topic Work trouble in Depression

Work trouble

Lov3 — Thu, 03 May 2018 14:57:07 GMT

Hi everyone, back again with another issue in my life. Everyone here is always so helpful and have such great advice so I thought it would be a great place to air my thoughts.

Work is my biggest problem and is causing me to have problems in my personal life.

I have been at my job for 11 years and the past 9 months it has been so horrible. Last year things got on top of me and I ended up seeing a dr and getting on anti depressants. I also took my long service to help clear my head. I came back possitive but that was when things went bad. My boss said I wasn’t doing a good job and ended up taking over my position and putting me back where I started! I literally have a cardboard box for my things. I explained my anxiety and depression but it’s almost made things worse, he’s at me constantly. I’m in tears too often. I get great feedback from staff and customers, so I just don’t get it.

I have told him I will finish up at the end of the year but every day is like a week. I completely shut off outside of work because I feel so miserable. I don’t want to sleep because I have to go back the next day.

If I change jobs, I know I will drop about $10 an hr in wages so I have to stay until September to pay my car. But then will need a job right away. If I stay until the end of the year I will have savings to take time off and find a job.

Question is can I make it! I worry if the end is too far I might explode early but I’m scared to need a job right away. On top of the fact that I’m starting again which is scary in itself.

Thoughts?

Work trouble

Lov3 — Thu, 03 May 2018 15:33:42 GMT

Sorry a little more info on the situation.

My previous position was running the office. The problem came when the boss wanted help in managing the staff as the past 2 managers quit. I have trouble passing out work I do tend to take it all on myself and feel bad asking people to do things for some reason. I also mentioned to him I feel bad because I know I can’t help enough because I have no experience and that I had looked up management traineeships you can do through your current employer. You work normal hours and have your boss mark off the tasks as you go, plus some study I was happy to do. The government covers it too or something like that, but he never listens to me.

My new role is back on the retail floor. Taking care of customers and also the stock and showroom itself. I have also been asked to freshen things up and redo signs etc. I also do other bits and pieces and help out other staff.

Some day’s the boss comes in and says its looking great and he’s excited and I’m doing a good job and he’s getting good feedback. Then he will have a day off and come back negative and ask what I do in my spare time when there’s no customers and just make me feel like I’m not doing good enough. I’ve asked for a job description several times so I can have something to stick to and maybe get something right for once. I don’t take any breaks what so ever besides going to the toilet. I eat while I still work. I don’t know what else to do.

Work trouble

Lov3 — Thu, 03 May 2018 15:46:45 GMT

I’m really sorry guys I’m ranting, last post!

I feel the reason my boss expects so much from me is my wage.

When the first manager quit, so did all the staff besides me and one other. We were both given a good pay rise, there were no requirements given, I think he was worried we would leave.

We got our second manager after that, so it had nothing to do with management.

It was over a year, maybe even two years after that before things turned bad for me. The other staff member is in the production area so gets left alone. The new staff also get left alone. He does annoy them but isn’t horrible about it.

Work trouble

Peppermintbach — Fri, 04 May 2018 02:02:13 GMT

Hi Lov3,

Your work situation sounds absolutely horrible. You must feel undermined, maybe even embarrassed, disrespected and as though you’re walking on eggshells.

I don’t like the sound of how your boss has been treating you. He seems really unfair and targets you a lot. The word that comes to mind is “bully.”

Also, I’m concerned about you eating on the job. I don’t know the law very well but I’m pretty you are entitled to breaks if you work a certain number of hours in a shift. Maybe you might like to get in touch with some sort of fair workplace ombudsmen. Just a gentle suggestion...if you search online, you might be able to find something.

Sorry, I don’t know what is the best course of action as I know you want to stick it out for financial reasons, which is understandable. Maybe give the BeyondBlue helpline a call on 1300 22 4636 as they might be able to direct you to organisations, etc that can help you?

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

Work trouble

Lov3 — Fri, 04 May 2018 03:09:02 GMT

Hi Pepper,

thank you so much for your support and kind response. You are exactly right, that is exactly how I feel. I am so embarrassed and feel so worthless and like a complete failure. I am on edge all day. I can’t tell anyone what has happened I’m so embarrassed.

Thank you for your suggestions, I will spend some time over the weekend looking in to it a bit more. Hopefully there is another option besides leaving.

Work trouble

Peppermintbach — Fri, 04 May 2018 03:14:26 GMT

Hi Lov3,

Thank you so much for writing back. It’s great to hear from you again 🙂

I hear you. I feel it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by our emotions e.g. feelings of embarrassment.

Good on you for reaching out here. I’m glad you’re trying to find ways to help yourself. You can always come back here to talk or give us an update. No pressure but if you like, the option is there 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

Work trouble

Doolhof — Wed, 16 May 2018 11:26:02 GMT

Hi Lov3,

It certainly does not sound like the boss is treaty you fairly at all. Is there someone above your boss whom you can talk to? If the company is large enough, does it have a HR person? Is there a Work Health and Safety Officer, it almost sounds like the boss is being a bully.

Are there work place policies and procedures yo could ask to look at that may help you with rules and regulations with in your work place?

