topic What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore in Depression

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 03:16:11 GMT

I struggle with feelings of low self worth. I manage this by trying to help others and being productive. I try to finish the productive tasks on my to do list before relaxing. This was an effective way of motivating me to get things done which made me feel better and allowed me to relax after without feeling guilty. Because of several years of life stresses and depression this is no longer working. Feeling tired. depressed &/or stressed means I'm less effective & make mistakes leading little time for relaxing thus causing more fatigue etc.

Things I used to enjoy are now too hard or are associated with bad experiences so it takes too much energy to make myself do things which I know will help. I avoid going out for diner, movies swimming. Holidays feel like a lot of work & I come home exhausted afterwards

I was doing better but fatigue led to increased depression and wanting to give in

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Mares73 — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 10:27:38 GMT

Dear Elizabeth I replied to your earlier thread about finding it hard to switch off when there's things you feel need doing. It sounds like you may be suffering from "burnout" where everything has got on top of you & you desperately need a break. Yet your feelings of guilt & disappointment in yourself are definetly created by depression. You work so hard to please others yet you have such little empathy for yourself. Sometimes we live our lives by keeping busy as possible so we have no time to face feelings & pain below the surface. Only you know if there's an element of that as a self preservation strategy.

Apart from that you will receive unconditional compassion, support & understanding on the forums & s wealth of information & fact sheets about depression.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

white knight — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 10:53:18 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

I agree with Mares, burnout seems to fit what you describe. Burnout can take many years to overcome if at all IMO. I would describe it like this- that you have a bucket nearly full and one thing can come along that causes a little stress and it overflows whereas, "normal" people have a bucket with a cup of water in it and the bucket half fills with water then empties as stress arrives and leaves. Only when serious issues like the death of a family member does their bucket overflow.

So the remedy isn't easy if this is what you have. If you find the time you can google a few articles I've written that are relevant to your situation.

"Topic: meltdown, back to basics- beyondblue"

"Topic: feeding your brain- beyondblue"

:Topic: motivation, search and rescue it- beyondblue"

"Topic: confidence, how do you get it- beyondblue"

"Topic: inexpensive recovery idea, camping- beyondblue"

With camping my wife and I had to go through various lessons to learn what is the most enjoyable way to camp with the minimum amount of work that always spoilt the process. A small caravan was the answer. No canvas, two tent pegs only for the awning and a toilet and shower inside the van. We now enjoy our holidays but we did build the van ourselves so it has everything we want in it. Just a suggestion. As many suggestions as possible for you and you can filter through them to make up your own mind. Hope your situation improves.

Tony WK

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Bluey_moon — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 11:09:32 GMT

Oh Elizabeth,

hugs......

you don't need to prove your worth with a jobs list!

you are important, strong, and wonderful!

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 11:41:55 GMT

Thank you for your replies. I'm not sure about burnout but it feels close particularly when anything goes wrong. At one time it was major things like my dad dying and becoming full time carer for my mum along with 5 kids under 8 but I managed even though stressed. Now even little things throw me. I thought I was doing better for a few weeks and sticking to most of my goals but then things went downhill without any significant problems. I will look at the other threads tomorrow. With camping I am still trying to work out a way to do it without stress. I am not confident of towing so a caravan or even camping trailer are not options. We thought of a campervan but that costs money and I'm unsure if it is worth it as I don't know how well it would work.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

blondguy — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 12:36:17 GMT

Hey Elizabeth

I just read your header...I felt like I was reading about myself......its heartbreaking....I feel your pain...exactly the same...

This is in no way advice Elizabeth....

* For me...camping....'not right now' ......I dont have the confidence either...and I wont 'fight' it either

* Towing anything would be a big ask for me....now....I just wont do it...maybe later..

* Campervan ....good idea....if you are up to it.....El Cheapo Motel...not as good as camping but still works..

I drive a late model Ford XR8 ute...(yes..a two seater) with a tow hitch....but driving on its own right now is a challenge for me...let alone towing anything....

