topic Beating the Depressive Demon! in Depression

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 01:23:30 GMT

Hi All,

Well I've finally taken the first step to "fixing my broken mind" and making my life work this time around for I want a life free of negative thoughts and despair. Currently I am in a progress of medication, counseling, eating well, getting sleep and doing positive thought practices. Have found a site called pinterest which I find rewarding for things that I like doing, check it out. This illness is such a destructive mechanism in our brains and I would not wish it upon anyone for that matter!!! Family is so important when we are in these times of decline but I believe that we can make change for the better if we choose to fight it rather than let it fight us!!! I have changed some things in my life so far for the good with just retraining my thinking process and find it does work with constant day to day positive thinking. A lot of my depression has come from long term unemployment, financial stress but also a hereditary gene in my family. I am willing to beat this "Black Dog" and make my life better!!! I have made a folder with positive thoughts that I can reflect on each day which helps a lot I must say, things in my life and the way I think and want to change, also I try to focus on the future and not reflect on the past. I do not drink alcohol any more, period, this is such a bad coping mechanism for us, never solves the problems, just makes it worse than it really is!!! I am grateful that we have websites like Beyond Blue because talking about our issues is one of the best starts we can make to a better positive life. Retrain that brain everyday with the tools that you need, I guess we are like cars somewhat, if we don't service them regularly they break down so it is important to eat well and get rest when required to build up our brains and body. In my past I have been to some VERY dark places and now choose never to go back and if something in life presents dealing with it in a different way I find is the key to making positive happy thoughts overrule this. Thanks for letting me pop in and say hello, share my thoughts and desires, you can beat this but sometimes it takes time and the right tools.

Take Care of you all.

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Chloe_M — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 02:04:53 GMT

Hi 👋 And welcome! Wow I've never read a more enthusiastic first post, congratulations!

Your lifestyle sounds like a healthy one, you are to be commended on your efforts to beat the black dog that is depression. All these little strategies and analogies you have mentioned sound helpful and not drinking alcohol 👍 Thumbs up to you my friend 😊 smart move.

Thank you, truly, for sharing your thoughts here, I think if you stayed and helped us you would prove a wonderful asset to our team 😄 welcome to the family!

YOU take care, that's the most important thing for you to worry about.

xx Chloe

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 07:53:58 GMT

Thank you very much Chloe I appreciate your feedback and taking the time to read my first post!

I will be sticking around for sometime for my journey has only just begun and if I can help ANYONE, I'm all for that.

Generally I am a positive person but of late definitely not, one thing I have realized is I forgot about where my mental/physical state of well being was and not thinking of myself. I do tend to put others first which is my love of family/people/girlfriend (girlfriend which very sadly I have lost in the last week) but did forget who I was and what was important to keep healthy. No one is to blame in this world for what we suffer but sometimes people close to us in our life just don't cope and with high stress levels it leads to a very dark place. I really still feel love in my heart for her and feel so sad that she had to go through my darkness too, it affects others as well. One thing I try to do each day being unemployed is follow a list of must do's, GET OUT OF BED, this can be so bad for our health, HAVE BREAKFAST, this keeps our body and mind strong, HAVE A SHOWER, this makes us feel better, BE THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE, it is a journey and it makes us stronger each day we try to get the most out of it. Also little things that make us feel happy, like a trip to the $2 shop for a small gift to myself like a small plastic tree I have put in my bedroom to signify new growth in my life. One of my problems with my mind is that I set to higher targets which often leads to FAILURE, when i should be less critical of myself and focus on things that I can achieve easier. My life has been very kind to myself but some terrible things have occurred over time which certainly has had an impact on where I am now, it was not till later in life did I realize that this has had some impact on my mind, some things shape us somewhat but letting go more often lets it go away more which I now practice every day. No one knows the hell we go through with depression, "he looks ok" but internally we feel so sad or confused at times with life and where it is all going? It's not like a broken leg or arm, people tend to then understand somewhat better. I do believe that we can make ourselves better, healthier people with constant "RETRAINING OUR BRAIN" with our thought processes and the mistakes we make, guess we are just like computers, put the bad stuff in it's what you get back but trying the good stuff always gives us better responses.

Take Care of you All : )

Beating the Depressive Demon!

quirkywords — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 08:03:19 GMT

LBuddha,

I want to welcome you to the forum.

