topic Sleepless night with tears in Depression

Sleepless night with tears

Pinkmum — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 13:03:34 GMT

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with an older boy of two. He is sick at home with dad and I'm at my parents crying behind the closed door. I suffered major depression m from the very beginning of this pregnancy and is still everywhere by this day. I could bearly have private time, even half an hour each day with hubby to share how I feel. Only tears can express my drowning sadness. Only people who have been through this understand how I feel. I hope.

Sleepless night with tears

blondguy — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 13:41:16 GMT

Hello Pinkmum

Hugs & Welcome (and for the strength to post)

I have depression but if you can bear with me I would like to get a friend on the forums that can give you the support you need...

you shouldnt be going through this alone Pinkmum.....

we wont be long

Paul

Sleepless night with tears

Just Sara — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 15:15:49 GMT

Hi Pinkmum and welcome to our caring community;

Your cries for help seem very distressing which isn't good for you at this time of your pregnancy. The Lifeline and BeyondBlue live phone chat service is a really advisable place to start ok?

I'd like to be able to assist you, but have little info to go on. I do feel you need a professional to help you sort through your overwhelming emotions and hopefully get some sleep.

I do understand your situation, or at least what you've told me. My husband left me for another woman when I was 30 wks and I had to work full time till my due date to survive financially. It was hell getting up to work each day exhausted and very, very sad. But the upcoming birth of my son kept me going. I wanted to see my little baby, healthy and with at least one parent who cared, more than any hardship I was going through.

Strength comes when we need it most, how else could we survive childbirth? It seems unimaginable women can get thru their pain alive, but we do...and so can you.

I'm with you and so many others, like Paul (post above this) who is caring beyond belief. When daylight approaches, there'll be more of us to talk with and even more as the day goes on. We hear you and care about you...please know this.

For now though, could you try these numbers and talk with very compassionate people who are trained to help you get through this crisis?

Lifeline: 131114

BB: 1300 22 3646

Otherwise, I urge you to see your GP tomorrow for a review and referral if needed.

Take care of yourself and your little one's...

Sara (Big Warm Hug)

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Pinkmum — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 07:58:09 GMT

Thank you Paul and Sara. At least I know I am not alone. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. This afternoon I had a chat with my husband and asked him to read some information on caring for depressed partner. I hope this will give us a chance to work this out. My bub is getting sicker with high temp now. I pray he will be better soon and be ready to see his new baby sister. Sara, I thank you for sharing your experience. You have incredible strength!

Sleepless night with tears

Just Sara — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 23:35:12 GMT

Hi Pinkmum;

Thankyou for the complement...yes I was strong, but I had to be. I suffered post natal depression too but had my family close by. I left my career to be a single mum and do the work of both parents. People take this for granted as being normal these days, but it's bloody hard work.

I really feel for you lovely; partners do need to be informed and educated on the plight of women during and after pregnancy. However, men also feel helpless because it's in their nature to 'fix' things when they're broken. I don't want this to sound superior; men don't relate well when it comes to emotions or feelings, so they're not really the optimum sounding board for women going thru emotional pain. Other women make better confidants and friends when it comes to understanding.

With your hubby, try to be specific when asking what you want from him. Make it simple and doable and he'll respond better. Eg...I'd like you to take our son to the dr's as I don't have the strength. I've written his symptoms down on a piece of paper with how long it's been going on; give this to the dr. (Instead of saying; I'm feeling horrible today. Can you help?) This will make him feel supported, valuable and have an achievable outcome. It'll give you time to yourself and more confidence in him...win/win.

I know what it's like with sick bub's...so upsetting. Sometimes we need to look at parenting as a job; for peace of mind I mean, not indifference. Babies get sick regularly because they're transitioning, mind and body. It's ok to fall apart afterwards too. You're only human..

Keep in contact ok? I'd love to hear how things are progressing.

Hugs...Sara

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blondguy — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 04:53:06 GMT

Hey Pinkmum 🙂

Thanks heaps for replying, and yes you are spot on Sara is very strong!

