topic Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on? in Depression

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 01:13:11 GMT

Hey 🙂

I think it's important for people, everyone to know what struggles there are with MI & any issues that people go through for hopefully understanding & support. Could create more tolerance in society. We NEED a voice

Hoping people would like to contribute here to what you have to deal with for understanding & learning.

I'm Bipolar, done a fair whack of research & deep thought. I believe with want & determination this can be beaten, worse scenario getting emotional control which I think although mammoth is the key to our survival and reaching peace from the beast.(Depression)

Diagnosed Type 1 & 2. There's others (later)
Type 1- more likely not necessarily to have visual & auditory hallucinations, grand deur, delusions. The highs (mania) are very high.
Type 2 - slightly elevated mood (mania, but OH SOOOO GOOD too) There's more depression Deep, recently heard there's far more suicide attempts than any other MI with BP (Bipolar, or BPD - Disorder & heard from Psychiatrist too staggering, something like 6 in 10 people attempt. The downs are horrific. Absolute HELL as most here understand that pain. I attempted in teens 4 times and really wanted out. Clearly failed 🙂 & glad I did, since loss of partner recently has been an option but now outta equation, I'm gunna get this, pulled me down all life. Many people get it around teens yrs or common later in life. Stress induced?
Some can have one episode in their life and be BP. I'm more than a rapid cycler that is 4 or more a yr. I have 8-10 major cycles (episodes)

MANIA: BLOODY MAGIC!!! You feel sooo damned good, pure utter happiness, confidence, self assured, promiscuity, erratic over spending,reckless,ideas flood with such clarity, your mind keeps up at rapid pace, unbelievable (moreso super fast in type 1), projects, belief, energy, motivation, determined, ALL tools for success, but think the brain knows it can't keep pace up for long is why it all slams at once, OH & sleep, nah can do so many all niters without and booming with energy, I get some never enough through meds. NO BODY ON THIS EARTH DOESN"T WANNA FEEL THIS WAY, Gift from God with devils pricetag.

DEPRESSION: For most it's heavy & before cycles, I get both worse on coming down, WOW, complete opposite. DEEP as. So hard to cope, the exhaustion from it all is mighty, use to hit the wall and it'd keep pushing but got highs down over yrs but still takes wks for recovery.

More to say but later.

Thx 4 time/listening & contributing if so 🙂

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

meercat — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 05:16:35 GMT

Hi Demonblaster. Nice to meet you.

At last there is someone on this planet who understands.

Iv lived with bp for more than 50 years and still i dont know how it works. I just have ways of coping day to day.

Yes the highs are incredible and i look back in disbelief when iv tidied all my cupboards and bagged all my clothes and put them on the doorstep for the opshop. Its what i call the "i can do anything" phase. Quizzes are so easy when im high. iv even been seen belting out a tune or two at karoake in the clubs.😊

However some of us have the lows..drooping around the house in unmatched pjs, sleeping the day away. Putting things off. Just catching up with the chores after 3 weeks dormant is using up some of that excess energy.

cheers meercat

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 06:04:19 GMT

lol meer only cause I can soooo relate, loven it, how much I got done recently I couldn't believe, it's turbo aye.
Nice to meet you too 🙂

Yeah takes weeks coming down outta the exhaustion and I'm hacking the downs atm, learning to push away the straight out negatives and anything else I'll work on later. Just gotta get through it aye.

ANXIETY: had couple full blown attacks stress has to come out, dangerous when it stays in, I think it's a branch of depression. Have been able to talk myself down outta them. Firm internal voice being aware what's going on & saying NAH NOT HAVING IT, then concentrated on breathing and settled. I know it's an off shoot of BP exhaustion and unused adrenalin, seems to pump up when we're tired I'm noticing and thinking it's our bods trying to give us an up & energy.

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

Unbeliever — Sun, 15 Oct 2017 05:23:56 GMT

Hmmm... my stuff is probably pretty boring compared to what I've read so far... but here goes.

