topic Can you ‘miss’ being depressed? in Depression

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 03 Apr 2018 10:31:46 GMT

It’s been a while since I’ve had an episode of depression. This latest one has been a doozy.

Ive been seeing my psychologist about my depression and anxiety all year so far and I mentioned something to her today which I wondered “does anyone else feel this way?”.

What I have noticed is that after I have been depressed for some time, crying constantly, being really on edge and touchy, there comes a point where I don’t feel anything. It might just be for a day.

When I feel this way I almost miss being depressed, because the feeling of crying is cathartic. It’s comforting and I know it. It’s a release for what goes on in my head.

But not feeling, not crying feels strange and in that moment I miss being depressed.

This seems to happen every time I have an episode st some point or another.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

quirkywords — Tue, 03 Apr 2018 10:52:16 GMT

Chicken Wings,

What exactly about being depressed do you miss? Is it that it is so familiar you miss the routine of it but not the pain and suffering? .

Quirky

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Chicken_Wings — Tue, 03 Apr 2018 11:11:14 GMT

Hi Quirky,

Maybe it’s the release of emotion?

Or just having emotions?

I can’t say for sure. If I could alternatively feel overwhelming happiness that would be great. But instead I just feel nothing.

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Winterz — Thu, 05 Apr 2018 08:49:10 GMT

I think I get you. You would prefer to at least feel something rather just complete nothingness, emptiness?? Something like that? 'Feelings emptiness is the worst in my opinion.

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

NewHope — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 07:39:12 GMT

Hello, Chicken Wings.

I understand, I believe, where you are coming from.

Sometimes I go numb, just going through the motions of a daily routine but not connecting with anything or anyone. I do not like it either, I worry that perhaps its a sign I am giving up on myself but that's not a healthy way to think.

I'd rather cry because when you do you tend to feel better after getting all the frustration and sadness out. When you cry you can distract yourself from situations around you, you can get tissues or put on music, you can do something to deal with the snot running down your face. When you are numb, its harder to shake yourself out of that mindset because there is nothing there to deal with or any rituals associated with it, like wiping a nose or curling under a blanket.

Just remember, even when you are not crying, it doesn't mean you are not depressed. Maybe when you feel that way you can find any way to express it, go for a walk, paint something, come on here and just ramble and in doing that maybe you can get that same cathartic release?

Good luck with your journey.

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

IsaJett — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 07:58:22 GMT

Hi Chicken Wings..

thanks for sharing and that is very funny...cos I had that happen to me too. I was smiling from ear to ear and was totally in the moment with whatever I was doing and just like a damm school kid again. But I don't miss being depressed at all. Man I give anything to feel that way all the time. But that was me being happy and that indicated to me that I can be happy ...if only I allow myself the permission to be happy ...to not live in the damm past...cos thats what i had been doing. I kept playing the past in my head over and over again like as if the pain was not enough once ...then I have to keep jabbing myself with the same hurt.

So now I look towards the future...and embrace the new me ...the new adventures...I hope that makes sense.

I think that is just us recovering and healing and its definitely a very positive step in the right direction and hopefully more to come .

Hope this helps...lol keep smiling

when you are smiling for no reason at all..you know you are in a good headspace. 🙂

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Determined1 — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 08:07:48 GMT

I’m hoping that is a feeling of recovery. I feel the numbness and loneliness these days, which is so scary. I wish I knew what that meant..

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

PamelaR — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 08:22:59 GMT

Gidday ChickenWings

I've seen your posts around the thread, but this is the first time I've posted on your thread.

I've suffered from anxiety and depressions for a good 50 odd years, however, it was only diagnosed 7-8 years ago.

What I've learnt through the pst 20-30 years is - I become 'disassociated' (disassociation) - i.e. I feel nothing, I think nothing, I just 'am' with no feelings etc. That particular space has been tremendously frightening, so in some ways, I think I know what you are going through. It's awful. in the days that I experienced the disassociation, I never sought help from a therapist. My thoughts are it's important to tell everything to the person trying to help you. The only way they can do that is if you speak about what's happening in your life.

Kind regards

Pammy

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

IsaJett — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 09:03:09 GMT

Hey Determined

What exactly do you feel?? Can you explain further the emptiness and numbness you feel? I like to help you if I can.

