topic Do I have bi-polar? in Depression

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 03:11:40 GMT

Hi there,

I have recently started seeing a psychologist to help deal with the emotions I have experienced after a particularly painful break-up. It has been very helpful but in becoming more in tune with my emotions through these sessions, I have noticed a few things. Firstly I have noticed that I experience what I could only describe as 'highs' where I am completely satisfied with life, become extremely impulsive, spend a lot of money, have racing thoughts, am very productive and social, become even more loud and talkative than usual (I am an extravert) and sleep very little. Following these episodes, which last anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks, I usually become extremely down, have negative thoughts, sleep poorly, and yeah just become all round depressed. Again this lasts for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.

My first depressive episode occurred when I was 15 (I am now nearly 20) and I have had these 'cycles' ever since although sometimes they are not as obvious and they are definitely much worse when I am experiencing severe emotional stress like I am now.

In the past month a have experienced 2 highs and am now entering my 3rd low.

My psychologist has been focussing very heavily on the break up but I would like to move away from that in my next session and explore these feelings further.

Does this sound like bi polar? How do I talk about this with my health professional without him thinking that I am just matching symptoms in my head like a lot of people do when they Google their illnesses? Also if it is bi polar what can be done to treat it?

Regards,

Concerned

Do I have bi-polar?

james1 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 03:45:38 GMT

Hi sydneyharbour,

Thanks for posting your concerns here.

Unfortunately I can't comment on whether it sounds like bi-polar or not, but I can share my own experience with borderline personality disorder.

I went to my psychologist about 3 weeks ago for the first time with concerns that I had borderline personality disorder, or something similar. I was also worried that maybe I was just making it up in my head and, as you say, matching symptoms. Basically, textbook confirmation bias stuff.

I told my psychologist how I felt, I told them that I thought it might be borderline personality disorder, and I also honestly said that I wasn't sure if it was just me matching symptoms. And you know what? That didn't bother her at all because what she was concerned about was how I felt. My own self-diagnosis didn't matter, nor my concerns about self-diagnosing myself. All that mattered was my story about why I was seeing her, and how I felt.

So I think it's important for you to just be upfront and honest. Tell them that you want to focus on these feelings further and tell them that you've been looking at bi-polar, but you don't know. They're professionals so you can trust them to listen to what you have to say, and make their own best judgement. Of course, if you feel like they are being dismissive, then you know that's a bad fit for you. But I think it's important to remember that they are professionals and that's why you approached them in the first place.

Good on you for seeking help and being so determined to get the right treatment. It's times like this that we need to trust people who know better than we do, and turn away those who -think- they know better than we do.

Do you feel like you can trust your psychologist, or is it still a bit too early to say? I noticed you said you feel like they're focussing on the break-up more than you'd like. Have you expressed that concern to them?

James

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 06:20:37 GMT

Thank you so much for your response, James.

You are right that I will just have to be upfront about the way I have been feeling. I do feel I can trust my psychologist just sometimes it is hard to get everything out especially when you only have an hour or so once a week. I always find myself having more to say than such a small window can allow. And yes I feel he has been focussing on the breakup a little too much but I suppose, again, air will have to be honest about that. 🙂

Do I have bi-polar?

james1 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 06:40:20 GMT

I wish I could give you a big hug right now, just to say you're awesome!

Yes, I always struggle to fit everything into the one hour. I get to 40 minutes and go "oh crap!" So lately I've been writing down the things I want to cover and letting my psychologist know first, then she knows what we need to talk about, and if we don't cover it in this hour, to make sure we do next time.

When is your next session?

Do I have bi-polar?

blondguy — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 09:35:34 GMT

Hi SH, I know you have been on a rollercoaster prior to and after your separation, and you still have the inner strength to post again and well done! I did see on the other post that you do have a pro-active attitude.

As a sufferer of depression since 1995 (and taking AD's) My psychologist helped me deal with my depression and helped me 'accept' and deal with the highs and lows that I was experiencing. The super highs and super lows are now a memory and have the usual ups and downs that many many people have.

Just from my experience (and my doctors) bipolar is another 'branch' of depression. Overthinking or symptom matching is natural and shows you want to recover. No worries there:-) (Just for me I avoid Dr Google as mental health can be made 10 times more complicated by trying to absorb so many points of view)

Research is fine and healthy but with a tired mind.....and what you have been through the last time we spoke..it maybe an idea to let the counselor deal with symptom matching. James brought up a great point about just come out and talk about what you have written here...He/She would be greatly relieved to know 'whats on your mind' so to speak. Then your doc can treat/heal you even more effectively.

Considering what you have been going through when we spoke last....I hope you can take this a step at a time without complicating your life with another type of depression that you may not even have.

Great to talk to you again SH and I wish I had the same strength that you possess when I was younger!

If I may...just a tiny tip....the more frequent the counseling the better the recovery...

