topic Disappointment in life in Depression

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 13:11:20 GMT

I thought that life would become much easier and more fun as we get older but I feel the opposite. How can I overcome this feeling?

Disappointment in life

geoff — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 14:15:04 GMT

Hello Pink grapefruit, when we're young, we hear of people about to retire and they mention all the plans they're going to do, so in one way it seems as though it's going to be enjoyable, the house is finally paid off and don't have any debts and may be plan to travel, the world is yours.

Sometimes this doesn't happen as easily as this, as our body begins to break down and if you start to feel sadder longer than you had expected, it's time to see your doctor who may suggest various items to do.

There is a vast list of activities you could join, that can reward you in many other ways you hadn't expected, depending on whether or not you may be needed as a grandparent to help with the kids, if that's what you desire.

If you want to you can tell us a little more, so we can direct you in another way.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Disappointment in life

white knight — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 14:30:24 GMT

Hi, welcome

With the limited information provided I'll try to answer you best I can.

I suppose the "sweet spot" in life is around 35-45yo when you might be mature enough and wise enough to enjoy life the most and use our experience to guide us from danger and make better choice than when younger.

The saying "life is what you make it" is true in some cases because you can usually carve your future in the long term through planning. I'm sorry to say, many people dont plan their lives. Yet, we plan our employment, education, children, the car we buy. Why not 2,5,10 year plans?

So you have a "feeling" that life isnt easier and more fun than you thought it would be? Why did you think it was going to be? What is your version of "fun".

See, life is actually hard and the thousands of daily chores, thinking processes, negative things like work issues, education challenges, bills, friendship problems and so forth make it hard work. We contend with tragedies, grief, illnesses, pet illnesses, physical restrictions and so forth. So how do we change those negatives into a fun and easy life?- you have to change your mindset. Not easy but achievable. Once you change it you'll never look back- ever!.

Are you ready for this challenge? If not you might be one day soon and you can return to this thread to take up the challenge.

So here is my own personal steps to making your life enjoyable, safe and inspiring-

Attend motivation lectures
Good diet and light exercise
Give to others your time, be a mentor
Watch a flower bloom or a sunset- both can take 2 hours. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y
Appreciate- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgh08mZ355Q
Please read- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life
Dont think- do! https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/switching-mindsets
Plan yourt finances, short, medium and long plan goals
Dont sweat the small stuff https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/who-cries-over-spilt-milk-#:~:text=That's%20the%20saying.,forgotten%20about%20many%20moons%20ago.
Praise yourself

I hope you are ok

TonyWK

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 20:47:27 GMT

Thank you for your advice.

The reason why I have been feeling this way is that my husband and I worked so hard and saved money for the new house which is being built at the moment but the cost increased more that we thought it would be due to Covid and other factors. We did our best to plan but I feel we lost a lot things and extremely worry about the future of my family.

We are trying to find the solution to minimise the impact at the moment but it has been hitting me so hard mentally.

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 20:51:29 GMT

Thank you for the steps. Things have been very difficult for me lately but I will try these little by little. When we are depressed, I wonder if it is better not to think the cause of it..or I should face and think how to process.

Disappointment in life

white knight — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 03:31:47 GMT

Thankyou for replying.

Processing best steps is not an easy thing to do. So whatever measures you take to resolve your problems its important to remember, your actions wont be perfect and you might go 2 steps forward and one step back. Praise yourself for effort and the 2 steps forward and minimalise the one step in error.

Life is a roller coaster, thats hard to accept for us humans especially when we compare ourselves with the success others seem to have. Fear not, others have issues also but you rarely hear about them.

Struggles- houses. In 1988 the Government of the day under Keating had interest rates at 17%. Our 2nd mortgage went up to 21%. We had to sell our house and purchased a tiny one bedroom flat in the city where we had our 1st baby. Fast track 30 years and its a totally different story for us, the hard wokr in between and the fluctuating housing market saw us jump well forward of that situation. So in the long term things do change- eg with the CPI increase, low interest rates, maybe inheritance, a second job etc, but its the short term that effects you adversely so only that is in your mind hence this post.

Can I also suggest that you might think you can endure this period but as it is effecting you so heavily, therefore also your husband, please visit your GP as much as you need.

We finished building our kit home 18 months ago. Since then timber supplies have dried up and doubled in price. Everyone is hurting. Tradies are suffering also. At the end of the day you must make the best out of a bad situation, so you and hubby must remain strong and as a team you'll survive much better than not. Some decisions financial especially might need radical steps backwards to survivebut with each other you'll spring back as that roller coaster finds its downward leg.