Hope to hear from you soon 🙂

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Determined1 — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 09:28:03 GMT

Hey Isabel 👋

I feel I’ve come a long way from the consecutive days I used to spend in bed. I do all I can to feel better and recover, although for the past few months (I don’t know if this is connected to coming off AD’s) but I feel disconnected from my surroundings. Eg: I drive to work and for part of the drive I’ll feel in control and aware, and then the other half I feel like I’m in a dream and I’ll question myself as to whether I’m really in the car driving. The same thing happens at work. I do notice though that when I’m engaged in an activity or conversation I feel connected.. then when times are quiet I’ll feel like I’m in a dream. Maybe I’ve felt this in the past and never acknowledged it.. but now it’s pretty constant. I’ll feel empty without emotion, like nothing feels exciting or good. I’m glad I’ve been diagnosed (finally) with depression so I know what tools to use to get better, but in times like this I don’t feel as hopeful.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this which is some relief but yes it’s so scary!

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

IsaJett — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 09:53:40 GMT

Hey Determined

thanks for explaining ...yeah I had that happened a while ago too...I was driving along and didn't realise where I was suppose to be going ...like just complete blankness. I remember also at times I was chatting to people that I had no interest in ..and completely tuning out....like I wasn't even there. And I had to like pay attention so I don't appear rude. Shhh...but hopefully they didn't realise ...hahaha

Often when I drive ...I have my music up loud ...mostly to drown out the thoughts in my head...and I just sing out loud which can be embarrassing and liberating at the same time. Well it helps me stay in the moment.

Depression is hard to swallow for me. I kind of like to think i am making progress every day....maybe your name "determined" says the same thing... like we r Determined not to let depression get the better of us.

I have learned only lately to be my own best friend ...to be my own cheerleader...to love myself above all others.

Cos previously I was my own worst enemy .Talking myself down...calling myself dumb ...etc

I pat myself on the back for a job well done too ...hahaha

This self preservation and self love and self compassion is really really awesome.I now give myself permission to be happy and shine and tackle all things that come my way with finesse. Accept and let the things I cannot control ...be as they are.

I hope that empty feeling you experienced becomes filled with compassion for yourself ...and show and feel the love that you deserve from within and that you allow yourself to feel good again. Everytime you feel the emptiness...and the void ...just perhaps have a little chant ready.

I used to use the phrase "I am Peace and Peace I am" and it worked extremely well.

I hope this post is helpful to you ..and keep in touch .. I am here on a daily basis if you need to chat 🙂

Stay well

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Determined1 — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 10:13:30 GMT

Oh I know too well the feeling of zoning out from a convo! Haha In High School a teacher actually said to me “gee you’re really good at pretending to pay attention, you’re a good actress”. I guess it all comes down to the mind and not being fully present. With a million other thoughts on our mind no wonder it’s hard to focus. I read about it being a side effect of anxiety!

that’s a good idea to have the music nice and loud.. I don’t mind a bit of car karaoke on my morning drive. I’m sure you are progressing daily, it could be something so tiny but over time you’ll notice it. Even when someone points it out. For me it was quite recent when a friend said “wow you have changed”. This was after I had told her I won’t cut and run from another friend of mine, but I’ll let what she said go (which really wasn’t even that bad). I have a tendency to run from people when things get heated, I never really knew how to work through problems.

We usually are our own worst enemies and don’t give ourselves enough credit. We’re here aren’t we? We are surviving. Making new pals on a very supportive website. We just keep going, and yes I’m extremely determined to feel on top of the world one day. I love the idea of a chant which I’ll keep in mind the next time I’m not giving myself love.

Thank you for your support Isabel, have a great weekend 👍

Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 11:40:43 GMT

Thanks for your replies.

Yesterday I wanted to feel so I watched some emotional videos on YouTube and cried. Just so I knew I could still feel.

I definitely feel a sense of relief after Ive genuinely felt the rush of emotion.

I’ve been through the derealisation/depersonalisation before. I find it really distressing. That part of it seems to have subsided thank goodness.

I’m hopeful that this is just a stage in recovery?