topic Alone and Acceptance in Depression

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Sat, 20 Jun 2015 22:28:33 GMT

This weekend was the first for me to be fully alone. Children were away and the house was very empty and quiet.

I tried to keep myself busy, but you find yourself slipping back to thinking in the negative. Tears were shed at random moments. The sting of a partner gone all to prevelant.

I then think to myself, well this is your lot in life, need to start preparing for a life alone. I truly feel that one should not have to be alone. Unfortunately with my circumstances that is a reality I am now facing.

So what do you do when friends don't call back or you are limited in what you can join? BB is a great help, people listen and care, but the lack of physical contact can start to wear you down. I have a fear of if something happened to me - who would know?

I know I am the only person who can change this - trying to find the inner strength to do this is the challenge.

I wonder????

Alone and Acceptance

Jacko777 — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 00:41:54 GMT

Hi Indra,

I think small steps is the key Indra. I know for myself I have to stay in touch with what I am passionate about in life, one of those things is Nature, so I am constantly taking small steps to be more involved, I give time to conservation groups, attend events and get to spend time alone and with people in some beautiful parts of the planet. I feel good that I have made a move to come closer to my passion, I feel good being out there and I have satisfaction from doing what is right. Finding my true passions is not something that can be rushed, in fact it might take a lifetime but at least I know I am on the right track.

Perhaps we need a BB get together?? Until then I send you cyber hugs. xxoo

Jack

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 13:22:19 GMT

Hi Jack,

Thank you for your response - your positivity is refreshing!

At the moment I am still trying to find myself - and fully agree with the small steps forward. I guess it has been so long that I have done anything for myself, I have to find some direction to what I would like to do.

A BB get together sounds awesome. It would be great to hug and talk to everyone in person and thank them for helping me not catapult into an abyss. I have had some great support on here. Unfortunately with the way BB is designed - I know it isn't meant to be. So, cyber friendship and hugs it is ☺

Hanging on and in,

Cheers

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Chris_B — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 23:23:34 GMT

Hi Jacko and Indra, regarding BB get togethers, you may be interested in joining our blueVoices group if you haven't already. We do run meetup events from time to time, as well as other activities.

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 00:52:47 GMT

Hi there Indra

I don’t think I’ve written to you much of late, so am not fully across your situation, but from what you’ve described here, it’s kind of a like a ‘brand new start’ for you. I couldn’t imagine how tough that would be, but it’s been awesome to see that Jacko has been a solid support for you.

When you say you need to find some direction for what you would like to do, is this you referencing thoughts of your interests/likes/loves/hobbies, etc? Are you into sport or physical activity kind of things – cycling, swimming, jogging, gym, etc?

I know a few years back I would journal loads of things about how I was struggling, just get behind the keyboard and let my fingers do the talking – it was a great kind of release and perhaps even therapy, as it was also encouraged by my psychologist. I’ve worked further on these and it’s now manifested itself into almost a book format, or manuscript if you will. And some day, someday it would be awesome to chase it up, pursue it to be published.

Anyway, that was just one of my things I’ve done along the way – but again, we are all different and this certainly might not be for you.

Still it’s awesome that you do find benefit from coming to this fantastic site. I think so many of us find all kinds of benefits from coming here and I’m pleased that you’re in that boat as well. And yes, it’s not the same as having the old ‘one-on-one’ friendship, but hey, it’s helluva lot better than nuffink at all. 🙂

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 09:08:40 GMT

Hi Neil,

Thank you for responding as well - I have had a lot of turmoil going of late and apart from various other issue, yes I am having to start on my own again after my fiancee recently walked out on myself and my children.

I am glad for the support on here - Jack was very positive and I have had ongoing support and friendship from TMB and Lauren as well. It helps immensely!

As I have children with disability - finding direction is a hard one when I have devoted so many years into caring for them - you forget to think about yourself or in my case feel guilty at times.

I am looking into finding a hobby of sorts - I would like to learn German again, as this is my heritage and I learnt it for awhile when I was a child. I know I can do most of this online as it is not practical for me to actual go and attend a regular class. I am also going to start going to the gym again - that one requires at bit more motivation lol I like to write as well - fiction mainly - feel proud of yourself for achieving what you have so far with your book.

I agree with you - it is better to have the comfort of cyber friends, than no one - it is appreciated that everyone on hear takes the time to listen and respond.

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Wed, 24 Jun 2015 01:33:50 GMT

Hi there Indra

Great to hear back from you.

