topic So Confused and Exhausted in Depression

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 06:05:30 GMT

Hello All

First off...thanks for reading my post. I am new to this site and not sure how to go really...therefore I will try to keep it small!

My diagnosis is major depression and 'aspects' of BPD . I also have issues with alcohol. I understand how I have come to this point and I won't go into it here. I am just looking for friends to talk to. Most people I know would have absolutely no idea about me...I put on a brave face and everyone either thinks I am ok or basically they don't care (which is fine as I don't truly care about others either! UNLESS they are suffering..then I will do my utmost to help). That may sound mean...it is not meant to. Just that I am surrounded by wealthy, successful and happy people who really would not understand me if they only knew.

I am so over it...the meds (that I do not think help)...the struggle daily...I have a 'boyfriend' who I believe is making me worse! He is unemployed, uneducated, unmotivated....you get the gist. I guess I am just wondering if there is anyone out there feeling the same and what you do to deal with it. I absolutely adore dogs so I go to the dog beach/park every day for my 'furapy'! I am currently unemployed and hating my boring life and sitting around thinking rubbish all day/all night....sorry if this is a bit convoluted.

Thanks for reading.

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 18:50:39 GMT

Hello Louisville, welcome to the forums and I'm sorry that you haven't had a reply, this can happen if the site is busy, so all the new threads push other comments onto page 2 so I'm really sorry.

No, you are not mean, I think pretending to cover our depressed thoughts is common, it's something that I also did, but you are very kind to help others in time of need, that's being patriotic and thank you for doing this.I'd like to talk with you about the alcohol, but take the time you need.

I would be going back to your doctor to have your medication reviewed, especially if you believe they aren't doing much, however, if your boyfriend is causing this to happen, then there's only one option to do, ask him to leave as I know what the 'gist' means, start to get yourself into a better mind frame.

Are you able to have any counselling, just asking, thanks?

As you love dogs, you will have many friends, and I know where I live you can get people to take their dog on a daily walk for them, they charge an hourly rate, so you might consider doing this, but you might need to wear a current registration tag.

I know the 'eye seeing dog' need people to help house puppy dogs until they are big enough to be trained, but having to give them back would be difficult, until it's done regularly.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 21:25:41 GMT

Hi Geoff

Many thanks for your reply. I love your little dog!!

I am booked in to see a psychologist in just over a week. I am hoping he may be able to help me get through all this.

I drink because I am so bored and feel so empty and that there is nothing to look forward to. When I have had a few I feel better. I know it is doing my health and my wallet no good. I do try to 'do the right thing' but have very low self discipline...which I also try hard to work on to no avail. I just feel I am going around in circles!

I do have my own darling dog. He is unfortunately very anti-social so I cannot take him to the dog park or beach; which breaks my heart. He is a rescue and although I have tried to socialise him it has not worked. However he is the light of my life and my best friend!

I look forward to talking further with you.

So Confused and Exhausted

Sadme — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 04:16:23 GMT

Hi Louisville, sorry that you are not feeling good. I just wanted to mention that our dog was very unsocial too. We paid for individual training and he was put on medication. He is so much better now but they say he will need to take it the rest of his life. Have you been on meds long? They do take a while to work. If they are not working then go back and tell your doctor. Now if only I could tell my own doctor how I am feeling. Good luck to you.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 04:53:15 GMT

Thank you so much for your response.

I have paid for dog psychologists all to no avail!

I have been on meds for years...different ones..none of them seem to make one iota of difference. I know deep down inside myself that the only way I can feel good again is to stop being a doormat to certain people in my life and to make positive choices for myself. Very easy to type..not so easy to implement. However..I never give up!

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 17:39:37 GMT

Hello Louisville, thanks for getting back to me.

I don't think anybody can have perfect self-discipline, especially when you're not feeling well and when this doesn't work out you become feeling unsatisfied by an activity, or uninterested in it can then lead to boredom, maybe that's why you drink.

I'm not condoning your drinking, as I was the same, but there is a reason why, and that can be from a hidden problem, one you know or don't know about is a concern.

Dogs can always be a solution and they are, but what's worrying you really need to be talked about, only if you are at that stage which is why you have booked in to see a psychologist and that's terrific.

Can I suggest that you write down what has been the cause of this and how you have been feeling, then hand a copy over to them, this sort of breaks the ice so when you are asked 'how can I help you' you don't freeze up and forget half of what you want to say.

Are you able to do the K-10 test (google it) it's a depression test, and try to do it several times, not straight after the other, but at different times of the day, then you can hand over the result to them?

