topic all alone in Depression

all alone

shagz — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 13:16:27 GMT

Hi. Just popped onto the web chat but they must be busy.

I have no one to talk to. Sorry guys. I have had a bad GP apointment today. I just want someone to know I'm here. I'm fighting. I'm really sick today and its just difficult on your own sometimes.

I may be unwanted, discarded, up against more than I can handle alone but I'm still here for now and I just want someone to know I'm doing my best.

Really sorry about wasting time on here. Sure there's more important threads than this

all alone

topsy_ — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 13:53:57 GMT

Hi Shagz,

I'm still up if you're still there & would like to talk/vent.

Lyn.

all alone

topsy_ — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 14:20:20 GMT

Hello again,

I'm off to bed now although I'm really not sleepy. I hope you might be sleeping peacefully too.

Just remember your safety plan. I know it is really tough right now but you will get better. I promise. It takes time & work but it does get better.

Thinking of you, Lyn.

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shagz — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 14:24:04 GMT

Hi Lyn. I really needed to know someone out there cared that I'm doing my best in the worst circumstances.

I live very isolated. Only people I see are gp's psychs social workers paramedics chemists and police. Its just nice to hear from a 'real' person if you can somehow understand.

especially after a day like today.

Thanks for your kind reply.

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geoff — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 19:38:31 GMT

hi Shagz, welcome to the site and it's good to talk with you, but when you aren't feeling happy after a doctor's appointment then something must have been said that you weren't ready to hear, or didn't want to know about, then it makes you feel uncomfortable, and perhaps saddens you or makes you anxious.
You don't have to feel alone because there is always someone on the site at any hour of the day or night.
When you are by yourself then it does feel as though you're lonely without any support, but that's not what we want you to feel like, because you do need support and someone to converse with, even if you post your comment then someone will come along and then respond back to you.
This may not happen instantly as posts have to be checked by the Moderators first, just to make sure that what is said is suitable and above board.
If you want to tell us about your day we would love to hear backfrom you, however you only have to mention whatever you want to. Geoff.

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Just Sara — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 19:44:54 GMT

Chin up Shagz;

Welcome to our community of caring people. Just so you know ok? We do care..

There's always someone here to purge to or ask questions of. It sounds like you've had quite a time of it.

If you need us, just post. Tell your story, join others, or reach out to help someone. The choice is yours..our forum is the place for inclusion and participation..or to just read.

Hope you're doing better...Dizzy 🙂

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shagz — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 21:44:47 GMT

Hi Geoff. Thanks for your kind words. I read your post a while ago but unable to post back until now.

Sometimes being alone with mental health issues can be hard as you may know.

I don't want to talk about the Dr. yet its to much.

Just thought I'd say thanks Geoff.

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Doolhof — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 22:17:14 GMT

HI Shagz,

I too welcome you to the community here. Depression can be an isolating illness even when you are in a room full of people!

Like others have mentioned, you only need to tell us you have had a horrible day, you don't need to go into details unless you feel like you need to let it all out.

Have you tried writing out how you feel on paper, then rip the paper up. I find that beneficial at times.

Do you have hobbies or interests that you enjoy doing? I know that when I have a bad day I do find it difficult to involve myself in things I enjoy doing.

Gardening has been wonderful for me lately. I seem to relax and feel alive in the garden. We have thousands of weeds to pull up! Great therapy for me.

Please don't think that your thread is any less important than any one else's. Each thread, each post is special.

You mentioned you don't see many people apart from those helping with your mental health. Are there support groups in your region where you could go an d chat with people?

Is it possible for you to find some volunteer work or would that be too difficult for you?

There is no need to answer these questions and comments if you don't want to.

Share what you feel comfortable doing.

You might also like to check out some of the threads in the Social Zone, they are light hearted and a good place to just drop by and say "Goodaye" or join in some of the game threads.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

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shagz — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 22:31:16 GMT

Hi Dizzy.

Thanks for the welcome and advice.

Its nice to know I can come here and post because it helps at times. I have read a lot since returning to BB.

Part of my safety plan is to come here and help others but sometimes I guess I need help too.

Thanks, I will keep my chinup for now.

