topic How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression? in Depression

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Wild_ — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 09:26:48 GMT

Hi team,

Over the last few days, I've found myself getting angry/outwardly irritated with those around me. It has been turning into an argument about how I am not good enough in the situation. I feel like its a part of my depression, and am having trouble stopping and walking away.

I wonder - do you have the same problem? If so, how do you stop it in the moment? How do you beat it before it happens? Happy to take suggestions.

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Zeal — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 09:59:12 GMT

Hi Wild,

Though I've had mental health challenges, I haven't personally experienced issues with anger. If you don't mind me asking, do you have a diagnosed mental health condition? If you are concerned about your mental health, seeing a doctor is a good first step.

When you are at risk of reacting rashly in a situation, finding a distraction or outlet is vital. Physical outlets can be helpful. Leaving the room or space where you are, and doing something physical like a brisk walk or pounding up and down the stairs could be helpful. Some people find running very effective to let off some steam. For in the moment, try being aware of your body and the tension throughout it. You could join your hands firmly together in front of you, or focus on the pressure of your feet on the ground. This may sound a bit basic, but being aware of tension in your body and the space it occupies is an element of mindfulness, which can have a calming effect. There are simple online resources about mindfulness which you could check out.

I have anxiety, and in the past I've needed self-calming techniques. In an exam last year I was getting an anxious and panicky feeling in my chest. I put my palms against my forehead and took a bunch of deep even breaths for a few minutes, and found that got me over the intense overwhelming feeling.

I hope you can sort out some ways of overcoming these feelings of anger and frustration. Good luck with seeking help 🙂

Best wishes,

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Wild_ — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 10:12:43 GMT

Thanks SM.

I have depression. I thought I was through the worst of it (a stretch of 6-8 months), but it seems to be creeping up on me again - and my anger is one of my symptoms.

Interesting suggestion about being aware of my tension - I will definitely try it out. My anger problems are generally only triggered badly if there is someone around, which turns the situation into an argument. Leaving the room mid-argument is not always possible, but I will definitely try what you suggested about applying pressure to hands etc and see if it works.

Thanks for the suggestion 🙂

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Doolhof — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 10:42:56 GMT

Hi Wild,

I totally understand the anger bit with depression. I try really hard to not let the anger get the better of me, but sometimes it just comes to a head before I realise I am on the boil! Next thing I know I am blowing up like a volcano!

When I am aware of just how stressed out and angry I am becoming I do try to calm myself down with deep breaths, telly myself this is not worth getting angry over or try to walk away.

I find I am generally angry with people who are closest to me...but not always. I have been know to scream out angrily at complete strangers.

Those times have been when my depression is really quite bad or when I feel like I am out of control.

My husband now points out tome that he things I am getting grumpy. Sometimes that helps me, othert times it makes me even angrier.

I do always try to apologise after I have been angry.

If you do feel like you depression is becoming worse again, think of ways to make yourself feel better, or seek help and assistance.

Try to find effective ways to get rid of your anger. If I am at home and I have trouble calming down, I will go for a walk, do some gardening, house work, sort out a cupboard or even sitting down to do a Sudoku puzzle helps now and then.

Google Anger management and see if anything there helps you as well.

All the best with finding a calmer state of mind.

From Mrs. Dools

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

MarkJT — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 11:03:12 GMT

Hey Wild, throughout my PTSD journey where anger is a major part of it, I had to learn to control it. I used breathing exercises heaps by using the PTSD Coach app (both google and itunes). I used mindfulness techniques such as listening to music (would listen to the same song a number of times - 1st time just concentrate on the vocals, 2nd concentrate on the drums and 3rd concentrate on the guitars), go outside at night and stare at the stars, go for a hard run (run quickly for as long as you can - takes the edge of it) and watch a favorite movie and engross myself into it. I would always seclude myself though and get away from the trigger that was angering me. Not ideal but until you calm down, it takes the risk of violence out of it. I don't think there is any real ideal way, it what works best for you so try a few different techniques and work out what works and what doesn't. Best of luck!!