I think you are a very pro-active (strong) person to have enabled all the help you have and for having the strength to post here too

We hope your son gets better very soon, bless him

Really great to have you here as a member of the family Pink 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paulx

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Pinkmum — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 10:48:33 GMT

Hi Sara and Paul, surprise!!!! I delivered my baby gal Mia this morning. She is 35 weeks and huge weighting 3.1kg. Hubby is home with my sick son with high temp. So I am lying in hospital with my mother staying overnight. There is no 'yeah!' from me this time as I am just feeling numb and dettached from my new born. She is in special care and I am not that eager to see her. I just got my sleeping med and hopefully I can get a good night sleep. Guys, I already feel you are part of my family. Big hug.

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Just Sara — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 15:30:17 GMT

OMG this is a huge surprise! Congratulations to you and your husband, and good on your mum for her support.

Mia is a beautiful name PM! I hope your labour wasn't too long or difficult. She certainly is a good weight so I'm sure she has amazing resilience to get thru the next few weeks. Bless her little soul...I send out a prayer for her. I'm also sending one out for you, your husband and sick little boy. There's a few things in play for you all isn't there?

It's good you're getting some sleep, you'll be needing it to cope with upcoming days. Rally all the support you want and tell the nursing staff you're suffering with depression and finding it hard. They'll do what they can to help out and get referrals etc. They're the backbone of your situation; use them to supplement strength and courage to give yourself time to adapt and get stronger.

Technology and medical advances these days will give Mia the best chance possible to thrive. Taking care of yourself is primary right now; leave it in the hands of the post natal team to do what they do best because they're amazing people.

It really is bitter sweet lovely isn't it? But you'll get thru this one day or even each moment at a time; try not to dwell on the future too much ok?

I know you're doing it tough with internal emotions, but could I suggest something if I may? The one thing that can't be replaced for Mia is the 'touch' of her mother. She's in survival mode at present and will be for a while. Having your skin against hers, your smell or voice, will encourage the healing process for her. I know you're not feeling the bonding thing yet, but as the saying goes; 'fake it till you make it'...for Mia.

If you ask the staff, they'll take you in and hopefully let you hold her one way or another even if you only get to touch her little hand. I know you said you don't feel up to it, but you have a lifetime of experience to go on, and Mia is only starting out on her path. She needs you darling...it's hard to 'give' when your mind is numb, I know too well. Just touching her without 'feeling' it is enough. God knows you're screaming inside...I hear you too.

We're here PM...caring unconditionally to get you thru this. Keep in contact lovely...

Warm cuddles...Sara xoxo

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geoff — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 17:35:48 GMT

hello Pinkmum, I'm so pleased that Paul and Sara have replied to you just to let you know that their are people who care for you.
Congratulations for the arrival of Mia but unfortunately at the moment you're not happy, that's what PND does to you, it destroys any enjoyment in your life, but I do know that down the track in a couple of years you will be so pleased to have both your children, but right now you are unable to see this, because my wife had PND with our second child which then lead onto myself getting it as well, which made it very difficult for me to run a family hotel business.
I was very apprehensive going upstairs when the pub had been shut and because I had been working 15 hours, simply because I was so inexperienced knowing what to do as well as hiding my own PND so I had to put on a fake persona to make sure that she didn't know how I felt.
I am wondering whether your husband has been able to take your son to the doctors not that they will be able to do much but that's not the point it will give you both some comfort where the pharmacist maybe able to give you some syrup to help bring down his tempature, because once you know about this then it could be helpful for you.
It is going to take a little while once you get home to adjust to having a new baby again, but more so to overcome your PND, so try and get help from your mother, which I hope that she will do without any asking too many questions, and with you it's time that you get the professional help not only from your doctor, psychologist but also any groups that will be able to help you and other mothers with PND.
Don't punish yourself for being like this because once this does happen then your condition will only get worse. Geoff. x

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blondguy — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 00:40:49 GMT

Hi Pink

Congratulations on the birth of wonderful Mia 🙂 I am really sorry that you are feeling this crook with PND.

