topic Getting worse in Depression

Getting worse

Sadwombat — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 18:31:49 GMT

Hi,

i have bipolar, ADHD (and possibly Aspergers), but since a relationship break up two and a half years ago I've been depressed. I think for the most part I am over the relationship break up and betrayal now.

The depression overwhelms me. The reason I stay alive is for my family and friends. I feel I am dragging down my family and friends with my sadness. I am lucky a lot of people love me. I live with my parents who are retired. I have no job, am on DSP, and I am ashamed of that. Most days I stay in bed till the afternoon then drag myself out of bed to watch tv with my parents. I know life can't continue like this but I am not sure what else to do. I am stuck.

I have just started seeing a new psychiatrist (4 in two and a half years one died, one quit, one didn't understand) and I am going to change my psychologist this week because the last one could only see me once every two months.

The last six days I haven't left the house except to feed my neighbours pets while they were away.

Thanks for reading

Getting worse

geoff — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 19:13:34 GMT

hello Sadwombat, lovely to hear from you, and first of all don't be ashamed to be on DSP, there was a reason why this happened, I'm also on DSP and have been for a long time.
It's probably best at the moment you're staying with your parents because if you were all by yourself it would most likely be worse for you.
It is very frustrating when you any of your psych's both types haven't been able to help you, but I'd like you to google this, there are places and sites for you to also contact, places for adults to get help with depression'.
Please get back to us it would be great to hear back from you. Geoff.

Getting worse

demonblaster — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 21:47:13 GMT

Hi Wombat & Geoff

Glad to hear you have reasons to stay around. Doesn't make it any easier though does it living in pain
You sure do have a lot to deal with, sorry to hear.

I'm also BP type 1 & moreso type 2 now.
Wondering because you said you're feeling that you're over the breakup (sorry for your pain there too) if do you think ? BP depression, do you have the mania or only depression with BP? though I can't speak for everyone but usually after recovery it passes, did it for you before this? Recently I had depression but not the mega deep BP one but bad enough for an extended period of time but eventually it went too

I'm in process & definately making headway of working through BP, over time I got the mania down from very high yum type 1 to now moreso type 2 (well maybe in between on average). I'm using emotional control method.

Agree with Geoff, being on DSP is nothing to be ashamed of as he said there's a reason you're on it & until you're able to get through the depression which is achievable, with hard work yes but it's hard work & painful where you are too, many have lifted the Black cloud & happy again so I think work would be very difficult for you & probs add to stress which you certainly don't need anymore of.

Hard when you're having so much change with professional help, hoping the new psychs work out for you, be good to know how you go 🙂

Talk anytime here, this is your thread your space.

A couple of threads that you might get something from

Understanding depression...to beat it? (In progress)
Suicide ...why not?
There are also a great deal of helpful threads around if you're interested in which sometimes it might be a simple sentence said that makes a difference.

It won't necessarily stay this way Wombat 🙂

Getting worse

Sadwombat — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 02:07:01 GMT

Thank you Geoff and Demonblaster,

i have had two episodes of mania in my life. Along time ago I was hospitalised for seven weeks in a public psych ward. I had psychosis at that time and diagnosed with type 1.

This is the worst depression of my life.

I am going to my GP today she will be giving me scripts for new pills as per my new psychiatrists request.

Thank you both for being kind. I'll keep this thread up to date.

Getting worse

quirkywords — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 06:40:35 GMT

Hello all

Sadwombat- I like your name. I have just found your thread.

Thanks for sharing your story with honesty.

I have lived with bipolar for many years .I have realised I must be aware of my illness and what are the signs before I get sick.THis does not always work.

Thanks for keeping us updated .Ihope yournew pyschiatrist can help.

You are brave and strong.You are dealing with a lot.

You may want to look at some other threads.There is a thread This bipolar life, which you are welcome to visit.

