topic Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't. in Depression

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 00:32:32 GMT

I was having a Messenger conversation with my closest friend, she has been a great support and thought she Got me, until last night.

The last ccouple of weeks have been better, l know shock, and l thought I had turned that corner. This friends sister even commented on how good I looked.

Last couple of days haven't been good, have felt

really low again, fortunately I know the trigger but even knowing hadn't helped.

I told my friend I was feeling low again

, and how l thought l had finally turned the corner then she said 'depends on how much you want to turn that corner' then she immediately said Be strong. I think she realized she had said the wrong thing but I still felt hurt.

Do you have to have depression

to understand what someone else is going through? Feel like I can't talk to her anymore. I am not going to lose her friendship but l feel different towards her now. Am l being to sensitive?

Has this happened to any

one else? What did you do? I feel mire weird than ever now.

Anne

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

pipsy — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 01:01:11 GMT

Dear Hopefullseeking. Oh dear, just when you thought you HAD 'turned a corner', down you go again. To make matters worse your friend (trying to 'buck' you up) said the wrong thing. No, you're not being sensitive, depression is when you simply can't get out of that 'black hole' not matter how much you try. Your friend tried to get you to dig yourself out, but if she has never 'been there', there's no way she's going to know how you start 'digging'. I wouldn't 'write' her off, perhaps next time you speak to her, explain how low you were really feeling. Telling someone to 'snap out of it', is like waving a red rag in front of a bull. It makes the person who has the depression feel worse instead of better. Have you got anyone else to talk to, a relative, close family friend. Are you seeing a counsellor, are you on medication? It might be an idea to get along to your Dr to arrange for counselling, or medication. You're obviously feeling very alone, you need help now. What's triggered your depression, anything in particular or just everything. If possible, can you get someone (other than your friend) to go with you to a Dr. Once you can get to a Dr, try writing down (f possible) how you feel. The more he/she knows, the more help you will get. If you're really feeling sad, lonely, please, please contact BB on our 24/7 phone line. There are trained counsellors ready and willing to listen. Keep contacting BB, remember, you are not alone as long as you keep posting.

Hope this helps. I'm concerned about your loneliness.

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 02:21:56 GMT

Hello Dear Anne!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time, I'm also sorry to hear that you feel like when you finally had a friend who understood, now she doesn't anymore. I understand where you are coming from, when I felt depressed my friends would support me but they didn't really understand what I was going through, and I think it could be the same thing for your friend. She loves and supports you but she doesn't know how to help you out, she doesn't know the words she thought were kind would be hurtful to you, so my suggestion is you could try explaining to her your true feelings, like when she says those kind of things it makes you feel misunderstood and hurt, and if she doesn't understand right away, don't get frustrated, give her time, I think it's good that she tries to understand, and she was there for you too 🙂 I think she eventually will get it, even if she doesn't, just remember that she does love you and support you, and you can always come on BB forums to talk to us who know what you are going through.

I hope this had made you feel better, I'm here to say that you are not alone, because I have gone through what you are going through, and I understand all the feelings you have. I think it'd be a good idea to go see a professional too 🙂 Hope you have a good day! Sending you all of my love, support, and big big hugs ❤️

With Love,

Grace xxx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Guest_1695 — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:22:26 GMT

Hi Anne,

You have already been given some good advice here and comforting words.

Unfortunately we don't always know what to say to each other to make people feel better.

I know there have been times when I have unintentionally hurt others by the things I have said. I certainly have not meant to be nasty in any way. We will never know how another person really feels and what they are going through.

Depression is a hard illness to understand. I have suffered for many years and still don't understand it myself. How can a person be feeling like they have everything to live for one day and then the very next day it is like they are in a deep canyon? How can you adequately describe that to anyone?

Like another poster mentioned, people here on this site understand depression and how it can make a person feel. We can encourage and support each other.

Cheers from Topsy

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:27:44 GMT

Thanks Pipsy and Grace,

Your comments have helped

me.

l am seeing a psychiatrist and ppsychologist and am medicated. I have seen my psychiatrist last month to talk about Christmas, another long continuing saga. I don't see my psychologist until the 16 th.

l have had depression all my life, towards the end of 2014, my psychiatrist felt l needed more help than she was giving me so early last I started intensive counselling with the psychologist as well as seeing my psychiatrist, was seeing one of them each week, this year due to finances it will be fortnightly. The psychologist has been great and has helped a lot but they both agree due to past traumas and ongoing difficulties I will continue to have depression.