This 'apprehension' and being 'hesitant' are just signs of a 'tired mind' not necessarily 'burnout. Going through the same now...'When I am ready I will'

If it feels good...do it...if not...don't...I have reduced my anticipatory anxiety a day at a time...which of course may not suit your circumstances...I don't 'avoid' but reserve the right to choose what I am 'comfortable' doing.

Pushing the boundaries is fine...and it does help....sometimes. Your plate is full Elizabeth.....do as you wish..

I still feel like I am talking to myself and I apologize if I have been negative or going against your goals in anyway.

Hugs

Paul 🙂

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Doolhof — Sat, 13 Feb 2016 03:14:38 GMT

Hi Elzabeth and everyone else reading this,

I sometimes find it difficult to find the motivation to do things. I had intended to go for a walk yesterday but told myself it was far too hot to do so, so didn't go at all.

So I decided to use a mini pedal exercise "machine" I bought from the chemist. It has two pedals on it like a pushbike, and a control you can use to add pressure making it harder to pedal.

This morning I did go for a walk and it was a lot cooler than it was yesterday afternoon and evening.

Sometimes I need to find an easier option and to realise that is okay.

I also know what it is like when the simplest thing tips me over the edge. I try to tell myself that I need to be rational about what just happened. Not always easy to do I know.

Recently I bought a beach tent that was on special. I have used it a few times. I head to the beach with a couple of cushions and towels, a book, food and drinks. It is like a mini camping trip. I have thought about taking it to a park and doing the same thing.

By taking the cushions, I can lay down and have a little snooze. If we had lawn here, I would even use it in the back yard.

Taking time out helps me to feel reconnected, aware of my own needs and helps me feel more like tackling jobs or what ever needs doing later that day or the next.

Camping, now that is something I hope to try later on this year when it is a little cooler! I don't like the idea of sweating in a tent when it is 30 degrees or more. Yuck!

Cheerio for now, from (Mrs.) Dools

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Sat, 13 Feb 2016 06:24:07 GMT

Thank you for the replies to this post. I will continue to walk daily because if I stop I'll never get started again. I wish it was easy to find things I enjoy and not have to force myself to do them. The beach tent sounds like a good idea except I can't relax on the beach when it is sunny. I appreciate all the advise & suggestions & hopefully I will eventually find something which I enjoy; So any suggestions are welcome.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Doolhof — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 03:52:24 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

So what are some of the things that you have enjoyed in the past? Maybe you can share some of these ideas and myself and others may come up with different ways you can enjoy doing the same thing or something similar.

You mentioned you can't relax on the beach when it is sunny. You have just given me an idea. I will set up by beach tent here at home and spray it with the hose to see how water proof it is...or not.

That way I will know how effective or totally ineffective it will be if I take it to the beach when it is raining.

Hopefully it will be waterproof. I am loving the idea of sitting or even lying in by beach tent while it is raining at the beach. Awesome!

Thanks for the inspiration Elizabeth!

Cheers, from Dools

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 04:14:12 GMT

Hi Dools, You remind me of my brother he is crazy but in a good way. He comes up with rediculous ideas like you do but makes them work.

I used to do a lot of camping, bushwalking and used to like swimming in lakes & rivers particularly late in the day when it was shady. We would head off with vague plan and stop where we wanted. I usually navigated while my husband drove so worked well. Not practical now he is blind.

I used to enjoy ballroom dancing.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

blondguy — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 13:38:20 GMT

Hey Elizabeth

Just seeing how you are....(hugs)

Just a couple of things that I miss doing...but working on them...very slowly...

* Snow Skiing....Long walks....going to a concert...seeing a band.....etc etc

I said to my GP at the time....'I miss doing all of those activities' and she responded with 'are you happy?' and I said yes..generally..which I was..

She responded with 'please stop pushing your boundaries so very hard Paul'

I still do push my boundaries Elizabeth but nowhere as hard as I used to...

Camping sounds like a great idea....as long as there is no towing 🙂

Be 'Gentle' to yourself Elizabeth

Kind wishes to you and your husband

Paul

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

white knight — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 05:44:55 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

"Saving the world" is a common mentality for those with guilt, high workload and those that have never relaxed.