Your posts are so enthusiastic and helpful.

I like the way you share with us all your journey so far and what you have learnt.

So welcome and thanksfor sharing your enthusiasm with us.

Quirky

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Chloe_M — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 20:26:39 GMT

I don't have long but would just like to highlight:

"One of my problems with my mind is that I set to higher targets which often leads to FAILURE"

This quote I can just relate to 100%. I have too high expectations of myself, and if I fail to meet them I am very critical. I think many people would struggle with self expectations; after all we are our worst critic.

Take care x

Chloe

ps I'm sorry about your girlfriend... I've been there before I'm here if you want support

Beating the Depressive Demon!

White_Rose — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 20:58:08 GMT

Dear LBuddha

Hello and welcome to the forum. What a delightful and positive post from you. It is good to concentrate on the positives in your life.

It's good to read you do not blames yourself for your depression. As we all know to our cost the Black Dog takes up residence where it chooses. The name of the game is training the dog to behave, not bark and drown out your own voice and to walk to heel. Life gets so much better when we have a well-trained dog. I think we do not get rid of our depression from our lives, keeping it under control and learning to engage in positive activities and thoughts is about all we can manage. It can be a rewarding journey when we set out with those goals in mind. That's why I am so happy for you that you are travelling well along this path.

So sorry to learn you have parted from your GF. Never a good time no matter who makes the decision. Eighteen years ago I made the decision to leave my husband and have lived alone ever since. On the whole it is a more rewarding and happier place for me although I get lonely at times. This is where we need to remember who we are.

I have found, and still need to remember, that when I get sad the trick is to let it wash over me. Allow the thoughts etc to be there without fighting them and trying to 'make' them go away. Sounds a bit contra-intuitive I know but that way I can see how much these thoughts have lost some of their sting and every time they come back it is with less venom and power. Not sure if I will ever look back and smile at some of these memories as they have been horrendous but for now I try not to fight, which is instinctual.

Good to have you on board with us. I hope you will the time to answer other posts and help those who are still struggling.

Mary

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 23:24:58 GMT

Hi Chloe, Mary & Quirky, good morning

Thank you so much for the reply's, it makes me feel not alone in this crazy world we live in and gives me more of an understanding of what other people are going through too. : ) I woke up this morning with this thought of "what am I going to do to get through today?". I have had through my life an over active brain, always wanting to achieve things but now realize that this behavior of doing to much and keeping busy also results in burnout and not thinking about where my brain is. So.......I've decided to do less from now on and currently where my headspace is have decided to plan the day with less effort and stress during my recovery. (mind you I have thought of one little project). I tend to do all the normal things in the morning but also have allowed time at 2pm to have a rest period for recovery, 2 hours, I guess if we had a broken leg we would be resting so I am looking at it that way. Would love to be in a job earning money and furthering my life but this situation I'm in currently has sent me to work out the bits and pieces that need repair to allow myself to move forward in life so much better. It's interesting to see how our minds work, all my life I thought that keeping busy would fix things, a drink here or there, but honestly I was looking at it so much the wrong way, "Band- aids", that's all it was! Relaxing is another thing I have struggled with too so now I am putting in place more laid back thinking and trying to not let my brain wander so much. Another thing that has always played on my mind with depression is wanting to have kids and be married but I now realize that there was a very good reason for this, I wouldn't have coped. Back in my early years as a child I was very quiet, shy and withdrawn somewhat, I look at this now and understand that the depression has been there from a very early age, it just wasn't identified. As years went on through primary/secondary school I felt somewhat better but still not right, bullying didn't help either mind you. Then in my early twenties some things were starting to crack and show signs but I just lived in denial. In my thirty's I was still in denial being the so called strong male I thought i was but this was certainly not the case! One thing I have found is that our body/mind is made up of chemicals and when we resort to alcohol/drugs, it can change the way our body functions, thank god for "The right medication!".

Hope you All have a lovely day, take care

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Birdy77 — Tue, 01 May 2018 02:49:38 GMT

Dear LBuddha 😊

I just wanted to say how very much I enjoy reading your posts! Thank you so much for sharing what is going on in your head with us all.

Your post today is quite inspiring, and a wonderful reminder for us to be gentle on ourselves as we are in recovery ... so thank you again.

