topic Loosing Myself in Depression

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Tue, 19 Jul 2016 12:50:32 GMT

Up until this year I felt as though I had everything under control. Great family, solid support, great friends, the lot.

Though a sufferer of deep depression I always managed to not destroy every part of who I am. I am naturally a very outgoing , bubbly, life of the party kind of a guy and this year that has been taken away from me.

This year my trauma is rampant, my depression has sky rocketed and I now suffer from anxiety which is a new one to the mix. I have so many mixed emotions and I've been turned upside down.

I am not regularly unable to go to work at the last minute which is killing me and my finances. I hardly do any socialising and the activities I did regularly that were my life line I no longer live for or want. Worst of all my 2 year old son who I love and adore makes me realise how severe things have got. Even his smile and laugh can't break my darkness on the worst days which just breaks my heart.

With this post I wasn't sure what I was looking for. A place to air a snipet of what I am experiencing but a thread where I hope you can share your experiences or maybe a similar situations and what your doing to deal with it and tips I can use with my family

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 01:07:24 GMT

Hi Will.i.am

We have spoken before and you are doing it hard ....You may have to refresh my memory, are you seeing a GP or anyone on a regular basis right now? This would be crucial to feeling better now and to ensure some peace of mind in the future.

Having had the acute anxiety for years...and depression I know where you are coming from Will. This is only humble opinion but a GP or counselor would be first...and a weekly visit to help you bring back the the strength you deserve. The regular visits are a pain but you/your family will reap the benefits Will.

Being able (if you can) to work is also a priority as you know. The socialising can always be handled a bit down the track. For your wonderful son not to break through the dark clouds is not a good place to be in Will.

GP or counselor first is crucial...you will find your family and work with both become easier. Having a 'tired' mind....depression/anxiety is debilitating Will. If the doc mentions meds, go for it. They can provide you with a platform on which you can heal.

Always great to see you Will. I hope you can post back...as many times as you wish of course 🙂

My Best. Paul

Loosing Myself

Starwolf — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 01:51:54 GMT

Hi Will and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Search for your previous threads has yielded no results. I agree with Paul, you are suffering inner pain and need help and support. If you are already on a health plan, please let us know your thoughts about it. If you are not, please keep in mind that there's no need to go it alone. Feeling depressed is isolating enough without the addition of a lonely struggle. With the right support and persistence, control can be regained, one small step at a time.

You are a caring family man and enjoying healthy family life and connection are a birthright.Being deprived of it is heart breaking.

It is difficult to know how we can help without having more info about what the situation is. So I hope you will post again to enable us to do so. Looking forward to reading more from you.

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:09:20 GMT

I am currently seeing a psychologist and am increasing the frequency at the moment. I do find it a challenge at times to get there but reap the rewards afterwards.

GP has currently put me a.d which I haven't found really help do then a increase was given. He said finding the right one can take time. I understand but it is very frustrating.

Thanks for the reply. Just knowing I have a place where I can speak to like minded people is incredible. Thanks for sharing a bit bout you too.

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:16:15 GMT

Time can be such an awful thing. A year of the increased elevation of mental health has caused me to have more frequent visits to doc, psychologist and mess.

Yeah the family sinario was and is devastating.

what kind of things would be helpful for you to know.

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 22:28:11 GMT

Hey Will, thanks for posting back, and for the kind compliment too 🙂

Will said: "Just knowing I have a place where I can speak to like minded people is incredible" I too have found super kind people here like yourself Will.

The AD's can be hard to sort out but worth it in the end. I have been on them since 1995 and its one of the smartest moves I have made.

Here for you Will and I hope your Friday is good to you:-)

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Loosing Myself

Starwolf — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 00:59:11 GMT

Hi Will.i.am,

I agree that time can be a pain in the proverbial but -like everything else- it also has a good side. It is a great healer. Hopefully, time spent grappling with difficult psych issues or finding the right med balance will be an investment towards a brighter future. I can relate to the feeling of having chunks of your life taken away, of being turned upside down and inside out. I once was a lost soul, with heaps of questions but no answers. I can now look back and realize the value of those lost years. They were a platform from which I could know myself and reclaim control and peace of mind. It certainly didn't feel much good could ever come out of it all at the time...Experience has taught me that the only way out of the abyss is often via the bottom.

Please feel free to share whatever you feel comfortable with. One of the many advantages of these forums is that here, you are in charge. They're a safe haven where you are in control.

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 13:08:44 GMT

I truly appreciate your replies and of course you sharing bits and pieces about your life. This really helps me to see that others are dealing with much like I am and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess something I thought was laying dormant until my son came along was my trauma of being sexually abused as a child. I can't remember how old I was exactly but I was around 8 years of age and it didn't stop until I was 12/13. It really affects my mental health as I still see this person every so often and it's like nothing happened. I think seeing my son say hello to the person truly freaks me out and wish I'd never have to see them again.

This is a portion of what's happened over the past years but especially the last 2.

I do have to book another doctors appointment and get my medication sorted but I have been so anxious to go back I keep putting it off. I nearly made it last Friday but something got in the way. I even saw my doctor at the shops and I did everything to avoid him. Typing this makes me laugh as it sounds so stupid.

thanks again

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 13:31:26 GMT

That took a huge amount of strength Will. 5 years....oh my god.

I was taken into the basement in Canada when I was a kid and was belted. I had to wait in the basement for 30 minutes first before it happened....over and over again.

There is nothing you have said that is stupid Will. You have my respect and admiration for being the person you are now. I hope your weekend is good to you my friend

My kindest thoughts for you Will.i.am

Paul

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 13:37:55 GMT

My goodness Paul! How dreadful. Oh the pain and hurt these people have caused.

