topic Employment issues in Depression

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 00:22:12 GMT

Hi Beyond Blue members,

I'm having a bit of a crisis. I am feeling very anxious at work and get the feeling my boss is trying to get me to quit. It is a small business where he and his wife pretty much run everything and I am (or was) the next level of responsibility. Recently while I was away on annual leave, my bosses wife was filling in for some of my duties. She logged in to my work email account and changed my title in my email signature from Admin manager to Admin assistant. At the moment they have let my contract lapse (it expired in January and they haven't renewed it yet). My boss asks me to do things I am not comfortable with (eg lying) and sets me tasks I cannot complete (eg I do not have access to some files and he knows this).

I want to quit and get back into my passion (teaching) but it has been over a year since I was in a classroom and have lost all my confidence, and looking for work really causes problems with my depression. If I quit before I find a new job I will be unemployed and I know my depression will spiral out of control. I should stay for financial reasons but I don't know how much longer I can take being treated this way. I am expected to know everything and do everything and be responsible for everything, but for the wage I'm getting (less than if I were teaching) I really don't feel it is worth it at all.

I feel terrible, I am frightened and just want to go home and stay in bed forever. I don't want to feel this way.

Any advice?

Thanks guys xo

Employment issues

white knight — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 11:43:26 GMT

Hi Boo, welcome.

My daughter just got a new teaching position following 12 months off due to anxiety.

She said it is like riding a bike, you dont lose it.

So its your confidence that is taking its toll.

Have a read of these threads. Use google

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: know your limits- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

This married couple have you in their sights. Best to plan now to leave. Imo

Tony WK

Employment issues

MsPurple — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 12:13:15 GMT

HI Boo

Sorry to hear about your job crisis. It is terrible that your boss isn't treating you with the respect you think you deserve. If possible maybe you should tell your boss you are not comfortable lying in your workplace and you don't think it is appropriate. It may not be possible to do this but it was just a thought. It sounds like you want to move on and find another job. Have you started looking for work elsewhere? I would suggest you start looking while you are still working because it gives you more financial stability. I am assuming you are a qualified teacher, have you considered going back to this. I know you say your anxiety and depression are flaring up at the moment but maybe trying to push out of your comfort zone would be good for you. I would suggest you go see a counsellor about this to help you through it. That's what I did when I moved jobs, talked about my fears and concerns and we together developed strategies on how to reduce my anxiety in the workplace. Another option is you sign up for an agency and they help you look for other admin work. This maybe beneficial as it will reduce the stress of looking for other work. My brother did this and he got some temp work (which later lead to perminant) within two weeks of joining them. It helps to have experience (which you do).

Hope this helps. YOu can do it. I know you will find the perfect job for you

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 23:10:40 GMT

Thanks Tony, that is great news about your daughter, gives me so much hope! I'll definitely have a read of those today, I'm sure it will help my current mindset.

I think you are right. If I start preparing now and looking for work, at least I won't be 'up the creek' if they fire me.I have contacted a teaching agency I used to work for and will speak to a few more today, even if I can get 3 days of CRT per week, I'll be making more than what I am on now so I won't be under any financial stress. Maybe after a few months of CRT work I'll realise what your daughter has and not feel so hesitant anymore...

Thanks so much for your help 🙂

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 23:21:17 GMT

Thanks MsPurple. Yes I'm a qualified teacher. When I finished uni it was really difficult to get permanent roles so I just did CRT work for a while. I was hoping to buy a house by the time I turned 30 and knew I wouldn't be able to get a loan if I only had casual employment, so I took this job so I would have something full time/permanent and look better to the banks. I turned 30 last year and after a few massive expenses the last couple of years I am really no closer to buying a house so I figure why not go back to doing what I love and be satisfied just renting.

I have been working with my psychologist for the past few months to try to prepare for the extreme anxiety of going to a job interview, but still feel very hesitant. I will try to get back into CRT work with my old agency as that might be a good way to see some of the local schools and meet the staff... might make it much easier to eventually land a role with a little more job security.

I wish the future were a little more certain... hopefully I will be able to read this back in a few months time and be glad I took that leap.... but I worry I will look back in a few months time and wish that I had stayed here and just soldiered on...

Employment issues

Grace888 — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 23:38:55 GMT

Hello Boo

Knowing you have other irons in the fire - for e.g. active job search - will help you feel like you're back in the driver's seat. And make getting through the next few working days much easier. You can go in thinking, 'this is not forever and this isn't my only option'.