My kindest thoughts for you SH

Paulx

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Sat, 30 Jul 2016 11:33:50 GMT

To James - aw thank you, I could do with some hugs to be honest. And yes it so hard to fit everything into that one hour! I will definitely take your tip about writing things down. That should definitely. My next session is on Friday. I've been going once a week but at my last session my psychologist said he was pleased with my progress and told me to start coming every 2 weeks. We will see how it goes, I suppose.

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Sat, 30 Jul 2016 11:41:04 GMT

Hi Paul - great to hear from you again! Yes, it has been a stressful few months. Honestly at times I am not sure how I am making it through. But I guess that is the nature of human resilience. And yes that's what I want, for my psychologist to sort of determine what experiences are symptomatic of, but I also want him to understand that this has been a fairly ongoing thing and not just due to what's been happening. But yeah definitely taking it one step at a time, just sometimes it feels as though the process in terms of mental health is very slow comparative to physical health. And thank you for saying that I have inner strength. Often lately I have been feeling very weak so it means a lot.

My kindest thoughts back to you, particularly concerning your daughter. xx

Do I have bi-polar?

Kazzl — Sun, 31 Jul 2016 22:30:53 GMT

Hi Sydney, I can't say whether you have bipolar disorder, but I can say that I do (bipolar 2). Your symptoms are very familiar to me. I strongly suggest you tell your psych and your doctor.

If you've been googling you might have seen the test on the Blackdog Institute's website? Worth doing.

As for what it is, yes it is a 'branch' of depression, but it is different, in its physiology and manifestation. (I was treated for clinical depression for 15 years before being diagnosed with bipolar). Bipolar is often a genetic condition in which our brain chemistry is different and it manifests differently with the mania and cycling through the ups and downs. It is treated differently too in that it often requires mood stabilisers (and in more severe cases anti-psychotics) rather than, or as well as, anti-depressants. Some people manage it only with changes to their lifestyles and self-care, and I wish I could. Others, like me, need medication to control it and live a normal life (especially as I work full time). Everything I read says the best treatment is a combination of medication, talking therapy (psych) and self-care.

Bipolar is for life. Depression and anxiety can be too, but many people can experience depression only once or a few times in their lives. Bipolar never goes away, even when you're in 'remission' you know it is most likely to come back, and managing it is an every day thing. But having said that, provided it is not very severe (bipolar 1), we can and do live normally if we treat ourselves well and be constantly mindful of what we're experiencing.

There are a few threads on the Depression board that you should have a look at. Mine is This bipolar life, and there is another excellent thread by member Loula about being limited by bipolar.

I really think you must talk with your psych. Don't worry about whether they think you're matching symptoms - I mean, no-one actually wants to have bipolar (believe me!), so it's not like you're looking for a favourable diagnosis! But if it's occupying your mind, you need to know one way or another, rule it in or out.

Best wishes to you Sydney.

Cheers

Kaz

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Tue, 02 Aug 2016 12:20:29 GMT

To Kaz,

Thank you so much for your response and the information it provided. It sucks that it took so long for them to give you the diagnosis for bi-polar! Of course, like you said, I don't want to have bi-polar but I feel like it could explain a lot of what I have been experiencing in life, particularly in the last 5 years or so years.

I will provide an update after my session with my psychologist on Friday 🙂

Do I have bi-polar?

blondguy — Tue, 02 Aug 2016 12:46:13 GMT

Hi SH,

I hope your day was good to you:-) Kaz is spot on with her advice. I just wanted to touch base and see how your day has been. When I was having the super highs and mega lows I really didnt know what to think either.

You are a legend for posting (again) and I hope you are doing okay 🙂

You are not only a great carer (as per previous post) but pro-active where your own health is concerned and well done to you!

Always great to have you on the forums

My Kindest thoughts

Paulx

Do I have bi-polar?

geoff — Tue, 02 Aug 2016 19:32:33 GMT

hi Sydney, a lot of great replies here and with bipolar is can be controlled with medication, just as depression can, but both of these you have for life, although there could be times when you feel on top of the world, because of medication and therapy you are having, but because you need these you can't say that bipolar or depression has gone, because as soon as you stop your medication then it will come back, as it's always there bubblying under the surface.
Many people who have been taking some type of medication feel as though they are cured so they stop taking their med's, but once again they fall back into the dark circle and wonder why, well the reason they need to keep taking their med's is because these illness's are always with you, even if you don't seem to have it at that moment, it is more than likely to once again pull you down.
Negative thoughts and feeling down, not wanting to go out or see anybody or loss of interest in their hobbies, work and even family are typical signs of being depressed just as self harm is, and Mr. Kennett set up Beyond Blue under the heading of 'mental illness' with the main emphasis on 'depression', and under this there are different sections that fall under this heading, so for me depression is on top of the list and then incorporates all these other types of mental illness.

