topic Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!! in Depression

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

KTOCD — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 22:01:20 GMT

Hey,

Ive got this thing that I've struggled with a long time and it hit me yesterday whilst I was Christmas shopping. I went out to my local shopping centre with a friend to do some shopping. Before I left home, I put a dress on, hair done, make up on - ready to go and feeling ok with how I looked - even looked in the mirror at home and thought 'yep ok' asked my husband for reassurance and he said I looked great.

The problem is that when I get to the shops and amongst people, I feel like the ugliest and worst dressed person there. I truly believe that everyone (and I mean everyone - from the young right up to the very old) are prettier and are looking far better than me. I can ignore it for a bit until I walk past a mirror in a clothes shop and then I'm blatantly reminded of it.

Ive also put on a bit of weight lately. My logical brain tells me that I'm not that big and I can always loose it but the other side of my brain tells me I'm disgusting. I've struggled a bit as a teenager (33 now) with restricting food and vomiting after meals but that is long gone.

I just don't know what this is?!? I plan to talk to my psychologist about it at my next appointment. Has anyone had this before and how did you manage it. It's kind of like at home I look like one person but when I get amongst people I look terrible. I get it at the hairdresser too. Before I leave home I'm feeling ok but when I get sat in front of a mirror with all these beautiful people around me, I feel so inferior and want to crawl into a hole.

I thought that maybe it was an intrusive thought linked to my OCD but it's not really like my other intrusive thoughts.

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

PatT — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 00:39:52 GMT

Hi KT,

Personally I'd say it is directly linked to your OCD. If you've not heard of it, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder than is majorly associated with OCD and is characterised by a constant obsession with an aspect of ones' physical appearance being flawed or ugly. It can occupy several hours a day of thought and become really disrupting.

Lots of people compare their body with others, worry that they are physically inferior and spend a lot of time in front of mirrors trying to hide what they see as a defect. It's massively different from just having a 'bad hair day' as it consumes people and can cause depression and severe anxiety, eating disorders and suicidal ideation in the most extreme cases.

I would highly recommend speaking to your psych about it as he/she would be able to come up with strategies to help you overcome your thoughts. And try to remember that it's just all in your head - if we were to constantly compare ourselves to everyone we saw we'd probably go insane.

Pat.

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

KTOCD — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 01:13:04 GMT

Thanks Pat. I've heard of BDD but never really looked into it. I'ld say it's linked to my OCD. I cope ok with compulsions but really struggle with intrusive thoughts. I've had some horrible ones over the years.

will talk to my psyc about it next appointment.

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

ci — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 23:46:44 GMT

Hi kt

I also 33 with ocd and can definitely relate to what you saying. I've only recently been diagnosed but think I've had this mild all my life just after some health issues things ramped up to where it is a problem and I've got a diagnosis. I hate to see myself in any mirror from the way I'm standing to how my hair looks. I've also put on a couple of kilos lately nothing major but I feel huge. People say how small I am or love what you wearing but I don't see it feels like they making fun of me. After having 3 kids my body not looking it's best so that definitely adds to it.

I find it hard to do my make up or find something nice to wear cause what's the point will still look the worst in the room.

Hairdressers is hard I don't like to see my self. I think your right about linked to ocd I thought was just a self esteem problem but lately I've been wondering. Do you find its worse when your ocd is higher?

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

KTOCD — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 05:16:43 GMT

Hi Ci,

yes, I'ld say it is worse when my OCD is worse. It's great to know there is someone else who understands - thank you!!

can I ask, how did you go with your OCD and having kids? My husband and I want to have a child soon but I'm very worried. My psychiatrist has said to stay on meds during pregnancy. It's after the child is born that I'm worried about. I can see myself getting into checking and cleaning compulsions. I think it may be something we are just going to have to manage...will be sad if I'm not very well when they r young. Not the end of the world though.

When I get physically sick, it is usually followed with a couple of weeks of me being mentally unwell. They are definitely linked.

have a great Xmas!

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

ci — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:27:39 GMT

Hi ktocd

You definitely not alone!

I wasn't diagnosed with ocd till after my last child was born. Looking back I can see the ocd was there but I functioned and just thought it was my personality. I think I was probably a bit more anxious than most during pregnancy but I coped ok I was more relaxed with my first got more worried and checked more often with the next 2.

I love my kids and wouldn't change it for the world they are really understanding and I try my hardest not to let my condition effect them. Sometimes things can be hard having kids and ocd but everyone has challenges and kids will cope if they know they are loved and wanted. Do you have a support network that has been the hardest thing for us we don't if you and husband have family and friends to lean on will make those hard days not so impossible

Wish could sit and chat with you about it can be so lonely dealing with ocd. I see you have another post sounds like things hard for you at the moment take it easy look after yourself hope you feeling better

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

geoff — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 19:46:19 GMT

dear KT OCD, you have to remember that when we look into the mirror it's not something that we are used to doing, but this depends on whether you're a male or a female, however when we see the back of our head it does look strange or could I say funny, because it's not something that we see everyday, so we think that it's usual.

I've had OCD for 56 years, but it wasn't until my son was diagnosed with this illness that I knew that what I was doing was OCD, because for such a long time I made sure that no one could see me doing habits/rituals except for my twin brother, who not once ever told me off, maybe I was doing them in the womb.

I was also one who hated the hairdressers, because they put the mirror up and say ' do you like the cut', which I never did and would make adjustments as soon as I got home.

I could talk all day about OCD, because what it does have is that there is a basic rule with OCD that we all have, but added on to this is that the variations involved with this illness amounts to so many different behaviours, all of which are our own particular concerns.

We can never know if any of our children could get OCD by inheritance, my twin doesn't have it, nor has he ever had depression, being sad yes, but not being depressed, and only one of our sons has OCD while the other one doesn't.

None of my siblings have it nor do my parents and their siblings have had it, so it must have jumped a generation or more, how many I don't know, but here we are. Geoff.

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

KTOCD — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 07:23:11 GMT

Hi Ci and Geoff

thanks so much for your replies. I've never actually met another OCD sufferer in person so great to know I'm not alone.

I started developing some OCD tendencies when I was a child - maybe around ten years old. I was diagnosed at around 20 when it became worse. I've pretty much always been on medication from then on. Only had one break off it and I eventually had to go back on. I can generally manage compulsions ok. They are a pain but I can get through the day without too much trouble. It's the intrusive thoughts that knock me down. I've had some shockers. Medication seems to lessen them. They are super distressing and tend to hang around for months on end. Doing ok at the moment though. I'll enjoy it while it lasts!! 😀

Who else hates mirrors?? Worst thing ever!!

geoff — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 21:38:17 GMT

dear KT, I wonder whether you feel as though there is any difference between compulsions, rituals which you can control to having intrusive thoughts, and I say this because if you can accept what your compulsions are then is it possible for to accept that these intrusive thoughts are not real, just saying. Geoff.