🌻birdy

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Chloe_M — Tue, 01 May 2018 04:09:00 GMT

Hi LBuddha 🙂 don't have much to say, only that your post was very inspiring, interesting and very helpful!

x take care of yourself (although I reckon you'd be very good at that from what you have written)

Chloe

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Doolhof — Tue, 01 May 2018 05:06:53 GMT

Hi LBuddah,

I too welcome you to the community here. I have enjoyed reading your posts and have appreciated being inspired and taking my thoughts to different places regarding my mental health.

Some morning I will lie in bed and consider how I will spend my day. I'm currently not working due to mental and physical health issues. I do some volunteer work and am doing some online study.

I try to plan around what jobs I need to do, balancing that with stretches, walking, doing something pleasurable, reading, appreciating my achievements, noticing any set backs and working on how to change or improve things.

When I have too much free time with noting organised, I find myself walking in circles so to speak and that is when the unhelpful thoughts come rolling in.

It sounds like you have some wonderful ideas and strategies to help yourself and to share with others. Thanks!

Cheers from Dools

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Tue, 01 May 2018 06:53:21 GMT

Hi All,

Once again thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!!!

Back last year leading up to the end of 2017 I was in a very bad place, dark, agitated, confused and more. I was drinking again, mainly binge drinking and going out late, this lifestyle I led back in my 30's and wondered what the hell brought myself back here again. A couple of times I was that sick from drinking I decided to stop again and regroup on my thoughts and behaviors, thank god I did, a friend of mine now has had a kidney transplant from his past drinking behaviors and is so lucky to be alive! , I have also lost a friend to bad drinking behavior too.

Over the new year period I decided to get my life again back on track, I was letting things go, clothes not put away, paperwork all over the place and having no idea how to go about it. It was just a matter of "DOING IT"!. After regaining control I felt so much better but the depression was still there! Aagghh! So I developed another hobby which had been of great benefit and rewarding and still practice it now.

Last week I was bedridden for 5 days and not eating until my mother came over and helped me to go and see my GP to start a new mental health care program, thank god, I was nearly at the point of tipping over the edge....

So now on stronger medication, talking to you caring people and counseling, positive thought changes, I feel like I am coming out of the darkness again........somewhat, still plenty to do and repair. I nearly lost a close family member to this horrible illness years ago and I should have seen the warning signs in myself but was to young and stubborn to do anything about it.

So now I accept who I am, my chemical makeup and not who I want to be anymore but rather who I want to be and dreaming of future happy places that I will get to. Guess what I am really saying is "NEVER QUIT" trying to get better, we all so deserve peace and happiness in our life's and even a loved one boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

One other trait I have had which has not helped over my lifetime is OCD, being to organised, clean and just plain fussy, so much when i was a kid my friends would mess up my bed and laugh at me, but I couldn't understand why it made me feel so out of control, having this messy bed looking at me. only in the last 3 years have I been able to control this habit better and "JUST LET GO" more of being to organized.

I cannot say enough of how much this site and the people I have met since signing up have helped me

THANKS

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Chloe_M — Tue, 01 May 2018 07:05:47 GMT

You're welcome LBuddha!

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Wed, 02 May 2018 11:37:20 GMT

Hi Chloe,

Hope you are doing ok and coping well, another day in the office as they say with life and its crazy side to it all. I didn't want to impose on you with my girlfriend problems of late but felt the need to get something off my chest. I dearly Love this woman but can't re enter the relationship at this stage because I am only just coping with myself and life. I have tried to explain this to her but I guess she feels somewhat alone and feeling sad due to my illness and myself not being able to give myself to her in a capacity. I totally get how Love can make a person feel sad and worry about their loved one in times of illness.

At this stage I have talked to my Mum about this and she has suffered depression all her life and understands why I can't do this but no matter what I say to my girlfriend of late it just does not seem to sink in the severity of where my mind and body is currently. I certainly don't hold and resentment to her for this but it makes it so hard trying to explain yourself when we are ill.

My mum and I agree that I need to focus on me and getting better before I can commit fully again to any relationship for that matter, still does not solve the issue I guess. God, so much in Love with her it hurts so much to see her suffering and it's like a double whammy for me, as I have told her my intention right from the start was never to hurt her feelings in any way shape or form.

