topic I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything in Depression

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Sun, 21 Feb 2016 11:50:23 GMT

Hi I'm new to the forum, but not depression unfortunately. I have suffered from it for many years, and struggle terribly with a complete lack of motivation. I used to be highly motivated and had a lot of self-discipline. Now I struggle to do anything really, and I feel shame at the state of my house. To complicate matters I also suffer from hypersomnia. I have no immediate family, but my extended family are very old school, and very judgemental about my lack of housekeeping skills. Hence I tend to not have people around, which I know contributes to my isolation. Thank goodness for my fur-babies. I can really relate to the line in one of Robbie Williams' songs - something like "I don't want to die, but I'm not keen on living either." Any suggestions from anyone would be really appreciated. Thank you

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Neil_1 — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 02:56:20 GMT

Hi there Luci

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

That song and so many other songs that have words like that, just goes to show, I guess how very wide spread this illness reaches out to. Taking time out to check out song lyrics, it really is an eye opener sometimes.

When you mentioned you used to have self-discipline and motivation – may I ask what stage of life you were in then? Ie: were you a sportsperson, or was it work related? Just trying to see if any, some or part of those things could be a chance of finding its way back into your current life?

Family who are old-school are tough to be in your corner when it comes to mental illness – if I’m hearing you right, it’d be just a case of, come on girl, pull your socks up … what have you got to be down about? But that does little, in fact more to the point, it does nothing to help us. So that’s always a shame when that is the situation. Are they close by though, whereby, you could possibly go visit them from time to time?

If I’m reading this right, it sounds like you live on your own – which could make for a big cleaning part for your house, if it hasn’t been done for a while – I’m getting this from your post. But I believe there’s positives here as well – where you can slowly slowly get things back into some semblance of order.

Try to pick one task – and not something huge … just a small task to complete. Small and relatively easy. Small tasks, small goals.

Now I’ve gotta ask you about your fur babies … I’m taking it that it’s some kitties that you’ve got happening at your place? How many and names please … I’d love to know.

Kind regards

Neil

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Guest_1055 — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 05:33:48 GMT

Hello Luci

I totally get what you are saying, I lack motivation to clean my house too. Right this minute I am peering into the kitchen, seeing unwashed dishes and a dirty stove. I say to myself, I will clean it. Then go and look at the pile, and then feel overwhelmed by what I see. It makes me feel like a failure and yes shamed. I too don't want to have visitors, and sometimes I have pretended that I am not here. Because I was fearing what they thought of me. We don't get many visitors anyway.

Anyway I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, as I can definitely relate.

The only thing that has helped me in the past is: You do three household tasks each night or before you go to sleep.

Task 1 Choose a task that annoys or irritates you. So my first task has been this, throw away the dead flowers that had been just sitting in a vase, for months.

Task 2 The second task is go into the bathroom and wipe the basin clean and the toilet.

Task 3 The third is put away all clothes that are not in the proper place.

I am not sure if any of that helps, but you have helped me you know, by posting here. Because now I know I am not the only one who struggles with this issue. I hope you do feel a little encouraged by knowing this fact.

I care about you, and you are not alone

Shelley xx

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Doolhof — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 07:04:48 GMT

Hi Luci,

Motivation can be a hard thing to have when you are feeling depressed. As Sherie has mentioned, you are not alone in that!

When I am feeling unmotivated, I try to do at least one little thing, something similar to Sherie. I then try to feel good that I have achieved something, and tell myself I will try again tomorrow to do something else.

It can be hard to know just where to start, so just going for it is the thing to do.

Do you like listening to music? Would that help you to be motivated to do something?

I am also curios as to what kind of fur babies you have. We have a cat, 3 goldfish (that don't like cuddles for some reason!) 4 chooks who tolerate cuddles for a little while then poop on me when they have had enough and a cat that also doesn't like cuddles!

Depression can be the pits. Hopefully you will find some inspiration and ideas here on how to make your life different.

Lately I have been trying to go for a walk each day, and that has helped me to feel better in so many ways. There is even a walking group here on this site! It is called something like "Walking Group" . You might like to check that out.

Cheers for now from (Mrs) Dools

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 05:07:30 GMT

Thanks so much Shelley for taking the time to respond. It really has picked me up just reading your post and knowing that someone else is experiencing something similar.

