topic When you last truly happy? in Depression

When you last truly happy?

The_Abyss — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 08:13:11 GMT

When were you last truly happy?

I came across this question while doing some self-research on a couple of therapy techniques, and it stumped me. When was I last truly happy? I'm not just talking about when did you last feel joy, do something fun, laughed, or had a smile on your face. When were you last TRULY happy? It may just be a manifestation of this crippling disease, but I truly don't remember. So, I thought I'd throw the question out to YOU - when were YOU last truly happy?

When you last truly happy?

topsy_ — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 08:58:51 GMT

Hello Abyss

A few weeks ago this would have been such a dismal question to try & answer.

I'd had 4 months of being stuck in the lounge chair unable to do anything. I really was beginning to despair of ever getting better again.

Then for no real reason the dark clouds began to lift. After 3 days I was holding my breath to see if I was still going to pick up or slip back yet again.

Now I'm up to nearly 5 weeks & I'm improving each day. I'm getting some chores done that are months overdue.

But to answer your question - the last time I was truly (very) happy was on Thursday, 2 days ago. I finally stopped playing brain numbing games on the computer & started a new little craft project. I'm crocheting a cat cave for our Fluffy.

This is a big deal as I truly believed I'd never be able to do stuff ever again. After 40+ years you would think I'd know it was the voice of depression lying to me. It is such a relief to be getting better again.

I really hope you get to feel happiness & fulfilment soon. Take care, Lyn.

When you last truly happy?

The_Abyss — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 09:12:38 GMT

Congratulations Lyn - just reading your reply was enough to put a smile on my face as I imaged your craft project! What a momentous achievement after being in such a deep dark place. May the sun continue to shine for you!

When you last truly happy?

Guest_322 — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 20:36:32 GMT

Hi Abyss,

What a good question...

To be honest, I can't remember the last time that I was genuinely happy. Had a think about it and drew a blank.

Although I'm glad crafting brought yellownanna some overdue joy. I hope you continue to be on the mend.

Dottie x

When you last truly happy?

New_Moon — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 23:02:21 GMT

Happiness comes in lots of different guises and sizes, no? For me Big Time Happiness (aka Joy) has been a stranger for years, but the happy little moments come and go often. I have to admit that even the tiniest hints of contentment (forget happiness!) have been a bit scarce on the ground round me of late... and that's what led me to join BB yesterday. I spent most of the day reading posts and responses and between the tearfalls I felt a definite spark of some sort of happiness and gratitude. Gratitude that I live in a world, and at a time where so many ordinary people devote so much of their time to helping strangers in distress. Such brave honesty and such lived wisdom freely shared has gotta make you feel glad to be a part of the human race.

Wellness and gratitude.

When you last truly happy?

The_Abyss — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 00:29:07 GMT

Unexpectedly perplexing isn't it?

I wonder if one has to be happy to remember true happiness?

When you last truly happy?

Croix — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 01:01:03 GMT

Dear Abyss~

I can give you my take, though its just a personal thought.

A normal person experiences both peaks of happiness and troughs of misery (abysses if you will pardon the expression), with a great deal in between. In fact normal 'personality types' - my layman's term - are determined by the ratio of 'in-between' to peaks, with some being happy types, and some more miserable.

For depression, anxiety and chronic pain these illnesses clip the peaks of happiness, and the degree of 'clipping' depends on the severity of the illness. As a by-product memories of happier times are muted or unavailable.

Interestingly I find in depression the clipping is there all the time -not many exceptions if any ,and memories of happiness are blocked, even when being reminded of them.

For anxiety peaks are possible, but are much less and finish earlier contaminated by unhelpful thoughts.

With chronic pain the overall limitations are less, although it does cloud one's life, breakthroughs of happiness are much more likely.

There - you have the Croix whole 2¢'s worth:)

When you last truly happy?

Al984 — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 01:06:56 GMT

Hi Abyss, I can honestly say I have never known any period of true happiness in my whole life.

When you last truly happy?

The_Abyss — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 05:37:43 GMT

That is truly sad Al984, and in reality I am struggling to remember any as well. It took a lot of digging, but I remember feeling carefree (happy?????) when I was around 3 years old, riding a tricycle down the hill in my grandfather's street. Perhaps that is why I feel more at peace riding a bike down a hill now, the wind in my hair.... I truly hope you can conjure up a single image, if not of happiness, then at least of peace.

Thanks Croix - definitely worth more than 2 cents! Your response makes a great deal of sense! Can you conjure up an image, or are you in the same boat as Al984?

When you last truly happy?

Croix — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 07:00:21 GMT

Dear Abyss~

I was most fortunate to have a happy carefree time with my grandparents in Wales (UK) whilst quite young. As a means of coping for myself, and for others to have a distraction I started a thread called:

Forums/ Staying well/ Store Your Happy Memories Here:

and jot down happy memories for me and others to go to in times of pressure. I'm immensely pleased to say others have put passages there too - have a look.