I am very happy for you and Mia 🙂 I hope your son is a bit better too Pink

Great to see the great advice above from Sara and Geoff

you are not alone Pink

(Hugs) and well done to you

Paul x

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Just Sara — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 20:04:34 GMT

Good morning PM;

I just wanted to let you know that yesterday our system was down. None of us could get our posts to register on the threads.

We're still here and things are back to normal, so if you want to pop in for a chat, please feel free to do so.

Wondering how you and family are doing...hugs...Sara xo

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Starwolf — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 23:10:00 GMT

Hi Pinkmum,

I hope this early arrival wasn't too harrowing. Perhaps this clever bub felt the pregnancy was hard on you so decided to end it earlier. Like all new Mums do, you deserve a standing ovation !

Now that Mia is in good hands, it is time for you to have a well earned rest. So please be kind to yourself. May it be PN or other, depression is something happening to you, not caused by you. Hormones play a big role in PND. It is out of your control so guilt doesn't come into it and must be ditched. You have been through a lot but have courageously struggled through this difficult time while feeling very much alone with it all. You don't need to carry this useless, extra burden around.

Kids are perceptive, perhaps letting Mia know that her Mum is struggling at the moment and that it is neither her fault nor yours would be helpful to both of you.

Telling hospital staff exactly how you feel would be a brave and wise move. They are familiar with PND and would help you cope. There is usually 1 social worker attached to every hospital or at least a visiting one. Asking to have a talk would help her point you in the right direction to get further assistance when you are back home. Caring for a newborn and an unwell toddler is not for the faint-hearted at the best of times...so please do not hesitate to seek any help available in your area.

My thoughts are with you.

Sleepless night with tears

blondguy — Sun, 06 Nov 2016 23:25:34 GMT

Good Morning Pink!

I hope you are doing reasonably okay and you have some quality support that you deserve.

My best for you young son too, I hope his fever has come down after the other day

my kindest thoughts for you

Paulx

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Pinkmum — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 02:11:50 GMT

First of all, thank you guys for your support and love. I am feeling a bit better today after a good night sleep. Mia's doing well in special care. Like what Sara says 'fake it till you make it'. I try to feed Mia every couple of hours so she can get the support she deserves to survive this challenge. My other baby being looked after by hubby and his father so I am not stressed about it at the moment. I feel you guys are a family to me and because you went through it all, I could really connect with you. I hope I can go through this. Kept on telling myself 'this will pass too'. Love you all.

Sleepless night with tears

Pinkmum — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 02:15:47 GMT

Hey Sara, I was wondering if you had similar feeling like below. I was walking down to the special care yesterday and a sudden wave of fear drowned me. The thoughts of looking after two kids for another 15 years at least is not something I am capable of. It is new, unplanned and challenging. I can't even look after myself. Did you have similar thoughts? Would it ever go away?

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Just Sara — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 04:40:00 GMT

This is just to test if my post's are going thru. (System error?) Bare with me ok?

Sleepless night with tears

Just Sara — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 05:17:17 GMT

Ok...good to go lovely!

It's nice to read you're feeling better today after some sleep. I'm also very glad you're feeding and giving Mia the 'touch'...faking it or not. Well done beautiful! I'm so proud of you...

To answer your question; I had PND after my son was born. I had to stay in hosp for 20 days all up...10 before and 10 after. It was harrowing. My son was very ill and had to stay in a humid crib after he was born, (full term) and I couldn't touch him for a couple of days due to having an emergency ceaser 6 hrs into my labour. I had mastitis from not being able to feed him...expressing the milk was so painful!

I planned to have my son and was prepared, at least I thought I was. My husband was absent for the birth and didn't give any support. I was mortified when my baby was bought to me with track marks down his arms; I nearly screamed the place down. No-one told me what was going on. I didn't have time to worry about the future Pink...I was in the moment trying to get thru all the above.

