topic My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do. in Depression

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 22:42:03 GMT

My anxiety seems to have turned into depression that I am not so familiar with.

The past few weeks have had added major traumas/stressors -instead of panic, which I had to control to deal with them then and there I have profound sadness which is not like me. Not the "me" others know anyway. I awake each morning with tears not far away and then they come almost straight after getting up.

I desperately want to ring a friend and say "I am so depressed, I am so sad". The first thing they say is "Why?" and then try and cheer me out of it and begin telling me how THEY are! I put on too good a front you see. This is not the "Moonstruck" they have known for years , they just don't SEE me.

On "R U OK" day no-one asked me! Perhaps a good thing, because I would have told them and they'd have laughed and invited me over to the Club to cheer me up!

When someone takes the ultimate "way out", harms themselves, I won't use the "S" word in case my post won't appear or something , someone always says "Why didn't he/she say something? Why didn't they ask us for help? Why didn't they tell me, Why didn't I see the signs?" I feel like yelling "They DID ask for help, they DID give signs, they DID tell you, there were HEAPS of signs they were in serious trouble...and you Laughed, or brushed it off, or didn't take them seriously.".

"You just couldn't believe such a lovely, capable, "together" person who was coping so well with the ups and downs of life, was TRYING to let you know, you just didn't hear them".

Moderators I am not in danger of doing anything desperate today. I would never leave such a legacy to my kids or grand-kids...just wanted to make a point...because I want to ring a friend and can already anticipate that they will simply not hear what I am saying. I have an appt with psych tomorrow and have a similar worry that I appear so socially OK she won't "get it" either! (my job and whole life journey has required me to be skilled socially and verbally eloquent with excellent communication skills..not always evident on here I realise.....but it does sabotage me a bit when I desperately need comforting)

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

MarkJT — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 23:03:29 GMT

Moonstruck, well done for reaching out and to make sure that you know this, you are NOT alone in this journey.

You can recover, make no mistake about that. You will naturally smile again and the tears will subside.

At the lowest point in my journey, i sat on the floor of a shower in hospital, unable to move. I thought i knew what sadness was...i got a decent lesson that night as to what sadmess was actually like. I am now fully functioning, recovered from PTSD, depression and anxiety. I still have so so and and bad days but all in all i am happy where i am at. Why do i tell you this? Because you need to see it can be done.

Do you practise mindfulness? If not, start. It is awesome and one of three key subjects that i do daily to keep and continue to build my resilience. The other two are gratitude and empathy. When i get triggered and suffer flashbacks, i use mindfulness to ground myself. When i feel anxiety coming on, i use mindfulness to settle myself and when i feel low, i use mindfulness to level me out.

Exercise is awesome and very much a critical part of maintaining a healthy mental state. If you are not already, start going for walks, slow walks and take in what is around you. The sights, the smells (unless you live near a sewage treatment centre!!) and just generally be aware of your surroundings.

I jump on youtube and search "dog fail" or similar, just to have a laugh. "Laughter is the best medicine" is a cliche for a reason. Then surf youtube listening to your fave songs.

Definately open up to the psych and not everyone clicks with their first psychs so if you dont feel comfortable with that one, seek out another. That is fine to do.

As mental health is such a grey area to some, your friends etc may not recognise or want to ask how you are in case you say you are not and then they dont know what do to. In any event, this forum is here for you to express your thoughts and queries, the beyondblue helpline number is there to use and you have a tonne of support here.

Again, well done on reaching out.

Cheers

Mark.

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

wantalife — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 23:21:22 GMT

From my experience with Anxiety or "Depression" one of the first things to do is to cover up, or "Bluff" within any social (Even close family is there is nothing wrong. The mechanics of trying to not feel different or attract attention the fact you do feel off of different. Theirs possibly a good chance no one has noticed your feeling low because you've hidden it so well and they simply don't know that's how your feeling.

Anxiety and or Panic attacks in general take a great deal of energy if daily to keep going through the motions and having this a major focus. To a point that can then drain some to a point eventually will turn to a depressive state, in which surprisingly for me then removed my focus and anxiety seemed to drop away in the distance.