I don't have any "highs" not ever. Every day regardless of what happens always feels the same. There is never any rush of adrenaline, no anxiety, no fear, no happiness, my heartbeat never changes unless I'm doing something very physical... just every day blends effortlessly into the next.

I guess I would describe my life as a unbreaking existence of disappointment and bordem with occassional bouts of frustration and anger.. usually when I am forced into a situation where I have to deal with other people for extended periods of time with no ability to escape for a moment.

I would like to say that I have had moments or even a second of happiness or "highs" randomly over the last 5 years, but it would taste a lie.

I rarely sleep, and if I do it is usually only for maybe 2-4 hours a night. Sometimes not at all.

There is nothing I really want, at least nothing that I can do without others people's help. This of course is a problem for my motivation. The world hasn't really been designed for someone like me, as a consequence I struggle to find ways to spend the little money that I have on anything really. The products I would want have never been invented. Which really isn't motivating for employment... even saving seems pointless if I have nothing to save up for.

I'm exceedingly bored all the time. It is extremely rare that I overhear or have a conversation about something I have not heard every variant of hundreds of times before. I find people to be ridiculously predictable and despite reading and learning as much as I can about a diverse range of subjects daily I can go 6 months easy without learning anything new.

I have not been able to think of a good reason to get out of bed any day in the last few years, I always do of course, but without any reason. Everything I do is without reason or purpose, even writing this right now. I do things simply because there is nothing else to do.

I have no fear of death whatsoever, bit bored waiting for it to happen to be honest.

"Tomorrow" is a constant looming inconvenience that plagues me daily. I have no desire or reason to see it and yet I can't be rid of it. It exists as just another thing to pass through.

I always feel tired. Guess that's because nothing interesting ever happens. Not in my life, not in the news, not in the world.

I could go on but it would just be offshoots of things connected to what I wrote above.

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 03:43:14 GMT

Hi unbeliever thx for sharing 🙂

Jeez you don't get much sleep aye no wonder you feel so low & empty

Do you have a diagnosis at all?

I feel for you honestly. Sounds like you're existing & that's it hey add & talk anytime you like I'm listening as others are too many don't post but listen

Depression is very powerful I see sleep deprivation as devils playground (not religious) but pulls with it stress & downs beyond.

Do you hav family friends tho I heard u say people are predictable

What about excercise you've probs heard before but could help with more sleep when we get up to more strenuous it releases endorphins,would give you something to do. I walk hills for core strength & to tighten blubber lol stress release good for MH too.

Forgive me if I'm not here as much atm having laptop trouble so using ph: bit of a pain but ok

I"l always get back when I can.

Have you tried playing games on net or PlayStation quite a lot of thinking involved lot of fun working out stuff

I really hope your life can change for the better

Do u see a psych or anyone?

I hav been where you are & it can change

Cya soon 👋

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

meercat — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 20:59:54 GMT

Hi demonblaster. How are you doing?

re ur 10 oct post. I know bp is not going to go away but I am seeing a definite pattern. This is how it is for me..id like to know what you think..

* cycles are between 1yr and 5 yrs apart with little highs and lows in between

*Usually down time is preceded by a physical influence like a cold, a big shock.

* after 2 blood tests two weeks apart, and a cat scan i am now aware

Research..

1. my meds must be taken on time..in my case 12 hrs apart with food..ref. 5. Below

2. I must have a blood test every 3 months to monitor levels so i dont become toxic.

3. need to pace myself. Do notmake too many commitments. Try to Live a quiet life.

4. be comfortable with my bp and ask for help. i now have 3 trusted bp "buddies" i can call on when i am high or low.

5. I need to understand how and why bp affects me.. i took my tabs reluctantly thinking im weak, guilty, lazy, but they help to give me a quality of life between cycles.

