topic Not fitting in in Depression

Not fitting in

150lashes — Wed, 04 May 2016 11:04:09 GMT

Has anyone ever felt that they just don't fit in anywhere?

Maybe you don't fit in with their old best school buddies anymore, because they are still out there living the dream and you have settled down with a family and kids?

Maybe you don't fit in with the business world anymore because you're no longer part of it? Because you quit. Because of circumstances.

Maybe you don't fit in with the mums in your kids class at school pick up because they are stay at home mums and you can't relate to the same things?

Maybe you feel jealous at people that have the life you could have had, the ones who got the good opportunities?

Maybe you hate the so called "mentor" that you trusted, because they promised you an opportunity that you really wanted and they gave it to someone else. And everytime you turn up to their business it's in your face that it isn't your opportunity. And you have to live with that and pretend you don't care.

Maybe you just don't fit in anywhere at all and you wonder if things will ever change.

Not fitting in

blondguy — Thu, 05 May 2016 03:56:41 GMT

Hello 150

I feel the same..whether professionally or in my non existent personal life. I have had the severe anxiety for 25 years and the bulk of that has vaporized...The Depression has been loitering around for about 15 years now though.

I do miss my senior roles in business and really feel that I dont fit into the corporate community anymore even though I am still trying to get back in.

It can be called being 'in a rut' as well. Jeff Kennett once said when he was asked how he was and I quote "I feel good...I know I saw the ceiling this morning so I think it will be a good day"

Feeling your pain 150....Good Topic!

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Not fitting in

Starwolf — Thu, 05 May 2016 04:23:26 GMT

Hi Lashes,

Wherever I go, may it be among the majority or any minority, I feel I don't belong. I know how to do all the necessary social graces and pretenses to avoid sticking out. But by doing so I feel I am betraying myself so I tend to keep off the beaten track. Over the years, I have learned to swap quality for quantity and stick to the rare people who feel comfortable with what/who I am. Is it painful ? Yes, sometimes.

What about you, Lashes ? What inspired you to start this thread ?

Not fitting in

150lashes — Thu, 05 May 2016 04:24:22 GMT

It is like we are on the exact same page.. Bizzare!

Love the quote 🙂

Not fitting in

150lashes — Thu, 05 May 2016 04:32:26 GMT

Thanks Starwolf for your insights. I guess you too understand a bit of what I'm feeling

I'm on some weird track, not on the path I want to be. One decision I made which was right at the time has had an avalanche effect and thrown my entire life into disarray.

I really don't belong anywhere and I'm uncomfortable where I am.

The road back is going to be one hec of a fight

Not fitting in

blondguy — Thu, 05 May 2016 09:57:00 GMT

Dear 150

Thankyou for reading my reply:-) Including what Jeff Kennett said to a 3AW prime time host....I have never forgotten it...Seeing the ceiling in the morning means that we are going to have a good day.....So very simple but so very very true

Here for you 150

Paulx

Not fitting in

Clues_Of_Blue — Thu, 05 May 2016 11:59:14 GMT

Thankfully I'm very good at finding other misfits to get along with, but I still often do feel like there isn't a place for me. My school friends all went off and started families and don't talk about much but kids. My male friends are still great to talk to when I can, but busy crushed under work stuff, and distracted by relationships or potential for them. So many people forget their friends the minute they get caught up in chemistry, as though romance is the only thing in life they need, or forget to maintain themselves as individuals when they have kids to care for. Or throw themselves into work. I wonder sometimes whether I'm the only person who sees that balance is needed and you can't just put everything into one aspect of your life. In that way, I don't fit in, and I fail to have the goals everyone else does. I don't care about a fancy career, as long as I have enough to live on (which admittedly isn't quite working at the moment). I don't care about getting married or breeding, as long as I have someone who loves me and treats me as he should (which thankfully I do). I don't care much about the things most people care about. But I don't at all hide that, either, and it has drawn a few people to me that I can talk to and enjoy the company of. It's all relative, I suppose. But yeah, quality over quantity is definitely my stance when it comes to dealing with people. You don't need heaps of friends, as long as they're good ones. The rest you can work out as you go.