You have the gift of insight as you mentioned that you're scared of being laden with a new born and a toddler for another 15 yrs. It's my guess this has been on your mind for a while...am I right? You also said; 'This too shall pass'. You're one up on me young one. I had no idea what was making me depressed and wanting to escape. I locked myself the door while in the bath for hrs as my mum and sisters tried to knock the door down fearing I would harm myself; it wasn't pretty. I had to go back to full-time shift work a couple of months later. Guilty much...you bet!

As Starwolf said in her bloody amazing post above, talking to a Social Worker might be just what you need to off-load face to face with someone who's trained to deal with you and your fears. This is my advice before you try and deal with things alone. My story is unique to me, as your's is to you. Please talk it out Pink...let everything you can think of out in the open. Rant, sob or scream with anger until the truth comes.

I had nobody...you have many, so take advantage of them to avoid my experience of having to deal with it yrs later in therapy..ok?

Thinking of you lovely...hugs for you and Mia...Sara xo

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Just Sara — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 05:50:57 GMT

Hey Pink;

I created a new long post, but it was taken by the moderators. I think it was a little too descriptive. I don't have time atm to do another one, but will be back on-line later if that's ok. I'll watch my words and terms a bit better...sorry for this.

Sara xo

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Pinkmum — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 10:23:15 GMT

Dear all, I just came back from special care visiting Mia. She is a fighter and all nurses complimented on how well she behaves and ready to suck on bottles. I feel so proud of her! Sara, you are a champion star! I think what you went through was incredible and to see the light at the end of the tunnel gives everyone courage and spirit to fight through difficulties. Everyone in the family commented on my 'easy one hour labor' and I should feel blessed about it. What they do not understand is depressed person does not like surprises, especially in painful situation. It WILL trigger anxiety. Like what Sara went through before and after birth. I planned my labour with my OB and Psychiatrist for nine months to have epidural, to have C section. None of that happened. I was told by nurses 'it's too late' without my OB by my side. I had painful labor with severe tear and lost 1L of blood. There was never a 'easy' labour to any female. And I am emotionally traumatized because of the event. Every other person will possible laugh at my cowardliness. But hey, health is not just a physical representation of well being. One of the nurses screamed at me during labor 'listen to me..xxxxxx' Well, I couldn't listen to anyone at that time. I nearly slapped her face 😛 Thank god I did not or otherwise I might have ended up in the street delivering Mia.

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Starwolf — Tue, 08 Nov 2016 00:32:55 GMT

Good morning PinkMum...I'm sorry you had to go through this trauma. I hope it will mean that you will stay a while longer in hospital. This will allow you to rest while you are both being looked after.

I'm delighted little Mia is doing so well but concerned about your family's lack of understanding.

It sounds like they need to be informed about depression. Because its symptoms fail to make sense, the condition cannot be grasped by reason. It is difficult to understand for sufferers, even more so for those around them...so they can end up being most unhelpful. This "illogical" character, combined with general ignorance and emotions running high often make spoken attempts at explanations impossible. Printed info usually gets through better. Being compiled by professionals, it is more difficult to brush aside. It can be read and reread at leisure and without the emotional outbursts that can make face to face conversation so difficult.

Well done for asking your husband to read about supporting someone with depression. How about extending this to the rest of your family ? If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you'll find that printed into can be ordered free of charge (in the Get Support section). It could be handed over to your family. Returning home to look after both little ones will be daunting at times. It would be easier on you if the rest of the family has a better understanding of what you are up against. They may feel more inclined to help out.

It's OK to be scared. I'd be lying to you if I told you it is going to be a walk in the park. So please take good care of yourself and make sure you get the support you will need. It will make a huge difference.

I hope your boy is feeling better and can soon meet his sister. He must be very excited and disappointed to be kept away while recovering.

You are one brave woman, PinkMum...you have my respect and admiration.