Thanks also for mentioning the 3 tasks. At this point it sounds an insurmountable achievement to complete them, but I'm going to give it a red-hot go - sounds like it's been very helpful for you.

Thank you Luci

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 05:27:08 GMT

Thanks Mrs Dools for your helpful words. Yes, I do love music, and also walking - the really frustrating thing is that when I'm really depressed I don't even have the motivation to do either of those things. My fur-babies are my 2 cats who are both about 14 - unsure as they were both shelter cats. I really can't imagine how I'd cope without them. (Lately I find myself thinking that I much prefer animals to many humans. They're never judgemental - always full of love.)

I've been really disappointed (no, shocked) recently to hear that members of my extended family (i.e. my only family) have gossiped quite cruelly about my (alleged in their opinion) condition. I recognise that this is hearsay and has probably been distorted, but I also do sense that they are often judging me. Thanks again - just knowing that you care, and relate is such a boost. Gotta go as my little girl fur-baby apparently is wanting to keep vigil, which she likes to do at every possible opportunity! xx

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 05:54:51 GMT

Thankyou Neil. Yes you are hearing me right - my deceased father often referred to depression-sufferers as "malingerers" knowing full well of my condition. His brother, my closest relative doesn't verbalise so bluntly, but will make general critical statements about people who are late for appointments (i.e. me sometimes).

As I am embarrassed about inviting people around, I arranged that we catch up for lunch somewhere every week, which has worked well, but I have been late a few times. It appears that I will be taught a lesson though, as he now is ALWAYS late - (much later than me.)

Re your question,I used to be a competitive swimmer, as a child and an adult. I also held down quite challenging jobs. I have had a rough couple of years though, with significant loss - losing both parents and dealing with the practical things that go with that.

My fur-babies, Jack and Lucy are beautiful cats - fantastic company. Lucy is with me every possible moment, and has lots of attitude - she gets pretty darned cross if I've been out - she gets really cross if its raining, and will come inside yelling (perhaps swearing?) whilst glaring at me. Both cats are getting on in age, which is often in the back of my mind, but they are the best thing in my life. I also have my deceased parents' cat, but she refuses to live in the house (possibly as both Jack and Lucy have been very hateful to her.) She resides in the large garage, and I spend time with her every day, giving her cuddles.) Unfortunately, I got in the way of a fight between her and Jack when Jack, Lucy and I first shifted back here, and, long story short, I ended up in hospital for 3 days!

I do find that if i have a really good laugh, its extraordinarily therapeutic, so am heading to the cinema to catch the Coen Brothers "Hail Caesar" tonight with a friend. She has some understanding of depression, but doesn't make a big deal of it - which suits me well.

Thanks again Neil

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

pipsy — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 06:23:15 GMT

Hi Luci3. I too can relate to having absolutely no desire for housework. As long as the dishes are washed before I go to bed, the rest of the house looks okay. I don't encourage visitors, not because I'm ashamed of my house, but I sort of prefer my own space. My mum was extremely judgemental too. If she were alive today and came to visit me, she would be horrified, but I sort of feel, if people judge you by your house, they're not real, true friends. If someone visits you, they should be visiting you, not checking to see if there's dust under the bed. Depression stems from trying too hard to please everybody instead of being you. The more you try to please everybody, the more miserable you feel when you lose 'you'. My mum used to tell my brother awful things about me, this hurt till I realized she was jealous of my ability to relax. Something she never did. My mum was always on the go, I think they were when she was young. She was born in 1920 to a farming community. She was one of 4 girls, no boys, so her and her sisters had to work on their father's farm. Because I was not born on a farm, I never had to do what she did. Consequently, she made my life miserable, till I accepted that was her problem, not mine. She's passed now, I have no contact with my brother either. If your family are judging you, it's because they're probably jealous that you are able to accept and be happy with your chosen lifestyle. I'm not saying you're wrong, or they're wrong, all I'm saying is because you prefer to live quietly with the company of your cats, they find this hard to understand and accept. That is not your problem. Don't try to please them, you'll wind up more miserable, just be you and you'll be more happy. If they don't like it, that's their problem, not yours. When you're feeling really depressed, enjoy your cats, if that's the only thing that makes you smile when you're down, that's a positive, not a negative.

Hope I've helped somewhat.

