topic Feeling beaten in Depression

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 10:48:55 GMT

Hi im a newbie to this site, I have battled depression among other issues for some years. I have been very well but in the last month or so have been on a downhill slide. I am a single mum of 3 beautiful girls but find I am very limited to being able to work atm, this has left me lonely, isolated and feeling unmotivated and just want to sleep and do nothing, as I have just moved to another area and cannot really get out I am finding strategies of meeting new ppl yet alone friends very difficult. If anyone has any suggestions or wants to be friends it would be greatly appreciated. I just want to get the spring back in my step to be the best person I can be but I'm not doing that very well

Feeling beaten

Neil_1 — Fri, 10 Apr 2015 01:22:07 GMT

Dear Rubyrose

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanx heaps for coming here and providing your post.

With your depression battle, may I ask if you're on medication to help with that as well as having a good gp (and/or) psychologist, counsellor, etc to assist? Just wanting to see what other mechanisms you might have in place to help with the battle.

May I ask how old are your daughters? This could be a key to you perhaps being able to get out to meet and see new and different people - depending on the age of your girls; as with either pre-school, primary school, etc could be dependent on where they're going and perhaps you could get some introductions happening to other parents of children of the same ages as your girls? Just a thought.

When you say you're limited with regard to work, is that due to your girls again or is it something else?

I guess I'm really revolving this reply around your girls, but for you they'd be the absolute biggest and best thing in your life, I'm guessing; but also would be the most dominating factor also, time-wise and possibly stress-wise also. So I'm just wondering whether you have any "me-time" at all - some down time to try and do something just for you? Also guessing that if you've only just moved to a new area, then you may not now be so close to any rellies who you may be able to call on to give you a hand from time to time?

Wow, I'm sorry - I think I've overloaded you with too many questions - so I'll sign this off for now, but would really love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

ps: on this site, this community is awesome and everyone who writes/posts here is considered a friend to all. 🙂

Feeling beaten

White_Rose — Fri, 10 Apr 2015 05:37:01 GMT

Dear Rubyrose

It's great that you are able to post on this site. We are able to talk about our own experiences of depression and pass on tips to others. So welcome to Beyond Blue.

Moving house is a hugely stressful activity and when you do it on your own it's even worse. I hope you have settled in by now and your girls are comfortable in their new schools, assuming they are school age.

The Black Dog of depression likes to sneak up on us now and then and nip at our ankles. Our job is to teach him him to come to heel and do as he is told. I often think of him as one of those puppies or young dogs who take a lot of training and when you think he is doing well, turns round and chews up your slippers.

So we start the training all over again. It's a nuisance and uses up our time and energy that we would prefer to be using on more interesting things. I see Neil has already asked about your medical support and this is important, especially in a new environment. Have you found a new GP nearby? If not then take a look at those listed on this web site.

At the top of the page click on Get Support/Find a Professional. You can then search by postcode for a GP with experience in mental health issues.

I know moving house involves more than packing up, moving and unpacking. Your previous network has gone to some extent and it feels very lonely. When my children were at school I got to know the mothers of their friends. And I developed friendships with some of these. Also my children attended various activities, Brownies, dancing, gymnastics and again I met other moms.

Presumably you left your previous job when you moved. Is the difficulty with working due to not having a job or not being motivated to go to work. I understand the feeling of just wanting to turn over in the morning and go back to sleep. When you have children it's not really an option I know. And this can be a good thing as at least you are on your feet.

Neil has asked about you having time to yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can continue? When you meet one the school moms you could invite her home for a coffee and ask about the local amenities. It's a good way to get to know others.

Like Neil, I don't want to overload you. I hope you will respond.

Mary

Feeling beaten

geoff — Sun, 12 Apr 2015 20:30:54 GMT

dear Rubyrose, welcome to our site, as it's open for young and old, and cough cough I'm in the latter, never believing that my two sons would grow up, but they have and both are in their 30's, how time passes so quickly, boy oh boy.

I'm sure Mary and Neil have made you welcome and I would certainly want to join them.

Moving house can certainly cause disharmony between not only yourself but also your girls, who have to made new friends and start a new school if they are at that age.

I personally had a relapse when I had to move house to flat not so long ago, and you have to meet your neighbours as this will happen over time, then try and get settled, rearrange your furniture and finally get rid of what you haven't needed for a long time, but now it's time, because it may not fit in, so there's a lot to juggle, and if the girls have a pet then it too has get accommodated, so you have a lot to cope with.

