topic Lost in a perpetual spiral of sorrow in Depression

Lost in a perpetual spiral of sorrow

Freebo — Tue, 23 Jan 2018 22:23:34 GMT

Life has become.... unbearable. I feel consumed by my darkness in ways that's I've never tried to articulate into words. The last 6 months I've felt so alone in the world like I can't talk to anybody. I feel so set in my isolation, I miss talking to people but can't help myself but continue it. I don't know who I am anymore. My depression is who I am right now. It's all I have. I can barely remember a time without the constant torment. As I tough through this phase, I have come to realize that I hate myself. That I honestly feel like I don't deserve help, so I use excuses to prolong my suffering.

As I write this, thoughts of being melodramatic and to get over it plague me. My obsession with self pity is making me yearn a more permanent state of being. I feel like an outsider to my own journey, an alien to my existence. It takes all my being to just not give up, I don't want to. Because as distant as my past seems to my current state of mind. I do vaguely remember what serenity feels like.

I haven't left my home in over a year. I haven't spoken to anyone in half that time. Both scare me to over come. I need help with it but I don't know how to ask. I can't do it for anyone else, I have to do it for myself and that's the greatest challenge of all because when it comes down to it. I don't feel like I'm worth it. Maybe this post to myself will help me, maybe it won't. Maybe someone can relate, I hope not.

I am a lost soul, in a perpetual spiral of sorrow.

Lost in a perpetual spiral of sorrow

Anna150 — Wed, 24 Jan 2018 01:22:33 GMT

Freebo

I am so so sorry to hear what you have been going through. You have found strength to reach out to this forum and put your feelings into words - that is great. I’m new here myself but you should know there are people listening.

It may sound daunting but have you thought about calling a support line? It took a lot for me to make a call and it was hard at first but sharing thoughts and experiences helped.

Anna

Lost in a perpetual spiral of sorrow

Bethie — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 09:22:52 GMT

I understand that feeling your going through. The longer it goes on tbe deeper the black hole.

That you are reaching out here is such a positive thing to do is a bit of hope. If when you feel comfortable you want to call our help line for a verbal chat that would be even better.

I know this might sound a bit far fetched but we all know it takes ages on hold to get through to centrelink. Maybe try just phoning and staying on hold as a way of slowly introducing yourself to being comfortable on the phone untill you feel that you can talk.