topic When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ? in Depression

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 11 May 2022 12:05:40 GMT

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Sophie_M — Wed, 11 May 2022 18:30:25 GMT

Dear randomx,

Thank you for finding the inner strength to post this new thread. We encourage everyone to add your experiences on living with depression.

We know that it is important to have a few friends, and participate in some activities, to help us build the internal strength to work through the depression. It is equally important to spend enough time with oneself in order to work through those things which are weighing us down. The trick here is not to get even more weighed down whilst doing the self-reflection.

How do you maintain that balance to keep moving forward?

Also, how do you find the motivation to get up each morning when, as you say, you just want to remain in bed 24/7?

Please remember, you can always call the Beyond Blue support line at 1300 22 4636 at any time to speak confidentially with a mental health professional. Our call-in service is available 24/7, every day of the year.

Remember that we are here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

geoff — Wed, 11 May 2022 20:05:48 GMT

Hello RX, a good title for a thread and this can be entirely correct, although if life continues on like this, then there could be a chance that a sadness develops and your optimism in life fades away, not believing anything positive can happen, then you may start getting depression, especially if you lose interest in what you used to love to do and by staying in bed can become an issue.

All of these combined can be a worry.

Thanks RX.

Geoff.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 11 May 2022 23:35:54 GMT

Hi Sophie , and thanks very much for the thoughtful reply and thoughts .

Tbh , anything at all is just shear forcing myself l literally push myself to do anything at all , that's the only way l'd do anything. And l only do that bc l know l have to bc if l don't then this will only get worse and worse and it'll just spiral even more down hill fast. Apart from going driving or seeing my d, Maybe it is a bit of the illness itself to as even my gf says l'm often depressed even together. That had nothing to do with us but l must admit l probably was, my ex w use to say the same. Atm though it is def' more life and just where l'm at.

Having my business and working for myself 30yrs has mostly given me the self discipline to move when l have to whether l want to or not , or have no money. So really, it's having to have that discipline for so long with no boss to push me, that also helps me do anything else no matter how l'm feeling. Your so right , attitude, thoughts , doing things , a few people, yeah, it is all so important and so really , it's the only other way l get moving but it is all forced or it wouldn't happen. During better times mentally l actually do enjoy work or doing something or a hobby or life , even get exited about something, but like this there's nothing, just empty and force.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 12 May 2022 00:16:08 GMT

Hi Geoff , and thank you to as always.

But l'm afraid any optimism has already been well out the door for a long time now , as l was saying to Sophie , anything at all apart from driving or seeing my d, is just absolutely forced bc l know it'll all only get worse if l don't.

lt's all just strange. l remember us talking about working in my other thread and there has been many periods where getting out to do some work has been my real go to , l'd actually look forward to it it was my therapy, same with kayaking / canoeing but during these periods even those are just force, or they they wouldn't be done.

l'm afraid l have all those combined, and just emptiness. Maybe it is the actual illness. l have seen psychiatrists and talked to counselors over the yrs, very mixed assessments and tried meds yrs ago but as l was saying they were worse l hated them.

One huge huge thing coming through in things both yourself and Sophie have said , is a positiveness, l just don't know how to get that, how do we get it back ?

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 12 May 2022 05:04:43 GMT

Given everything for you now Geoff, if you were still fit and able, would you be doing more things even with the depression side of things , would it help you to be doing things ?

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 12 May 2022 08:54:18 GMT

Are you sure you aren't talking about me. While your circumstances are quite different to mine the impact is identical.

In my case I've had a number of years of things going wrong particularly related to my hsb's deteriorating health as well as some health issues of my own. I think covid stopped a lot of the things which used to enable me to have a break from being a carer but now everything seems like an effort. I feel totally burnt out. Meds have caused too many side effects with no benefit so are not an option for me. Obviously for others they really help so I'm not suggesting others avoid meds.

I wish I could find a way to regain energy and motivation so I don't feel I'm just forcing myself to do the essential things like caring for my hsb. I struggle even spending time with family because I assume noone will want to be around me because I'm so miserable. I feel sorry for my hsb having to put up with me.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

CMF — Thu, 12 May 2022 12:06:48 GMT

Hi rx,

Well, we've been supporting each other here for quite a while. Our situations are the same, but different. I feel sad as I didn't realise how you were really feeling & that you were feeling so low. You sound burnt out. With your gf you've supported, waited, hoped, waited more & I know you've run out of whatever kept you going.

You know we're here to listen & support you.

Hope you find some sunshine amongst the clouds.

Cmf

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 12 May 2022 12:07:47 GMT

So sorry about your situation Elizabeth, l remember this last 2 yrs has been even more incredibly harder for you you must be drained.

My theory is that even to really force myself to do anything at all, even eat lately, the only reason l even bother eating atm is that l have a very fast metabolism and l'm just always hungry - or else l wouldn't. But hopefully if l do start jobs and things, hobbies, anything, in time doing things "might": bring back energy and enthusiasm, some kind of feel good.

like yourself yeah l've found the same with meds in the past and hated them to but have known a few people they're helping and some around BB also. And l've tried other things, alcohol, drugs, of course even worse than meds in the end.

l hope you can find a way and things improve.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Thu, 12 May 2022 12:18:31 GMT

Hiya cm and thanks for that yep, we've both been through the mill one way or other hey.

Yaknow , yeah for sure need a break from her stuff no doubt about it done enough but she has been incredible support for me to l must add.The biggest thing for me in it all is the outcome though, and us now being just nowhere.That's the real soul destroyer.

Thanks for the wishes and yep , must remember to look out for some sunshine eh.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

geoff — Thu, 12 May 2022 14:35:57 GMT

Hello RX, a good question, and yes if I was more able to get around and didn't need a walker then I'd join my son, who has kept on asking me, to go fishing.

I also bought a full set of golf sticks years ago which I've never used, unfortunately, and this won't change, all because of an assault that's done the damage.

Thanks my friend.

Geoff.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 13 May 2022 11:57:20 GMT

Sorry to hear that Geoff.

Maybe the fishing is doable mate. l've only tried golf once and my brothers were rolling around laughing every time l took a shot, all in a bit of fun.

Take care.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

CMF — Fri, 20 May 2022 12:28:27 GMT

Hey rx

Just wondering how you're doing?

Cmf

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 20 May 2022 12:52:38 GMT

Thanks for that cm , short run down on my other thread, not much happening.

How you doin, actually l'll drop in and see haha.

00. rx

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

therising — Fri, 20 May 2022 20:20:03 GMT

Hi randomx

I greatly admire your incredible self discipline, something I'm seriously lacking. If you don't mind me asking, what led you to develop it? As you mention, having your own business is a major influence. I imagine you don't just thrive on money but also results. Are you a results person? Do you thrive on feeling a sense of achievement? Personally, if I can't see results straight away I tend to lose self discipline. How do you manage to retain self discipline when the plan is more so a long term one? Do you break things down into kind of like stepping stones? A lot of questions yet I can't help but wonder how you manage self discipline. Was never really taught how to manage this so am looking to learn from an expert.

Can relate to forcing things, to some degree. When feeling down or depressed, can sometimes be a matter of doing anything other that what leads to that feeling. Being one of those mind/body/spirit gals, I look at it from 3 different perspectives. Mentally, change can lead to healthier internal dialogue. For example, if the choice is between staying at home or going for a drive, if you stay at home the dialogue can sound a little like 'I'm hopeless and useless. I can't even get out of the house'. When going out, it can become about hearing that internal dialogue dictate 'At least you got out of the house. You should be proud of yourself. Takes a lot of effort to get out when you don't feel like doing that. You're a legend. It's a small step but at least it's a step in the right direction'. Physically, it's a matter of chemistry and biology. Every achievement triggers a hit of dopamine, just to name one of the many chemical influences. Biologically, we're designed to thrive on wellness. We're not designed to live with long term dis-ease/unease. Naturally, most of us a born 'feelers'. We'll feel our energy levels, experiences, internal dialogue, imagination, lacking (such as with a lack of energy or the lack of inspiring and/or enlightening people we need to help us navigate the darker parts of our path in life). The list goes on in regard to our ability to feel our way through life.

Have found the tricky part when it comes to depression is...what may work in some cases won't work in all cases. At 51, I sometimes think 'Will I spend the rest of my life having to find new ways to manage?'. The short answer, 'Yes'. Can be seriously tough, exhausting and mind altering work, this life business. It develops us whether we like it or not.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Sat, 21 May 2022 12:22:06 GMT

Hi rising.

Thanks for the detail and thoughts , but ahhhh, don't know about incredible sd, enough to keep moving when l have to is about it.

Work's huge though 30yrs of being my own boss the only way you get anything pay anything or bills or get anywhere is to just do it. So l often call life my boss bc it kicks my bum to keep moving. So that's one angle work wise but l like what l do to and often look forward to starting new jobs but it's often also my escape from thoughts worries or depression to, that chatter you talk about, it takes me away. l also love traveling across state to pick up a new job love the trips, most of them anyway so that's a thing also. But l do often get bored with the jobs near the end and now finishing one if l get like that, that is shear discipline for sure, but also when life kicks in to bc if it isn't finished l don't get payed. So nah it's not money as such but def' money to pay bills what l need and hopefully save a little to nonetheless.

My gf says to l have a lot of energy to but l dunno, l can couch for wks but at other times l just feel like doing things so might be doing a lot for a wk or two, then crash. During depression though l sometimes do try to push myself, force it, hoping it lifts me or distracts, or improve thoughts or serves some sort of satisfaction, or just make me feel good. And yes of course, inside and out which all leads to mind heart soul and spirit , and maybe even some temp happiness to hey.

ldk about you though but when it comes to having to force it l do know. l've never been a forcer it's just something l'm trying last few yrs, l'm not sure if l like or if it helps, there's catches. l use to just avoid and stall, until l either just couldn't any longer or simply just got past it and fire returned. TBH, l think that works better for me than forcing if l have a choice.There are things though like say kayaking, l know the water will fix me if l just make the effort to get there, driving-same, getting out into the yards and sun, stuff.

l often argue with myself about pushing or forcing bc sometimes life and l have worked just fine if l just be still instead and l it's also good for us in all those ways , to just be still , or to not feel like it , or to just let go for awhile and stop , l know l def; need it.

l agree with you though and daresay l'll keep wrestling with it all, or maybe l;ll just revert back to being lazy and still when l can for as long as it takes.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

therising — Sat, 21 May 2022 20:58:51 GMT

Hi randomx

I like the idea of life being the boss. If it wants things managed, you have to manage them or else there are consequences. I really do like 'Life is the boss'. I'll write it down and stick it on the fridge. It's a very constructive and revealing mantra. I think it's a tough boss at times, in a way, dictating 'I'll give you general guidelines on how to work for me but you'll need to work out all the finer details for yourself, on how things tick'. It's about learning on the job.

Energy's an interesting one. We gotta generate it to feel it, which can be tough when you feel you don't have the energy to generate more of it. I can relate to the lazing periods and need to get out of them as they seem to be happening more and more these days. Seeing I find a serious lack of energy depressing, if it gets bad enough, that's something that definitely needs to be managed. Of course, it's good to kick back in a state of exhaustion, for a recharge, but to know how long that recharge is meant to go for...well...that fine line's not always clear. Was thinking just recently how maybe I need to go back to what works best. When I had loads of energy, I'd hit about the month or 2 month mark and then eat for half a day before sleeping for the remainder of that day and almost the whole of the next day. Bamm, I'd be back on board for weeks after that. Maybe it was some kind of hibernation supercharge thing. Not sure. While going out to work part time, doing mum things, running a household and finding time to enjoy life, it's a matter of finding/creating the time for the hibernation period.

I get your love of kayaking. It's a truly beautiful experience, to be on the water where everything's quiet and you can feel the sun on your face while listening to the sound of the water doing it's thing as you glide therapeutically to wherever you wish to venture. It really is a form or natural therapy. I fell in love with it thanks to the wisdom of my son. When he asked me to first go, I said 'No, that's just not me'. He questioned 'How do you know it's not you if you've never experienced it?'. He had a point. I gave it a go, partly out of wonder and partly out of the fact I wouldn't let my then 14yo son go out on his own. So glad I did it. Kids are so wise.

I imagine my boss (life) saying 'You gotta feel your way through this business. Trust what feels right, what feels profitable in the way of your evolution, what feels like the right soulful investment etc'.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Sun, 22 May 2022 00:10:31 GMT

Hi rising.

This talk's doing me good right now so thanks for that hope it helps you in some ways to. l've been such a mess lately mentally in all this all over again, trying re'find find my level.Spent the first 4mths this yr couching or in bed with just nothing. l was gonna try not working this yr but l just got worse and so just this last mth pr so actually l've tryed to fire again. The boss has other ideas to now anyway and l need a pay check haha so l'll probably get a new job going again soon now. l'm missing the refuge anyway anyway so looking forward getting back to it awhile.

Life as a boss is a funny one we have a line in the sand. lt's like ok, it's a guide and l'll allow the essentials bc you keep me moving, but that's it. Your not pushing me about or making me live this so 21st century typical crazy busy busy busy madness that people live these days, l won't live like that. So we kinda have an agreement haha.

Beautiful he got you out on the water, how cool. Wish my daughter was into it she really needs something like that and it'd be so nice for us. She use to try it a bit but lately admits she's just not into it. But we do go long walks around the lake and beach or day trips up to the mountains now and then.

But yeah exactly, trying to live again brings energy again, this is why l'm trying again. Even this yr the first 4mths were couching and bed, then it was a nice morning so l dragged myself outside and ripped down the front fence. l'm very rpivate so no fence should make me finally start the new fence, been stalling 3yrs. But there ya go l ended up out there for 2wks from that. l started pruning wild trees, then moving stuff and digging then tidying this and that and on it just went, felt so good. So 6wks now l've been moving again, can't believe it really. Only mths ago l didn't think l could, just didn't have the mojo , but the fence brought it back, for now anyway and l've been doing all kinds of stuff and getting out, driving and places. Haven't started the new fence yet haha, typical, but no privacy is killing me so there's no choice now and l'll get to it, or stay inside haha.

Hibernation ahhhh, we're good friends to it's always been an essential for me l've spent yrs all toll in hibernation periods haha. Even with my job l usually finish a job and then hibernate a few mths to. But l also live lots of short ones, a few days or a wk or 2, try to make sure l've go everything so l won't need to go out, lock the gates and couch

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 27 May 2022 08:49:44 GMT

l feel at a total loss.

life , and which way to turn. l feel l've taken all the turns and many more than most ever will. lt's like here again, at this age and after all the opportunities and offerings l've been so lucky to have through life , l truly must be the master of nowhere.

l feel disgusted that l'm where l'm at and tbh , ashamed of it around my daughter to. At least her mum is remarried and stable, l'm not sure what her relationships like , or how happy life is. She hates where she lives l know that much but we don't talk personal lives just parenting and light chat and that's it. l'd rather not. l don't know what my daughter thinks of it either because we don't talk about ex's life at all either. But from here , it looks like she's at least stable and remarried and living life. l don't feel any of that.

l could've remarried twice since divorce, like l've said so many offerings through life. TBH , l think l messed it up both times really, should l have just gone with the incredible things that came my way, either time. The first girl was brilliant and we hit it of incredibly, l'd actually thought life must've happened just so that we'd finally meet. But there were also big issues to and in the end l just didn't think it'd work and broke it of. l still don't know if l did the right thing especially given the way things have worked out since, maybe l should've done more. Wellll, then l met gf now also an incredible lady and within mths she was all go. She could've moved in but l was all cautious and l wanted to wait a yr or two, just see ea other. Kater on her court drams came up, she could've handled them from down at my place and we could've been together right through. lt was either l commit to that or she went back up to her city and stay at that stage to see them through there. All this time we've been apart, if not for me we could've been together. l've only seen her 3 or 4times in 18mths but now she needs more time as things have happened there, nother story. We just don't know anymore because of all that and we're having a break atm.

And soooo, here l am. l've also been supposedly selling this house last few yrs and moving, there's been hold ups. Gf and l were gonna finish it of and choose a new spot but now that's looking doubtful too. The thought of doing it all alone at this stage makes me sick, yet self inflicted. But if l am alone then staying here will just cement that l feel, there's just not enough for me in this town alone.

When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

CMF — Fri, 27 May 2022 09:10:08 GMT

Hi rx,

You haven't messed anything up. There is no rule that says you must re marry. Funny how we think we've failed if we don't meet another after divorce. If things didn't feel right to commit at the time then you did the right thing. You weren't to know it would work out like this. Have you thought of selling and moving now & starting afresh? I know you don't want to do it alone but maybe it's time to do something for you. Move where there's more life & see what it brings you?

Cmf