Croix

When you last truly happy?

mechanical_animal — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 07:10:40 GMT

I don't know myself when I was truely happy! It would be a great feeling and I really hope that everyone who suffers from depression and anxiety will be truely happy someday!

When you last truly happy?

Ginnygin — Sun, 02 Apr 2017 08:59:26 GMT

Interesting question.

I'm actually trying to sum up what being truly happy is. I'm guessing you would have to be happy in your job along with everything else since it is such a big part of you life. life's stresses don't help either. At this stage, I think that I would just be happy with just being content with life. I'm thinking, if I can do that, I'm half way there.

When you last truly happy?

Wanderlustress — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 05:15:56 GMT

Hi Abyss,

Thank you for such an interesting question. To be honest with you, what struck me about this question was how my mind came completely blank.

I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. I don't know if I recognise happiness to spot it when going through my 'photo stream' of memories. I look at every photo I have today and I look 'happy' but I feel miserable, because I remember how miserable my circumstances were. I smile and my smile looks happy but I look at those eyes and I see emptiness.
I don't have any photos past just over 2 years ago because I hated myself, how I look and what I represented to myself.

The thing is with depression and anxiety is that you are so deep, so dark and so overwhelmingly silent a hole that the silence is deafening. I've forgotten happiness and I worry that this is the very reason that will stop me from ever finding it.

When you last truly happy?

Guest_322 — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 07:29:41 GMT

Hi Abyss,

Thanks for the response as well as for starting this thread. I think it's taken off because you asked a really good question in your original post.

Unexpectedly perplexing isn't it?

I wonder if one has to be happy to remember true happiness?

I love how you replied with more questions. I mean that as a compliment- I like your style.

I think the answer would vary from person to person. I can't speak for anyone else but on a completely personal level, I don't have to be happy to recall true happiness. But I think it's just a tad easier to remember happier times if you're presently happy, that's all. Again, that's just my opinion. I realise others will have different perspective, which is equally as valid.

Dottie x

When you last truly happy?

Quercus — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 13:23:08 GMT

Hi Abyss,

What a question! It's strange how we all seem to draw a blank!

I was last truly happy the day my son was born. Exhausted and terrified but so at peace and happy watching my husband meet his son and look so awed. And the next 3 years is a blur..even my daughter's birth...How awful.

Thank you for this post, this might not be a happy realisation but its an important one. You've given me another reason to fight to feel better.

When you last truly happy?

Sleepless1987 — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 13:31:00 GMT

I can't remember, years I'm not sure if I even remember what happy feel like. I don't remember sadness or anger or pain. I just feel hollow.

When you last truly happy?

Quercus — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 13:47:02 GMT

Sorry The Abyss for taking over your thread for a moment...

Hi Sleepless1987,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so numb. You sound so very upset.

Welcome to the forums, this is a supportive place to speak your mind. It's intimidating to start a thread of your own but I just wanted you to know if you decide to there are so many kind people here who will listen and care. Take care of yourself.

When you last truly happy?

blondguy — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 16:09:39 GMT

Hi Abyss

I wish I could give you a moment in time where I was.....but until then....

I was happy when I saw the ceiling this morning when I woke up

Just keeping it simple 🙂

(Hey Sleepless1987....you are not alone here...Hugs)

my kind thoughts

Paul

When you last truly happy?

Wanderlustress — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 03:43:03 GMT

Sleepless1987 that sounds like hell. 😞

I think we should all get together and have a huge "feels party". Yeah that means stuffing your face with all kind of garbage, watching movies that make us FEEL. Or remember feeling.

I used to do that with horror movies. At least it made me feel scared. Then I stopped being scared of horror. 😞

When you last truly happy?

The_Abyss — Sat, 08 Apr 2017 01:19:06 GMT

Hey Sleepless. Unfortunately many of us feel that hollowness. For some it lasts a moment, for others it lasts a lifetime. I often wonder if the hollowness is a protective mechanism - it protects us from the huge lows, blocking out the feels of hurt, of despair, of fear. Sadly it takes with it the feelings of joy, like a steam roller through life, keeping everything even, keep the bumps from causing too much pain. Like what Croix was referring to near the top...flattening the peaks and troughs.

Wanderlust - I like the sound of your "feel party"! (Perhaps the start of another thread..."today I feel........". sad, angry, happy, empty, overwhelmed???). I can't do horror movies....I can understand why you use them to help to "feel"... but I suspect I get those some feelings from everyday life! I hope you find another substitute. It did make me pause however....I have a daughter who has always been into horror movies, and it saddens me to think that she may use them in the same way 😞

blondguy....so true. I was happy when I realised I got through the day before, when I got through that situation, when I made it to the end ..... perhaps it was just relief?

New Moon / Ginnygin- gladness, contentment, a stray smile....they are moments we snatch in our everyday lives, the things that keep us going, the little victories on life's journey!

Quercus - highly appropriate.

Keep the posts coming. Even if you can't remember a single happy moment, I think it's important to acknowledge it and share. 🙂