topic Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter? in Depression

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Paul — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 20:52:27 GMT

I've found the effect doesn't last long. How about you?

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Kazzl — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 21:07:35 GMT

I'm not good at them Lats, but maybe they work for others.

I really came on here to say I think you should get the award for best thread title ever.

Love your work mate. Have a good day.

Kaz

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Paul — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 23:06:09 GMT

Thanks Kaz xxoo

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Neil_1 — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 23:58:50 GMT

Hi Paul

That’s gotta be one of the most interesting headings for a while.

I think positive affirmations do work. However you say that OR are they just unicorn wee and glitter. From what I know of this world, unicorn’s don’t exist and so therefore, they can’t wee, so there is no unicorn wee. For glitter, well that exists and can be quite special and fancy.

Um, maybe my literal mind is not meant for this.

But I do think that positive affirmations are something that we all need and can gain from having them.

Something that I’ve thought about for a while now is the traditional thing that is done when someone dies – the eulogy. They can be done by so many different people, but by and large, always from people who were close to that person and who loved them so much. They are done with heartfelt warmth and care and they talk about the person in the most special, beautiful and at times, humorous ways. At both my Dad’s funeral and my Mum’s funeral, I penned up special eulogies to both and delivered them – in a very quavery voice. But something I’m so proud to have been able to do.

But my point here is: I’ve been thinking that the person who should have really heard it all is no longer here. I have never thought of this before, but wouldn’t it be a grand thing to do up a eulogy like passage and to deliver it to the person before they leave this existence.

I think that would be the ultimate positive affirmation. It could be framed and kept by the person so they can look at and read it every day.

Wow, that’s taken this thread by the scruff of the neck and put a whole different spin on it.

Would welcome and love others thoughts on this?

Neil

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Paul — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 01:49:55 GMT

Thanks for your thoughts Neil.

The title comes from dating someone who strongly believed in positive affirmations to the point of placing them on sticky notes and all over the house. As I mentioned, they work for a while but I think they are tools to help us transition from one emotional pattern to another. These things work for a time but then they are not solid enough to dig to the core of what's causing the difficulties. Right place, right time, they are definitely helpful.

I believe that a eulogy is meant to celebrate the life of someone dear, but also to help people who are mourning to start the process of grief. I mean no disrespect and definitely don't mean that the beautiful words shared take anything away from the love felt for the person who has passed.

The person I mentioned before surrounded himself with writings and teachings of famous (wealthy) motvational speakers and writers. Pseudoscience based, not evidence based stuff. I personally have a problem with that kind of methodology being sold to people who are vulnerable, hence the unicorn wee (Magical stuff that heals but doesn't exist) and glitter - just for the hell of it.

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 02:17:49 GMT

In a novel I read one character requested his wake take place before he died so he could participate. He got to spend his several hours at the end of his life with all his family and friends and no one was allowed to be gloomy or sad. I liked the idea of him dying with fresh memories of how his family and friends loved him. For those at the wake there would be no regrets that you hadn't told the person you loved them or had missed doing something for them you should have. Maybe not practical in real life but a great idea.

At my dad's funeral my brother had a friend pick all my dad's favourite plants from his garden (he loved gardening) and used them to decorate the hearse so dad could show his family members who had died before him things from his garden. It was a comfort imagining his spirit showing off his plants to his families spirits who were with him. At my mum's funeral my children sat in a corner eating strawberries and cream they had bought specially as it was mum's favourite food. Maybe we are a bit weird but it helped doing things which reminded us of good times regarding the person who died.

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Paul — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 04:32:09 GMT

Sounds really beautiful Elizabeth!

Not weird at all, definitely very positive and memorable

Paul

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

White_Rose — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 04:54:11 GMT

Paul

When I read your first post I did wonder what you were on. Such an unusual combination. My unicorn wee never has any glitter in it.

I have a wall in my kitchen (perhaps you do as well) that does nothing but hold up the roof. Any poem, quote, inspiring story etc is put on the wall which I walk past every time I go into the kitchen. I read them, not all of them every time, to remind me of my journey, to remind me that not everything that happens will be wonderful or horrible. In fact it helps to keep me grounded.

But not all the time. I have to remember to read the words, take a breath and move on. While they are not specific affirmations I see them as general affirmations of my life. e.g. I can't stop the waves but I can learn how to surf. I think they work for me because I put myself and my 'affirmations' where we both meet and I remind myself frequently.

Because these words get stuck in my brain I remember them and work towards living my life in that fashion. It's a sort of neuroplasticity, changing the way the brain works. We can convince ourselves of our inherent stupidity when we are in the grip on depression and even when the episode is over there is often still a lingering doubt. It is a part of the depression process but it's also an affirmation. If you want it to work and you are prepared to work on it, then the unicorn will not wee.