In respect to camping there are some very nice teardrop campers you can tow with even a 4 cylinder car. google "the little guy teardrop". Easy to tow. When we first went camping I couldnt believe the sounds of the birds and the cascading creeks. Things I'm sure your husband will love. Also the teardrops are easy to get around and might be easy for your husband to get to know where things are. They weigh very light. Failing that a small campervan like a Hi-lux so you don't have to tow.

I usually take some magazines with me. I cant just sit and relax, it isn't in me. Also I get the morning newspaper if the shop is nearby.

I really commend your attitude to your issues. You aren't afraid of calling it as it is and to approach your problems in a manner that other are eager to help. Plug away Elizabeth. As time goes by and you get more confident, problems will drift away.

Tony WK

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 07:22:18 GMT

Thank you for your kind comments Tony & Paul. I used to love snow skiing. I might try camping again when the weather cools. My car doesn't have a tow ball but at some time it will need replacing.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

blondguy — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 23:36:47 GMT

Good Morning Elizabeth

Just saying hi to you and hoping you are doing 'reasonable' well

Please be 'Gentle' to yourself...from the heart....

Here for you....

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 03:15:21 GMT

Thank you Paul for you kind comments. I'm rather stressed at the moment expecting 18 people for tea which tends to bring out my 'not good enough 'thoughts so it was nice to get a kind comment from you

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Doolhof — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 06:44:12 GMT

Hi Elizabeth and Everyone else reading,

You mentioned you used to like ballroom dancing. Is there an opportunity for you to still do that? Would your husband be content to join you at the venue and listen to the music?

Many years ago I had a friend who went blind and he still enjoyed going to the basketball to listen to the game.

About 20 years ago I had an operation on my back which then restricted me to living on the floor for a year or longer as the pain was unbearable.

During that time a girlfriend was doing a world tour. I decided to do a tour of my own! My husband went to the library and borrowed many stories of people's travels. My friend also sent me post cards and emails.

I also had an old foam mattress I used out in the garden, I used to lie there and water the plants while on my side. I also hand sewed a single bed quilt while on my back.

I'm very thankful that these days I can move around and do things!

Sometimes having "Crazy" ideas helps!

Cheers for now from Dools

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Bluey_moon — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 11:23:12 GMT

My dear Elizabeth,

I just wanted to send you some love and hugs!

and to tell you what a wonderful, beautiful kind person you are

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

blondguy — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 23:38:48 GMT

Hi Elizabeth

18 people for tea??? Oh My Lord! How on earth do you do it? Many people I know female or male would be running for the hills...I am now President of 'The ElizabethCP Appreciation Society'

Seriously Elizabeth....I admire and wish I had your strength...I think being stressed and also overthinking would be standard behaviour for anyone serving up for 18....I cant even begin to fathom it

Hoping you are otherwise well as can be expected

kind Thoughts

Paul

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 01:25:24 GMT

I feel very undeserving of your comments. Please don't compare yourself to me because you have very different challenges you are working on. My daughter was very supportive acknowledging that she knew I was stressed and helping as much as she could both physically & with positive comments. She reminded me that the pace looked fine & the things which weren't perfect wouldn't be noticed. It was overwhelming when everyone arrived so the house was very crowded. It was too hard to fit everyone at tables so I put the food out on the kitchen benches & let people help themselves. I couldn't cope with anything else. A couple of people helped clean up after main course. After everyone left it took ages to clean up but I did it.

Didn't sleep too well last night as I kept waking up. Planning on a quieter day today.

What do you do when depression stops you enjoying things anymore

blondguy — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 03:42:06 GMT

Dear Elizabeth

You daughter is a gem. That type of support is the best there is. I was very fortunate to have an excellent team that helped me with anxiety and I learned very early on that 'comparing' peoples issues is non productive.

I was being issue specific as per having18 people for tea. I was only giving you a sincere compliment.

Well done to you. 🙂

Paul