I’m guessing it has been a hard journey so far with your children and having to also try to find time for yourself, but this is something that should be looked into AND it’s awesome to read some of your thoughts that you’ve provided.

I’m sorry to hear things didn’t work out with your fiancée – those things can be terribly difficult to work through and I’m assuming that the others who have written to you on here have helped you through that period, but I could imagine it is still very much in the forefront of your thoughts, if it was only recent.

The learning of german or the re-learning of german sounds like an excellent option – especially if you’ve done it as a child, it’d be interesting for you to see how quickly you pick it up again and things you have remembered previously. I still remember a sentence from I think, my early high school days: Un hat eir nickt drie ecken (and forgive my spelling of that, but I believe it says: My hat it has 3 corners). Highly useful huh! No wonder I never used that when I went on a Contiki tour a number of years ago! Best kept to myself that one. 🙂

That’s great to hear about your writing – brilliant – just tinker away at it; that’s the beauty about these days, you can just keep adding things and type away; so much better than when we had to pen or pencil things on a page.

Gym gym gym – yes yes yes. Though I am slightly biased by this as I go approximately 6 days a week. It’s most probably my Number One stress, frustration, tension, etc release that I have. Getting in there and lifting weights is awesome for me – having an amazingly hard and at times heavy session and it’s just so good for getting out some frustrations, etc, PLUS afterwards, I feel pretty awesome – I think they’re things called endorphins that the body produces and they stream through for a while after.

Running can do it, as to cycling – any kind of major physical activity.

But the motivation for the gym and other such activities has got to be there and be strong, otherwise it can be something that just happens a few times and is discarded. But if you can find that “fix” and that keen-ness for such things, then it can become habit, an addictive GOOD habit.

Would love to hear back from you again.

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Wed, 24 Jun 2015 08:02:18 GMT

Hi Neil,

Good to hear from you! At the moment it has been a rollercoaster ride of few ups and more downs. My fiancée did leave only recently and I think what hurts the most was there has been no closure and a big lack of honesty. I spoke to my GP today about it and his response was that he said that my wx has no conscience!

It is a lot of work (and patience) caring for two children with special needs - but they are my children and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them.

Thank you for the German phrase and I got a chuckle about the Contiki comment. I am taking it was in footloose and fancy free days? Lol

I agree with the gym - it's a great way to zone out - 6 days a week is very dedicated! I am able to get 2 sessions a week in and if weather permitting, I do take my youngest for a walk. There are horses close by and he enjoys patting them. Unfortunately, my eldest son is a runner and I usually have to find secure places to take him.

Busy day tomorrow, off to my lawyer. The youngest's father is starting to be difficult again - something I don't need at the moment. I guess I will deal with one thing at a time.

Well duty calls - must be off.

Take care and thank you for checking in on me.

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Fri, 26 Jun 2015 00:18:07 GMT

Hi Indra

Great to read your latest response. And I’ve gotta start with a tongue-in-cheek comment (by the way, don’t you find that ‘typing’ a tongue-in-cheek comment is far easier than saying it !): you say you only get to the gym two sessions a week if weather permitting – does this mean your gym has no roof? Ahh, I’m guessing it’s one of those ‘on the roof’ of a building kind of set ups – wow, pretty swanky. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Any breakup is extremely tough and is even worse for the person who perhaps wasn’t aware that it was going to happen and then as you say, receiving no actual closure from it and other things, then yeah, I’m really feeling for you, cause it would be hurtful and would be bloody tough to get through.

You are so right – with regards to our children, there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for them and the care, the affection, the love, the dedication that we give to our children is just as natural as breathing. We do it without a 2nd thought. And yet, it’s sometimes good to even look back upon the very first days, those early photos of when they were so tiny, so (well let’s face it, for want of a better word) useless and us as brand new parents, it was some interesting times. I remember either walking up and down our street with our first born son (now 17yo) in the pram hoping that the movement of the pram would get him to sleep or to take him for a drive. And then to find that pretty much both of these things worked, “until” I got him home again and had to get him out of the pram or out of the car!! D’oh !!

Ohhhhhhh, now I’ve re-read it, and it’s nothing to do with your gym at all – it’s to take your son for a walk if it’s not cold or damp – please excuse me, my morning tablets haven’t quite kicked in yet.

I’m not sure about how to comment on your son who is the runner – but that has got to be a good thing right? Fitness and all that or is it a kind of uncontrolled kind of running as you say you’ve got to find secure places to take him?