Now I have to learn to live with it and that l battle with

both the idea of having it and learning to live with it. I thought, maybe naively, one day l would conquer it.

I work hard to live my day to the fullest but never seem to get there.

l do get lonely Pipsy but am use to it.

I am partly venting here and partly after support.

Does aanyone else feeling at times counselling just doesn't seem enough.

Thanks guys

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:39:04 GMT

Hello Anne!

You are such a strong person, you get lonely at times but you just keep battling, and of course there are time that counselling is just not enough too, I see my high school counsellor for counselling, but sometimes it gets hard, I understand, but just like you I try not to give up 🙂

On this road you will find lots of obstacles and there will be hard times, but there will be points where you will just realise what a strong, beautiful person you've become and you'll know the hard times are all worth it.

People here will always be here for you whenever you feel lonely, even if just to chat about random thoughts on your mind, and I am glad to hear that our words have helped you 🙂

I'm heading out now and I will come back to check on you later today or tomorrow, in the meantime please take care of yourself and love yourself, because we love you 🙂

Sending you lots and lots of hugs and my love ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:49:10 GMT

Sorry Topsy your post hadn't appeared when l answered the other two.

What you said about being up one minute and down the next is me to a tee, and yes how do you explain that to people who don't understand

.. I don't get it either.

Sorry my phone does silly things to my posts.

If we don't get it how can our friends

..l will continue to do as l have been, take one day at a time

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 05:53:26 GMT

Hi Graceeee,

Thanks everyone you have been so kind to me, haven't had a lot of that in my life.

Others have said l am strong but I don't feel it and yes Grace I won't give up.

I have physical health problems but I keep as busy as my body will allow, it helps.

I have another friend who has depression, medication works for her but she doesn't understand how things work for her and not me.

I know the depression is clouding my thinking but I can't help that sorry.

Hopefully things get better soon.

Hugs to everyone fir your kindness

Anne

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

pipsy — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 06:06:18 GMT

Hi Hopefullseeking. What you said about what works for one, doesn't work for someone else. That's so true. It's like everything in life. Battling on becomes an everyday battle, you wonder why you battle. I guess because we're all unique, different things work for different people. There are also times when we seem to go round in circles with counselling too. We are 100% here for you to vent anytime you like. I find I 'lose' myself in books, music. Works for me, but not necessarily for you. You might find relaxation techniques work for you, that wouldn't work for me because I'm not you. Once you find something that 'works' for you, stick with it. It could take a while, in the meantime, we're here as I said.

Sending you hugz and xxxxx. And a smile to help brighten your day.

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 11:09:27 GMT

Hello again lovely Anne!

I'm sorry to hear that your friend doesn't know how it works for you. I see you apologising for have depression, and I'm here to tell you there's no need to be. I understand the feeling of guilt, like everything is your fault that comes with this condition, but if you think about it, what's to blame yourself for? It's just your brain, it's science, it's chemistry, nothing you should ever be sorry for Anne 🙂 I know it's purely just mother nature, the environment and the way science works. And it is all that you need, to just never give up, and that's what you're doing, so just go a little easier on yourself my dear Anne 🙂

At the meantime I'm glad to hear that you feel our love for you, it's just what we are here for, and again I hope this has helped you too, even if to just make you feel a little less lonely ❤️

All of my love and big tight hugs to you 😛 Stay strong!

With Love,

Grace xx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Ditz — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 13:31:03 GMT

On the bad days, like you were having, it is hard to see the positive. But they are there....

(Not every dr knows how to perform brain surgery, nor does every taxi driver know how to get around every town in the world)

Your friend fulfilled her 'friend responsibilities' by saying something supportive. Unfortunately her field of expertise is not 'friends with depression' so unfortunately she didnt say the exact thing you needed to hear.

None of my friends/family/co-workers had a clue what to say to me & often thier words felt like slaps in the face. But then i realised its not fair of me to expect them to know what to say about something they know nothing about.