My little dog is a Jack Russell, 9 years old but has arthritis in her front leg.

Love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 23:57:44 GMT

Hi Geoff

Thanks for your post. I will do the test and see what transpires!

Sorry about your darling little dog...my older hound had arthritis so was on injections which helped her.

I am off to the dog beach so will chat later! I hope you have a great day!

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 00:52:52 GMT

Hello Louisville, it's terrific to hear back from you.

If I can say that you're doing this test for a good reason, something you might already know the answer to, but it's more for your doctor and psychologist to see.

I know how arthritis affects our puppies so much, and I'm sure they also have depression.

Try and enjoy your day at the beach.

I will get back to you tomorrow morning as I start first thing in the morning 12.30am, and although I may not post a comment I read other posts just to catch up.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 05:58:37 GMT

Hi Geoff

I had a lovely day at the dog beach; met so many beautiful dogs and their 'owners'! I am so grateful to you for talking to me. I really appreciate it. I wish we could just talk privately as so far I really get you and like your understanding and kind nature.....anyway I hope you have a great day and I will talk to you again soon.

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 16:09:31 GMT

Hello Louisville, good morning, having the day at the beach, frees you from all these people, you can watch the dogs run around on the sand and in and out of the water, it gives you the freedom that you don't have anywhere else.

What are the people like on the beach, chatty, care-free and have similar interests as you do?

Look after yourself.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 15:35:57 GMT

Hi Louisville, just wondering how you are going.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Thu, 17 Jan 2019 02:44:12 GMT

Hi Geoff

Sorry for late reply. I am ok and thankyou so much for asking. I hope all is well with you.

I have been having dramas with that boyfriend I mentioned....I just want him gone and yet he refuses to go away! He has been manipulating me to no end...it is at the point now where I have told him he has to leave me alone or I will get the police involved. He has some stuff left here...I have no intention of seeing him or taking it back to his place (he doesn't drive)...I told him I will leave it out front and he has two days to collect it or I bin it. I don't care one jot how he gets here or back to his. I think he is using this as a way to try to keep me involved. He is a major head case. Scary in fact.

I have done a lot of research and he fits the covert narc bill 100%. He has used me over and over and I simply won't tolerate it anymore. He has tried his best to make me feel worthless and useless...again...he did not succeed. I won't bore you with why I put up with him for so long...I am sure you have heard it all before. Bottom line is I am over being used and treated like a doormat and I have some great people behind me supporting me to rid myself of this awful person.

Asides from those dramas all good. I have been going out everyday and seeing my dear doggy pals and conversing with fellow animal lovers...all great 'furapy'! Two weeks left of school holidays so am doing my best to instil some routines for my son...as I know he will find it very difficult going back to school if he sleeps until 2 pm then is on his computer until 2 am.....very trying times I am afraid.

Thank you for caring it means a lot to me. You are a wonderful person.

So Confused and Exhausted

geoff — Thu, 17 Jan 2019 15:25:46 GMT

Hi Louisville, thanks for getting back to us.

What I have picked up since we first started to talk, is that you have now begun to regain your strength and confidence, I think you can that yourself by what you have told us.

This chap has been using you to focus on the negative aspects of your life, but now you have made your decision to get him out of the house, well done, as that's never an easy job to do, and to put all his belongings out front is the way to go.

Enjoy your time with your doggy pals, all the other dogs would be lovely to see and be able to play with each other.

Lovely to hear from you.

Geoff.

So Confused and Exhausted

Louisville — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 01:39:12 GMT

Hi dear Geoff

Yes it has been very difficult....he is still trying to manipulate me but I am refusing any contact! I am looking at getting a new job; I am actually on workcover at the moment as I tore my tendons in my shoulders from my last job....I loved that job and I hate being in this situation. I need to be amongst people and making a positive difference to the world! It is ridiculous as Workcover state if I apply for another job they will stop the support (which of course I will not need if I get the job)....as they state it is up to them pretty much where this thing goes. I am trying to get off this roundabout yet they are making it impossible. Because they now say even if I don't get the job they will cut me off?? WT? Surely it is a good thing if I find my own job; one that doesn't involve using my shoulders etc (I was a cook)..I am in pain most of the time but am perfectly capable of data entry and admin roles which is what this particular job I am interested in is!

I luckily am a member of the union so I will be talking to them about this situation as it is becoming untenable.

Anyway enough of negative rubbish. I have been out again today and seen some of my darling furry pals! I am totally besotted with dogs...they are just the most amazing and wonderful souls and they make life bearable!

I hope you and your darling little pal are going well. Thanks for keeping in touch; much appreciated.