It's always scary moving house, I hate it, and this is probably one reason why you have broken down, and believe me it's quite understandable, so just take your time, and the more you overdo it will just make it harder, and now you have made three cyber friends, nd we are always here to have a chat with L Geoff. x

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 07:19:52 GMT

Hi Neil, thank you so much for your reply. My children are 15 with special needs 13 year old and 2 1/2 so u can imagine the diversity of this. I can't work much due to baby sitting issues. I am isolated as I have no idea how to go out and meet ppl with common ground. I was doing fine for awhile just enjoying what I got done in a normal day, now I do nothing, feel numb, worthless and my head is fuzzy so I don't know what to do. I have few rellies in the area and their busy with their lives anyway. I am on antidepressants have been for ages, thank u

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 07:26:49 GMT

Hi. Tx so much for your reply. One daughter catches the bus as she has special needs. One walks so no parent contact and my 2 year old goes to crèche, I have moved in to my home which is great, it's a lovely place if I could keep it tidy but no motivation. My interests, u would think that my new home would be enough but have lost all motivation for anything. My children take up a lot of my time but I'm just bored, bored, bored. But I know if I just got into it and made myself feel better I may have an avenue for me. At the moment I just feel like no one would want my company anyway so what's the point. I am on antidepressants but not touching the sides ATM. Tx heaps

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 07:44:33 GMT

Hi all, Geoff I can't reply to you for some reason. I moved in December so that is some time ago. But I can't put up with the nothingness I feel continually, and it is really not good for my kids. I don't feel even if I knew ppl I am so boring and down who would want a friend like me anyway. I had a friendship dissolve that I had for 15 years. I know it is right thing but it has really effected me, but there's no going back as far to much has happened. I find myself stressing over my big mortgage and wondering how I'm going to do it for the next 30 years. Instead of just being greatful for today...which I am....but just feel horrible. Thank u so much to u all, I can't talk to many as they just don't get it!!!

Feeling beaten

Neil_1 — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 00:56:23 GMT

Hi Ruby

Thank you so much for getting back to us and you know what – you can talk to us because WE get it. We understand and though we all have our own issues that are troubling us big time, we can feel and understand and know what you’re experiencing. And yes, it’s downright horrible.

Just a little comment to make here though – you are not worthless, yes you might feel numb and have trouble doing things, but in no way in the world are you worthless. You’ve got a 15yo with special needs; a 13yo and a little ‘un who’s just 2 ½ - I’m being very basic here, but put yourself in their shoes, in their minds – and what do they see when they see you, “their Mum”. They see a beautiful person who has bought them into this world, who has cared for and nurtured them, loved them, taught them, cherished them … need I go on further … I won’t cause I’d run out of characters very fast. What I’m saying here is that you are VERY worthy.

You’ve just recently moved to a new place and have that set up as your home now – for you and your 3 beautiful daughters.

I hear that you’re battling and doing it very tough each day and I wish there was a magical pill or “something” that we could do (or say) to help ease that for you or to take it away completely. But all I can do here is offer my support – as others have and will continue to do.

BUT, you’re a very low ebb – if I could encourage a couple of things for you – they would be to (a) try to get to a GP – and on this site, Beyond Blue have a listing of gp’s available – these are all very experienced in all kinds of mental health issues, so that could be a very good step. Also (b), please try and call upon one of your rellies, just for a little bit of assistance – even if they could come over so you can get yourself off, say to the hairdressers or to the shops or wherever it might be that you’d like to go. Just as a bit of respite from all that you’re constantly facing.

I do hope you can come back and write again.

Neil

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 05:51:27 GMT

Hi Neil. Tx for your reply, I know my older kids know when I'm not feeling good as their pretty switched on. I actually fell the best this arvo then I have felt in a month or more. The problem with depression it takes a long time to come back up again. I have my little one in crèche 3 days per week so I do get 'me' time the problem is what to do with 'me'. Logic in my head knows I am very lucky to have 3 beautiful girls and a lovely home, although I have a big mortgage it beats renting and having to shift continually but unfortunately with depression doesn't see 'logic' it just takes over until I am basically non functional and that is very scary, Tx again for your reply

Feeling beaten

Neil_1 — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 02:43:32 GMT

Hi Ruby

With me time, is there something that you really enjoy doing?

It’s also very good with the owning of a home – a place you can call your own (well, I guess the bank does for a long while, but you know what I mean); so things you do to it are yours to decide – gardening, improvements inside, etc – it’s a sanctuary (or at least that’s what I call my home).

Not much for me to say this time around, but again, please come back and write more if you’d like too – I’ll be here to respond back to you.

Kind regards

Neil

Feeling beaten

White_Rose — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 03:06:09 GMT

Dear Rubyrose

Good to hear from you again. It's nice to be in your own home and able to do what you like. I know the lost feeling. I have been there a lot just lately and it's not nice at all. Glad you have been feeling a little better.

The thing about being unmotivated is that it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. The "I don't want, can't bring myself to do, no energy" etc just reinforces the same thoughts. I know, I've been there. Sorry to keep saying this but I want you to know that what I am saying is not theory but comes from my experiences.