Depressive states however are common, and I caution information I provide with genuine Citation and or reference in which "It's believed" via (DSM III) in which is forever expanding (personal opinions aside) at least 2 weeks of continuous lows daily are when Alarm bells should be noted and perhaps a professional opinion should be sought.

That conversion you've mentioned though is interesting. I'm hoping it may just be a couple of things have got you down, and find you bounce back pretty quick. Sometimes it's hard to pin point why, it just happens. Hope you cheer up a bit, but a lack of notice from others is definitely not reflective to that of a lack of care... Chin up- You'll be right 🙂

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

White_Rose — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 23:39:54 GMT

Hello Moonstruck

I think we have spoken before but I'm not sure. My apologies for my bad memory.

You are absolutely right about feeling so bad and people trying to jolly you along. You are also right about suicide. People do wonder why he/she didn't ask for help and shake their heads in disbelief. On the front page of BB there is a huge banner Don't be afraid to talk about suicide. If you click on it you will go the personal stories of people about suicide and other information. It may be helpful to read this and perhaps it will help you to talk to your friends without the usual responses. And YES, I do understand you are not seriously thinking of this option.

If I may offer a suggestion about your psych and you appearing to be so well adjusted or whatever. I know it's hard, but please try to let go of your self control and speak to her from your heart and emotions. I do understand as my preferred option is to laugh and joke when topics get a bit too close for comfort. And I look quite composed etc. It's hard to break this habit which is of course a defensive move, but try and relax and spit out you problems and feelings. This is not a time to be "brave". Your psych needs to know how dreadful you feel.

Perhaps when a friend asks "why" you can say "I don't know, but it feels bad and I don't know what to do". It may a good idea to meet with your friends. Phone calls are helpful, but there is nothing like a personal get together when you feel so miserable.

Have you read any of the information here? Asking BB to send you some information may help with the conversation. You can give hard copies of information to your friends. Those who read it and get back to you are those who will at least listen to you. Go to the blue tabs at the top of the page and explore at least the first three. You will be able to see what is available and what to ask for.

I suggest you copy and print your post above and show it to your psych. If nothing else it will demonstrate that you URNotOK. Love to know how it all goes.

Mary

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

geoff — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 23:48:15 GMT

hi Moon, this post of yours I don't feel comfortable only because I can't see much improvement for you, and that does worry me greatly, and perhaps this comment could be you talking or instead how you just wish that people were out there ready to help you, pay attention to you because you're screaming for help.
When anybody is talking to someone hoping that they will catch on that you crying out for help, but they don't listen and somwehow change the topic so this annoys you because you don't want that to happen, you have your hand raised so high in the air (metaphorically speaking) so why can't they see that your only screaming out for help, and when they don't respond, then how do you feel, absolutely terrible and lost once again.
Don't be afraid to tell your psychologist as soon as the session begins, no chitty-chat, but say 'please help me, I'm desperate, youhave to help get through all of this.

If I am wrong with my second line I have said I'm horribly sorry, but I still know what you are saying. Geoff.

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 01:34:41 GMT

thank you all for responding so quickly.

Geoff and Mary - I will try to not hang onto any self-control seeing the psych. I don't put on a facade deliberately believe me - I don't think I could tomorrow anyway, as I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. Mary that's not a bad idea about printing out my original post and taking it with me...would she read it? I could read it out to her perhaps.

Mark I do try what I believe is Mindfulness. Walking is good I agree with you...if I can drag myself out of this mental sludge just going around a few streets this afternoon couldn't hurt. I do find some comfort at night before bed when it's dark to light a candle, play some Indian meditation/music/chants etc and zone out for 15 minutes if I can make it that far - sometimes I don't. What "comes up" these days is plenty of tears, but I believe they are therapeutic anyway.

and Wantalife, that's a good point you make about stress, anxiety and panic sapping our energy and easily falling into depression, you seem to understand where I am coming from so thanks.

by the way I am ravenously hungry...I am just so hungry...I've hardly been eating at all..like a sparrow....and not normally a junk eater anyway.....but I don't want anything to eat, I can't seem to be bothered eating anything, although I recognise that I am hungry. I go sometimes for hours and hours without any food at all. Is this a sign of depression I wonder....perhaps I should mention that to the psych tomorrow too?