Yes, it seems this couple is behaving in a way best calculated to disempower you and foster a sense of insecurity.

You don't need these people in your life. Please don't let being there start affecting your self-confidence or limiting your horizons.

Lack of shared values is a very natural cause for tension and anxiety in any relationship; whether it's personal or at work. At least that is what I believe.

You sound like a very capable person (perhaps they feel challenged by that) and I wish you all the very best as you take the next step in your working life.

Grace

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 00:55:44 GMT

Thanks Grace, I think you are right. Shared values are very important and can make or break any relationship.

I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement and guidance. I think the more actively I start looking for work the more empowered I will feel... and if by chance I find something soon, I will then feel much more optimistic about the future and be able to handle these day-to-day stresses much easier (if I have an end-date to look forward to).

Thank-you so much for your support xo

Employment issues

nogo17 — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 01:27:10 GMT

Hi Boo, bosses like that irritate me it is nothing short of workplace bullying, and smaller business they seem to think they can get away with such behaviour. Yes best to get a change in sight. A friend of mine is a teacher but took 6 years off to have children, she lost confidence also, but last week scored a job working still with kids but part of the new NDIS scheme, (national disability scheme)it's big everywhere at the moment and lots of work, her role is like a liaison officer for inclusive education she loves it.. My sister is also a teacher but she got a bit sick of the classroom thing and now working doing curriculum .. Might be worth checking what's out there, my friend didn't even know the role existed. Interviews are always daunting, I get nervous myself, I have panel interviews, they stress me out.. Things will work out, just look beyond the classroom X

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 04:24:39 GMT

Thanks Nogo, It is good to hear that your sister and friend have found roles that fit them now. It's very comforting.

Can I ask, when you have been interviewed by a panel, what techniques have you used to help your nerves?

Employment issues

MsPurple — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 06:49:01 GMT

Hi Boo. I wish work could be more certain too. I'm in a period of unemployment (ok well I'm casual but getting like 1 shift a week) and I'm a qualified dietitian. It can be frustrating but I'm just applying for admin and nutrition jobs and crossing my fingers and toes. It will happen for us. We won't let our anxiety take over at our new jobs. We will just try our best, listen to our psychs advice and take it one step at a time

Employment issues

Croix — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 11:55:03 GMT

Dear Boo~

You are facing a difficult time, however you have not changed inside. You are still the person who walked away from parents/religion, cared for her little sister and said:

It is more important to know what you want, what you deserve and what you are worth and expect others to treat you as such.

You were so right.

Now your employers are not dong that. They sound as if at best they are treating you as a convenience and at worst seek to get rid of you when expedient to do so.

There is no two ways about it, it is a difficult, probably frightening situation. Both the prospect of the unemployment, and the prospect of going though the job application mill - not to mention the financial side.

I suggest it is your turn to use them to your convenience. MsPurple and others have given you good practical tips that may well pan out into other employment. Stay as long as you can abide it - which may not be that long with your pride and conscience - and try these other avenues.

As someone who used to be an educator I know one does not forget the techniques of the classroom - and the marking and reports are still just as onerous 🙂

Your current situation would not be good for anyone's health and self-esteem. The longer you stay I would think the worse you will feel, as you will blame yourself for inaction on top of everything else.

I said a long time ago I considered you strong, I still do - very much so. Combating employment issues and anxiety/depression is a hard road but you are using your resources - such as this Forum, in an intelligent matter to overcome, and have past personal successes to draw on.

I'm not going to wish you luck as I don't think in the long run you need it.

Croix

Employment issues

Croix — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 22:16:45 GMT

P.S. Forgot to say (brain has a mind of it's own - sigh): I've always found it very difficult to remember what strengths I've got and the importance of past victories in situations that are very worrying or overwhelming. That's why I've tried to remind you of yours, in case you do the same thing.
-C

Employment issues

nogo17 — Sat, 18 Mar 2017 11:31:00 GMT

Hi- panel interviews seem confronting for all people I think.. To be honest interviewers make you a lot more relaxed these days- it's not as stressful as it used to be .. They position themselves and arrange the room very warm and inviting.. Techniques I find is I research the selection criteria- and dot form my important points for each one and try and think of an example from my experience that fits the selection criteria question. I also tell them upfront I'm a bit nervous please bear with me- they understand. If you get nervous just ask them to reword it or give an example- they understand people get nervous. I often put up a confident front even when I'm not confident... It's difficult but I guess it's my way. Just plan before the interview.. Arrive early - eat a good breakfast, deep slow expiration breathing and lots of talking to your self to calm down and relax. You can do it! You are just as qualified and have every right to be there.. 👍👍👍

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 01:51:47 GMT

Oh Wow, you guys are amazing. I am always amazed at the level of support here. Such kindness, understanding and very helpful advice. I appreciate each of you so much and value your opinions so very much. Thank-you all so much!