Paul I am sending you one huge hug. To say thank you and for you. Especially for you!

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 14:18:16 GMT

Thankyou for caring and the hug too! I need it. My dad is elderly now and in his early '80's....he has 'lost' all the fire he had when I was a boy. I am 56 now and 'its' still there. I am caring for him now even though he lives 5 klms away...He is frail now.

I really appreciate the huge hug Will, more than you know..

I hope when you have the time you can stick around the forums, I think you have a lot to offer others

My Best to you...my friend.

Paul

Loosing Myself

Guest_4987 — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 14:32:55 GMT

I have read through this thread and just want to send a hugs to you all because i can you all deserve them.

We all have things in common.

Wayne

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 14:46:38 GMT

Sorry to Hi-Jack your thread Will.i.am

Thankyou Wayne...Will will respond of course...I just wanted to thankyou so much for the hug and your understanding..My kindest thoughts to you. Paul 🙂

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Sat, 23 Jul 2016 12:39:23 GMT

Thanks Wayne and Thanks Paul.

Thanks for sharing Paul. It truly blows my mind that your caring for your dad after all that was none. You truly have a heart of Gold. Someone I see as Good People!

Wayne I don't know much about you and hope to as I ponder through these threads. Sadly your right about the things in common reference. This is one dark world we live in. I'm finding the more I open up about my life the more I free myself.

Loosing Myself

Starwolf — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 01:05:10 GMT

Hi Will.i.am,

Good to read that opening up via these forums helps you unload some of the overload. It's amazing how writing out our thoughts and feelings also helps clarify them to ourselves.

Well done for thinking about making a GP appointment. It is a decision that demands courage so it may take more than one attempt. Many of us will relate to chickening out at the last minute...Just a minor setback.

I know from personal experience that sexual abuse leaves deep scars. Nothing like it to destroy self esteem and confidence. As a child/young person, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. No wonder the usual reaction is to push it under the carpet ! Unfortunately, it is never the end of it. It always ends up festering, like deep-seated neglected wounds do, slowly but surely spreading toxicity to all areas of life.

We were once helpless children. But as adults, there is the opportunity to make helpful choices towards healing, taking control and reclaiming lost peace of mind. Step by step.

Wishing you a good new week.

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 06:43:02 GMT

Starwolf your so right. I have felt the dark cloud enveloping me This past week starting to clear and a glimmer of light slithering through. Just amazing how cloudy and out of focus your brain can be an when it passes you feel completely renewed.

Abuse is an awful thing, especially when your taught to believe it is normal. A mind game they play. Manipulating the situation to make you think this behaviour was normal and all people do it. Not realising to much later that they stripped this innocence away from you and leaving this terribly entrenched scar that leave you numb. But you don't realise this numbing to later on when you need that feeling and that part of your brain that they have so brazenly taken away from yiu and you have to work so hard to peel back layers and layers of painful and emotional memories.

I am fortunate that I am surrounded by beautiful people now who truly care for me and a son I know I need to be around for. It is them who you thank when you hit rock bottom! when you want that pain, that void in your life to be gone and you can't escape and you want it to stop... My son looks at me so innocently and says I love you Daddy. I know that's why I am still here. Because of this hedge.

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 06:47:22 GMT

Name is W,

Please all who read this know that this thread can be for all who are sharing there story and need assistance within there own life.

I have come to these forums for support from like minded people as yourselves and to win my battle with mental health. This past year my mental health has taken its toll on me, pushing my family, work, friends and commitments to the background, but YOUR experiences and support here have helped me to see that it can be managed and one day conquered.

Loosing Myself

Guest_4987 — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 11:43:07 GMT

Hey W,

I agree totally with your last post, BB is such a great place for people battling with there mental health, i personally know of no other place where one can get so much support from others who have there own battles to deal with (there maybe others).

I would like to support you in agreeing that the dark can be managed and i do sincerely think it can be conquered but for me i haven't quite got to that point and to be honest it may never happen for me…what i am trying to say is this…a couple of months ago i started to slip in my dark place i slowly slipped down hill until it got so unbearable i reached out to the people who use BB and over time the black dog has moved on and honestly i am feeling much better so what i'm saying i may have not conquered my depression but today I'm ok and thats the main thing. It was suggested to me by another member to stop trying so hard to fix all and just go with the flow and thats what i have been doing and you know what it has had such a positive effect on my mental health and much easier than becoming exhausted and then confused, so for me if i can feel ok today thats great but maybe next week or next year things may change and i may find myself relapsing but hey if i can control my mood today i must be able to control it again in the future so thats a really good thing.

W it's so good you can see a way to manage what is so painful to you i would like to send you a big hug and hope your days keep improving, your personal story is similar to mine.

Wayne

Loosing Myself

Will.i.am — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 18:42:53 GMT

BB is great! Something here for everyone. Which is such a relief.

like you Wayne I have not one my War, but some battles I have managed to be the one on top. Hearing you talk about just been concerned about today and not what the future holds is great advice. If only all days could be as simple as today.

I will try and find your thread Wayne because I'd be interested in hearing bout yourself.

Loosing Myself

blondguy — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 17:06:11 GMT

Hey W

You (and Wayne) are kind people. Its really nice to read these compliments...from two people that have so much to offer. The bulk of the 'hits' that BB gets is from people that choose to only read the forums which is fine. By posting you guys help many people that dont have the courage to post and thus benefit from your life experience and views 🙂

Thanks big time for the care and understanding you have given to me too 🙂

Paul