I've had depression since I was about 6 or so, because I developed OCD and through my entire life (61 yrs)depression has come and visited me on and off frequently, but I am very susceptible for having relapses, and prone to have another one, I hope not.
I haven't really addressed your comment, but the high's and low's would indicate bipolar, but then we can't give you a diagnosis, but when we have had an illness for many years, just as Kaz has had to deal with bipolar, which I am really sorry for her, then maybe we could suggest that you have it.
If you were our sister or brother we would tell them that they need to see their doctor and ask their doctor whether or not you have bipolar. Geoff.

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 01:44:41 GMT

Hello again Paul 🙂

Thank you for asking how I have been. To be totally honest with you my current low is in full swing. I feel dreadful from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep but no one really notices because I'm going to work, doing my assignments, reading, hanging out with friends etc. etc. Basically I'm doing everything I am supposed to be doing but it's not making me feel any better. 😞 I miss my ex dreadfully, too, so that is only making matters worse. But thank you so much for your kind words about my being pro-active and all that. I am definitely not going to give up no matter how bad I am feeling right now! I just wish Friday would hurry up because I feel like I might feel a bit better once I get things off my chest.

Sydney xx

Do I have bi-polar?

blondguy — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 23:12:43 GMT

Hey SH, I understand how close you were to your BF and the pain and grief would still be raw. I was the same in early 2015 after my relationship fell apart. Right now distractions and time are the best healers which you know anyway.

sydneyharbour17 said: "I am definitely not going to give up no matter how bad I am feeling right now!"

I admire your strength SH..Paul 🙂 x

Do I have bi-polar?

james1 — Thu, 04 Aug 2016 02:06:02 GMT

Hey Sydney,

I've been following your thread still but I haven't contributed further because I didn't know what to add to everyone's great comments!

I'm sorry to hear your low is back. I can really empathise with you how feel - just doing all things people say you should, but not feeling the benefit.

But you have an amazing attitude. I'm really really impressed by how you're managing this through a difficult break-up which, from my own current experience, can feel very overwhelming. So your attitude to fix the really important stuff - your mood swings - is very inspirational to me.

Just one more day to go! I hope you feel comfortable letting us know how your session goes!

James

Do I have bi-polar?

sydneyharbour17 — Fri, 05 Aug 2016 23:19:53 GMT

Hello everyone!

So I had my session yesterday and I felt as though it was a very pivotal one for me.

In terms of the mood swings my psychologist is not overly alarmed at the moment because I am experiencing a difficult time in my life but has asked me to continue to monitor my moods over the next few weeks in order to determine whether or not there is something deeper at play here.

In addition to that, we discussed some of the strategies that I could use in order to combat the trust issues that will naturally occur as a consequence of the relationship with my ex-partner (for those of you who don't know what happened it is in my other thread entitled 'dealing with depressed and apathetic boyfriend'). This was really great as over the past few weeks one of the major causes of my anxiety has been whether or not I could trust a new partner. We also discussed some of the lessons I could take away from the relationship which really helped in putting a positive spin on the situation.

However, the most poignant part of the session was when my psychologist asked me to retake the depression/anxiety symptom test and in the short space of 7 weeks my scores have lowered from almost all 2's and 3's to almost all 1's and 0's. I didn't even realise how far I had come and I was almost in tears.

One question on the questionnaire in particular interested me. It was 'are you aware of a dryness of the mouth?' For the past 8 months, since my relationship with my ex began to fall apart, I have had a dry mouth no matter how much water I drank or chapstick I put on. My psychologist told me that severe anxiety causes this. I was in shock not only because I didn't realise that my anxiety had been that severe and also because my dry mouth went away about a week or two ago!

So overall a very positive session, guys 🙂 My mood has lifted significantly since, especially because afterward I spent the entire day with a great group of friends who made me feel even better than I already did. 🙂

Do I have bi-polar?

Kazzl — Fri, 05 Aug 2016 23:32:34 GMT

Hi Sydney, how great to hear you sounding so positive! Sounds like you have a good psych and you've had a really reassuring session and a good time with your friends. I'm very pleased for you.

I've been keeping a mood diary and it's really instructive to look back and see how things change - it's easy to forget the down days when you're feeling good, and the good days when you're down. And, the thing is that everyone can have up and down days when they're going through a tough time with relationships etc, not just folks with bipolar. I'm think it's really good that your psych didn't want to make a diagnosis yet.

Hope your mood continues to behave itself 😊 and you have a really nice weekend.

Cheers

Kaz

Do I have bi-polar?

blondguy — Sun, 07 Aug 2016 08:28:46 GMT

Hey SH, you sound so much better 🙂

You have a great counselor and good on you for having the personality you do to deal effectively with your recovery :-). You have a rare trait Sydney.

Kaz is spot on with the highs and lows, we all get them and they can be a pain.I have just been through some mega lows (for no reason) and it is a pain.

Your strength is an asset not only to you but many on the forums SH 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paulxx