Love is a such a strong feeling for us beings, especially when we have someone so close to our hearts. I feel hopeless in the fact that I just can't be there for her and have temporary pushed her away a little for I'm just not coping well, hate myself a little for this I must say but I don't know what else to do.

I certainly do not want anyone else in my life at the moment either and if this relationship does not work out and under the circumstances of how I feel about her I guess that in the future I will probably stay single, just the way I feel. As they say, if a good, caring, loving, affectionate, woman comes along never let her go but in some ways I have, crazy isn't it?

Anyway I'm pretty exhausted after today's goings on and will go and rest now, if I can be of any help to you please feel free to do likewise and the same goes for anyone else on this forum that maybe I can assist or listen too.

Take care and have a good day tomorrow

Chow for now

LBuddah

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Chloe_M — Wed, 02 May 2018 20:43:08 GMT

Hello my friend!

im sorry to hear the full story. A similar thing happened to me about 6 months ago, my bf broke up with me because of things going on at home that he didn't want to involve me in. Like how you love your gf so much, he loves me so much too but he had to do what he had to do. But he regrets what he did.

I agree love is a very strong feeling. It consumes yiu sometimes doesn't it? And I know why it's called heartbreak...because you chest actually physically hurts without them.

It's good to hear that you have what sounds like a pretty close relationship with your mum. I couldn't go to my mum and tell her stuff like that.

Thank you for sharing,

Chloe x

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Thu, 03 May 2018 02:10:21 GMT

Hi Chloe,

Thank you for your reply, yes we all do go through hard times with love, it's harder somewhat for people like us because of what we suffer from and sometimes it is harder to process. For a very long time I didn't have the relationship with my mum like I do now, we would clash over certain things but also my mind was in such a bad place I couldn't see clearly through the storm.

After a lot of soul searching and getting the right information from family members some things became so much clearer and I'm grateful for that. I have never had a dad in my life and my grandfather passed away when I was a lot younger, although I was lucky enough to have him around for a short time being the father I never had.

When my mum got very i'll years ago I really didn't have anyone to talk to as such and just withdrew from the hurt and kept it all bottled up, which I realize now is such a destructive thing to our mind and soul. The other thing I have found is we all have regrets for "Past" things we have done or encountered, guess the trick is to learn from them although sometimes the thought can still linger depending on the severity.

One thing a friend said to me once was that I'm to hard on myself at times and I need to let go of this practice before it destroys me, he has known me for 34 years and has gone through a lot himself. One thing I keep telling myself is that "Life will test us, deal us with grief and hurt, shape us somewhat for what we experience but it's all about how we arrive at our destination that matters".

Over the last two weeks I have been downloading happy positive thoughts from a site called pinterest and choosing what fits with my current mind state, so far I've nearly got 100 sayings and I reflect on them daily to see how I am progressing with my retraining of my brain.

The other thing I am looking at is some exercise classes in yoga, stretching the body and keeping the mind calm, have always been into fitness of some description and I do know how much this can help with rebuilding ourselves, have been so lazy of late and just watching TV, lol, but it has helped somewhat to rest and be calm.

I guess it is hard sometimes not have the people we wish we could talk to in our life but one thing I know for sure is that we "Talk to someone", get the stuff out of our brain, even writing some things down on paper can help, allows us to see it from a different perspective.

Take of you All

LBuddah

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Fri, 11 May 2018 22:12:02 GMT

Hi All,

Just wanted to share some of my past week experiences with beating the depressive demon.

Leading up to last Sunday I was still in a black hole with not knowing how the outcome was going to be with my future expectations. For some reason Sundays I find are a difficult day somewhat and still I had not mended the relationship with my girlfriend. As the day progressed I received an email from here explaining how my depression of late had deeply affected her.

I had no idea how she felt or what was going through her mind, I had misconstrued a lot of things that she had said and until I got clarity I did not realize that my depression and the way I was thinking in my "MIND" that I got some of this all wrong. After a few emails I felt so much better, being able to clarify her feelings and thoughts, etc, which lifted me up so much better with understanding.

On the Monday I revamped my spare room into a hobby/office room and now have somewhere to go and paint, build or surf the internet. I have surrounded myself with positive thoughts on the walls and things I can look at that me me "FEEL GOOD".