6. My meds take 38 hrs to be effective.. 7 hours in the bloodstream, 24 hours up to the brain and then 7 hours down and out the body. So if i miss tabs for 24 hrs or more for any reason, im empty and up the elevator buzzing around like a dyson.

i was on low salt diet for 3 months prior to last episode..my meds need salt in the body to work properly.. they did not expel from my body so they stockpiled and i plummeted to the basement.

So, like you, i believe we are able to live a good life with bp!

Sorry its a lot to digest.

Whew!! might have to meet in the "cafe" for a chai latte".

meercat xx

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

meercat — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 22:25:49 GMT

Hi unbeliever.

Im sorry to see you have no "joy of life". I live on a bp elevator. Highs are up! and lows low..a short respite in between.

Recently rolled into bed and did not do anything useful for 3 weeks. This has occurred many times in my lifetime when i could not walk eat see hear or smell.

Do moods make you miss out, lose friends, jobs, feel angry..think, why me? How do you manage being with family and friends.

Out of the basement i hear the birds sing, enjoy the warmth of the sun and go to the lake to paddle my kayak. still recovering im very tired but looking forward to seeing my beautiful grandchild.

You dont know which gizmo to spend ur money on? Try Samsung 8 mobile..its a challenge to use but it is voice activated and "bixby" hunts up info for you. Learning how to use it gets my mind off my probs and i can visit forums to check in on "friends".

You may like to visit our " bb cafe forum"..friendly virtual coffee shop with treats and conversation.

I Hope ur feeling a little better.

meercat xx

You might like to join us in the bp cafe forum. We chat about anything and sip virtual coffees. I make a yummy smoothie and muffins.

I enjoy calling in to see how people are going, chatting about paint, computer probs.and cooking anything. Just drop in any time..you will be most welcome!

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

Unbeliever — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 01:28:01 GMT

I always thought that BP must be frustrating, the chaotic randomness of it completely out of your control. No way to know what you will be tomorrow and no way to plan for it.

But I must admit, that from the place I inhabit, it must at least have its moments. Randomness of emotion must feel very human... even if with BP it is hyper human.

I don't really ever feel human. I'm not exactly ever pleasant to be around for the people that love me. There are no "moments", no days off, or breaks, or things that can't be anticipated. Tomorrow, will feel like today, which was like yesterday... no matter what happens, or even if I do something I've never done before at complete random on a whim... it will "feel" the same.

"Useful" is not something I experience. Doing nothing for a month, or dedicating every waking moment over a month to achieving a difficult goal... afterwards it feels exactly the same. Satisfaction or the feeling of a "job well done" just doesn't exist for me.

I do not avoid my friends and family, but I do not pursue spending time with anyone. Mainly because it is obvious that they love me and are constantly hopeful that "this time" I will be happier, and the disappointment they feel when I'm not is difficult for them to hide. I don't enjoy making them feel this way because I truly do care for them.

So basically, I try to give them as long a break as possible between those disappointments. I do not want them to be sad, I love them too much for that. It's just a fact of my existence.

Spending time with them does not make me feel uncomfortable in any way however.

I always respond if they contact me and talk to them, respond quickly if they send me a message. Talk for as long as they want to, and hang out with them if they ask me to. I rarely say no to an invitation unless I have other responsibilities I have already organised to do.

Of course they don't arrange to meet up as often as they used to... which I understand. They miss the old me, and the hope can't let go of that I will come back is why it hurts them so much when we do see each other.

This makes perfect sense to me. So now it is usually about 6 months or so between catchups for everyone I know. Which I think is good for them.

Thanks for the suggestion of the Samsung 8, but I think you misunderstood. I CAN spend money on all kinds of endless crap. What I meant is that these kind of things don't serve any purpose for me, it's just stuff for the sake of having stuff.

I just don't see the point.