Leah

Getting worse

demonblaster — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 20:35:22 GMT

Combat just letting you know still here & as you can see we're listening

Writing can although your energy will be depleted be very therapeutic if you'd like to talk about what you're feeling like is it making you feel worthless, no energy, not liking yourself etc. In your own time you need to get everything else sorted ☺

This also can help identify areas to work on when you're feeling better & YOU WILL in time.

BP deep unbearable pain eventually passes, hope that can be some light

So sorry you're in so deep

All best with new meds (( big warm hugs )) if you want them

Hey Quirky ☺

Getting worse

Sadwombat — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 13:02:08 GMT

Thank you all for being so kind.

the new meds are making me feel nousious and lathargic for the last few days.

I see a new psychologist on the 22/12/2017.

I feel worthless, tired, bored with everything. I have no self-esteem left.

Getting worse

geoff — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:24:34 GMT

hello Sadwombat, I'm still here and watching your post so can I ask how you got on with this new psychologist, it may take time to like them, but usually a couple of visits will let you know if there is a connection. Geoff.

Getting worse

demonblaster — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 22:20:29 GMT

You're welcome Sad 🙂 Hi all

Daghh lost post, Quote: "I feel worthless, tired, bored with everything. I have no self-esteem left."
This is the nature of the beast Sad, it's sole purpose is to pull us down in every way.
Gold said here on bb "we don't have to believe it" how true, our stength with depression gets buried but it's still there, babysteps can bring it back up, then when we're stronger to visit our pain & work through it if it can be or come to an acceptance, leaving it in the past & moving forward. Easier said than done 🙂

Do you know anything specifically that's pulling you down. Does your mind constantly repeat same things? or the Blackness going on without reason. If there is repetitive specifics, when you're stronger maybe could address them but later I suggest

To get through this part of the pain you're experiencing, I feel you're doing the right thing that goes against every fibre in your being to get out of bed and watch TV with your loving by the sounds parents, great asset

Distraction gives the mind temporary reprieve of pain Sad, I think for most we can only have one thought at a time. Doesn't have to be biggies, something like having a pen & paper in hand, just let the mind lead your pen, not too much thought but enough to focus on what you're doing

Movement, not much, once in one of my deep Blacks forced myself to go to spare room for something, on the way was looking around and watching where I was going, on returning & it was slow process, deep exhaustion realised I felt slightly lifted. Better than how it was

Pushing through is mammoth but necessary, anything to break the train of thought. When we think about how we feel emotions kick in making us feel worse. This is where distraction comes in, the thoughts will come we can't stop them they're fast so at that point you could also try that's not hard to look around at anything & everything (Starwolf xx) you can either think about the couch, TV, curtains, carpet etc or just continue looking around, this defers furthur thought of the pain temporarily. Every little's a big

If this is BP depression Sad, it eventually when you catch up on sleep (exhaustion) will pass.

All best with new psych & meds hoping will settle in time with side affects.

Getting worse

Sadwombat — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 23:50:30 GMT

Hi everyone,

i am feeling good for the first time in two years.

My new meds appear to be working (And I can cope with the mild nausia) and I spent a beautiful day with a friend yesterday. Tonight I am going out with friends for dinner.

I also made a big decision to attend Xmas day with my family, but not Boxing Day. My mother has tried to manipulate me into going, but I am 36. My extended family love me, but can be very judgemental. They ask questions like 'What are you doing with your life?'. So Boxing Day I am spending with two friends who have nothing to do.

Somehow I am staying in the present. Most of my sadness is about the past or the future.

I can only hope I still feel like this come Xmas. I have almost completed my Xmas shopping.

I see my GP tomorrow.

Waiting to see the new psychologist is hard though I feel like I need help to be able to get on with my life in the new year. I'd like to do some volunteering or study.

Thank you all

Getting worse

demonblaster — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 04:59:45 GMT

VERY happy to hear this Sad, wow can call you Happywombat now 🙂

Good on you

Here's yours if ever you want to talk 🙂

Happy Xmas, sounds like it will be