good man to me. Even though he could not perform his father-duties well to you when you were a child, but meeting up with you at the pubs most Sundays to have a few rounds of pool, means he loved you.

I'm always here for you if you'd like to have a chat, Lukyfil.