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

blondguy — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 11:04:20 GMT

Hi Wild

Paul here...I remember the anger that I took out verbally on someone close to me...until my GP told me that it was my tired and fragile mind that I had to attend to first. I booked in immediately and had counselling for my anger. Even though I had just recovered from 25 years of severe anxiety...and have had depression for about 10 years now without anxiety.

The anger is very common with people that suffer from depression. I was being snappy and barked too much..I am so glad I went back and saw my GP....One of the best and positive choices I have made re the anger.

Its just my humble opinion Wild....but the anger (and I am not justifying it in anyway) is the depression talking, not you...your mind is tired/exhausted. The meds I take have provided me with a great foundation which I have used to recover from my anger.

I hope you have some peace and thankyou for having the courage to post

My Kind Thoughts for You...Have a good Easter break too!

Paul

Tackle the depression first and talk to someone about the anger

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Wild_ — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 11:26:47 GMT

Thanks Doolhof, MarkTJ and blondguy, this has definitely given me some good thinking points.

It is comforting to be able to relate to you all on this forum, and blondguy - thanks for reminding me that it is the depression. Sometimes I come away from these angry states and feel like I'm a horrible person, but I think its important to remind myself that it has to do with the depression (as you said though, not justifying it).

MarkTJ - I'm definitely going to try the music idea. Sounds like an interesting way to calm down - will give me something to focus my mind on.

Doolhof - I have always had the same issue re: taking anger out on loved ones. Strangers and most of my friends don't see this side of things. I guess its not a pretty thing to show people, and I think I'm scared that the few friends I have left will disappear if I let loose on them one day. In saying that, I've never felt this kind of anger around close friends, and if I've felt it around strangers, I just keep to myself until I'm in the car alone or something and can have a yell.

Thanks again for the support, team 🙂

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

blondguy — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 11:38:11 GMT

Hey Wild...

Just a compliment for you if thats okay............Thankyou for calling us a 'Team' ..Greatly appreciated 🙂

We are still here if you need us Wild...for anything....You are part of the BB Forums. By posting you have helped others 🙂

Kind Wishes for you..

Paul

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

pipsy — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 11:54:47 GMT

Hi Wild. You just made my day. I get angry too and thought it was just over reacting to insensitive remarks. My depression mainly stems from pent up rage from marriage problems that have never been addressed or resolved. I recognize the problems, but just thought it was, as I say because of unresolved issues. I've had to learn to count to 20/100, take deep breaths and try to accept people's insensitivity and not buy into it. One thing I do do as has already been stated is not try to justify why I'm 'me'. Once your friends accept where your breaking point is, they're usually pretty good at not 'winding' you up. We all have breaking points, and recognizing them and letting people know when you feel they've overstepped the mark is a great idea. If people don't respect your feelings once they know, they're not worth wasting time over. True friends won't try to wind you up, they'll usually try to respect your feelings.

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

wow_za — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 05:05:16 GMT

Hey Wild,

I'm actually quite relieved to have read your post - anger is a major problem of my depression. It has essentially destroyed most of my intimate relationships (or at the very least, contributed to significantly). I am still trying to work out why I become angry, but I'm beginning to realise it comes out due to me lack of self love and the incessant loathing I feel towards myself. It is a reflection of my fears regarding a situation and me not knowing how to express this. I also feel that othera close to me don't necessarily understand how I feel and perceive the world and thia becomes a point of frustration for me (and for them too, probably). I think for a long time I have unconsciously felt entitled - expected everyone to understand me and why I was behaving a particular way. Truth is, most people don't and as a result my own anxieties about how people perceived me became reality. I don't know yet how to manage my anger, but being self aware is a great first step. I want to learn why I feel particular ways and emotiona so I can better understand the origins and nature of my anger.

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Legion — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 05:28:15 GMT

New medication (for me) slowed the cycling down from dark depression and murderous rage.

It's still lurks beneath, just a slower fuse.

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Doolhof — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 07:09:00 GMT

Hi Everyone,

This is certainly a good discussion about depression and anger. It is important we can share how we feel with others, so we don't feel like we are suffering from something that no one else experiences.

Recently I was made very aware at how different I approached life when at home with my husband compared to away from the house and away from my husband. My Dr had me fill in one of those forms about emotions and feelings with a varying grade of how you feel.