Perhaps you can see it as counseling. After all, how does this work?

Mary

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Guest_1055 — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 06:13:53 GMT

Hey Paul

I have been wondering if positive affirmation is like praise, but haven't come to any conclusions on that yet.

Then I'm thinking is positive affirmation like a building up of another person, rather than tearing them down. Like you help build them up to be the best loving person that they were created to be.

Then I think some people thrive and feel loved if someone affirms them. Where others feel loved if you spend time with them, just hanging out. They don't necessarily seem to need this affirmation much at all. Where as others feel loved if you give them pretty displayed gifts and don't seem to need much affirmation at all either.

Well I don't know, just throwing it out there.

Hugs

Shelley

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Chicken_Wings — Sat, 19 Dec 2015 03:24:20 GMT

Ive give it a try at times.

never ones from other people or poems, but I try to tell myself I'm strong or that I can do this. Probably not the most eloquent and im sure that there are better things I could be saying to myself to get through it, but I give it a go.

I think I do it most when I get so mad at this depression that I just want to punch it in the face. i dunno if anyone else gets mad?

the other times I use them is when I'm desperate. I just want to feel better and so I tell myself I can.

maybe the key is to do it more often, not wait for the extremes?

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

hope4joy — Sat, 19 Dec 2015 23:45:13 GMT

Hi Paul,

I was drawn to your thread for the wonderful title - thanks for your playfulness!

I feel quite strongly about affirmations in that for me they need to be meaningful, I cannot sprout random positive things because it feels superficial and meaningless. But I have one quote a friend wrote for me and it calms me when I read it (maybe a few times a fortnight) - although I think her beautiful writing and that she wrote it on a leaf make it just as special and reassuring as the words do.

I do wonder though, one of my my housemates is into affirmations and reading quotes by successful business people etc. She has a real conviction in them. She makes these projections about her business that for some years have not been realised, but she still says them. And she says things like she has never and would never be depressed, even when she shows signs that appear otherwise. Its interesting because even though it seems to me like she's sort of deluding herself and in denial a lot - I wonder if truly she is happier for it. Like she insists on creating her reality and that bedrock helps her in life.

Gosh I wish i could express my thoughts more clearly, my brain is somewhat hazy (filled with fairy floss?) as of late! Its a good question. Maybe I'll share my favourite sort of affirmation I've said of late to help calm myself and help me get through work when all i want to be is at home in bed, it is:

"i forgive you" (said to myself) its been powerful, i forgive myself for being depressed, i forgive myself for not being when i wanted to be in life, i forgive myself for not having y own family, i forgive myself for being really quite and introverted at times, i forgive myself for being the odd mix that i am. Yes, that feels mighty good. Forgiveness for anything that is undesirable or a struggle about me... un conditionally past, present and future... it seems to free up some energy to try to address the problems and get over the guilt.

Its nice to share on here,

Christina 🙂

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

Guest_1055 — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 11:54:16 GMT

Oh Christina

I just want to say thankyou for your sort of affirmation about forgiving yourself. It is so so good and for me rings out a loud, truth, truth ,truth.

If it is OK can I copy it for myself to use.

Many hugs

Shelley xxxx

PS Way good thread Paul... Thankyou

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

misty2016 — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 12:12:21 GMT

hi Christina , thank you for your post

i have a lot of regrets, and similar situation - not having a family, being depressed, being introverted and shy. this affirmation of forgiving myself made sense to me , i cant change the past need to just forgive to be able to move on i will try to take it onboard

thanks

misty

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

hope4joy — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 20:17:12 GMT

Hi Shelley and Misty,

I'm so glad that you found self forgiveness as powerful as I do. Yes, there is so much to go around! I once heard a monk say how people think they need to punish themselves to learn but his take was that forgiveness is the true way to help learning, it makes us free to change. Gosh we are hard on ourselves sometimes.

Kind wishes,

Christina 🙂

Do positive affirmations work or are they just unicorn wee and glitter?

glimmer_of_light — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 21:44:02 GMT

Dear Neil 1. I agree, l think hearing your own eulogy would b the ultimate affirmation anyone could get. Affirmations is perceived by the individual in different ways. While some people think they are a load of rubbishy, other people may gain peace and tranquility. If that's what it takes to get someone over the line than that's great for them. At Christmas time instead of doing the traditional Bon Bons, l get out fortune cookies. Each one has their own individual saying. We all read them out and ponder as to the meaning of them. Some of them you can really relate to, some require in depth thinking. (although my Christmas is going to b very different and difficult this year) in saying that different courses for different horses- if u know what I mean.