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

White_Rose — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 02:11:56 GMT

Yes, tell the psych everything you have written here. Print out the whole thread and give it to your psych to read. Of course she will read it, it's her job. But more importantly she is there to take care of you and to work out the best options for you. Of course she will read it. I imagine it's the equivalent of a number of sessions of dragging the information out of you. Not literally of course, but I bet she will be pleased with your insights of you and the good descriptions you have written. Way to go Moonstruck!

I had a session with my GP yesterday. A wonderful lady who often knows more than the psychs. She is keeping tabs on me because I am in a difficult position ATM. We are working through it. I also see a psych but as it is school holidays I haven't had an appointment.

It's interesting that I have found women to be the most supportive and helpful in my mental health journey. Talked to a male psychiatrist years ago who used to regularly fall asleep while I was talking. He was very sarcastic, but according to him it was OK because he said I was sarcastic. Not sure about the ethics of this. And never on time, and by that I mean usually half an hour late if not more. So I have found the medical ladies in my life much better at helping me to get well. And I also respond better to them.

Well I appear to have gone away from the topic of you, but I will leave these comments in as you may want a laugh and also know we are all in the same boat. Sometimes that is the most reassuring piece of knowledge, that we are not alone in our struggles.

I have just noticed that you have replies from Mark and Wantalife, which were not there when I posted above. One of the nice things about being a champ is that our posts go straight onto the forum. But if someone posted before me, once the moderators have seen it, it goes in place in chronological order. Why am I saying this? Weelll, I lost focus for moment. Ah yes, both guys are saying the same thing as me and Geoff so we cannot possibly be wrong (?).

I look forward to your next post.

Mary

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

CMF — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 02:59:41 GMT

HI Beautiful Moon,

I'm so sorry depression has taken hold of you now. You have been through such a stressful few weeks as we know. I agree with everyone's responses and do believe that anxiety can drain you so much that you feel depressed. I experience this at times. Definitely try going for walks and doing things you enjoy. How's the weather up there, you've mentioned elsewhere it has been quite warm.

I can relate to what you at saying about your Psych. I think the relief we feel when we know we are going to see and talk to someone makes us feel a little better so the "issues" become masked. I have cancelled appts after making them because i have felt better. I agree with one of the suggestions to not get into small talk with your psych, just get to the point of how you feel. The small talk may make you feel safe and better but you do not really feel like that. When you went through your anxiety with your recent scare you mentioned on your other thread you mentioned you felt silly for being so foolish. There was nothing you could have done to avoid what happened but perhaps the way you felt towards it has made you feel quite low now looking back on it. Remember, depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future.

My dear Moon, You will get through this. you have had a tough few weeks. I'm glad I saw this thread and hope you find some peace very soon.

Your friend

cmf x

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 05:19:40 GMT

Thank you so much CMF - you are always so kind - you may have hit upon a little gem of understanding....re when we know we are going to talk to someone professional and neutral...perhaps I do relax a bit and "feel better" just by being there in the room. It's a place of "safety" to me and non-threatening. Perhaps sub consciously I know I am safe there and no one is going to hurt me....so I feel some "relief" and it tends to mask the pain underneath a bit. As you said "I will get thru this" I must keep reminding myself of that.

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

CMF — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 05:31:44 GMT

Great minds think alike 🙂

Sending you big hugs

cmf x

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Lost_Girl — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 09:07:00 GMT

Dear Moon,

Big hugs from me. I have been without internet. We are out for dinner. My family have gone in and I am posting quickly from my car. I shall be home Sun so will catch up more then.

It has been aparent to me that you have been getting worse and worse. When you mentioned hiding at home for days sleeping and not being bothered to dress or shower etc it triggered warning bells. It is good that you have some reasons to get out and you can put on your mask and act so well as though nothing is wrong but you know things are worsening. Thankyou for being brave enough to say it.