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geoff — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 23:38:42 GMT

hi Shagz, thanks for getting back to us, but you don't need to apologise,I would never except anybody to have to do this, because there are times when people don't feel like getting back to us, that's OK we understand how you feel.
I live by myself with my puppie and I know exactly what you are saying, but perhaps you could read some other posts just to make you feel more comfortable, as it's just as hard to reply to people as it is to post your comment, it's not easy at all.
There is no time limit on when you reply to someone, where some people don't want to, well we have to accept that, but it's always great to hear back from the person, even if it's to say thank you.
Once again you are not compelled to mention what happened with your doctor, we leave that up to you whether or not you want to talk about it, but if you aren't ready then there is no blame what so ever.
It takes time to gain your confidence and we certainly appreciate this. Geoff.

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shagz — Fri, 23 Sep 2016 03:58:29 GMT

Hi Mrs Dools. Just wanted to say thanks for the welcome and advice.

I play music when times are hard it helps as a distraction. Unfortunately, my instruments are very far away and I have not seen them for 18 months.

I must say I feel my thread is very much less important than any others. I really have nothing to offer society atm other than a head full of problems.

Thanks again Mrs. D.

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shagz — Fri, 23 Sep 2016 06:15:58 GMT

Hi Geoff. Thanks for your concern and comments. Something I'm not used to is people being nice.

You are right about it being difficult to post sometimes. When it comes to personal stuff like feelings, I am usually a man of few words.

I'm sorry, I have some extreme social and trust issues on top of everything else including no self esteem and yesterdays GP app.

I'm finding it a bit easier to post thanks to the support from you and others.

I have a lot of fighting ahead of me. Is it worth it I wonder?

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Doolhof — Sat, 24 Sep 2016 02:32:52 GMT

Hi Shagz,

When I first connected with Beyond Blue I was in a really bad place and many people helped me out. When I am having a tough time, I share again how I am feeling and what I am going through.

Please don't think that your concerns are not worthy, of course they are. Someone else may have different concerns to you, but they are still concerns.

Anyway, I was thinking about your musical instruments and them being some distance from you. You don't need to explain the circumstances. Are you close to a music shop? Could you ask if you could play their instruments in the store?

Are you close to a school with a music department? Would they let you use their instruments? I don't really know how that might work, but you could try.

There are plenty of pianos sitting around in old folks homes not being played.Would you like to share what instruments you play? I can manage the spoons I think! I know I can't clap and sing at the same time, that is too much for my brain to manage. Ha. Ha.

As far as not having much to offer society at the moment, you never know how much a smile could warm a person's heart. When you are out walking or in the supermarket offer someone a smile.

As you mentioned you are a bloke, unfortunately you might have to be careful whom you smile at! Ha. Ha. Some women might get the wrong idea. Then again if a guy smiled at me I would be thrilled!

You asked if the fight was worth it. Yes it is. Some days it is darn tough, but there is always tomorrow with new opportunities.

Hang on in there. Hope each day gets a little easier for you.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

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shagz — Sat, 24 Sep 2016 03:38:12 GMT

Hi Mrs D. Hope you are well.

Thanks again, your post helped me a lot. I have found posting here does help and part of my safety plan is to help others on here too.

Been a bit unwell for that unfortunately .

I get very nervous outside of here around people, it's difficult to go anywhere mostly. I don't trust anybody.

My instruments? I am just another lowly electric guitarist. I am lucky enough to own 3 very desirable models. I have them set up to my style. I miss my 3 ladies.

Now I'm sad but realizing how important these things are to me and maybe my recovery.

I think it takes more energy to frown than smile. Smiles, like hugs I think are underated. I haven't had much to smile about but if a guy smiling at you would thrill you I have a smile for you.:)

It's for all your helpful comments, thanks!

Gotta go now.

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Doolhof — Sat, 24 Sep 2016 21:38:52 GMT

Hi Shagz,

Thanks for the smile. I really appreciated that.

I have a husband who suffers from mental health issues, and I also wouldn't be surprised if he was diagnosed with slight Aspergers, he has a few issues relating with people. He calls us friends!

I'm really sorry about your trust issues. I have built walls up around me that are so tall, at times I have thought they would never come down even when blasted with dynamite.