I don’t understand how other people just wish to make things difficult for others. And in a lot of these cases, it’s more than even people we know – it’s as close as family members (or ex family members) who decide they want to be difficult. Oh boy, I’ve got a stack of other words that I could use instead of difficult, but they wouldn’t be allowed on here.

Chat again soon,

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Fri, 26 Jun 2015 09:46:27 GMT

Hi there Neil,

Thanks for saying hi. I am still getting a great chuckle from you! I have a very dry, dark sense of humour - witicisms are easy for me either way lol Yep, the gym is very new fangled roof and all - I still stick to the equipment I know how to use. I could see myself getting stuck on something and have to require some assistance to untangle myself!

It has been tough with this relationship breaking down. My little one has been more affected by my fiancee leaving, than his own father's departure. That is another story in itself. I sure can pick them. I am half resigned that this maybe it for myself and relationships. I know it is only early days, but my situation has changed and taking on someone with two special needs children is not for everyone - and that is ok. I miss the conversation and affection I guess the most. Oh well.

I think we have all been there, driving or walking for ages trying to get children to sleep (I still have trouble getting mine and keeping them asleep - hence the delightful shade of raccoon I always seem to be wearing lol) I think they do it on purpose haha

You are excused - I am not on meds - but I don't function before my first coffee or three!!

I think some people like to cause drama for others - it covers insecurities or short comings in their own lives. I am used to my family - it's just how they are. As for ex's vindictiveness comes to mind and the have their cake and eat it too scenario. I am over people who are controlling and have started standing up for myself - took (cough,cough) 30+ years to do so, but it is making me feel better about myself for doing so.

I hear you about using some more colourful words other than difficult - must be restrained,must be restrained!

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Sun, 28 Jun 2015 05:39:08 GMT

Hi Neil,

Sorry I had forgotten to add - my son being a runner is NOT a good thing. He has to be watched constantly or he will actually run off/away and his road sense is not terribly good. He has gotten out on a couple of occasions and had to involve the police. It is very stressful!

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Mon, 29 Jun 2015 01:11:15 GMT

Hi there Indra

Awesome to receive your latest response – ain’t it grand how with a few minor tweaks or adjustments to our language or writing, we’re able to deliver slightly different meanings. I did enjoy your raccoon reference – I wonder how many people have suffered from that; and I’ve got to admit, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard it called that. Loved it. 🙂

Ah, with the gym equipment, while sticking to the equipment you know is the safe and easiest way to go – it could come a time in the future, that you may wish to expand a bit and try to find out how these other ones work? From a staff member, if they roam around or from a possibly friendly looking fellow gym goer, who you’ve spied them using it – the gym I go too, we’re only too happy to help out newbies who are wishing to find out how something works. That way it’ll give your session a bit more ‘bite’ and also will target slightly different muscles – always good to keep them guessing.

There’s an old saying, ‘never say never’, just in regard to future relationships, etc – so just toddle along at the moment, but who knows what happen down the track or around the corner. I’m guessing also that your little one being just that little bit older no doubt got to know your fiancée a lot more than his own father, purely because of the age of your little chap.

Insecurities – short comings in their own lives, yes, I think that’s sure part of it – but I think perhaps once a bully, always a bully – perhaps they were bully’s as children and have simply grown up and kept their mongrel tendancies – a possibility.

Oh boy, now I understand your term of ‘runner’ – that would be very frightening for something like that to happen.

Kind regards

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 09:08:57 GMT

Hi Neil,

That is certainly the truth with word play! I have always been interested in English and I am a voracious reader. That's is half the battle- the more you read, the more you learn, hence the more you know!

I have been keeping busy with the school week and school holidays start on Friday - that is a day of mixed emotions. Will trying my hardest to keep two boys entertained in winter - no mean feat!

I had a good gym session - I had the place to myself. It is a 24 hour one and it was nice to slog it out without feeling selfconcious lol I felt better afterwards and it was a great delight not to feel sore the next day - back to it tomorrow.

I know I shouldn't consume myself with wondering what may be - I am very focused on my boys, but I guess the feeling comes from being very lonely at the moment. My youngest's age was a partial factor - it was more that my fiancee was a lot more involved with the boys than my ex husband. He taught them a lot of things and actually spent time with them willingly. I guess that is the main part of the hurt. No the raw emotion is starting to calm; down, I have been reflecting/thinking of the relationship and a partial conclusion was that I was being played for the fool in the last four months of the relationship. Definitely a live and learn moment.

What you said about the bullying part does hold some truth - the other part I feel is that bullies tend to prey upon people that they think are weaker or not at their "level".