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Sun, 28 Feb 2016 10:42:31 GMT

Thankyou Pipsy - really appreciate your thoughts - so encouraging to read. Big hugs to you - hope things are going really well for you.

Luci

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Neil_1 — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 00:19:06 GMT

Dear Luci,

Thank you so much for all your lovely responses to all who posted to you. That was great to read them all and for how things are going with you.

That’s a brilliant thing that you can find laughter as a good tonic. I know we have to pick and choose for when things like this can be good for us, as there’s just certain times when I couldn’t manage a giggle … but I generally know these times; but also know that it will pass and then I can try and reach out for something humourous … which is usually the mirror!

I hope you enjoyed the movie and that friend of yours sounds like a gem … someone with understanding of depression, but at the same time, doesn’t go out of their way to make a big deal of it. That’s a really awesome mix.

You’ve got your deceased parents’ cat … and in my profile pic, I’ve got my late Mum’s little dog (Tess), though for no known reason, I’ve nicknamed her Pokey. I have no idea why. I just love calling her that … though she’s totally deaf, so she can’t hear me talking to her all the time. It’s kind of a living part of Mum, I think … having little Tess around and looking after her. Your parents’ cat could also be a possible extension of that as well. Tess is 16yo as well.

Significant loss and the ramifications that go with that, all the grief and emotional baggage is enormous for us. It can be just so hard to deal with and work through. Please know that you can post here at any time about anything … and you’ll get people who understand, who sympathise and who will offer support to you at a moment’s notice.

Do you think you’d ever be able to get back in the pool again … just to do some ‘social’ kind of swimming – nice and easy; which can be a very good thing to help us along … basically any exercise can be a very good thing for us.

Kind regards

Neil

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 04:45:03 GMT

Thankyou Neil - dear little Pokey what a cute-ster - i don't think thats a real word, but I'm sure you know what I mean. Re swimming, i'd love to get back in the pool, but unfortunately, there isn't a year-round public pool here, even though it's the 2nd biggest city in the state. When I was in Adelaide i could have a good swim at any time in a good pool up until 10pm. I always found it to be wonderful therapy -the best anti-depressant ever, with no bad side-effects, but some really good positive ones. That feeling of being weightless, is magical. I've lobbied council etc but eventually I think I'll have to shift somewhere more civilised to access such facilities. The film was quirky, as Coen Brothers films always are - one part in particular was really , really hilarious (I am somewhat prone to exaggeration at times, but it really was funny and I actually laughed until I cried) - fantastic therapy session for the week!

Thanks again Neil

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

pipsy — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 05:08:46 GMT

Hi Luci. Don't know what state you're in, but if you live near a gym, they would have a pool. Where we lived before moving here there was a gym with a huge pool. Not far from us at the moment is a council owned pool, I used to use it, but the village I live in now has its own pool. If you contact your local council or even get online, you may find a public pool near you. I'm in Qld so I can always go down the beach. I seldom do though because I don't want to bump into ex in-laws. Hope you're able to locate a pool, they're so beneficial, in so many ways.

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Neil_1 — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 21:46:51 GMT

Dear Luci

I think you’ve just created a new word (cute-ster) and I like it. Yes, describes her beautifully, but there’s so many others that describe her, she’s just gorgeous with the absolute best personality; nothing fazes her at all. She’s also a wonderful constant reminder of my Mum which in a way is very comforting for me – it’s a weird thing to say, but it feels like I’m still part taking care of Mum, by looking after little Tess. She can’t go downstairs and when she gets to the top of them and wants to go down, she barks … as in to say, “Hey, can I please get some help here?”. So I pick her up, give her a little cuddle and pat and a kiss and take her down to where there is more action happening – usually in the kitchen !

I’m really sorry to hear that where you’re currently at doesn’t have a public pool that is available year round. That must be so frustrating – especially as you know how beneficial it can be. Is there any option for perhaps some cycling or some other kind of exercise that you could possibly do?

Kind regards

Neil

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Doolhof — Tue, 01 Mar 2016 11:46:15 GMT

Hi All,

I have just been reading the comments here. It is a great thread of encouragement and chats about pets and laughing.

We have 4 hens, I love to let them out of their run and let them roam about the garden. They can be so funny at times.

