topic Uncontrollable anger in Depression

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 00:09:00 GMT

It's funny the things that trigger our emotions. This morning I was waiting for an FBT and had been waiting nearly an hour when in walked 2 people who were bumped up the queue and I was told I had to go to another clinic because they were priority. I had already been fasting since early last night and had a terrible headache and also had another appointment I needed to be at. I was so full of rage at this point that I nearly knocked over the apologetic phlebotomist and stormed out of the clinic, stomped over to my car and drove off like a maniac. Don't know how I didn't crash my car but I was thrashing my fists against the steering wheel screaming and generally acting like a crazy person. I even starting pulling my hair out which I've never done before. I am so ashamed of myself for reacting like this. Just made me realize how bad my anger issues are and that I really need to do something about it. It's been brought up with different therapists but never really got to the core or worked out strategies that are helpful. Or perhaps I just wasn't willing to take on all the advice. I tend to forget things a lot and I'm often spaced out and too exhausted to think. I also find it difficult to talk about stuff in person and seem to be better writing stuff down. I even tried online counseling in the hope this would resolve my face to face shyness but he kept asking me the same questions and it felt like a waste of time and money. I've tried mindfulness but I don't seem to be able to channel my anger in the split moment it grips me. I know I need help. I'm so upset right now I'm a total mess. Having no friends or social support doesn't help either. I hate who I am right now.

Uncontrollable anger

white knight — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 01:23:37 GMT

Hi GI, welcome

I totally relate to you as I was often the same when younger. I'm 60yo.

Lets put aside aging/maturity as one remedy because you can't speed that up. It will give you some comfort that things are likely to improve over time though.

I will mention that your action with driving off could be catastrophic if you hurt someone or yourself. It is little different to drink driving. Let's move on from that.

I have learned many strategies. Try to accept that humans make mistakes and we Do have high expectations of medical workers. Also they aren't mind readers in that, for example, if you don't tell them how are they to know you had another appointment? Some might even not realise you had fasted?? Eg they could have had a staff swap whereby the incoming nurse was unaware of why you were there.? I'm only pointing out the fact that we see things from our perspective not from theirs. If we spent 5 minutes in their shoes (and them 5 minutes in ours) it would all make sense.

Learn the art of asking questions. This makes the other person obligated to justify their actions. If done right it will put them in your shoes. Try to be calm and slow doing it...make the question have the impact not your temper because your temper gives them an excuse to blame you as you are displaying unreasonable behaviour.

"So, you do realise I've been fasting all night"?

" and with this delay you do realise I'll be late for my next appointment"?

"So can you tell me what to say to my doctor at my next appointment when I'm an hour late"?

" I know you are busy but I thought I'd let you know I'm not feeling well as I've been fasting for 12 hours"

Above all else I find that prevention is better than cure. This means better communication. That last example above is typical if what I'd ask if I realised I'd been put back in the queue. This question might trigger one of the following response's-

"Oh, OK I'll speak to the doctor"

"Yes we know but the other two patients have life threatening injuries, sorry about that, its unavoidable"

And so on. They might even admit forgetting about you which is OK, but at least you have achieved putting yourself back into their minds.

In the meantime read up on the www anger management ideas and when in a rage remember...give yourself 20 mins...it takes that long to calm down, then return to the surgery and start over. Explain why you were upset and give them a chance to explain.

They don't have an easy job, and they are human.

Tony WK

Uncontrollable anger

Guest_1055 — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 02:41:03 GMT

Hey girl interrupted

You are not alone in this anger and frustration thing. I hear you loud and clear. And I also feel your frustration. Hitting on the steering wheel, yes I totally get that also. It is like this powerful force just comes out from within and gets expelled via your fists or hands or something.

It is okay to have these emotions, so I have been recently told. It is how we deal with them that matters. But I cannot give you much advice there, as I am just learning it myself.

I also noticed you said you were shy, well I am too. So maybe you are used to just bottling these emotions in like me.

Anyway I wanted to say I definitely hear you and if these emotions are scaring you at all, well you are not alone in that either.

In kindness

Shell xx

PS and as I am typing on this touch pad here, I can still feel frustration coming out in my fingers. ie pressing far to hard.

Uncontrollable anger

Doolhof — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 06:43:44 GMT

Hi Girl Interupted,

Anger. My goodness it can be a bit of a demon at times for me too. I don't always think to count to ten or to walk away. Sometimes my angry outburst is out of my mouth before I know what I am saying.