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 03:20:15 GMT

Hey Meer 🙂 sounds like you've done good research & working through well

Yeah stimulation brings on mania for sure good you said you keep it quiet & I have to learn to stop making social plans in mania lol half dead by time it is too follow through

I have 8/10 major cycles more type 2 now a yr & does take wks for recovery aye

I don't get sick b4 but sleep usually all over shop 2/3 days b4.

Psychiatrist didn't know if meds would help which haven't really was diagnosed at 46yrs

The manias bloody magic aye got through last downs well had some but got through with determined mindset that not gunna pull me.Happies bout that

I reckon this can be beaten with hard work would love to keep highs 😁

Glad you sound like you're getting it under control well done 👍 🌠

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 03:30:01 GMT

Unbeliever it sounds truly awful where you are.

Couple of things

1) "They want the old you back"

I take from that you've been happy?Hard for you atm but I reckon we can't pick up til we believe we can

I truly believe we all have strength it gets buried but stil there. We need to have want being stronger than the repetitive habit forming depression constantly pulling us down. Powerful but we are too

You have value in your life. Love: You're loved & love. Gold.

This crap he'll you're in hasn't taken everything yet. Hold on unbeliever.

Believe 🌷

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

Unbeliever — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 05:18:37 GMT

Hehe yeah...

The "20 years ago, who thought too much and was little too intense at times, but had his moments" guy.

That's the guy they miss...

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Sat, 21 Oct 2017 04:37:42 GMT

But believer you've gotta have the goods now for them to continue liking/loving you. You need to see them though, the goods. I think it's one of our starting blocks to get back up is to like ourselves, depression makes us blaghh ourselves aye

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Sat, 21 Oct 2017 04:50:52 GMT

DEPRESSION:

God it's powerful, pulls ya down in every way possible, you feel smothered in complete heavy deep sadness, can't see any light, nothing good in life, it just keeps you in a dark place like a heavy dark blanket over you.
Many with depression are sensitive, low self esteem. I'm getting there over the yrs but can take yrs to get back, people don't help but there's always beautiful ones too.

It buries our strength, we've all got it I believe.

IT takes away hope, desire, want, anything that can pull us up it squashes.

You wanna coccoon, doesn't make ya feel you're worthy & constant nags, the negative thoughts are repetitious, constant habit forming down thinking.

IT's powerful but so are we to get back up.

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

meercat — Mon, 13 Nov 2017 20:32:42 GMT

Hello Demonblaster. How r u going?Just catching up. Looking back at ur post 10 oct. I see you do have an amazing understanding of how ur feeling.

One month later im in a better place..not quite comfortable but getting there.

Over the past month Iv been through the dopey stage, the i can do anything stage and now im in a holding pattern getting things done in a "sensible" way. Is there such a thing with bp?

Been on a virtual fantasy shopping spree, cars, caravans, houses. Always moving, fast thoughts. I like winning all the trivia shows when my brain is in top gear.

Thank goodness iv little spare money. there's a frenzy travel sale tnight. just think what chaos i cd bring into my life! Now feeling more sensible, im meeting a local friend through Nabo for coffee soon. A good sign? Its been sooo long since i had a real friend. I usually hide from society and just keep to myself. How about u?

meercat xx

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 04:41:53 GMT

Hey

Yeah goin ok atm ups/downs but same inbetween atm

Good you're in neutral atm, relief aye

Takes wks to recover

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

tasha78 — Fri, 24 Nov 2017 01:45:40 GMT

Hi I was wondering if I could get your opinion please about what my mood disorder could be,,, I have joy not mania and then for no reason in the same day will get depression n it puts me down on the couch for a couple of hrs then in back to joy again. this happens to me daily and has been happening for about 2 yrs now. It s driving me crazy and advice or help will be greatly appreciated

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Fri, 24 Nov 2017 04:11:06 GMT

Hi Tash welcome, thx for coming in here

Yikes daily, poor thing, don't blame ya drivin ya crazy.
Bipolar as far as I know comes in cycles

Whatever I say is only what I think, a professional would be better to talk to starting with GP 🙂

I've done a fair whack of research on different sites and insight but long way off knowing it all not that I probs ever will
It's complicated in that there's mammoth stuff that goes on and also apart from the two types, 1 & 2, (heard but don't know if theres a 3 as well, but haven't heard anything since) there's off shoots I guess is the word, like mixed episodes, high and low like you're talking about, some have only depression poor buggas & other stuff too

Another big factor with BP is because everyone's different how we are during the episodes (cycles) we react to them differently.

