topic Will I ever have any relief. in Depression

Will I ever have any relief.

Tinabeck — Fri, 22 Jan 2016 13:36:13 GMT

I have suffered depression since I was a teenager & it took many years to realize that I had was depression, possibly even bipolar. I've been diagnosed with severe depression & am on an extremely high dose of medication. Yes it has helped somewhat but I still have a lot of depressive episodes. I've tried counseling for many years, read books etc but still suffer with those depressive moments. I have fantastic days where I'might on top of the world but then in the blink of an eye hit rock bottom. My depression has stopped me from fulfilling every goal that I have ever had. It is so debilitating. I have raised 5 children & now they're all grown up I just feel like I have nothing left to do on this earth. I feel utterly alone. My husband & I split nearly 20 years ago and now I just feel completely alone & useless to anybody. I don't believe my depression will ever get any better as I have tried all the positive thinking & it just hasn't worked. I have tried sharing my feelings with my children & some friends but I always come away feeling like none of them really care. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel that I will ever be be free of it. It's like I have this nasty little demonervous sitting on my shoulders weighing me down & stopping me from achieving any of the dreams that I have ever wanted. I just cannot shake it. I just don't know what to do. It's no good being told to just stay positive because it doesn't work. I've tried all that. I honestly feel like I'm a totally useless human being and am just a total waste of space. I'very tried so many things over the years that I just don't believe that anything will help me at all & I will be like this for the rest of my life. I just don't think I could cope with living like that for another 30 or 40 years. It'seems unbearable enough now. Now that all my kids are grown up & have families of their own, I feel completely alone in the world. I have no husband, no children at home & hardly ever get invited anywhere. I'mean so lonely & believe that no one on this earth truly cares enough about me to make sure that I'm ok. I hate the way my life is.

Will I ever have any relief.

geoff — Sat, 23 Jan 2016 02:20:24 GMT

dear Tinabeck, hello and welcome to the BB site.
The more people tell us to 'be positive', 'get over it' or worse still 'grow up' the more annoyed we become, because
they are only being insenstive, unknowledgable and uncaring and that's exactly what we never want to hear.
Depression is a curse, it's stays with us, and we can't really ever get rid of it, and it can come again and again
unfortunately we don't have an option, but what we can do is know that it's there, so we realise that whatever
we have in life is the best we can do under the circumstances.
I still have it and I do have relapses, but I have to realise this, and once I know that there will be ups and downs
all through the rest of my life I accept this, because if I don't understand and accept this then I will be struggling
all the time.
It's a disease that we have had or still suffering from and why we were the chosen ones, well who knows.
I live by myself with my puppie as my only company, and yes there are many days when I wish I had someone to
talk to but then there are days when I'm happy just to be by myself, but I have 2 boys, one who is married and the other
isn't, but I love talking to my 2 little grand daughters aged 4 and 2 this year even if it's only once a week.
My life has changed, it has too, just like yours has, and I've been divorced for 13 years, and whether or not I
would have been happier staying in a marriage I don't think that I would have.
I'm 61 years old and the number of people who help me except for my sons, twin are miminal, after all the work
and help I have given them over the years is zero, but I can't and probably don't want this change. Geoff. x

Will I ever have any relief.

Maureen — Wed, 27 Jan 2016 06:28:46 GMT

Oh geoff, I hope you realise that the people on this forum are here to help you as well. Your responses to my posts have been insightful, thought provoking and appreciated. I hope that I too may someday assist you.

Will I ever have any relief.

Maureen — Wed, 27 Jan 2016 06:35:15 GMT

dear tinabeck I feel for you. My situation and feelings are exactly the same as yours. The only difference and a whopping one is I have 2 adult children, not 5. I am in a bad space at the moment so can't give you any wonderful advice to make you feel better, or at least more positive. Just wanted you to know I empathise with you, hang in there and hopefully we'll get through this together.

Don't they say two negatives make a positive. So there you go tinabeck, you n me together = positive! Hmmm, kinda lame! Sorry!

Maureen