topic Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression? in Depression

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

QldMouse — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 02:38:45 GMT

I know I'm struggling to ask this in a sane manner, but I would really like to get opinions from other depression sufferers.

For a long time, in parallel to my depression I have suffered what I can only describe as constant frustration. It is an overall tension and has caused many physical symptoms like stress, migraines, high blood pressure yadda, yadda, etc. I've discussed it with psycho's in the past but never got close to an answer. They womble on about relaxation and meditation which fail for me. So here is the question to the community.

Do other people find themselves constantly frustrated and stressed to the point of physical stress symptoms, or even self harm? Does your depression drive you to panic and freak out at things normal people would not sweat?

Yes I have read "Don't sweat the small stuff" but I do, and can't seem to shake it.

Do you? What do you do about it? Does anything work?

Thanks in advance.

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

james1 — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 03:37:13 GMT

Hey Mouse,

I'm not sure exactly what your situation is but maybe you can tell me if some of mine sound familiar to you?

Most of the time I'm in shutdown. Deliberately not feeling or trying to feel. Bottling things, absolutely, but because I'm afraid of releasing it all at once. So I find little things here and there to release my emotions - posting here, writing poems, meeting people, sending a quick "I'm feeling crap. Don't want to talk" to a friend - things that just help me release the tension.

But I can always feel the emotions there. And it manifests in a physical sensation of a lump in my throat all day long, every day, so I feel like I'm choking constantly. It's burst a few times, sometimes in anger, sometimes despair, sometimes panic. And usually about something stupid. A few examples: I couldn't decide what to eat for lunch, my internet wasn't working, my computer graphics card broke so I got lines on my monitor, someone cancelled because they were sick.

So, what helps? Well, nothing helps with the massive outbreak. When it comes, it comes. But I'm trying to learn how to release the tension better.

Think of it this way: you know those bubblers/water fountains which are really powerful? I have to learn the exact amount of pressure to push so it's not too strong and not too weak. Same with releasing the tension in these small ways - how much and how often will I release your stress?

Not sure if any of this helps, but have you found any small ways that can help you release your tension? Maybe you've only done it once and you felt better during - that counts too, even as a distraction.

James

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

QldMouse — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 23:38:33 GMT

Thanks so much James,

There are some similarities, I'm very familiar with being in shutdown and autopilot. Feels numb, and oh boy do I feel tension. Yeah, I have great difficulty with people and have virtually no friends. There is a common thread.

Bloody emotions eh, I know I don't show much but I feel things way too deeply. My order is probably panic, despair, anger. Your day does sound like mine, I also have to deal with traffic and that is not nice.

Where I differ is I don't blow up, maybe one day I will but I sure don't want to be around if I do. That was beaten out of me very early in life, so I keep it to myself out of self preservation. I'm still like that, I'll stew quietly on things and be stressed and frustrated with myself.

I've tried all the stress management tricks in the books, Psycho's have given me the stink eye in frustration. Not much works. They have tried meds but I don't react very well to a lot of stuff, I can't even take panadol and things like that.

For me going for a walk in nature if possible works eventually, music sometimes often not.

Searching for a better way ...

Yes, I had caught a face full from those bubblers many a time!! Happy days.

Cheers.

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 09:46:14 GMT

Hi Qld Mouse,

Reading your post, I could have written it myself, only I go a bit more over the top that you do. I don't just become frustrated and feel everything you have described, I also become really angry and actually do blow up. Not a pretty sight at all believe me.

Actually, I have calmed down quite a bit since my Dr. tried me on a different anti depressant. As I had been on the other one for so long, I had not realised how revved up it made me!

To release my frustration and anger I would do things like go for a walk up a hill so I exhausted myself, pull up weeds, trim bushes, clean the house vigorously, clean out he chook house and chook yard, rip up paper, yell, scream, rant and rave.

So yer, I understand what you are talking about. The meditation and relaxing stuff doesn't help me either when I get past a certain point. The thing is to try and corral the wild brumby before it bolts! Ha. Ha.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

QldMouse — Sat, 27 Aug 2016 23:47:36 GMT

Thank you Mr Dool,

It is nice to find it is not just me.

I forgot cleaning helps me to, although I tend to be a bit energetic with cleaning at times.

Maybe it is better to explode, two psycho's have tried to get to do some screaming, with pathetic results. The theory being it is better out than in.

Thanks!!

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:42:53 GMT

Hi Qld Mouse,

Anger has been a problem of mine since I was a child. No one tells you how to deal with anger appropriately. When I tried to suppress it, it would later burst out of me like a vicious dragon.

Years ago I found myself in a mental health ward. Even there anger was suppressed and not dealt with appropriately. One lady raised her voice, yelled just a little and was gang tackled by about 6 guards and dragged to her room to be injected and drugged out of her brain.

Anger is better out than in, but you need to pick your moment. One day I exploded at a service station. I am very surprised no one called the police on me! A couple of days later I was in hospital again for a couple of weeks.

These days I try to find ways to release the anger before it builds up like a volcano erupting.

Regarding your energetic cleaning, as long as you don't tend to break things when you are so enthusiastic, I don't think that is a problem.