I'm not really sure who you contact to ask for advice, Beyond Blue phone help might have some idea like Pepper mentioned. Or give your local council a call they may have some suggestions. I am sure there are rules and regulations regarding employee entitlements.

I don't know how you suddenly find the courage to stand up against your boss, but that almost sounds like it is necessary. Once you find out what you are entitled to, it might be worth having a chat with the boss.

You may be able to have someone act as an advocate for you as well.

Different states have different rules and regulations.

Maybe even Googling Discrimination laws in your state might lead you somewhere.

Trying to find enjoyable activities outside of work will hep to boost your self esteem and sense of who you are as a person. The bosses comments do not mean you are the person he thinks you are, it means he is having trouble seeing your values!

Hope you come up with some answers!

Cheers for now from Dools

Work trouble

Fidster — Sat, 19 May 2018 01:24:41 GMT

Hi Lov3

Glad you posted your thoughts and are trying to sort this situation.

A couple things you mentioned sound so much like me I just had to jump in and offer my own experiences.
I used to have trouble delegating work and worked through my lunch break to get things done. I believe I felt just as frustrated as you do. However, this isn’t right. You are not obligated to cover other people’s responsibilities and you deserve a lunchbreak. The obvious answer to speak up, however if you’re like me, that sounds very intimidating and worsens the depression.

What worked for me was I asked my boss for advice on how I could motivate the people I was supervising. It accomplished two things: 1) It showed my boss I cared. That in itself changed his attitude about my performance. He started empathising with me and appreciating the challenges I faced. 2) He became my teammate. Now there were 2 people working to find a solution to the problem. He gave me some good advice that worked. I now enjoy my lunch breaks and not being rushed to do other people’s work.

Most people are more than willing to help if you ask for their help. You mentioned that you were contemplating a management training course. What if you asked your boss to act as a mentor for you, essentially doing on-the-job-training? It doesn’t have to be a big production. Keep it small and simple like” one new tip each week for managing people”. Most people take it as a compliment when you ask them for career advice. For people with our kind of depression, asking for help can be the most difficult thing to do. Asking in this way made it easier for me. Maybe it will work for you

All the best,

Greg

Work trouble

Lov3 — Sat, 19 May 2018 08:05:47 GMT

Hi Dools and Greg 🙂

Thanks so much for jumping in on this and for your thoughts and support.

Unfortunately I tried talking with the boss, you just don’t get anywhere. I’m either just being sensitive, or the other staff are ‘simple’ and that’s why I get paid more. I spoke with him about the course and he just changed the subject. The other staff have had to step up a lot more now that my role had completely changed.

Everyone is scared to speak up about anything.

The boss is the owner, there is no HR or manager; I have been there the longest.

I actually found out the person below me has been lying to the boss about me which is what caused things to change. This person lies constantly. I ABSOLUTELY hate ratting people out, I very much always mind my own business . I mentioned to my boss something he had lied about recently that was a big lie and was obvious, but just made him see this person lies very easily and for no reason. My boss has gotten a lot better with me now, but I still can’t get over how I have been treated.

It has been a terrible time and is a sad end to things but I think I will be best off with a fresh start, I just hope I can make it at least another few months.

I Hope you guys are having a really nice weekend 🌞

Bye for now...

Work trouble

Lov3 — Wed, 30 May 2018 04:17:39 GMT

I really feel like I can’t take anymore, crying in the toilet for the second time this week I just want to run away. It’s never going to get better here 😢

Work trouble

Lov3 — Wed, 30 May 2018 07:01:40 GMT

I’m not in a good place and I’m not strong at all at the moment and I don’t react ‘normally’ to certain things, like criticism can make me break down and then I feel like I’m losing it and I keep getting told it’s unprofessional to get upset at work, which I understand but I can’t control it. Then I feel worse coz I’m like am i worse than I realise, should I not be in public?!

I said today I will leave end of September instead of end of December so hopefully i can do the four months knowing it’s coming to an end soon and can spend some time on my resume and looking at jobs which will keep my mind busy?

I feel sick when I think of going back tomorrow.

I’m also scared I’m in the worst place to be starting a new job but too bad I guess, I can’t continue like this.

Oh man I feel so stressed

Work trouble

Doolhof — Wed, 30 May 2018 07:13:12 GMT

Hi Lov3,

Sorry it has been a while since you have received a response here. I have been away for a while and the forum can sometimes become very busy with threads getting moved further down the list. Just goes to show how many people need help out there which is a bit of a blight on society for not stepping up and helping people more.

I'm really sorry you have hit such a hard place right now. It must be a struggle to keep going. A new job might be the answer, you will also need to try and sort out your issues now as unfortunately hassles can follow us from here to there!

When I was working and really struggling, I would often go somewhere private and call one of the help lines like the one here at Beyondblue or Lifeline. The support workers helped me return to a better place so I could continue on.

Criticism is something I don't deal with too well either so I have been trying hard to find ways to cope. My husband has Asperger's so he says some really horrible things at times that hurt like crazy and doesn't realise it, so I try not to take his comments to heart.