My anger, stress and depression was so much higher when I was at home with my husband! I realise now part of that is because my expectations and desires are so different from his.

Like someone mentioned above, when your self esteem is low and you think you are worthless, your depression can increase and with me that is a loss of a sense of control, so out pops anger!

Thankfully I have it more in control now!

Hope you are all having a lovely calm and relaxing weekend!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

wow_za — Sun, 27 Mar 2016 03:59:26 GMT

Hello Mrs Dools,

This is me in a nutshell - thank you for your post as it really made me feel like I am not alone...for once. I can absolutely relate to your feelings of anger at home vs. not at home. Up until very recently, I'd never really done anything or even admitted to myself how bad my anger was - to be honest I just seemed to ignore that aspect of my depression and never saw the association. I think because my anger manifested most obviously in my relationship with my partners, that I just assumed the relationship and my partners were the problem (terrible and ignorant, I know). I always found it conflicting about how I was always much more volatile to anger at home. But you hit the nail on the head - I have an exceptionally high expectation from my partner (which likely isn't fair), and I just feel really hurt and resentful when he doesn't support me in the way that I need him to. This is largely my fault though - although I've always been honest about having depression, I've never really made him aware of when I am actually suffering a setback or going through a dark period. My mistake has definitely being not communicating or expressing myself and my needs, and then just expecting him to understand. It's reassuring to know, however, that the anger is a symptom of the depression; that it's not just the way I am and that is can be managed; and most importantly, that this isn't just happening to me.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, as it has definitely shed a light on my own experiences and helped me to understand my anger triggers a bit more (especially at home).

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

topsy_ — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 07:32:23 GMT

This has been a great read. Thanks everyone for contributing. Isn't it funny (maddening) how we expect our partners to know, as if by osmosis, how we are feeling & how we would like them to respond?!

Some time ago I was told about "types" of love. I cant remember all the examples but it turned out that I feel loved & valued when I receive a special gift whereas my partner feels that way if he is made a special meal & if the housework is done (😠😠🤔😘)!! Our expectations are different & unless we are aware of those differences we might miss our partners "love signals". It really helped me a lot to learn that (though I still don't like doing the housework!!)

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Doolhof — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 09:10:20 GMT

Hi Yellownanna,

There is a book called "The Five Love Languages." which describes different ways people feel love and give out love.

There is information about the 5 Love Languages on the internet. One of my counsellors actually printed out a questionnaire that helps you work out what your love language is.

It does make life easier if you can work out what makes you happier, and also what makes the main people in your life feel better about life.

It is a bit tough when your partner likes to have the house clean and you dislike housework! Just a suggestion, try to do a little bit of house work every couple of days, that way you don't have to do it all at once.

I try to get as much housework done as is possible during the week so I don't have to do it on the weekend. If it means getting up early one morning a week to do some of the washing, then that is okay.

Have a think about how you might be able to do things differently to make it all a bit easier for you!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

Doolhof — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 09:18:26 GMT

Hi Wowza J,

Thanks for sharing your story regarding your anger issues and depression. It is great that we can all share here how we are feeling and know that we will be supported and understood.

I have learnt to tell my husband when I am feeling rather depressed or angry. It helps me to recognise it for myself also and to then think about how I am going to manage my feelings.

Today I had a moment of anger and frustration so I decided to go out into the garden. I picked up sticks, raked up heaps of leaves and did a bit of a general clean up.

My anger increased a little when the ride on lawn mower decided it was not going to work no matter what I did. Instead of getting really angry, I picked up more sticks and tried the mower again after a few minutes.

Eventually it started. I decided I didn't want to be annoyed by the mower any longer and put it back in the shed.

I then showered, sat in a chair outside and read a book. I was then relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. I have decided I will try to use the mower another day when my husband is not busy watching sport, so he can get the thing started again for me!

Communication certainly does help, as does being aware of your own feelings and working out what helps you to feel better when you are starting to get cranky or overly depressed.

Hope your weekend has been okay.

cheers form Mrs. Dools

How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

wow_za — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 08:09:25 GMT

I did start taking meds again last Friday. I hope this helps me find a more consistent and less explosive calm for now. Will check back in when they've had a couple of weeks to acclimatise.