There may be many people on this forum who have issues with anger, it would be interested to know how they deal with it.

Cheers for now.

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

White_Rose — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 07:48:14 GMT

Hello Mouse and Bev

Anger has plagued me for many years and often I have no idea what causes it. A bit like the bubbler James describes. And I find myself feeding it when I am a bit angry, looking for something to be angry about. I think everyone has a different way to manage this. I play music constantly and sing along with the performer. He/she doesn't seem to mind too much. My repertoire is limited so I replay my favourites. And I dance, when no one is looking.

I need to do something physical otherwise I sit and brood. The drawback to this is when I get a bit down and lose my energy to do anything. I feel a bit like that at the moment. Stuff happens and then I crash land and refuse to get up again. It takes a while to start again.

A colleague I once worked with described me as a terrier, when I believed in something I would stick with it. That's probably true in a work context but on my own it takes longer to return to the fray. What gets me going again is my self-disgust. I also have something to prove to my ex who told me constantly how lazy and useless I am. So I am always proving him wrong. Probably not the best motive but it works.

Also finding something to believe in. For me it is my faith in God. For others it is all sorts of different things. And lots of positive self-talk. Not much working at the moment but there must be a flicker as I am posting here.

Mary

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 22:31:36 GMT

Hi Mary and All reading this,

Sorry to read you are having a tough time at present. I'm sure most of us here get that!

My depression has been a bit overwhelming lately. I feel like crying all of the time. There seems to be a lot of changes being made with my work resulting in more and more stuff being piled on my plate. All I want to do is help the elderly, not be bogged down with paper work, stuff on the computer and endless forms.

Yesterday I called the company and resigned. I am giving them their one month's notice. I told my first client yesterday and he told me he was very disappointed I was leaving him in the lurch.

I immediately wanted to yell and scream at him and tell him that if he was in as much pain as I am with my back every day, having constant headaches, with depression on top and feeling some days like suicide is the only way to stop the pain, then he might understand.

Instead I told him I was sorry for the inconvenience, that I had health problems and then said I will start my work now.

I'm going to have to think about ways to deal with my depression, anger and frustrations this month especially effectively.

Some ways will be:

-Count to 10 and take deep breaths

-Go for a walk when possible

-Phone a help line if stuff gets too much

-Call my sister who has said she will be here with me through this

-If at home pull up some weeds and let go of some anger that way

-keep myself occupied with puzzles/craft/colouring in before I become too frazzled

-make a time to go to the beach

-catch up with friends

-make a small fire down the back and cook marshmallows

The thing is to try and not get so angry that I explode before I think about how I could have reduced my anger in the first place! Not always easy to do!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

james1 — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 23:03:34 GMT

Hi Mrs dools

Sorry to hear about the change of circumstance. I think you're doing the right thing by putting your health first.

Another thing that worked for me to manage my anger was to do a check in with myself. I'd do this in the morning and if I wasn't feeling great I'd message a friend asking if I could call at a specific time (so they know to pick up), and I'd also do it before starting anything new to make sure I wasn't doing anything I couldn't mentally handle.

Just about learning to be aware of my feelings and putting the tasks second.

I hope you're doing better than yesterday.

Hugs

James

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 11:44:25 GMT

Hi James,

I just tried to send you a reply, not sure if it worked or not as the computer fritzed out on me!

Thanks for your suggestions.

Hugs to you as well, from Mrs. Dools

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

White_Rose — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 20:42:41 GMT

Hello Bev

So sad to read about your struggles. It's good to have a plan to combat the dark days and feelings. Some days I forget about my coping mechanisms which is not helpful but I think reflects how miserable I am feeling. I also like to sit in my garden and allow the peace and tranquillity to seep into me. It quiets me as little else can apart from meditating and that's hard when I feel all jangled up.

Mouse, it seems you are a domestic mouse with the urge to clean. You can come and do my housework any time. It's never a favourite chore with me. I will pay you in cheese. I understand screaming is not your thing. While I frequently have the urge to yell and scream I rarely indulge. Raising my voice is more like it. However, it's not much help and makes me feel I am behaving like a child having a temper tantrum. Well maybe that's correct.

These days, after much counselling, I am finding it easier to work out why I am angry. I have listened to my body, as was once suggested to me, and realise all the tension I feel in my back and shoulders come from my anger and frustration. This realisation only helps me to consciously try to relax, but it's a start. It does make it easier to start working out what is happening in my brain.

I also think part of the anger comes from not letting go of my hurts, from constant rehashing and wishful thinking. My reasoning is that when I discover the source of a particular anger I can start to let go and reduce the tension. Forgiving may sound a religious thing to do but it's part of getting control of my life and getting well. By the way, by forgiving I mean forgiving myself. Maybe this can lead to forgiving the other. but it's done for myself. So often others do not care if they are forgiven or not, or maybe the person has gone out of reach so cannot hear your forgiveness.

Not sure if I can love myself enough to forgive myself and this worries me. If I don't love myself how can I love others?

Mary

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Wed, 07 Sep 2016 23:09:03 GMT

Hi Mary,

I enjoyed reading your post, a lot of what you have written I can relate to. I've been told that if I can let go of my stress, frustration and anger than I will not have as much tension in my back and shoulders as well. Maybe the headaches will reduce too.