The importance of my friends during my depression is not what they 'said' but what they 'did'. They kept trying, they stayed by my side, they didnt quit & run. What more could you ask of a friend but to just be there for you. I came to find thier lack of understanding, but constant trying to support me, kinda cute, clumsy but cute.

And i found it to be an opportunity for me to educate my friends about depression in a way without the negative stigma attached to it.

I hope this down stage is a short one. But by the sounds of it you deff have turned a corner when you say, you are aware of what brings it on. Thats such a great stage to be at, such a large leap from the helplessness & fear of not knowing.

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sun, 07 Feb 2016 22:51:22 GMT

Morning

I think my friend is trying to be there for me but doesn't know what to say.

She asked me over for lunch yesterday and we sort of chatted while she repotted some garden pots. While she was putting together lunch I told her I had been on BB's forum, not that I was talking about her but that I was talking about being up and down. I told her that about 5 people answered my post and they all said the same that it is part of it. I got very teary and said I don't want to be like this and she asked how can 'we' help, I presume she meant my friends. I couldn't answer as I was on the brink of tears.

She didn't need to ask me over for lunch so she is trying to support me as best she knows how and that is with her company and distracting me. We don't talk about my depression but we do talk about stuff, it helps, I don't want to sit and talk about depression as it makes me teary and feel sad. Her company and the distraction it gives is welcomed.

She has been one of the few people that includes me in everyday things as often as she can and I apprediate that enormously.

I know I am not easy to be around at times and she accepts that and still includes me in her life. I have a large group of friends but no one that includes me in their life as much as she does.

Thanks all for you input it definately helped a lot.

Hugs

Anne

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 00:28:21 GMT

Morning

Pipsy, what works for me is card making, I normally lose myself in it as it takes concentration but in the last week I haven't done any, can't be bothered. I will get back into it as I do enjoy it.

Yes I wonder why I battle but I'm not a quitter either so I suppose I have answered my own question.

Hi Grace, I do apologise a lot as I feel defective for not being able to beat my depression, anxiety, PTSD etc. I work so hard at it but at times feel I am barely getting there. It is good to hear from people who understand and it does make me feel a little less weird.

Hi Ditz, my friend doesn't give up on me which helps greatly, some of my friends have distanced themselves from me but life often does that doesn't it.

My friend hasn't given up on me in fact she asked me over for lunch yesterday. She knows that being around her is a distraction for me and that helps. I said that I had been on BB talking about being so up and down, didn't say I was talking about her. I said that the replies to my post all said the same that the up and downs are part of depression. I was extremely teary and didn't say much only that I couldn't help it. She asked what 'we' could do about it but I couldn't answer due to my emotions. We then sat and had lunch, nothing more was said about me but their didn't need to be.

As I left she said she hoped it had helped and of course I said yes.

I will take one day at a time and go from there. I see my psychologist next week so hopefully she has some strategies to help.

Hugs to everyone

Anne

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 06:14:18 GMT

Hello my dear Anne!

How are you doing today? It's great to hear that your friend is such a big support and help to you, nice to hear that you had lunch with her and felt that was just enough too 🙂

Also getting some professional help is definitely a good idea, yes I agree, and in the meanwhile it's just enough that friends are there to support and love us isn't it 🙂 Anyways, nice to see that you are here in this community too! Love to get to know you better soon! (If you don't mind of course :P)

Hope you have the most lovely afternoon!

With Love,

Grace xx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Ditz — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 13:32:41 GMT

Hey hopeful seeking,

Its positive news to hear your friend is trying to support you in the ways she knows how, you are lucky & obviously she is struggling with how to help.

Its fustraighting to sit by & see someone you love in pain & feel helpless to help them.

I remembered another thing i did when i was at the 'crying stage'. I couldnt even say goodmorning to someone at work without the tears flooding out.

So i wrote letters. I wrote & re read them & re-wrote them over days wks & some months. I wrote to the people i loved, i wrote to the people who hurt me & i wrote to 'god' (what ever higher power you wanted to speak with just vent it out).

Some letters i had no intention of sending. Some helped me work through my anger, to understanding to acceptance just through re-writting. Some helped me gain my thoughts on matters like "how can my friends help me".

