topic When everyday life becomes a struggle in Depression

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Fri, 01 Dec 2017 23:57:31 GMT

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I am 39, female, have been single for most of my life and have recently had what I can only describe as a falling out with my 2 closest friends.

I have been battling feelings of incredible loneliness for a few years now and generally am able to push through my struggles of sadness, anxiety and loneliness to function quite normally. But this year has been awful, I was so happy, had met a new man and had a great circle of friends at the beginning of the year and all have degraded to the point where I feel like I have no one and nothing.

This is now impacting all areas of my life. My work performance has suffered, I have zero motivation to get up and exercise and even leaving the house has become difficult. I feel invisible, like no one cares about me. Because I’ve previously had such an active social life, am adventurous and travel and get out there, everyone assumes that this is still the case. I feel like I have no one to talk to, to open up to, especially due to the loss of my 2 closest friendships in the last month.

I have made my first counselling appointment for Monday but feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown because I have taken that first step in admitting I need help.

How do I get back to the fun loving, carefree person I once was? I feel so alone and this is impacting my ability to put myself out there, even in social circles I once felt comfortable with. How do I meet new people, create meaningful connections and have people in my life I can count on? I feel so lost, am constantly crying and suffering headaches and stomach issues due to the stress of this.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any assistance or advice you can offer.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Croix — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 01:53:00 GMT

Dear Feeling Lonely~

Welcome.

I think the first thing to say is that recognizing there is a problem and taking steps to fix it is not a sign of a mental breakdown, it is a perfectly ordinary and sensible thing to do, as it would be for any illness.

Trying to avoid recognizing a difficulty is what I did. My employment was something I could not deal with, but I kept on going until I was unable to function. That made subsequent treatment that much harder - and longer. So I'm very glad you did not fall into that trap.

Seeking medical help is a step towards a better life. I suffer from anxiety, bouts of depression and other matters and too have experienced the headaches, stomach pains, isolation and need to withdraw, together with other symptoms. I simply kept getting worse until treatment was accepted.

I guess things are circular. As life deals you blows you react with maybe grief, despair and hopelessness, this in turn makes you behave differently, something you and other people can sense, leading to feelings of failure and lack of self-worth. These in turn feed the circle. So stepping outside is needed - which you are doing

By the look of it life has not been kind to you this year. Having the delight and hope of a new relationship, which I presume has not continued, plus to be let down by friends all makes a huge difference and it is no wonder you have reacted as you have.

To face these trials you need to be in the best state possible and as you improve you will find coping is easier and you become more energetic and inventive in dealing with everything.

Do you mind if I ask about the fallout with your friends? Particularly when one is down trying to understand how others think and maintaining the sort of interaction one had before is not always possible. That being said true friends do make allowances and are often most ready to pick up a relationship provided they still feel wanted.

By coming here you will find you are not alone and welcome anytime

Croix

When everyday life becomes a struggle

white knight — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 04:12:27 GMT

Hi FL, welcome

Agree with Criox. I'd also like to know why uou fell out with your friends only so we can help if it happens again

Please google these

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Topic : supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Dysthymia

These are just examples. Some of us, even undiagnosed are quirky in some ways and we fall out with friends. Maybe they werent worth our time?

I hope those threads help.

Tony WK

When everyday life becomes a struggle

quirkywords — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 21:14:19 GMT

Feeling lonely,

Welcome to the forum.

Croix, and White knight, have given helpful advice to you.

I agree with Croix, that the fact your recognise and have insight into your problems is a big step into understanding and helping yourself.

It is hard when you have had such a difficult year. I am glad you are seeing a counsellor.

By writing here many people reading this will relate to you and what you are going through.

Thanks for your honesty and your insights into your behaviour.

Quirky

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 21:14:14 GMT

Thank you for all of your comments. I am looking forward to my first counselling session, although i am also feeling quite anxious about it and what to expect.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling everything that I’ve been feeling. It has been incredibly difficult to admit to myself (probably my harshest critic) that I actually need help to move forward with my life. For so long I have just felt stuck with feelings of sadness and loneliness but have been unwilling to admit there is a problem. If anyone has any advice on how to meet new people and make new friends, I would appreciate some tips. I find it really difficult to put myself out there and feel like I have acquaintances but am missing that authentic connection. The older I get, the harder it is to meet new people.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Doolhof — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 21:29:49 GMT

Hi Feeling Lonely,

Welcome to the community here. I see you have already been greeted and welcomed by Croix, Tony White Knight and Quirky.

Hope your appointment goes well. All counsellors conduct things differently, the first session may be awkward at times, hopefully it will go okay. I like to have a bit of spare time after an appointment to think about what has been said, to get my mind settled again before I have to head off to somewhere or something else.

A few years ago we moved to a smallish town. I've found it more difficult to make friends here than in the city. I have joined different groups and clubs, attend Church and joined the local volunteer fire fighting brigade. I know people, but don't feel real close to many of them.

Part of that may be my own issues, finding it difficult to feel self acceptance in a different environment. I try to be friendly with the people I am in contact with but don't expect too much from others.