I do think that over a long time drs can get used to us. Sometimes it is good to have a change for a second opinion. If they say the same as the first then perhaps it is best to trust them. However sometimes it can bring a new perspective to a situation as they see you for who you are today and not the you from the long journey. In order to get the best care you should provide your history too though. Sometimes medications aren't given for good reason but I am hopeful seeing a new GP may give a fresh insight.

My two cents worth. I care for you very much my friend. Keep safe and I will catch up Sun. Love you xx

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

CMF — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 06:43:56 GMT

Hey Moon,

how are you? How did your appointment go?

cmf x

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Just Sara — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 08:27:27 GMT

Hi Moon;

I'm sorry to hear about the morph from anxiety to depression. It's a bugger when this happens. I went thru it a while ago and went to my GP and Psych. Dr Kim has replied to this issue too on her thread.

I don't want to turn this obviously sensitive time for you into something else, but I discovered my hormones were unbalanced - yeah..'that' time of life!

When I was menstruating, (not now) I used to have one day each month where I'd lay in bed with snacks and water by my side, and pull the blankets over my head while I felt like 'doing the deed' most of the day. What a feral time! Glad that's over with. But a couple of months ago, those feelings came back without a tangible reason.

It might be worthwhile having your blood's done to see if an imbalance is apparent. At least this would tick a causative affect off your list of unknown's.

Beautiful responses from other's by the way...wonderful. My heart goes out to you.

I hope this helps...Dizzy xo

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 09:59:19 GMT

No, I'm past all that now Dizzy - don't think I can blame any hormones - my current sadness is related to actual events, or cumulation of them...thanks for caring. Yes everyone's been so thoughtful haven't they?

CMF...the appt went OK I guess, depends on how you evaluate them I suppose. I was feeling teary in the waiting room so knew it wouldn't take much for the floodgates to overflow which they did...I was a sobbing mess actually from the first moment....so bugger the social skills, and "behaving well in public".....I knew if I fell automatically, as I do, into eloquent calmness as I clinically explained what had been happening, I would sabotage myself - I blurted out what I had to straight away, "apologising" for appearing like a Drama Queen or Attention Seeker....I went thru so many tissues, the poor woman couldn't have failed to get the depth of my pain.....she made another appt for next week. I just feel so tired, so very tired...is that normal?

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

White_Rose — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 11:32:29 GMT

Hello Moon

Yes tiredness is normal when you are crying constantly etc. It really is exhausting. Plus of course all the worry which causes tension in your upper back and neck and probably in other places. So you are struggling to make an uncooperative body work. It makes me tired just to think of it. Rest of course is the answer but I doubt if you will do this because it's not in your nature. Also , while it will give time for some physical pain to dissipate the psychological stuff starts piling up and causing more tension, pain, distress. It really is a mongrel.

Congratulations on getting your message across. It seems you have given your doctor a whole new insight about you and probably made her sit up and think. Lost Girl said it about doctors not always noticing your slide downwards. See what happens at your next appointment. Meanwhile, please get some rest. I know, I know, it's not easy but try anyway. Do you have a decent physiotherapist near? This past month has been horrendous for me, hence my familiarity with tension induced pain. I have a good physio who helps to release the cramped muscles etc. It starts off as emotional and manifests itself as pure pain

By the way, and just being curious, did you print your post off to give your doctor? Just curious if you did about her reaction. I wondered if it was helpful to one or both of you.

Please take as much care of yourself as you can. Remember the BB phone line is there 24/7 if you need a friendly ear.

Mary

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

MsPurple — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 11:49:37 GMT

Moon I'm glad you went to the Dr today and I'm sorry it didn't go so well (or you didn't feel like it went so well). I find that after some appointments I feel so tired. I think it is normal to feel this way. Apparently depression can make you feel really tired. I know I feel this way some days when my depression is really bad. It kinda feels like there is no light at the end of a tunnel. But trust me there always is. And there is no such thing as a drama queen in therapy, because this is the one time you can let everything out. I like to think about is as intense venting. haha. It's good your seeing the psych next week because you can have another intense venting session again.