Try to take the criticism more lightly. Say something like "thank you for your comments. I will consider what you have said". In your mind you may be thinking horrible thoughts, try and tell yourself it is okay for someone else to have an opinion.

You know you are doing your best, that is all you can do. I find even walking around with my head help high and my shoulders back makes me feel more in control and empowered. Maybe you could give these ideas a go and see what happens.

People at work may be shocked if you thank them for their comments.

All the best to you from Dools

Work trouble

Lov3 — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 14:00:08 GMT

Hi Dools,

How are you? I hope you are well and have had a good week.

Thank you for your reply. I don’t expect a response, it is nice to vent but always sooo good to get one 😊

I have taken your helpful advice and have just held my head high and kept busy and ‘happy’ and I’m going to take any further criticism lightly. It’s something I will need to work on for my future. It’s definitely helpful knowing I will be out of there soon.

Im still feeling really down and have a sick feeling from worry about having such a big change! I have to work on feeling better in myself and doing positive things and focus on the good things about a new start.

I’m sorry to hear about your husband, that must be very hard on you. I’m glad you know it is the Illness talking, but yes still would be awful to hear. I hope things get easier.

Take care 🙂

Work trouble

Lov3 — Tue, 07 Aug 2018 10:43:17 GMT

Hi everyone,

I hope you all have been doing well.

I need to reach out today. Things at work are just getting tougher and tougher. Although one thing has progressed and that is time. I am much closer to my September goal and don’t want to give up, but I’m feeling worse than ever.

Just recently the boss went on leave and the other staff member stepped up to run things. One of these days I couldn’t lift some wooden backed cushions into the skip bin so I left them by the bin in a bag so they wouldn’t get water logged. I have done this before. Moments later the ‘manager’ came and asked me if they were to be thrown out. I said yep, they can go in the bin now’ then he just snapped and said go and throw them out then! And I explained I couldn’t lift them, he continued yelling and saying to do them one at a time and I said I can’t and he yelled so your job properly!

Other staff had to step in to stop and told him he was acting really inappropriately and that he should apologise, he didn’t. I went home in tears....

Work trouble

Lov3 — Tue, 07 Aug 2018 10:44:45 GMT

I emailed the boss and said due to miss treatment I want to just give my minimum 4 weeks notice and leave. He asked for more information so I explained. He said he would talk with us both when he’s back and he was sorry. I mentioned maybe instead of leaving early I could take my leave. He said he’s happy with what ever. I had heard the manager was still blaming me etc so I told the boss I don’t want to sit down together because I know how it will go and that I don’t want holidays I think I should just leave after all. When he got back the manager denied it, so he ended up just saying ‘I duno what I can do...’ so I said ok I will make a formal complaint because it is not acceptable, then he said ok I will speak with the other staff that seen it and ask him to apologise and to give him some time for this and then we can work out what I’m doing. This happened but even after the other staff said yes it happened and was really bad, the manager still denied it and said I don’t listen and he didn’t yell and he won’t apologise. I heard the boss say to the manager ‘owel we have a new girl starting and hopefully she will be good’ I then went and said I can hear them and I’m done, I will leave in 4 weeks.

I am trying to stay as long as I can because I need the money as well as the leave I have built up as security but I really worry about my health. I have taken more time off this year due the depression so I have no sick leave left. I am in tears constantly and there is only one other female and she is going on leave for 2 weeks. I honestly can’t take anymore, everyday I have to be ready for a fight to defend myself and hold the tears back.

What do I do guys? 🙁

Work trouble

Lov3 — Wed, 08 Aug 2018 06:01:41 GMT

I ended up leaving today. I just feel completely blank at the moment and have a sick nervous feeling in my stomach but I hope this is for the best.

Work trouble

Peppermintbach — Thu, 09 Aug 2018 21:43:14 GMT

Hi Lov3,

I’m so sorry for the late response...

I feel that must have been a very, very difficult decision to make. It does sound like things were getting very bad at work...

It must have been so disappointing that your manager denied everything and that your boss wasn’t more supportive. The whole work environment was clearly very toxic, and adversely affecting your wellbeing...

I think it was very brave of you to resign. I realise it couldn’t have been an easy decision as a lot must have been weighing on your mind...so maybe take some time to recharge and be extra gentle to yourself as this is a huge change.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

Work trouble

Lov3 — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 11:52:44 GMT

Hi Pepper,

I hope you have been going well! Things have been good and I haven’t regretted leaving once. It has been a huge weight lifted.

I have already started a new job and I am loving it and can see even more now how bad things really were.

I let things really get me down but I am confident now I am in a much better place to work on feeling great again

thank you so much for your support, talk soon 🙂

Work trouble

Peppermintbach — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 21:15:02 GMT

Hi Lov (and a wave to all your caring supporters),

Congratulations on your new job! That’s wonderful news and it’s great that you’re enjoying it 🙂

I am very happy to hear that things are going well for you. The relief must be enormous to be out of that toxic work environment. Really, really pleased for you and so glad you made the gutsy decision to resign.

Smiling for you and I look forward to hearing from you again 🙂 Thank you also for your well wishes...

Kindness and caring,

Pepper