topic First time to reach out in a long time in Depression

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 07:19:35 GMT

Im a 52 year old male that suffers chronic pain and depression for many years. It has cost me most of my "friends" my wife and I see no way out.Last month or so I have been falling back down the dark hole and I can see no end in site.I have lost 2 friends ( in Thailand ) due to covid and many more there are suffering the economic effect of it. Yes they are worse off than me and I guess I feel guilty of just being a sook. I have battled depression for over 15 years and most of the time I manage to keep it fairly normal. Last month I have been loosing control of it and I dont know how to stop it. Now some days I dont even get out of bed ( apart to go to toilet and get water ) My body hurts I sleep a LOT and find pleasure in nothing. I dont want to end up the suicidal train wreck I was years ago as I dont think I have the strength to go through that again. Times are tough for everyone I know but I have no real trigger for this to happen to me now.

Thanks for listening to the rant of a soon to be crazy mad man AHHA

First time to reach out in a long time

Sophie_M — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 07:37:16 GMT

Hi Kram21,

Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your chronic pain and depression. It sounds like it really has cost you a lot in your life. It must be so tough to be dealing with the grief of your two friends and also seeing the suffering and economy decline in Thailand. It can be difficult to get out of bed or do anything when depression creeps in and we would like to offer you some support. We have contacted you privately regarding this.

There are also other services for you to access whenever you need them. We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

You are not alone and we are all here to support you. This community is always here to listen to you and to hear your story.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 07:47:30 GMT

Thanks for reaching out.

Im not suicidal stage yet and hope I dont get there again. I know there are people that need the service more than I do at this time and I know there are limited recourses. Yes Im on medication for depression and yes I have been taking them. I have withdrawn from society and isolated myself this time. Nothing to do with covid Iso I just dont feel like talking to people. I have no idea why I posted here but I guess it was in the hope someone had a great idea for me.

Thanks again

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 09:51:40 GMT

Is anyone else out there have their loved one overseas and unable to be with them? It is taking its toll on me but not the only factor

First time to reach out in a long time

Whippet24 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 11:53:03 GMT

Hi Kram,

I see you using phrases like 'I feel guilty of being a sook' and 'there are people that need the service more than me' and I want to assure you (if you're thinking this way) that your depression is just as real and valid as anyone else's. Maybe I'm projecting because I have thoughts like that sometimes, where I think of all the good things in my life and then think that I should be more grateful and I just need to 'suck it up'.

Personally, I've really benefitted from going to psychologists for years because it allows me to hash out my feelings and negative thoughts in a completely safe and judgement-free environment i.e. where the person has no preconceptions of me which, in a weird way, gives me comfort. If thats not your thing thats fine.

Also have you thought of having like regular catchups with loved ones via Zoom or some other program like that? That could be a good way to connect with people who live far away. For example, I've been having Netflix Watch Parties with family that ive really loved and were pretty easy to set up.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 13:10:43 GMT

Yes I skype my love but it is not the same. I would be in Thailand if I could but I cant as we dont have a shared bank account. Im not an antivaxer but I cant get it here. Im not over 60 and under 30 ffs. I went outside tonight and saw the stars and I am thinking to see them. My love thinks Im crazy now and I will loose her too. Im all alone depressed so why go on?

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 13:26:28 GMT

Out side for first time in 2 days. No one there. Tenant come home and I loose my shet

dam this

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 18:00:53 GMT

Spiral down and down. Im out of touch . no way out. I have not been this dark for a long time. Last time didnt end well for anyone . Im none aggressive to others. I think I have lost touch with the real world. How did I go from normal to mental in a few hours?? What a ride, Ill tell you all if I come out the other side

First time to reach out in a long time

Sophie_M — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 18:32:40 GMT

Hi Kram21,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support. If you want further support you can reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14. If you feel unable to keep yourself safe please call 000 (triple zero).

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 06:54:04 GMT

Hi Kram21

I hope you are safe. I’m sorry you’re going through this ridiculously tough time.
You’re not a ‘sook’ and your feelings are completely valid. I hope to hear an update from you soon.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 07:19:21 GMT

Thanks.

Last night I crashed big time. I dont know why. I guess I just need to reset my mental status. I hate being like this and I guess it feeds off itself. Sitting in the dark alone is not the way to live but it is all I can do . Where too from here? I dont have any answers to that one. One day at a time I guess.

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 07:30:35 GMT

Hi Kram21

I’m very relieved to hear from you.
It’s incredibly hard having to deal with these things. One day at a time is a good way to think of it - I have to stop myself thinking too far ahead.
I hope we can hang in there together,

summerinvincible

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 07:40:29 GMT

It sucks being alone and isolating myself is not helping, problem is I cant stand to be around people at the moment. Everytime I think I have hit the bottom I seam to fall into the darkness further. I keep telling myself this will pass but I am not convinced that it will.

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 08:51:42 GMT

I have felt similarly in the past. I’m not saying this is the answer for you, it may not be, but for me I went to see a GP and got antidepressants. In my case I would not have been able to work, I knew I was breaking down and had my young child to look after. So glad I did - it saved me.

I understand not being able to be around other people. I hope these forums might be a good way to check in and keep going every day.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 09:04:50 GMT

Im on meds already but I have lost my shite.

I guess I got on here just to still have human contact without the need to see anyone in real.

Where to from here?? I dont know. Most people have no understanding of what this is like.

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 09:09:24 GMT

I hear you.

I won’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, but I’m happy to listen.

I try to check these forums every day.
I’ll keep an eye out for your replies to this thread. Hope it helps a little.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 09:20:12 GMT

Thanks. I hope it helps a little . I just need to get my brain working again and maybe tomorrow I will get out of bed

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Sat, 14 Aug 2021 09:33:04 GMT

Just checking in to see how you’re going. No pressure of course. Just know there’s people here for you.

First time to reach out in a long time

Kram21 — Sat, 14 Aug 2021 09:45:19 GMT

Another crap day . My love reminded me it has been 2 years since we were together. She doesnt understand what is happening to me. She knows something is up but I try to put on a smile when I chat to her online. Today has been a tough one but Im still fighting.

First time to reach out in a long time

Summerinvincible — Sat, 14 Aug 2021 10:25:48 GMT

When you say you put on a smile, do you feel like you need to hide how you’re feeling? Do you think there’s a chance she might understand if you opened up?