I managed to tell my friends.

1) they can not fix me, nor is it thier job to (take that pressure off them). If it was that easy to fix you, you would have done it yourself by now.

2) That what i needed from them was to go with the flow of my oddities. I could tear up for no reason, dont ask me whats wrong, just hand me a tissue & go on with your story. Or always be running late, dont get angry with me, it takes me 20min to get ready but a last minute anxiety/panic attack could take an extra 30min to feel brave enough to walk out the door. Or i may just sit in the group & not talk. Im happy to be there & listen to the banter (otherwise i would of cancelled) but i just cant bring myself to talk today, so dont ask whats wrong, im not after the attention, just happy to hear my friends chatting.

Maybe a letter to your friend will help her, help you, just by understanding the odd behaviour we develope going through depression. Her understanding may make it easier for both of you to hang out more.

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Thu, 11 Feb 2016 01:23:47 GMT

Hi Grace and Ditz

Grace - if going on your photo is anything you look young enough to be my daughter yet in your posts you seem to have lived and seem wise beyond your years.

I'm doing ok, sort of, i see my psychologist next week for the first time this year and will feel more supported once i have seen her. I am lucky to have a couple of friends who are supportive even if they often don't know what to say.

Hi Ditz - yes I think my friend does struggle with what to say but often she doesn't need to, her company is enough.

Letters are good, I have written many letters but discarded them, not the right ones to send.

Friends I often make them a card and and write a short note, it lets them know how important they are to me. I think my friend knows that the ups and downs are just part of it. Also i have come a long way in the last 12 months seeing this psychologist and she did acknowledge that the other day. I have only seen this psych for the 12 months and will be seeing her this year to so hopefully but the end of 2016 I will be heaps better.

Thank you lovely ladies and everyone for you responses, encouragment and support, its been wonderful and has made me feel less alone and less freakish. lol

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Thu, 11 Feb 2016 06:18:48 GMT

Goof afternoon dear friend!

Thanks for your message of support 🙂 I often get a lot of people saying when they talk to me they seem to be talking to someone a lot older than my actual age, so I guess I have been through a lot, and I thank you for acknowledging that, simply that means I lot to me I guess haha 🙂

Anyways it's good to hear that you're doing ok, ok is good, ok is not bad, when you're at ok you always get better 🙂 Since you're seeing your psychology next week I will look forward to it with you! And yes seeing her will definitely help a lot 😛 Also I'm so glad to here you feel supported and encouraged here, that's what we're here for, and I know I've said this but we'll always be here to support you and love you no matter what ❤️ So before you see your psychologist I hope talking to us is enough support for you!

And yes it's definitely good to hear that your friends are there for you, even if they often don't know what to say, I mean friends are there for us, and that's all we really need, as you say 🙂

Anyway take care my dear friend! My love and thoughts are with you, hope you're having a good afternoon! ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Sat, 13 Feb 2016 21:51:48 GMT

Hi Grace,

Yes you are definitely an old soul on young sshoulders. Thanks for sending your love and care.

Have had a rough week hopefully things get better soon

.. I am going to the beach today with my friend, we both find the beach and sea air soothing. We don't go swimming just walk a long the beach. We take our lunch and then later go for coffee. Neither of us want to come home.

Hope Grace you are enjoying your weekend

Anne

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Graceeeeee — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 05:05:40 GMT

Hey my dear Anne!

Thank you for your lovely words too, I feel so loved 🙂 And that beach walk sounds lovely and soothing, I love walking on the beach too ❤️ Hope you and your friends have a splendid time!! My love and thoughts will always be with you, as usual. Sorry to hear that you've had a tough week, and you can definitely talk it out with us (only if you want of course), otherwise I hope that lovely walk with your friend does some healing fro you :3 Have a lovely lovely day my dear friend 😛

With Love,

Grace xx

Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

Hopefullseeking — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 01:21:58 GMT

Hi Grace

The beach walk was very blowy but soul rejuvenating.

I am so looking forward to seeing my psychologist tomorrow, so much I want to get off my chest and I so hope she can offer some suggestions that might help me get through this bad spot.

Hope you have a good week.

Hugs

Anne