Yep - it is frightening my son's running and he is very much an opportunist. Part of it comes from the reluctance to go on visitation. I have my keys on me at all times and my house is almost fortress like! He is getting slightly better - we can go to the shops or hairdresser without too much fuss - usually a bribe attached - hey whatever works!

Well, hopefully I can get some sleep at some stage - not too much in the last two nights - definitely don't need black eyeliner haha

Hope you are travelling well, and thank you again for spending the time to respond to me.

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 23:34:08 GMT

Hi Indra

Ahhh yes, but it all depends on our reading material, don’t it. If you’re reading good books with knowledge in them, then yes, you are no doubt inclined to learn more, as long as you have the grey matter to store that. But for me, I study race-guides like they’re going out of fashion, but it’s kinda harder to acquire knowledge from those. 🙂

Yes yes, school hols are just around the corner – which is always a fun time, or not. 🙂 Children dependent isn’t it. But for the most part, it’s always a lot more relaxing of a morning not having the hassle of getting them up and lunches made, etc etc. Fortunately ours are a lot older now, well, 17 and 14, so it has changed a fair bit with them over the years. So believe me, I’ve found that it gets better as they get older. I’ve always been told way back in the day, that as they get older, it gets worse; but I’m inclined to disagree with this theory.

These 24 hour gyms are jumping up all over the place and it’s a good thing – and as you say, sometimes you can be there and for the most part, you can have the gym to yourself, which is an amazing thing – as long as you’re not lifting too heavy on the bench press and can’t get the weight back up; ahh, but that’s a story for another time!

And as you say, ‘whatever works’, be it bribes or the like with your children to get them to ‘play ball’. Those are the two key words in my opinion, “whatever works”, and so it’s nice to hear that you are able to get to the shops or other places now and have some semblance of order and not so much chaos.

I’m hoping this message finds you a bit more rested and that you’ve been able to snare a few more hours sleep as well.

Kind regards

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Thu, 02 Jul 2015 12:28:24 GMT

Hi Neil,

I agree with you totally on the choice of reading material. I avoid trashy stuff like the plague (ie the 50 Shades of Grey series),but tend to seek out more well written fiction and occasionally some non fiction. The raceguide lol As long as you are picking some winners though. You would get along well with my Dad then - that is his thing as well - even watches the race channel on Foxtel like some people would a series haha He has done well for himself with it over the years though - so tinny lol

That is the plus of school holidays not having to rush around - if only my two would sleep in. An anxious night here as I prepare for my son to be away for the week. Lots of reassurance and cuddles. Now to keep my miniman busy and entertained. At least that may keep my from having a down time. I am glad that your two teenagers are good kids then - at the regular part of my son's high school some of the "normal" kids - you just have to shake your head!

I take it you had a weight lifting mishap at the gym then?

It is a case of whatever works for our household or picking your battles. I raise the proverbial eyebrow when I get questioned about certain things that I have to do to get by with my boys. There are no hard and fast rules I feel when you are raising kids - I think people get to wound up with what "experts" say or what I book tells them what should be happening and when. Sorry a touchy subject for me!

Hope you are travelling well and that you and your family have a great weekend! Hopefully the sun may appear!

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 01:01:25 GMT

Hi there Indra

Yes, I hope that the sun will shine on the weekend and even if it doesn’t, we’re still here and breathing and really, that is the main thing.

I’m just a bit shocked this morning by the tragic news of the Adelaide Crows coach being murdered – things like this always knock me around a bit.

Sounds like I would get along with your Dad very well – this was something me and my Dad loved and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to ring him up on a Friday night to talk to him about who he was going to have a bet on. We did that every Friday night (or Saturday morning – if I was out and about on the Friday night); and then we’d have the follow up post mortem call about how the tips went and the races went, etc. Ok, enough about that – I miss that so much.

But yes, Foxtel and the races – all those years growing up on the farm, and I’d have my little transistor listening to the races in my room – now I think of it, because I was so young, I couldn’t bet money, so I’d have mental bets – and look at me now with mental health issues – my mental bets never came home and hence I lost my mind. 🙂 Oh, you’ve gotta laugh, otherwise you’d cry. 🙂

Oh, that gym thing was many moons ago – and the gym was largely empty and I went a bit too heavy on the bench press and had to roll the damn thing over my chest and down to my waist, so I could sit up and get it off me that way. Have never made that mistake again.

Wishing you a lovely weekend also.

