topic What do I do? in Depression

What do I do?

chipmonk — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 13:49:32 GMT

I'm not sure what to say but here goes..

I'm 28 married for almost 8 years and have two beautiful daughters..

All my life I thought how i thought was normal.. I mean how was i supposed to compare?? And for as long as i can remember I have had problems with awful thought filling my head while i tried to sleep, Always feeling like no matter what I did or who I was no one liked me and everyone will leave me, to the point where I would be the reason they left.. Ive always found it hard to trust anyone because I always think everyone is lying to me and that I'm a pest and no one wants me around.. I suffered through bad bullying through 4 different schools and never really had many friends because the other girls didn't like me, which just confirmed my thoughts of myself.

I haven't just come here to tell a sob story, I need hep as in the last month I have felt like my world was crashing around me.. My thoughts have driven me to a point where it is threatening my marriage. I wrote all my thoughts down on one particularly bad day and at the time it all sounded reasonable, but when I came back and read it on a different day it was awful and I couldn't believe I had those thoughts. I find myself a lot of the time when I am facing something emotionally difficult, that I'm trapped inside my own head with dozens of different me's all with different reactions to this situation and I don't know which one is me now.. Yet I know they ARE all how I feel..Yet at other times I fell like I emotionally switch off completely.

I'm sorry this post is disjointed as I'm writing as I'm thinking, I'm trying not to buffer my thoughts.

I don't want to damage my marriage anymore than it is and I know with time I can work through this but I have to listen to my husband and ask for help... So here I am.. Please Help me.

What do I do?

Starwolf — Sun, 20 Nov 2016 02:05:00 GMT

Hi Chipmonk, welcome to the community.

Kudos to you for sharing your concerns with such honesty. And please do not worry or apologize, you have made yourself perfectly clear.

As a matter of fact, you are showing great insight in what is the root cause of the negative thinking...a low sense of self-worth and self-confidence. I can relate to this as I used to be plagued by the same issues, due to a history of childhood emotional and physical abuse. Dissociation can be a by-product of emotional turmoil.

There's no need to struggle with this alone. Help is available. A wise first step would be to have a talk with a GP. You may need referral to a counselor/therapist to help you get to the bottom of the problem and learn how to manage it. Peace of mind and quality of life are your birthright. So please take good care of yourself. With help and support, some measure of control and quality of life can and will be reclaimed. At some stage, your husband would be given the opportunity to understand what you are up against and also how he could offer support along the journey towards healing. The priority is getting a proper diagnosis.

Overthinking is a symptom of mental / emotional unrest. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you'll find a checklist for both anxiety and depression in the Facts section and also useful info.

There are techniques and strategies that can help with the over-thinking issue. Some of them can be googled (Relaxed Breathing, relaxed Body Scan, Mindfulness). Smiling Mind is a helpful app to download.Those techniques are best if practiced daily, preferably when all is well. It will make them easier to slip into when you need it most.

Meanwhile, please feel free to continue posting and navigating the forums. They're a safe place to connect and unload some of the overload weighing you down. Knowing you're not alone does help.

Good to have you on board.

What do I do?

V17 — Sun, 20 Nov 2016 02:27:58 GMT

Hey Chipmonk,

I am so glad you listened to your husband!
I really admire your courage to do write how you feel; you have taken a first brave step and that is no easy feat, it must have been hard, so well done and thank you!

Welcome to the BB Forums, you are not alone here 🙂

I am really sorry that you are feeling you can't trust anyone, I too find it difficult to trust, so hats off to you for reaching out - it wouldn't have been easy. Having a support base is crucial in helping you over come what is troubling you. I have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and if it wasn't for the support I have received Chippy, (May I call you that?) I highly doubt I would be where I am. So it's important for you to have that support base. The forums are a great start and I fully recommend you continue to write in here if and when you feel up to it - no pressure, okay?

Your family sounds very important to you and that is great! You are very right; time is a factor in overcoming relationship issues, but first things first, which is helping you.

Firstly can I draw attention to perhaps giving the BB helpline a call? 1300 22 4636 They have been incredibly helpful to me when I have felt overwhelmed. They will help steer you in the right direction and are really understanding. There is also a lot of info on this web site that you may find really insightful and helpful.

Secondly, have you discussed how you are feeling at the moment with your GP? You could make an appointment and perhaps take a copy this post with you? It's really important to find a GP, Chipmonk.

This is a very supportive environment Chipmonk and we will help any way we can, even if it just to listen.

Thinking of you,
V.

What do I do?

B2B — Sun, 20 Nov 2016 04:14:02 GMT

Hi there

Let me begin my saying I know what its like to have racing uncontrollable thoughts in your heard. and I also know what its like to have it out your life on hold and stop you from living. Its not a normal thing to think this way you are right in saying that but the good news is that there are so many ways to help it. You may be suffering a chemical imbalance in your brain that can make you thoughts negative and excessive all the time which causes anxiety. Seeing a GP is a good idea as they can diagnose this if its correct and treat you for it. once you are on the right treatment for you your thinking will become clear and more rational also. Then you can start to work on your self and the things that got you in that mind set in the first place.

Recovery and feeling better takes time, but its important to know that you will feel better and you will not always feel this way I promise you.

Hope this helps

B2B

What do I do?

Shred1106 — Sun, 20 Nov 2016 20:30:56 GMT

Hi Chipmonk

First of all - you have taken a big step forward putting things down here in the forum - Well done!. Can I suggest as well that discussing this with your GP is a great step, particularly if you have a good GP who will listen and support. I am finding more resources every day to help me and am very pleasantly surprised by how much there is out there now.I was diagnosed originally 20 years ago and there was nothing back then..Yes, I am in the middle of a setback but..this morning I actually can see the flowers in my garden.

Overthinking can be a by product of our minds trying to sort all this stuff out.

I would also like to say that you are not alone even though it feels like it just now.

Little steps are steps regardless..and movement is helpful.

Take care

What do I do?

Ellu — Mon, 21 Nov 2016 05:35:45 GMT

Dear chipmonk,

I agree with everyone else who has replied to you - you are in a toxic situation and you need to think about getting professional help. If you go to your GP he/she can refer you to a pyscologist to talk with. You don't have to be sick to see a psychologist - a psychologist can listen to you and give you some constructive ideas about coping with your situation. A few years ago my second son had some difficulties; lack of interest in life, irritability, general unhappiness. I had him referred to a psychologist and the change in him is astounding. Getting professional help is the beginning of a transformation. Trust me, we've been there.

Ellu