Now and then I surprise myself with self confidence and the ability to trust myself in most situations.

As you walk down the street, you might encounter people who feel just like you or me, we never know what is going on in another person's mind.

To me, anyone who can play a musical instrument or sing is very talented. I do not have those skills and abilities, and that is okay. I can enjoy listening to music and singing and appreciate it.

If you can pluck up the courage, I would like to encourage you to venture to a music shop and ask to play a guitar or two.

Is there any chance you can gain access to your guitars or is that just too difficult for you?

Regarding helping others here on the forum, do so when you are able. I am sure there are many of us here who have days when we struggle and find it difficult to post messages here.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

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shagz — Sun, 25 Sep 2016 03:49:03 GMT

Hi Mrs. D.

sorry to hear of your husbands problems. I imagine this must be difficult for you at times. I can relate to social issues.

Don't be sorry about my trust issues. My physical and mental health were badly damaged so I need my walls. I feel I cannot survive without them.

You are a musician like me. You play the spoons and everyone can sing. Singing is theraputic and a good way for me to judge my moods. I can sing like nobody is watching because of course, nobody ever is.

my guitars are far from here and can only be picked up by me in person. It is difficult to organize. I MUST not rely on people with this cargo. They cannot be trusted. I will think of something.

I will ask one of the workers if they can help me with the music store. It will take time.

Really have to go now. Thanks again Mrs. D.

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Doolhof — Sun, 25 Sep 2016 22:03:33 GMT

Hi Shagz,

I have a funny story concerning my singing abilities for you. Years ago I ran a Playgroup and Crèche. During each session we followed a program. Part of that was to sing songs with the children.

During crèche one day, a girl came up to me and asked me to stop singing as I was hurting her ears! Ha. Ha. That was hilarious.

None of us can ever know what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes. Regarding your wall, maybe you might like to peep over the top of it now and then and see what is happening out there.

Years ago I spent two weeks in a mental health unit as I had a breakdown. As I had so much spare time, I started to draw. I found that was great therapy for me. I recall drawing myself inside a tall round well like structure.

I might get my pencils and drawing paper out again...

It is great you are thinking about approaching the music store. Even thinking about it is a very positive action!

In Church yesterday we were told the story of a 15 year old boy who hangs around on the streets after school waiting to be picked up at 6.30 p.m.

To cut a long story short, the Minister invited this boy into the Church so he could play the piano there. Apparently he played wonderfully.

Hoping you find some solace today. Cheers again from Mrs. D.

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shagz — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 03:43:43 GMT

Hello Mrs. D, hope all is well for you today.

As far as singing goes maybe I should mention that it doesn't matter how bad you are! I used to be better but had my nose broken several times.

I spent some time thinking about you saying about trusting yourself.

I'm not sure if I can keep posting as I feel your efforts could help someone more worthy. Its so nice of you to chat with me but don't want to waste your time.

Maybe its just me being sick today. I take over 720 mg of meds per day just for mental health. I'm very drowsy so I might go now.

thanks for posting.

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Doolhof — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 10:51:58 GMT

Hey Shagz,

Just want to let you know that you are not wasting my time nor anyone else's. To me, everyone here is important and worthy of being listened to and acknowledged.

Also, if you feel like you can't reply, don't have the energy to do so, or just want to chill for a while, all of that is okay.

There are no rules or requirements as far as how often, how long or how meaningful your posts are.

You just do what you need to do. If you don't feel up to replying, or you need to write a hundred posts, either option is okay.

Wishing you a brighter day tomorrow! I know that some days really suck, been there and done that many times!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

all alone

shagz — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 22:32:44 GMT

Hi Mrs. Dools.

I hope all is well for you. I'm a bit sick. I have contracted a cold. Ha, I couldn't be any sicker atm.

sometimes I cut posts short, I feel strange and have to go. I have been reading many posts including one of yours that made me sad. I'm sorry about things that life has dealt you.

Oh yes about drawing. When really sick i draw but I draw on myself. Everywhere, face arms legs. Mostly I find it the next day as one of my other personalities has done it. The Drs. taught me how to prevent self harm with a pen.

I think you may be getting an idea of stuff I deal with daily. It is so hard to be me. A day without incident is always welcome!

I really better go now.