Not fitting in

150lashes — Thu, 05 May 2016 12:21:39 GMT

Thanks Blue's

I actually like your outlook on life. Because you have the confidence to go out there and be who you want to be, rather than dictated by society and it's expectations of what you 'should' be doing.

Well done!

I guess for me up until recently I had a flourishing career in business, part of many business circles, a mum with a couple of kids and everything just had its place and made me feel comfortable and where I needed to be. But that's all changed and I'm floating around trying to figure stuff out and where I belong.

It's like been an awkward 13 year old school girl - except I'm 34!

Not fitting in

Clues_Of_Blue — Thu, 05 May 2016 13:46:47 GMT

Thanks for the compliment. I was never very good at being normal, so figured I'd be a weirdo in style. 🙂 If I can ask (of course you're not obliged to tell me), what is it that's changed, and what are your priorities in life now? Knowing what's important to you will help you connect with like-minded people, and find a general place to fit in. One beautiful thing about the technological age is that it's easier than ever to find and connect with those who share our interests and priorities.

Not fitting in

Gruffudd — Fri, 06 May 2016 14:17:46 GMT

I have never been able to do normal, whatever that is. I do like this Mama Cass song called "Make your own kind of music" (google it, I dare you, might get stuck in your head)

It seems to me that the people I like best are uncompromisingly themselves. I decided a few years back that perhaps I should do the same thing and not compromise me to please others, it means not fitting in sometimes, but it also means that I am not compromising what makes me, me. When I made that change the people around changed too, over time I got a sense of direction back and it is mine not someone else's idea of what I should do.

So if you were living as you without compromise what would you be doing? What might be different to now? What would you keep?

Rob.

Not fitting in

Starwolf — Sat, 07 May 2016 01:14:04 GMT

Always good to see people who accept and appreciate their individuality enough not to compromise.

Life is too short and precious to be turned into a lie.

May it be artists, scientists , philosophers etc...many of those who have triggered huge steps forward for humanity at large are/have been social misfits (and thought of as crackpots).

Not fitting in

Clues_Of_Blue — Sat, 07 May 2016 06:06:04 GMT

That's true of my experience too, Rob. Not that I was ever one to compromise myself, but I guess I have become more overt about showing who I am in more recent years, and people around me have responded to that. It draws people who agree with my unpopular opinions (or just the nature of my openness with them) and have been too timid to admit it to others, and I think I have had a positive influence on a few people-pleasers who really just want to get on with being themselves. Sure there are those who don't like it, but too bad. You're never going to please everyone, and if you're going to please anyone, it should be authentic types not the vapid, shallow fakes and users, anyway.

I've noticed your posts in other threads, but I don't think we've spoken directly before. Nice to meet you. (I'll try and remember to have a goosie at that song, when I have a minute.)

You're right, Starwolf, it's not the people who conform that change or better the world (in a big way, or even for just a few people). Misfits for the win!

Not fitting in

SquarePeggie — Sun, 08 May 2016 06:29:17 GMT

I relate to this so much. I don't fit in anywhere because it doesn't come naturally to me to do the same things that my friends are doing in regards to having a relationship and kids. I feel like I am on the sidelines. My urge to run and move to another city is overwhelming at times however I have run enough times to know that the problem and is me and I that's the one thing I can't run from.

Not fitting in

150lashes — Sun, 08 May 2016 11:21:33 GMT

I understand

I actually want to relocate and looking into doing that, as I feel a fresh start and nee surrounding may help.

I'm just not sure, and would hate to think that I make a big move that would affect everyone, only to find that I encounter all the same issues because maybe it's just me.

Not fitting in

SquarePeggie — Sun, 08 May 2016 11:33:28 GMT

Hi 150lashes, I'm glad i'm not the only one who wants to run!

In my experience the same problems have crept up eventually, that's how I know I'm the problem. But that said, the times I've moved to a place that I really wanted to live (like London) and not just moved because I was running have been some of the best times of my life. I guess that can be the difference if you are moving because the new place offers you something and is exciting or if you just want to move anywhere to escape.

Some of the same issues may come up but maybe a new place with new friends and experiences offers enough good stuff too 🙂