Tony has some great points, but when I am really flustered, feeling out of control, stressed and anxious, all those wonderful idea are way down on my list of things to do at that moment!

I have been told my a psychologist that I need to learn how to control my anger, but she had no suggestions on how to do that! Hope you find some answers!

When you find something that works, let me know. Ha. Ha.

Cheers form Mrs. Dools

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 08:29:14 GMT

Thank you Tony,

Unfortunately it was a case of pick a number (literally, I was number 10) and there was only one staff member for the first 30 minutes, then there were 3. I was quite happy waiting but had a pounding headache and I could see that there were others who were fasting as well (open conversations with a couple of them) so I wasn't going to blow my trumpet so to speak and say hey I'm special and above everyone else here.. but I appreciate the point you are making. It was just an unfortunate situation and they were asking most people to go to the other clinic. When I did go to the other clinic (after my drive) it was also full. I'm just a very impatient person at times so it's something I need to work on. I will try again tomorrow (hopefully won't have the same staff as I'll be mortified with shame) and I guess I'll start with some deep breathing exercises and see how that goes lol. Thanks for your support

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 08:35:57 GMT

Thank you Shelley. It's true, it's like an eruption of emotion and it's very hard to control. I guess the key is to practice mindfulness and know what your triggers are to better prepare yourself in those situations. I do bottle things up. I guess many of us do, that's the problem. I have never been good at communication. I'm questioning my whole career choice as a result. Sometimes I think maybe I should just do a night job where I don't have to deal with people and stress. But back in the real world... can't hide from my demons forever. I am considering trying a new psych. Thanks again for your kind words and sentiment.

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 08:49:07 GMT

Thanks Mrs D,

You're right, it is really hard to think straight, let alone react appropriately when something makes triggers our anger. My blood really does start to boil and it's hard to contain once it's set off! I'm sure my face turns red and you could literally see the steam coming out my ears. Lol. I actually have a stress ball which I keep in my handbag to help me when I'm feeling stressed or anxious etc. But so far it's not working coz I forget to use it lol. And realistically the only thing that's gonna work is probably some breathing exercises and practicing mindfulness. I've joined a couple of meditation groups. I'm at a point where I really need to do something soon. Now it's just a matter of me turning up and participating. I'm scared shtless coz I have severe social anxiety but hopefully I can at least attend one session and see how it goes.

Uncontrollable anger

pipsy — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 10:20:28 GMT

Hey girl_interrupted. I can really relate to your feelings of frustration and impatience. I had a similar experience recently when I approached my chemist about refilling my script. I discovered the script was a year out of date (my fault, there). I managed to acquire a fresh script, took that to my chemist and asked him about leaving it with him as I have a shocking memory. I also asked if I could pick up the medication this weekend. He agreed, I had an unexpected RDO next day, so decided to pick the script up. No dice, I was told that I had to wait a full month before this could be done as I had been given an emergency amount to 'tide me over'. I wasn't amused or impressed, so I phoned the Dr who basically replied that the chemist was right, I had to wait. I was angry over not being told about this policy. I didn't know to ask as I've never had this problem before. When we're not told, just expected to know, this is equally frustrating. The way I see it, when you decide to try something you've never done before, you should be told everything you need to know, so you know what to expect. It's not 'rocket science' it's simply basic logic. We often have people wandering in off the street asking about purchasing something on the spot. We can't sell immediately, there are certain criteria's involved and these are explained fully, so the customers are on the same page. Unfortunately, no-one's perfect, but once people are aware of things they need to know, there would be less anger and more help. Perhaps in your case a sign indicating 'unexpected emergencies could cause changes to regular routines', or 'if your visit is urgent, we would like to suggest you visit our 2nd clinic, our apologies for any inconvenience' etc. These things could possibly eliminate frustration/anger for patients.

Lynda

Uncontrollable anger

white knight — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 12:22:07 GMT

Hi GI

I fully understand and thankyou for getting back to us.

A thread that might be relevant is: google

Topic:supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Kind regards

Tony WK

Uncontrollable anger

DV_Arjay — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 16:58:59 GMT

What you need girl

Is some good social human interactions with family or old familiar friends.

Even a trip to the shops either coles or woolies. Having a form of small talk always brings happiness to me and calms me down because I somehow bring a smile to others.

Or do something you like. where you will most likely have other human interaction. Being.