I try to make my own happiness and pleasure. Not always an easy thing to do when hit with depression, but makes me feel better about life.

Do you have hobbies and interests you can expand on, groups you could join to meet new people? I found a craft group in a library. You never know where groups are going to pop up.

Cheers to you from Dools

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 00:21:03 GMT

Thank you. I don’t really have a lot of hobbies at all to be honest, outside of exercise. I’ve joined a new gym but due to my own issues find it difficult to connect with others. I will try harder though.

I have spent a lot of my time this year volunteering for a youth program, which has been a wonderful and rewarding experience, however now that program has now come to an end... this has also created a feeling of emptiness as it was a big part of my life.

I will investigate if there are any local groups that i can participate in. Do you have any tips for overcoming the anxiety for putting yourself out there? Often I will talk myself out of new opportunities because of my lack of self confidence.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 23:45:13 GMT

Thank you Croix, I appreciate your reply. It’s quite a long complex story about the issues with the friends. The short version is i introduced 2 of my good friends to one another and they’re new friendship excludes me. When I expressed how I felt, my feelings were not acknowledged and now neither are speaking to me.

I had my first counselling session last night, which I think was helpful and makes me realise that there are a number of issues I need to resolve from my childhood that I’ve carried with me into my adult life. I am feeling like one messed up individual right now and I am so emotionally drained that I haven’t been able to make it to work today as I can’t stop crying.

I know I’m taking steps in the right direction, but I honestly feel like I’m on a self-destructive, downward spiral. I wish I could find a way to silence the negative thoughts in my head and regain control of my emotions and to simply feel happy and positive and not like the world is against me.

Thank you again for your advice.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Wed, 24 Jan 2018 20:56:22 GMT

Hi all,

Its been a while since I posted on my own thread, but the last few days to a week I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom again. Uncontrollable crying and feelings of sadness and loneliness have all arisen once more.

I had been doing so well to shift into a more positive mindset and I feel like being happy is yet again an unachievable dream.

I guess since I have no one in the real world to talk to about how I’m feeling, I just wanted to express myself here and feel like I’m not alone.

What are people’s strategies for overcoming these feelings? I really need a distraction and to get out of my own head.

Thank you for listening.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Doolhof — Wed, 24 Jan 2018 23:48:09 GMT

Hi Feeling Lonely,

It is really tough when these feelings of sadness and loneliness hit so hard. At the moment I am staying at a friend's place house sitting for a week. After the first night I was ready to pack up and return home as I felt so lonely, out of my comfort zone and miserable.

As I am looking after a cat, I really couldn't leave. So I have ad to make myself feel better and distract myself. Thankfully I brought along a book to read and also a work book to read through entitled "Be a better you" or something similar. I brought along some crocheting as well and have been watching T.V. for company.

This place is close to the beach, so I have been forcing myself out the door to drive to the beach. Once I am there, I enjoy it, the effort is just required to get motivated. There is a lake here to go walking around as well. I smile and say hello to the people I meet while walking around.

This morning I had a chat with the lady at the check out in the supermarket. These are just very brief moments of contact with other people, it does help me to feel connected though.

Can you write out how you r feeling then write down things you might be able to do to counteract these negatives?

Do you have the opportunity to go to a movie, to a shopping centre to just walk around and be with people or go for a walk somewhere for exercise.

I know it is darn hot here, so no idea what it is like in your neck of the woods.

I really hope you are able to find some distraction. Even taking yourself out for lunch can make a difference to how you feel.

I'm presently using a library computer, seems there is a children's activity happening in the adjacent area...they are so noisy...no chance of feeling lonely here today!

Cheers to you from Dools

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 02:28:07 GMT

Thank you for your lovely reply Dools. There are some excellent suggestions there.

I do journal every day to write out my feelings but have never taken the approach of coming up with ideas to counteract them. I think that will be helpful.

I was walking every morning to force myself to exercise and also to smile at strangers but haven’t had any motivation to exercise or get out of the house of late. I will try to reintroduce this into my life. My alarm is still set early, but every day I talk myself out of it.

My parents are coming to stay with me this weekend and I think it’s about time I tell them everything I’ve been going through. It is a really daunting feeling as I come from a family where we pretend everything is okay and never talk about our feelings. I question whether I’m strong enough to have this confrontational conversation. I am also not used to putting myself or my needs first. I’m scared to be so brutally honest but I know it will be a weight off my shoulders to do this.

Thanks again for your reply, I really appreciate it.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

quirkywords — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 02:35:52 GMT

Hi feeling Lonely,

It often comes as a shock just when you feel ok for a while then suddenly you plummet down and the feelings of loneliness and sadness feel almost overwhelming.

When I have these feelings My first reaction is to hide from people but I know I need to get outside even if it is a walk across the road into the bush. I find the sounds, smells and sights of the book distract me.

I also write even though it is hard. I make myself write for ten min sometimes it will be the same word over and over but I just let my emotions flow into the page- nothing great, but I usually feel better to write it down.

The most alone I have ever felt when I lived with someone who was never there for me emotionally.