There are structural issues with my back as well, nothing will fix that except for disc replacement operations. I saw a clip on how that is done recently. If it works, it would be wonderful!

Back to anger and frustration, one of my clients yesterday burst into tears when I told her I would be leaving at the end of the month. I stayed and had a chat and a coffee with her for a while.

I didn't end up telling the next client I was leaving as I had no idea what his reaction would be. I will tell him next week! I will send my Advisor an email and ask if the company actually tells the clients or if I have to do it.

Either way, I need to look after myself in all of this. Like you mentioned Mary, I need to listen to how my mind is reacting and deal with any issues productively!

Cheers for now, From Mrs. Dools

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

White_Rose — Thu, 08 Sep 2016 05:46:42 GMT

A quick comment. A while ago I had some pretty bad headaches and pain at the base of the skull. An idle remark to my dentist about what was happening and he diagnosed the cause. It seems I was clenching my teeth in my sleep, some people grind their teeth, and this was causing the pain. He also asked about my eyes but I cannot remember now what was happening with them then.

Anyway he made what he calls a splint, made out of mouth guard stuff and sits over the top two front teeth while I sleep. It stops my jaw from clenching as it reduces the power of the jaw. So I wore it for a couple of weeks and the pain went, quite quickly. I continued to wear it in bed for some time then decided I was sufficiently relaxed to go without it. Now reusing it as I have become tense etc. but no headaches. Perhaps this is worth checking out.

Mary

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

QldMouse — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 06:03:50 GMT

Hi Mrs Dools, Mary and James,

Mrs Dools I'm sad to hear of your recent experiences and the tough time you are having. I really hope life gets kinder for you soon, and I really agree with with James.

I was in that position 2-3 years ago and it was killing me with stress, and basically giving up on myself and not valuing my self. I lacked the confidence to resign, my hat off to you for your courage to take that step. I lost the plot and quietly told my toxic boss what I really thought of him and what he called leadership. Solved the problem much faster. Now I'm over 10Kg lighter, on much less medication, and quite a bit more relaxed. I just need to deal with this frustration thingy.

I did like your list, especially the marshmallows.

Yes Mary, my mad housework and gardening cleanup impulses get mention in the strangest places. It works for me. I know I have a way to go with the "love yourself thing" its a bit of a sore point with the psych's I've been to. There was a thread here about that being BS, I agree with the sentiment in the thread. The Psych's have there heads in dark smelly places.

Mary that was very interesting about the teeth and the jaw, I have a lot of stress in that area and have chipped teeth not realizing how much my jaw was clenched. I have so many mouth / teeth / jaw issues, I could whinge up a whole thread on that alone. When I have enough courage to go see a dentist I'll remember to ask about that.

I know I should deal with the root cause, but if the dam psych is right then it is darn near an impossibility for me to heal. That is a wound that I've had for decades and is a big sad part of me. That is pretty darn frustrating in itself.

Be well all, be happy please.

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

Doolhof — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 10:07:52 GMT

Hi Qld Mouse, Mary, James and All,

Thanks for the advice on the dentist cure for your headaches Mary. I know my sister has a mouth guard as she suffers from tension at night. I may well have the same thing.

I also know that due to the non existent discs in my lower back, my whole back, neck and shoulders suffer. I can feel the pain go from my neck, up the back of my head then tot he front where it sometimes feel like my head wants to explode. Not so good when you are driving 30 k.m. home dodging trucks, sheep and kangaroos on the country roads.

This morning I was so depressed I wanted to check out one way or another. I decided to look up accommodation on the internet but couldn't decide where to go. I had to get to work so didn't have enough time to pack a bag anyway.

I assisted my client for three hours then pushed myself to join two girlfriends for lunch as we had planned a few days ago. They encouraged and congratulated me for making a stand and deciding to look after myself for a change in relation to leaving work.

Loving myself is something I have found really difficult to do, so right now I am going to start with accepting and liking myself.

If it isn't bucketing down with rain tomorrow I am going to try and find some dry sticks and make a fire for those marshmallows, otherwise I will be trying to cook them over a candle.

Hope you all have an okay kind of a weekend. A great weekend will be even better!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Dealing with frustration, in the context of depression?

White_Rose — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 15:15:41 GMT

Hello Bev and Mouse

I imagine it would very worthwhile to visit the dentist ASAP. A mouth splint can't assist much with bits of you missing or broken, but it may help reduce some pain. Anything that helps is worth trying.

Loving ones self is very difficult I find. We know ourselves too well to be under any illusions and we do have difficulty getting past that. I think we miss the point that others also struggle with their self knowledge, no matter how they hide it. Much of what others dislike about themselves is similar to our own feelings of repugnance. I'm not suggesting we do not try to become better people, just that we accept ourselves, with all our faults and brokenness, as people on the journey. We will get smarter.

I need to go back to bed. Went to bed at 8:00pm because I was exhausted and woke about 11:00pm. Now it's 1:15 and I am getting tired again. Take great care of yourselves everyone.

Mary