All 4 of them scratch in the same place, sometimes in unison, it is like they are synchronised. Other times one hen will flick dirt and leaves all over the other hens. They never seem to care about that and don't get snitchy with each other.

It is funny when one hen finds a grub and runs away with it in her mouth, only to be chased by the other hens, with one of them inevitably taking it from the other one's beak.

The chooks never like to return to their house so I pick them up two at a time and carry them home. We have foxes hanging around, so I don't like to leave the chooks unsupervised. Ha. Ha.

One chook is moulting at present and the dear thing looks hilarious. I won't tell her that though!

Laughter, I enjoy laughing!

One of my clients suffers from depression, I like trying to make her laugh about something, it makes us both feel better!

Cheers for now, hope laughter has been a part of your day.

From Mrs. Dools

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Tue, 01 Mar 2016 15:07:29 GMT

Dear Neil

Loved hearing more about little Pokey - what a dear little girl! A wonderful companion - you're I'm sure would be so thrilled and comforted to know that you are now her special person/guardian etc. I often think that the situation of pets left behind after their owner has passed away is such a sad situation - and for many it must cause serious concern. Lucky for Pokey everything's Ok - and that you care for her so sensitively - especially carrying her down the stairs - how beautiful. She brings a great deal of joy to you by the sound of it, and it really is extra special knowing that you are still caring for your Mum in part by looking out for Pokey-Baby. Re exercise, as my knees are a wreck from years of running, bike-riding's not a option. but I do have a Pilates machine with a little vertical trampoline set-up. All I have to do is actually motivate myself to get on it, and start! Of course I will have to remove my 2 Bubsters from it in order to have room to exercise on it! - then they'll keep trying to get on it while I'm exercising, so I'll lock them out of that room - then they'll wail desperately and frantically try to open the door whilst slapping each other, so then I'll put them outside, and that'll work for a while - when I next see them there will be sulky kitties, who will ignore me until food-time....Such fun little babies - they just want to hang around with me. Whilst my motivation hasn't improved a great deal since joining the forum, I have found it a lovely experience to read responses, and have found that so uplifting. Thanks so much guys xx (ps cuddles to Pokey).

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Tue, 01 Mar 2016 19:32:38 GMT

Mrs Dools - the hens sound very entertaining - do they have names? I was laughing reading your post - laughter (for me, anyway) really gives me a lift, and animals and their interactions are often very funny. One of my fur-babies seems to have a sense of humour. When I come home, she charges up and down the passage which has wooden floors, sounding like an entire herd of elephants. When my other (less flamboyant) cat looks a little concerned (on account of the thunderous noise, I think) she sometimes charges towards him and veers away at the last minute (or just gives him a biff, even though he's twice her size). I really love how dogs in particular live in the moment - we can learn a lot from animals I think. And thankyou Mrs Dools - I did have some laughs for the day - so important xx

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Luci3 — Tue, 01 Mar 2016 20:10:59 GMT

Hi Pipsy Thanks for your suggestions re a pool. Unfortunately I've already looked into all the options which you mentioned. In my previous city, the pool I attended was part of a gym - they had 2 full-size pools - indoor and outdoor - not so here. I've lobbied council etc, and it has different priorities - they're afraid of operating costs - personally I think there's nothing more important than the good health and wellbeing of ratepayers - but that's just me - hope you're going well, and thanks for your support

Luci

I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

Doolhof — Sat, 05 Mar 2016 05:09:30 GMT

Hi Luci,

Yes, my chooks do have names, Hilda, Ethel, Nancy and Sofie...spells HENS!

As the weather has been so hot in our part of S.A. I have been letting the chooks out earlier in the mornings. They are a little confused with the new routine.

At least this way I can get them back into the hen house and their fenced in yard, as I don't feed them breakfast until it is time for me to return inside. When I call them in the mornings they run as fast as they can to get back into their house for a feed.

We took our cat to see the chooks one day and the cat really freaked out and nearly clawed my husband to bits trying to get away.

Recently we have been thinking about getting a dog but as neither of us have owned one, we have no idea what would suit us. We would have to do some research before we decided that is what we really want to do.

A friend has a sheep dog that leans against you so hard, he nearly pushes you over! That is his way of saying he wants you to pat him!

Pets can certainly be wonderful companions!

Hope you are having a good day.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools