topic Troubles at Work in Depression

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 10:09:33 GMT

I'm struggling at work.

my relationship with my boss has got under my skin so much that whenever I have to spend prolonged time with her I want to go to the bathroom and cry as soon as it's over.

I feel like I have so much to give and so many ideas but am shut down all the time. It's not like she's 'evil' she's just not in anyway interested in people, in developing them, challenging them, nurturing them in fact it's the opposite - we are cogs in a machine.

i know it's my fault and I should look for another job but my confidence and resilience has taken a beating. I moved house recently and am still feeling very unsettled and am struggling so don't feel I could take another big change 😟 Plus I probably couldn't find a job anyway.

I feel like I'm being miserable and unprofessional. But don't know how to approach the issue or snap out of it.

Troubles at Work

kanga_brumby — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 10:36:32 GMT

If you can try finding alternative employment whilst you are working. Therefor if you find a job that could be the one that listens to you, and challenge you.

One job I had one of the managers for ages thought I hated him. He rarely asked me to do anything challenging. Till he sent me to a different store. Then he found out through a manager there some of the things I could do. Then we sat down had a discussion where he found out a bit more about me. I was given a promotion higher pay more responsibilities. He got more respect and a better worker as a result or someone else telling him one thing, then having a talk with me. So as i suggested try another job elsewhere.

Kanga

Troubles at Work

blondguy — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 11:15:54 GMT

Hi Janeie

Kanga has great advice above which can be a huge step forward for you

You dont have to 'snap' out of anything. There is nothing worse than working in an environment that makes you feel this way. Kanga is spot on by suggesting that 'talking about it' can really help too

you are not alone here Janeie in any way. I used to be a branch manager for a national supermarket chain as well as doing interviews and staff selection (human resources)

You have done well by having the courage to post. We are here for you no problem at all

my kind thoughts

Paul

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 16:32:19 GMT

Thanks for your responses ❤️

So here I am awake at 2am 😟 I feel so sad and don't know how I'll get through tomorrow pretending everything is fine - obviously it doesn't work anyway, people see through it. You can't hide pain.

I have done good work for others and received an award yesterday. It doesn't matter, she just wants to focus on governance and reporting, she doesn't delegate any authority and she micro manages.

i started seeing a psychologist through our EAP. I've been twice. The first time felt like a relief to talk to someone and cry. The second time - two days ago wasn't as relieving.

i wish there was a drug I could take when I felt like this.

Troubles at Work

blondguy — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 16:40:56 GMT

Hi Janeie'

Thanks for posting back!

ahhhh....you have a micro manager as a boss. That is a pain....hmmm

Great work seeing the psychologist by the way. (it took me years to it..) The crying is a huge part of recovery...

Can you go and have another visit? (i did weekly visits for 7 months and burst into tears after the first two)

Just another angle.....can you see your GP for another opinion?.......just asking what your thoughts are...The GP's have much better training compared to when I was going the same as you

great to have you here Janeie

Paul

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 11:59:57 GMT

I'm so sad all the time. I dread going to work. I'm so unhappy there.

i just want to cry all the time.

i know I should try to be positive and confident but it's so hard.

im getting so desperate I'm thinking of going on medication again.

After I had a relationship end I went on SSRI for three years and stopped in 2013. It was so hard to stop taking them that I'm afraid to go back on them 😔

But im really struggling...

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 14:48:55 GMT

Almost 1am 😟

I guess I should start a new thread rather than writing in this 😔

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Sat, 22 Apr 2017 04:22:20 GMT

Still in pain.

I read somewhere you need to accept the pain and be able to sit with it. That helped a bit.

I think fundamentally I'm incredibly lonely, my self esteem is subsequently crap and I need connection.

Deep down I don't think drugs are the answer...

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Sun, 23 Apr 2017 05:17:08 GMT

Feeling anxious about tomorrow.

how can I increase my self esteem? Take back my power?

Troubles at Work

kanga_brumby — Sun, 23 Apr 2017 07:45:17 GMT

Janeie you at this stage may be over thinking it. Slow down try to do some deep breathing excersize for a bit. Try working out for a bit, walking helps set distance challenges for yourself. Then time yourself, the try to do it faster. You are in more control than you think. Don't let the monsters in your head kick you to the curb. You can be tougher then them, I have faith in you> What is faith believing in something that's not seen. If I can pull myself out (hard as it was) of the gutter. You can as well.

Kanga

Troubles at Work

MickeyMooo — Sun, 23 Apr 2017 12:15:17 GMT

I feel for you Janeie, I've been struggling at work on & off for about 18 mths, different problems to yours but I can relate to the anxiety, apprehension etc

Things I find that help me are reminding myself it's just a job (not my life) and although I need the job, I would survive without it; similarly in 5 years from now or on my deathbed, I'm not going to remember my job or the horrible environment.

Have faith in yourself and the work you do (you earned an award!) and remind yourself of that, you know your boss isn't going to give you positive feedback so work towards accepting that & don't seek it. If she's not looking for your ideas, accept that too, there could well be other factors involved that you're not aware of like changes in process, work groups, cut backs or changes in the way work is allocated. Regardless, work towards accepting that for whatever reason (it may not be related to you at all) she's not looking for ideas.

Perhaps when you're feeling more comfortable you could talk to her about your role, what's expected of you, and ask for feedback so you can adjust. Her answers may be totally different (and positive) to what you expect and how you feel.

Anyway good luck, I know it's not easy, I admire your strength 🙂

Mickey

I wonder

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Sun, 23 Apr 2017 17:45:15 GMT

Thanks both so much for replying.

I know I am catastrophising. Having you put it in perspective helps somewhat.

I know I need to stop ruminating.

I know it is what it is.

I just want to stop dreading going to work and I want to stop crying at work.

It's so unprofessional.

I want to be able to enjoy my time.

And I want to stop being anxious in life.

I feel so alone and lonely.

The approach I took in the past was to avoid my boss as much as possible. I don't think this helped my anxiety.

Troubles at Work

Lucy3 — Sun, 30 Apr 2017 09:49:44 GMT

Hi Janeie,

You are soooo not alone 🙂

I hear you loud n clear.

In 2014 August 17th to be exact.... I will never forget that date. I had a traumatic work experience that left me not only depressed, anxious, suicidal and physically ( severely ) ill. I was being rushed to hospital with Laryngeal spasms ( I could breath in but couldn't get the air out ) all do to being in a panic. It was sooooo bad. And it was caused by work !!!! I couldnt understand it.

I felt like I had lost my autonomy, my ability to choose what was right and wrong, what was good and bad. I felt like it was all my fault and my self esteem was non existant. I had lost my power over my own life. Sounds familiar huh 🙂

I was pretty bad for a while and ended up taking 2 yrs off work on income protection payments.

I worked with my GP , psychiatrist and Psychologist and did some online courses to give myself the tools to gain back my sanity and my life 🙂

I am still on medication and still see a psychologist. But thats ok.

The main thing is.... Did i leave my job? No i didnt. Why? Because I love what i do and I know i am helping others. I am good at what I do.

Sooooo what did I do?

The break thru came when I realised " I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM ". It was not my fault. My work place was treating staff like they were robots. The expectations were unrealistic. Stress leave was high across the board. Then we couldnt take annual leave as too many staff were off sick.

So what did I do? I started to fight back. Yes I am stronger now and I wouldnt advocate fighting back unless you feel strong enough to do so. But fighting back no only helps you, it helps others who work with you and those who may come after you. I was worried about getting the sack, but I think they are scared of being sued. I am now working on my terms, I have control of my work life again. I am negotiating with the bosses dont get me wrong, but no way will they control my mind again, no way will i be submissive to them. I am strong. I can do it. Thats what I keep telling myself 🙂

Good luck..... I am new here but will always have something good to say. Chat if you wish

Lucy

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Mon, 01 May 2017 11:31:23 GMT

Thanks so much Lucy, the more people I talk to the stronger I feel.

Troubles at Work

Janeie — Tue, 05 Sep 2017 08:51:04 GMT

Soo I have been off the forums for while because things got better but now they are tough again (I actually think I am pre-disposed to anxiety and depression - it runs in the family).

I got a short term position which was extended and I had to quit my permanent position to stay on (my old boss made me chose and I couldn't go back to an environment which was so horrible for me) so now I have a job for a year and a half.

I didn't have the strengh to fight it.

I really want to beat the anxiety and depression but don't know how.

I feel really lonely.