topic My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been? in Depression

My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been?

Moonstruck — Tue, 01 Nov 2016 22:43:07 GMT

What is wrong with me - am I stupid? Do others find themselves automatically smiling and chatting away cheerily to others they've known for many years as if all is OK? Or is it just me?

My oldest friend - since teenagers - we've shared so much over the decades - although not seeing each other in person much, don't even email very often - doesn't make any difference - she lives in another town - shared intimate conversations and supported each other thru romances, marriages, divorces, love affairs, kids, jobs, even the same hobbies and interests - we were each other's bridesmaids -the lot! Just pick up where we left off...easy like old slippers.

She rang yesterday out of the blue instead of emailing..."G'day". We chatted about our grown up kids, grandkids, the mutual hobby we both have and our plans for those activities - and not once did I say how bad the last few months had been re my anxiety, depression, indecision about quitting my job (hers is much more secure and due to a rich husband, has no money worries..half her luck!!) worry about d.i.l's depression, son's unhappy marriage, my seeing a psych, crying all the time - not a word!

As far as she knows. when I hung up she'd obviously think "Well Moon seems to be going along OK - good for her!"

Anyone know why I did this? I trust her. I love her. I admire her. I told her nothing! Some "friend" aren't I?.....confused Moon S.

My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been?

blondguy — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 02:31:39 GMT

Hey Moon, always great to see you 🙂

You are anything but stupid. Venting is great but sometimes it may be more relaxing to have a 'problem free' conversation with someone.

The tone of the conversation may have a up beat happy one that didnt require discussion about the never ending problems we are going through Moon. We are human and fallible.

Maybe when you have the energy (and your friend has the time) you can have a really good gasbag about the rocky road you have been driving down.

I think your phone call went well. Always good to have a chat to a friend and discuss them rather than ourselves too.

You are just a kind and caring person Moon. When the time is right you will have your chance.

Always a treat Moon 🙂

Paulx

My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been?

Moonstruck — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 07:34:48 GMT

You know something BlondGuy? You're not as silly as you look! Not long after I posted that epistle....I had my own answers! Either it was because if I'd started talking about how horrible things had been, I would have overflowed and suffocated the poor woman....because I can literally tell her anything!! So I just didn't start.

OR.....and I think like you, this may have been the reason....because simply hearing from her made me feel better straight away, and I simply had no "need" to unload, or begin to cry or whatever! (I prefer to think this was the case anyway). perhaps I was trying to over complicate, over=think things too much?? Instead of merely accepting that my old bestie rang and we talked and laughed over things and people we found funny.

KISS.......(and that's not a come-on you handsome devil)...I must remember to 'Keep it Simple Stupid"!!

My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been?

Cornstarch — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 07:49:53 GMT

Moonstruck (I am slightly obsessed with the moon state at all times, is that flattering to you?),

I don't think it is a lack of honesty, a lack of authenticity or some sort of indication that you have spiralled, or grown apart.......it's just a 'pause'.

Whenever my symptoms escalate, I go through this, 'No Mans Land' stage where I am unreachable, still highly self sufficient and self contained, no one actually knows I have been travelling there, I appear somewhat normal, and yet only I know I am back there. Why make a fuss when I know it so well.

It's a secret scenery only I know, a view only I have viewed.

Sometimes I want to share it.

And sometimes I don't.

That doesn't make it tragic, or alarming

It's just a 'pause'.

Am I descending again? Or is it just a little blip? Maybe all it is, is an acknowledgement that I know this space. Hello again. I'm weighing it up on the inside, just with myself.

But for now, sometimes I just want enjoy a private universe. It is honouring what I weathered all by myself.

After all, there are certain things only I experienced, only I can feel, no-one was there to share it with - and it's OK to have intimacy with myself.

I don't have to explain my inner landscape 24/7.

If I become desperate I will always be sensible and ask for help.

But until then, I can just sit, and watch it flow.

Peace.

My Best Friend rang - why didn't I tell her how low I've been?

blondguy — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 18:33:40 GMT

Hey Moon

You know me so well lol, I am not as silly as I look :-).......just sillier!

You are spot on about 'overthinking'...its one of the pitfalls of anxiety even with having counselling since the late 14th century. I am lucky that I have broken the habit of doing it as much as I used to

I re-read your topic again and I think you have done really well on the phone call from your friend. Nice1 Moon

Thanks bigtime for the mega compliment too, Paul xo

Corny, always great to the wisdom you have to offer xo