I will keep in touch and let you know how things are going.

Thank-you again for being such a wonderful community and helping me not to feel so alone.

It means more than words can express.

xoxo

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 05:24:19 GMT

Hi everybody,

I've just been re-reading everything, thank-you all again so much. Having another rotten day here at work and the encouragement has really helped. I'm arranging with my old teaching agency to go back and work a couple of days per week doing CRT which will be lovely. It can't happen soon enough. Today, like many other times, I am the one that cops everything despite having no part in all the mistakes, I'm the one that has to fix them...

The sales team have made a major error costing us at least $700 and causing so much confusion for the dispatch team, who in turn have also made some errors, costing even more. The customer called a number of times and I had to try my best to explain some very poor decisions made by everyone but me... and now I have to try to make sense of all this mess and respond to the customer... all the while copping an abusive email from my boss's wife for an incident where a customer called me "crazy" and I told him to stop emailing me and that he was lying (which he was and I obtained proof of this).

What a day... I'm hoping that when I next speak to the agency they will say that there is heaps of work at the moment... and if so, I will just quit this nightmare and never look back!!

Employment issues

Croix — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 07:52:24 GMT

Dear Boo~

It is really great to hear from you again, and also the good news that you have two days a week away from your existing job.

You have shown amazing strength is enduring a toxic situation for this long, one that could make anyone despair.

An other crumb of comfort, I found when I had 2 occupations at the same time that the bad effect of one was less on my mind, due to the distraction of the other. Not a long term solution , but at least a reminder to me that the whole world was not just the one horrible job.

It is very hard to distance yourself from the mistakes and poor conduct of others when you are the public face that has to deal with them.

As an aside I've just been 'interacting' with customer service for a total absence of broadband and I feel very sorry for the people at the call centers who are forced by their employer try to persuade me to go though a lengthy and meaningless set of steps to diagnose fault in my equipment when inquiries show that the whole area is down. Apparently they are not able to acknowledge this.

Unfeeling employers with their own agendas use people up and then discard them. Although it might be hard (it would be for me in your situation) please don't let it wear you down and let self-doubt creep in.

I hope you are completely out of there and into better times real soon.

Croix

Employment issues

Grace888 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 13:36:56 GMT

Hello Boo

I am hoping that this week is shaping up better for you than last, and that your exit strategy is going to plan.

Hang on in there.

Long after you have left this business they will still be having the same type of struggles and will still be looking for someone else to blame.

Best wishes

Grace

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Thu, 13 Apr 2017 03:02:56 GMT

Hi everyone 🙂 good news, I had an interview with the agency yesterday, it all went really well and I will start on May 1st. They said they have been very busy so it is all looking really good. I'm very excited to be getting back to my passion and away from this atmosphere. I will still have a couple of days a week here but as Croix said it will be a reminder that the whole world is not just this one horrible job. I really appreciate this forum and the support I have received from all of you. Thank-you for taking the time to help me and share your wisdom 🙂

Employment issues

Croix — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 06:48:40 GMT

Dear Boo~

I'm referring to your recent post elsewhere concerning treatment in your public relations position by some who are unbelievably rude and short sighted..

It's an unfortunate fact that people in call centers, help/complaint desks and a host of other positions are not always given the respect they are due, quite the revers in fact, for some they are seen as a sort of lesser being whose needs are of no consequence.

This form of de-personalizeation or de-humanization leads to the idea that it is alright just to indulge oneself, and that is is of no matter if this rides roughshod over the rights or feelings of the other.

It also applies on the road, where some, isolated in their vehicles and the center of their own universe, behave in an abominable, selfish and dangerous manner.

I'm very happy that you have the opportunity to exit that job and go into a more civilized and rewarding area.

In passing the situation reminds me of a short Science Fiction story The Marching Morons by C. M. Kornbluth in which an increasingly small pool of able hard working people sustain a much larger population of drones.

Croix

Employment issues

Boo1986 — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 05:06:00 GMT

That sounds very interesting, I might have to give it a read!! 🙂 Thanks Croix