Sorry I'm having trouble concentrating tonight. I feel like I'm not asorbing all the info.

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:20:26 GMT

Mary - I did print out the stuff from my thread...I thought it maybe a bit "pretentious" and "precious" of me but she didn't seem to think so...as I was obviously so upset, shaking and could hardly control myself as I got it out...she said "Take your time...is there something you'd like to read to me Moon....is there something you;d like me to read?".....so that had been a good idea to take it with me.

Strange your mentioning a physio.....over past months have been plagued with tendon trouble in shoulder, plus a "bad back".....also been suffering acute pain in hip-joint when walking......nothing serious requiring surgery or anything drastic......he gave me exercises, some taping up, some acupuncture. These boring exercises I am supposed to do 3 times a day have worked miracles!! he is a genius or was some kind of healer in a past life perhaps!!! (young and extremely handsome too by the way).

So I am very lucky to have him so close to where I live. I am trying, trying to be kinder and look after myself more, put myself a priority...which is so hard for me to do, I realise that now. I am so used to making sure the people I love are happy and well - I don't know how to do it for myself....who can teach you how to do that I wonder?

Ms Purple...thank you for caring too - I guess you are just about ready to move to Brisbane..hope it goes well darling.......

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 22:33:27 GMT

I sound like I am drowning in self-pity and that is so unattractive, I realise that. I apologise, I am sorry but where else can I vent? I have never been this low in spirits over the years without being able to have a drink to make it better.......I know I have been dreadfully depressed in the past, but always had my "medication"...my few drinks and I could almost "see" the anxiety and depression fading away bit by bit, like watching a temperature gauge..the alcohol worked!! It made me feel better...now I have to live through this and just cry constantly.

This weekend being a public holiday is torture for me. The past couple of days I've looked at the clock from when I get up "oh good another hour gone...only x number of hours to get through until night falls and I can look forward to my bed/cocoon and "escape" from this deep melancholy that is seeping through my veins.

I spoke to my neighbour yesterday, on my way for a walk. I smiled, I joked. As I was walking, my eyes were filling with tears behind my sunglasses, it didn't matter, no-one could see, I didn't embarrass anyone or make them feel uncomfortable. I sat looking at the ocean, crying.

I returned, later that evening I joked again and laughed and shared my neighbour's harmless pleasant conversation as if my life was going beautifully.....no one knows. This is new to me because it's the first time I've had to cope with it, without alcohol...I don't think I can make it.

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Lost_Girl — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 02:36:51 GMT

Dear Moon,

I have been in the position where I would literally cry all day everyday. I tried a number of things to "cheer myself up", but none worked. The only way I could get out of that dark hole was with help from my GP, psych and meds.

You mentioned you have another appointment next week. Did she give you any advice on what you can do in the meantime?

The best thing I can think of is distraction. Something you can immerse your mind in that it will not have time to think and feel how it does right now with all the things that are hurting. For me this is movies as well as doing something with my hands (colouring/crocheting), I need both occupied to get my mind thinking something else.

I wish I had better answers dear friend. Perhaps you can try and get into your GP earlier and talk about how you are feeling.

Carol xx

My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

MsPurple — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 06:06:36 GMT

Hi Moon. Im real sorry to hear you struggled today (or yesterday) Those days are really hard to get through. I'm glad you got out of the house. I know you were teary the whole time, but just getting out of bed on those days is a huge achievement. It can be really hard to be in so much pain and to try and hide it. I think you shouldn't have to hide it from you husband and family. Maybe showing them this side will help them understand more. We can't help having bad days, they just happen, and sometimes nothing can shop it happening. (for example I have GAD and I go to counceling, take meds and try meditate/eat well, but I still have days when anxiety and depression overwhelm me). But I know I can get through it with the support of my family and my team. You should reward yourself and feel good that you got through the day. Take pride in the small victories.

If you want to vent more and we can't reply fast enough you can chat online by following the links at the bottom of this page.