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Wed, 08 Jul 2015 11:37:26 GMT

Hi Neil,

Hope all is well with you. Have had a pretty chaotic time - as I have mentioned on other threads - family dramas, ex dramas - but the end of the day I am starting to feel a bit more positive with everything. I am also hanging out for Friday when my eldest son comes home!

The tragedy of the Crow's coach was pretty shocking, but was heartwarming to see all of the support from the AFL to not only his family but the club as well.

I don't actually see eye to eye with my father - he was the cause of a lot of the turmoil from myself and my brother's. I do put that aside for the sake of my children and be fair so they can be a part of their grandfather's life. My brother doesn't as my father is his step-father, but families and their issues are just a part of life I think.

I am glad that was a common interest for you and your father, but also sorry to hear that you miss that part of your life. Dare I ask that your Dad is no longer with us? I must say that I am old enough to remember having transistor radio, records and cassettes lol I did get a laugh with the mental bets - I think I have always done better when I didn't actually have money on a race - not that I have done it all that often!

The gym story was good and being a long time ago, I bet you have learnt from experience lol Would have been a bit scary at the time though. The closest I get is using the hand weights - I told you that I played it safe! Unfortunately, I have to wait until school goes back before I can hit the gym again. Running around after my boys is a workout in itself lol

Hears to things looking up and see what the rest of the week has instore - it certainly has started off interesting!

Cheers,

Indra

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Thu, 09 Jul 2015 23:01:40 GMT

Hi there Indra

Great to hear back from you.

As I mentioned just on another thread, with the forecast on the way, it’s looking like we’re needing to baton down the hatches as it’s all turning nasty, from about now. Rain coming down now, but apparently could turn to snow by Sunday. We’ll see though – forecasts and predictions are often that, predictions that may not really come true.

Family dramas really do suck. I mean for all the people in the world, you’d think that family would be half decent and true kind of people, but alas, it ain’t always the case and you know it, and I also, unfortunately know it as well. Just like the old saying isn’t it, you can choose friends, but you can’t choose your relatives.

Indra, yes, I lost my Dad to leukaemia in 2007 and it doesn’t get easier – well for me, it doesn’t. Even this morning I felt like grabbing the phone to give him a call. I couldn’t tell you how many thousands upon thousands of times I’ve thought AND wanted to do that. And to top things off, Mum passed away last October.

I do hope you can manage to have a nice and even lovely weekend.

Where-ever you are, stay warm and safe. 🙂

Neil

Alone and Acceptance

Indra — Sat, 11 Jul 2015 06:16:47 GMT

Hi Neil,

So sorry to hear of the losses of both your Dad and Mum. How incredibly hard to deal with, and I know not much consolation from me, I am glad you have fond memories and have been able to share them. I admire your strength with this.

On a lighter note, when I read your reply about the weather, the sun had been shining outside! It didn't last very long lol Now, like everywhere else it has been cold, wet and windy!!! Although, shouldn't complain - it tis winter and give everyone 6 months and they will be complaining about the heat. My hard task is entertaining my boys!!

I had been feeling a little happier of late, but kind of slid a little - as long as I keep heading upwards, I hope to get there!

I enjoyed reading about the family soap operas - I think that is the best way to describe them! I choose now not to divulge too much to mine - they end up gossiping amongst themselves! So true for the adage about family and friends as well - hit the nail on the proverbial head there haha

My eldest son returned home yesterday - so we won't be venturing too far this weekend. He likes the security of being home and with me when he returns. Trying to stay warm here - I'll think about my power bill later!!

Well wishes for you and your family as well this weekend -

Take care,

Indra ☕☕

Alone and Acceptance

Neil_1 — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 02:10:14 GMT

Hi Indra

Great to hear from you.

That’s what this mongrel process is all about or does to us – we sometimes have sunny times, but then we slide and a lot of the time, it’s for no apparent reason and the happiness is overtaken again. I think it’s important to know this, cause then we know that we can head back to some happier times again; we’ve just gotta keep going and working at it. And yes, it can be damn hard to do.

Isn’t it funny, how much of a talking point weather can be – heat, cold, wind, rain, sleet, snow, even mild conditions, people always comment about the weather; like it’s a conversation starter. Humans are funny people.

But yeah, when the weather is extreme for either condition, and it’s mostly indoor activities, I’d imagine you’d be needing to have a number of things in place to help keep your boys occupied and their attention from waning.

When you say your eldest returned home – how long was he away for? And how long is he going to be with you?

Kind regards

Neil