Sometimes I bake a simple recipe and that helps me concentrate on measuring and pouring etc.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 07:39:08 GMT

Thank you for your reply Quirky. I live alone and whilst I used to be so comfortable living by myself, I now find it quite isolating.

After starting the morning in a flood of tears not thinking I’d be able to make it to work today, I pushed myself to go in because I had deadlines to meet. It was a good distraction but now as I head home to an empty house I feel sad and alone again.

I will practice some meditation and might try and force myself to go for a walk. It’s so nice to be able to talk here and feel connected to the world.

Thank you again for replying, I really appreciate it.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Doona — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 03:43:32 GMT

Hi Feeling lonely,

I loved your post as I to come from a family who doesn’t share which has made me go to far the other way with my children. I can’t help wondering if you talked to your parents, and if you didn’t be kind and gentile to yourself as it isn’t easy or an option in some families.

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Doolhof — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 04:05:00 GMT

Hi Feeling Lonely,

I also hope you have been able to chat with your family. Sometimes I just blurt out how I am feeling and decide that people will either accept that or they won't.

One time out of total desperation and feeling incredibly depressed and out of control, I walked out to the front of the Church and told everyone that I was so depressed I had been feeling suicidal. The minister said a prayer for me, and that was that basically.

People kept their distance for a while in-case what I had was contagious perhaps! Ha. Ha. The thing is with depression and mental health issues, some people just don't understand and I've learnt that is okay.

Regarding the feelings of loneliness at home, do you have some favourite music you could put on when you get home from work?

Put your walking shoes near the door ready for the thought of a walk.

I have a husband here at home but can still feel very lonely. Reading a book helps me. I also take myself to the movies and to a café for a coffee or invite a friend to join me.

Sometimes I just randomly talk to other people in a shop, an art gallery or where ever so I have a conversation with someone.

I like my time volunteering in the Op Shop, I have plenty of customers there to chat with!

Hope your weekend is going okay.

Cheers fro now from Dools

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:00:42 GMT

Thank you for your lovely messages Dools and Doona, I really appreciate it.

I did have the conversation with my parents and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We were going down the path of having a disagreement (standard) and I cut it off and said there was something I really needed to talk about. They were so incredibly loving, caring and understanding. Going so far back to actually acknowledge and apologise for and discuss a really horrible time in my childhood (caused by their issues) that lasted a number of years. I wasn’t expecting that as I said I didn’t want to lay blame and the past is the past. This is the first time we have ever spoken about it, a burden of hurt, pain, feeling unloved and abandoned that I’ve carried with me for 26 years. I feel this is the beginning of the healing process. It is also an example of putting my needs first, which I have never known how to do. They called again tonight to check in on me and again I was able to tell them what I need from them to support me. Love and empowerment rather than worry and stress.

I know I still have a lot I need to work through, but I know I’m starting to make strides in moving forward. There will be ups and downs, but this has been the biggest step forward for me. I feel such relief to have been able to simply be honest about myself and where I’m at.

I have a few things set up to help distract me when I get to those really low points and now I know I can always pick up the phone and talk to my parents.

Thank you for your support and checking in with me, it means so much to me. I hope you have both had a wonderful long weekend 🙂

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Birdy77 — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:43:04 GMT

Dear FL ❤

I am so pleased to have found your thread.

I see you around the forums sprinkling beautiful attitude and gratitude and rainbow awesomeness.

I want to follow your thread and say what a beautiful presence you are.

Love and light to you, more later xo

🌻 birdy

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 11:44:37 GMT

Thank you Birdy, you have such a beautiful soul and I truly appreciate hearing from you.

Finding this website has been such a wonderful thing for me and having caring people such as yourself to share the journey and talk about what we are all going through. It has made such a difference in my progress and life in general.

Have a fabulous week lovely 🙂

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Doolhof — Mon, 29 Jan 2018 10:53:13 GMT

Dear Feeling Lonely,

How wonderful to read you were able to have such an amazing discussion with your parents! That is so excellent. Hopefully now, even though like you mentioned, there will be ups and downs, you will no longer feel so lonely!

Communication is so very important. I wish I had the guts to chat openly to my parents as I have felt estranged from them my whole life. I love them regardless as they are my parents after all. They have no idea how I feel towards them as I always put on a smile when I am with them.

All the best with refreshing your journey through life. You have the opportunity now to take your life and your relationship with your parents to new and different places!

Wishing you all the best. Cheers from Dools

When everyday life becomes a struggle

Feeling_Lonely — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 09:38:19 GMT

Thank you Dools. It feels really surreal to have had that conversation and I am still processing and unpacking what it all means and how to move forward and not be holding onto that pain. It doesn’t automatically undo everything so I need to keep reminding myself that we have the opportunity to have a new relationship now and that I have to change my thoughts and behaviours. Like I said, so surreal. It has made me really happy though to have had that outcome.

I’ve been doing okay this week so far. Have had a bit going on at work which has been a good distraction. But I still find myself waking up and falling asleep with that feeling of emptiness inside me. But I’m learning how to manage and try really hard to find the light in each day and to be kind to myself.

Thank you for your support, it really means so much to me.

I hope you’re having a good week 🙂