On the Tuesday I caught up with my girlfriend and we spent the day together talking and sharing our thoughts which was a beautiful blessing in disguise. Since then we have "SLOWLY" and not overloading myself or her in rebuilding our relationship for the future. She is aware that my rest and recovery is "PARAMOUNT" in getting back to normality.

Went to see my councilor on Thursday which was a great session filled with positive talking and I walked away feeling a little drained but rather happy and calm. On Friday attended my GP to discuss how the extra medication was going and he decided that we will stay on a slightly stronger dose for the next three months for this is slowly pulling me out of the black hole.

My point is this, 1/ "Never assume what other loved ones are thinking", you might be misconstruing their good intentions and good people are needed in our recovery. 2/ "Surround yourself with happy things and thoughts in a special place in your home", It's the go to place for recovery and happiness. 3/ "Always keep reviewing your medications because sometimes they might not be just quite right".

And most of all, never ever quit stop trying to get well and have a life full of happiness and future prospects to achieve. "DREAM, BELIEVE, ACHIEVE!!!".

You can do this, a little each day of positiveness all adds up.

Take Care of your Mind and Soul!!!!!!!!!!!

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Birdy77 — Fri, 11 May 2018 22:19:14 GMT

Dear LB,

Thank you for your positivity and your inspiring post.

You're doing so well, and are an encouraging example to others.

🌻birdy

Beating the Depressive Demon!

White_Rose — Fri, 11 May 2018 23:52:50 GMT

Dear LB

I have been reading your posts and found them quite fascinating. You have good insight into yourself which many people do not. This insight is helping you to heal. I am pleased you are getting together with your GF again. It is true we do not understand what others think or feel about us. We know, but unfortunately it does not rub off onto someone else. Hmm, what a pity.

I have found that telling someone who is prepared to listen and make an effort to understand, Helps us in ways we do always recognise at the time. I find writing to people on bb very good for me. In so many ways I realise I am talking to myself as well as the person reading. This is the same when we speak to someone as well. Those aha moments are so precious and comforting.

Something I would like to share with you about positive thoughts. It's a great idea switching to something positive if you find yourself thinking or remembering something unpleasant. I have found there is not always something sufficiently positive to think about to dislodge the unpleasant thought. Instead simply remember something pleasant that has happened in your life or that you are looking forward to. It sound similar to positive thoughts but find there is a difference. If you find yourself stuck perhaps you could try what I often find a more simple and easily attainable change.

Mary

Beating the Depressive Demon!

Guest_21 — Fri, 25 May 2018 23:55:31 GMT

Hi All,

Its been 6 weeks since I touched a drop of alcohol and to be honest I have never felt so good in my life without this horrible drug!!! The last time I abstained from alcohol would have been back in my mid twenty's when I was rather fit and never touched any drug for that matter. My goal my whole life but more as I got older was to "STOP" drinking for the "EFFECT" and how it affects our brains and especially if we are predisposed to depression.

My circulation has got better, thinking is so much clearer and the levels of bad thinking have gone away with so much more clarity and reality being much more effective. Have been studying the dependence level of alcohol in this country and it appears that back in 2013/14, 40% of people are treated for this drug compared to other types which is rather frightening!

But it is still sold over the counter freely and is making peoples lives hell for one reason or another!!! I have seen this drug being abused so many times over the years and what it does to peoples lives, but we still don't get the message through to us humans.

Bottom line it is a depressant and certainly with the wrong use can be quite harmful to end users. One thing I noticed in our society is that we believe that we need this drug to make us happy, feel good at party's, etc. But in reality why do we really need to consume this toxic substance, which is "NOT" designed for our body and just be happy in general?

It appears that the general consensus around this drug has shifted over the years in Australia, I remember back in the 70's and 80's the hype of "if you were not drinking around your friends there was something wrong with you", and it still has that thought of behavior today somewhat. Rather sad considering still not enough is being done for our younger generations on this topic and still we see them falling foul to the likes of alcohol abuse.

"WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT IT?, NOT A DAMN THING!"

I had a close friend the other day say to me, "thank you for telling me that I was drinking too much", and how did this make me feel?, Rather happy to know that the persons health will improve with less of it.

Guess my point is, if you can stop drinking and make your mental/psychical health better have a go because it has taken me years to finally conquer it and the benefits out way the use of this drug, "FULL STOP!".

I hope you are all doing well and safe, never stop learning and making progress in your life!!!

Warmest Regards

LBuddha