How do you sleep, it savagely attacks it, seems to feed off lack of, same with depression
Do your emotions shoot into overdrive?

Something I've noticed, sooo much to try and control is the more I try to pull up outta the downs it can bring on mania which is wayyyyyy better but more to hack and harder on the downs as a result of.
So when you're down do you try to pull up or does it just change

There's various tests (can't think what they're called) to see if you have depression for example same for BP and other stuff, there's one here it's called K 10? for depression. So if you google maybe Bipolar tests or similar that could give you an indication. Don't take the result as bible they say then take to GP who can suss

So yeah moods, High/low, sleep, I think the big in BP is the mania, untold stuff goes on BUT again not 100% that you do/don't have it.

Good luck hun with finding out, hear ya about it

Hope you find out sooner than later, it was a relief to know, cause then I was able to work on it research understand. Hard to get on top of something if we don't know what it is aye

be interested to know how ya go darl, gl 🙂

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

-headintheclouds- — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 06:24:01 GMT

Um... I'm not BP, and some of my friends, or friends of friends are, but I think this kis really great, this thread.

My MI:

General Anxiety Disorder

Also a little of social anxiety, but mainly just panicking over the smallest silliest things - I mean like when the bus is late, or that one notch higher when it comes to school tests/exams, and driving tests (I'm still on my Ls). Panic attacks often last 2 - 10 mins, and I hate being told to calm down when it happens, cuz it honestly doesn't work. When I'm feeling trapped/panicky, I seem to chew my nails.

Severe Clinical Depression

Severe lows, suicidal ideation & self-harm, the whole shoot and match. On anti-depressants as of late August/early September, changed from dissolvable oral tablets to just normal oral tablets because of horrible side effects (no energy, low concentration - which hasn't really gotten better, + more). Apparently I'm good at hiding how depressed I am (which is a really bad thing) so people don't notice until physical signs start appearing. Has given me moderate insomnia as well, which sucks 😞

Dissociative Disorder

When my mind decides my current position and world/environment is too unbearable, it sort of logs out to protect itself from the horribleness. Basically, there's two forms of my DD:

1) I can still function 'properly' - talking (barely), eating (not a lot), drinking, walking, going to school, taking notes (not compreheding), etc., but I don't remember anything that happened for that period of time. Longest episode: 1 month

2) I basically shut down. Think comatose (sometimes) / unresponsive. I will sit and not respond to any stimuli, and won't 'come back' until my mind decides it's ready. I don't eat, won't drink (unless water is forced down my throat), mainly staring into nothing but blinking. I might do a repetitive action (ie scratching, drawing circles with a pencil). Longest episode: 1 day. Had an episode at school once (they were aware of my mental state & how to deal with it) & they handled it really badly - my dad wanted to sue, but I have to finish yr 12 there, so he didn't

So yea. Good fun 🙂

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 12:07:30 GMT

Hi thanks Clouds and welcome 🙂

Sounds rough, you certainly have a lot to deal with

What should the school have done in your dissociative disorder? (DD)

bbl

Your MI (Mental Illness) / Issues. What goes on?

demonblaster — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 03:41:05 GMT

Cloud that's rough what you go through. The minds amazing protecting us

2) When you shut down are you still aware of what's going on around you?
1) Seems you are

Do you think anxiety brings it on?

Thankyou for sharing 🙂