I have also found that I need to start something to become motivated to do it. I know that sounds a bit backward, but it's true. Sweeping one floor leads you to the next. And even if this does not happen the first, you can stop after one floor knowing you have achieved something.

Of course this does not apply to floors only. Try going to your local library to find out what is happening in your area and pick one activity. At my local library there is a group of women who meet to knit for premmie babies, children living with disadvantaged family. There is a book club that meets monthly and various other activities. If you have similar groups meeting, either in the library or elsewhere, try joining one.

I find people are helpful to new members and readily include them in the activity. There is no need to talk a lot. When I joined my meditation group , apart saying hello when I arrived, I never joined in the conversation for over a year. One day I surprised myself and everyone else by offering an opinion. One of the people commented that it was the first time I had spoken and congratulated me. That was the start of several lovely friendships. And I was severely depressed at the time.

I am no more wonderful than anyone else, and neither am I less worthwhile. I am me, warts and all. As people get to know me and as I get to know them we find common ground, or as is often the case, very different points of view on various topics. It doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you need to get out of the house and into the company of others. You will realise that you are not boring, that others will value you for yourself. I understand this is hard to accept at the moment. So don't accept it. But also don't accept that you are worthless. Adopt a wait and see attitude.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Mary

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 05:32:26 GMT

Hi Neil. I'm glad to say that today has been an improvement. I started with a shower, I know a small thing but a big effort at times. I then chose one section of my house and started scrubbing. Still lots to do but at least it's a positive day. Tx again

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 05:41:17 GMT

Hi Mary. Today, he'll or high water I was going to do something, I sectioned my house into 3 and started scrubbing, after a shower, I got kitchen dining and 1 lounge looking great so am very pleased. I just know the only way to pull myself out of it is to do what annoys me most. In a couple of weeks I may join a palaties group or something in a group. I don't think just a gym will get to know ppl like I need. And funny about knitting group. There's a stitch and bitch group, not sure if I will slot into their age group but will keep an eye on that. So tomorrow is my bedroom, it will be lovely to have that done so had a positive day. Tx for ur messages all, this is a great site

Feeling beaten

White_Rose — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 06:31:27 GMT

Hello Rubyrose

Wow! Three rooms. Do you want to come and clean my place afterwards? I hate housework and only do it when I must. I would rather employ someone to do it but it must be done and I do feel rather smug when the job is finished. Congratulations on your fantastic start.

The stitch and bitch group sounds interesting. I would go just to find out what they talk about, but then I am rather nosey. When I was working a few women used to get together for a P&B, pig and bitch. Pilates is a great activity. I started to go to a group but I am overweight and found it difficult to lie on the floor. Even more so to get up again. However, I have found a group where the instructor gives individual exercises to everyone according to their needs. No lying on the floor.

Your post sounds so positive and determined. I am proud of you. Keep your activities within your energy range so that you do not fall into tiredness again.

I look forward to the next instalment.

Mary

Feeling beaten

Rubyrose — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 06:57:56 GMT

Hi Mary. Unfortunately that was only one day. Now I am terrible, terrible, terrible. I had a visitor today, I couldn't even answer the door today. I get so panicky, I also went to the dr, I asked for s psychologist but he just upped my antidepressants as well. I just cannot see how I'm going to get thru all this. It's all just to hard. I just want to sleep, sleep and sleep more but feel awful when I wake up. So that's not helping me that's for sure. Tx

Feeling beaten

White_Rose — Fri, 01 May 2015 05:45:52 GMT

Dear Rubyrose

Unfortunately depression is like that. As John Denver used to sing, "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone." I wonder if you simply over exerted yourself. That kind of energy is hard to put back without a couple of days rest. So wait until you feel good and try again.

Did your doctor refer you to a psychologist? I'm not quite certain of the outcome of your consultation. How are you travelling with your ADs? No side effects or anything disagreeable? Do you think there is an improvement in your mood? And the last question. Are you happy with your doctor? If not then go elsewhere. Beyond Blue has a list of doctors and I explained how to access this list in my first post to you. See above.

I am feeling a bit down today as well. It's pouring with rain in Brisbane, cold and getting dark even though it is only 3:30 pm. Weather warning for high winds and storms. I like the rain usually but not as much as are getting now. Still it matches my mood.

I know how hard it is. The temptation is to give up, just exist, sleep the days away. Well it's OK to have a rest day. Recharge the batteries and start again. The important thing is to keep starting again. Just like the broken record routine. Keep on keeping on.

Plan small activities during the day. Don't give yourself a huge task list, just some small objectives. It's good to make a list and cross them off. I find that very satisfying. The trick is not to look too far ahead. No further than the end of the day. Often you can only see the next couple of hours. But that's OK. When you get there you can look at the next couple of hours. And each time you can pat yourself on the back and rejoice you have made another few steps.

I look forward to your next post.

Mary