Ball sports, Gym, signing up to a team, not knowing your age makes this hard for me to list stuff tbh

Or evwn Boxing. Get a punching bag or force yourself to do squats or lunges or sit ups when youre mad. Because it releases chemicals in your brain that make you happy and not pissed off.

When you were raging about your appointment. Even listening to your favourite songs qould have eases the annoyance.

Have a good one

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 14:09:23 GMT

Lynda I just wanted to say thank you. Out of date scripts. Ah yes, been there. Not a good place to be when you REALLY need that script/medication. Ive had my share of arguments with the pharmacists too (I bet they have a really large note in my file - be warned! this bitch is crazy! Take caution in your approach! haha) It doesn't sound right you had to wait a month tho...? Yes it's interesting that we are not fully informed, when we are the customers and the ones who need the information the most! It's frustrating for sure. I started keeping my scripts in store at one point, coz my memory its terrible and I kept losing them. Is this something that might work for you? You're right tho - it helps to be kept informed. I must get to bed. Bye for now.

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 14:11:05 GMT

Sorry for late reply. Thanks Tony, I'll have a look at that thread when I get a chance. Cheers 🙂

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 14:13:20 GMT

Thank you DV. Those are some great ideas. I'm a bit people shy so maybe not the crowds at shops etc. I used to have a punching bag - maybe I could look at something like that, or the gym sounds good too. Cheers

Uncontrollable anger

DV_Arjay — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 15:46:05 GMT

All goods

The local gym is a good idea because you will most likely find people that live near you and you will grab more attention to yourself once you reach personal goals
And from the exercise you will find yourself in a trance where you cant be bothered to be angry cause you have no energy

Uncontrollable anger

CheeseSlices — Wed, 07 Dec 2016 01:17:14 GMT

It feels like you are mainly blaming your brain for this outburst - but there were more factors at play.

1. you were fasting. Blood sugar drops and all the other biochemical things that happen without sustenance contribute to mood fluctuations.

2. You were under pressure. Another appointment to get to.

3. You were in a social situation that appears to cause you some distress - add this to fasting and what can we expect in this situation?

I could go on but post limited.

Please realise, That you are feeling guilty and are seeking help to rectify this is a very good thing - give yourself a pat on the back, forgive yourself for the outburst and work towards a better time next time.

Some tips - go on opening first thing or go on a day that is known to be quiet. You can modify your actions until your body is able to cope with the stress of these situations and that does not only mean in your mind.

Uncontrollable anger

girl_interrupted — Thu, 08 Dec 2016 04:01:46 GMT

Thank you Cheese. Some very valid points you've made there. I went back the next day and managed to jump the queue so its all done now and just waiting on results. Thanks for your post.

Uncontrollable anger

Doolhof — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 21:25:28 GMT

Hi All,

Anger, frustration, panic attacks and so on can come upon us rather quickly and unexpectedly.

I know I am not good at waiting for my Dr appointments. Sometimes I take my own book along or delete a hundred messages from my phone. At one stage the people in the medical centre removed all of the magazines, something to do with hygiene they said. After a lot of people started climbing the walls, they brought the magazines back again. Ha. Ha.

It is good when having to go somewhere if you can time it for a less busy time, but that is not always easy.

When I start to feel any of the above emotions and experiences, I try to calm myself down with deep breathes and by reminding myself everything will be okay. I just have to be patient.

Not always easy! Ha. Ha. I have blown up a few times at other people. I'm not at all proud of it! I find it very humbling to apologise after!

Hope we can all find strategies that will work for us!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Uncontrollable anger

saturnzoon — Sat, 10 Dec 2016 02:49:30 GMT

Hi MRS Doors, I feel the same and have the same reactions, this morning I could not find a remote control to the TV and lost it i tore my lounge room apart trying to find it and I could feel myself tension heating up getting angry and my hands I tighten and I just wanted to scream, it may sound stupid and out of control but I dand not ont, I started crying cause I just couldn't handle it. I can't go into hospital cause I have a 10yr old son who doesn't like being with his father as we have split up so I'm left with no choice but to stop, I have to take a lot of tablets to calm down, I also have to find another rental house before the 2nd January when the lease runs out , I have had about 8 inspections and not gone any so I'm stressed over that, I am so tired of it all forgetting where I put things and tear th house upside down trying to find it. I have no family here or friends so no one to talk to or help, don't know how much more I can take.