So how are you feeling now?

TonyWK

Disappointment in life

geoff — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 20:09:19 GMT

Hello Pink grapefruit, as Tony has said the Keating government broke so many people with thei high interest rates, they were good for retirees but banks did so much damage to business's and home loans.

Saving and building a new home is always difficult under any circumstances because what we dream of wanting can extrapolate to wanting that little bit extra, and it happens to all of us, trying to pinch extra coin to buy something you really love.

To save some money there are ays to do this, as it's only temporary, hold back on the carpet, I've known people to paint the concrete slab and lay rugs down which you can buy online or at an op shop.

If you would like me to suggest other ways please ask me and if you can just take this only until you can save some more money.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Sat, 19 Mar 2022 12:53:48 GMT

Thank you, Tony and Geoff.

I read all the advice you have given to me over and over. It means a lot and makes me feel that I should not give up on life just because of this.

My husband and I may need to take a big step backward this time but I will live everyday for my family.

At the moment, I don’t feel good at looking at the housing project being proceeded because of my mixed feelings. I feel worry a lot but I hope my husband and I can completely the project and take available and necessary actions..

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 13:00:31 GMT

I feel that the project is becoming a trauma to me. It’s hard to talk about it and look at it. I am not even sure if I can live there happily. Will the time resolve these issues or feelings?

Disappointment in life

white knight — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 14:51:16 GMT

I think in 6 months time things will be much better for you and your husband

Some things take time.

TonyWK

Disappointment in life

geoff — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 15:11:42 GMT

Hello Pink grapefruit, I agree with Tony, any small job you achieve will slowly be able to begin some enjoyment.

We all wish that the end result would happen automatically, but it doesn't happen like this, it depends on our finances and whether we need to spend our money on something else that's more important at that particular time.

This does happen over time.

Geoff.

Disappointment in life

Cat67 — Sun, 27 Mar 2022 04:07:22 GMT

You are not alone. This life begins at 40 stuff just isn't true for many people. Add into that this whole covid snapshot and lockdowns etc and you feel what life you have left isn't going to be as great as you thought it would be. Who knows what the world will look like in 5 years time? I hate to put a dollar value on it, I mean money doesn't buy happiness they keep telling us, but I only hear poor or average income people quoting that phrase. Let's face it, money may not fix everything but it sure buys you a better form of misery! I don't know the answer. I am a very healthy person (64) who suffers from anxiety now and then, but I certainly feel much less positive these days about what the future will bring. I'm not one for joining groups or having tons of friends either, hubby and me are pretty much the same there. We have two daughters and seem to live vicariously through them...ha. I find the best thing is to keep busy! Devote yourself to performing various tasks or activities every day... I've always been a restless person so I have a constant list of things I want or need to do and I find that helps. Sitting around wallowing and worrying does not help me at all. I hope you feel better soon.

Disappointment in life

white knight — Sun, 27 Mar 2022 05:02:47 GMT

I agree, money doesnt buy happiness but without money you get much sadness. If you grew up privileged with a well off family it's the same as freedom- you only appreciate it once you get it taken away.

When I was younger old people couldnt adapt to the new world post WW2. I cooked a meal for my FIL only to be told off as I served up too many vegetables. He said I lived as a rich man. Yet it was spuds, pumpkin peas and corn. That is relevant today because in the last few decades we havent had a world war that has affected us directly. Things like 9/11, Afghanistan etc hasnt affected the majority of Australians. So then along comes the Covid, people suddenly, some for the first time, have their lives turned upside down. Imagine though 110 years ago with the Spanish flu- people didnt have mobile phones, internet, Skype, emails...if you wanted to talk you wrote a letter and waited 2 weeks for a reply.

This, I understand, with Covid etc its hard to swallow the ramifications but if we looked at some positives in live overall it could be a lot worse. Being in Ukraine is one, we have 4-5% unemployment rate now so I can recall when it was 13%, mobile phone plans are much lower as is internet charges so now we can talk forever nearly to our friends and send pics instantly.

However, no matter the luxuries and lack of war to bring us down to earth, marriage issues and separation will always be painful. The best thing to remember is that things do improve post the grief.

TonyWK

Disappointment in life

Pink grapefruit — Sun, 27 Mar 2022 11:42:38 GMT

Thank you, Geoff, Car67 and TonyWK, for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Because I can hardly trust others due to the incident that we were misled, it may be difficult for me to find something that keeps me busy but I will do my best and wait for the things to improve one day.