topic Hard To Keep Friends in Depression

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 05:06:56 GMT

Lost a friend today. Over Facebook of all places. I'm beginning to think Facebook and depression don't mix.

I suffer from depression. Sometimes I'm irrational. I'm paranoid. I'm fearful. I'm angry. I'm scared. I feel like the world is against me. I lash out against even the best of friends. I'm tired. I'm lonely. It's a cycle. A constant battle. I'm trying.

Sometimes I get it in my head that people are talking behind my back or I recognise some of their complaints in their statuses as how I act. So I think they are referring to me. So I'll confront them impulsively.

She said some pretty hurtful truths and criticisms. She recognised that I immediate jump to conclusions and have low self esteem and paranoia. I was accused of draining the joy from her life. That not everything was about me or that everyone is out to get me.

I can't help it though and her reaction only confirms to me that maybe I am a terrible friend and a terrible person.

Hard To Keep Friends

triptych — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 07:19:06 GMT

Gday phoenixstone,

Welcome to the beyond blue forums and good on you for reaching out for help.

Im new here too, and I found this older thread about social media that may be of some help to you. Please feel free to join in the discussion. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/staying-well/why-social-media-is-no-good-for-you

Facebook can be tough as theres so much going on at once. I have similar problems on that site as it sounds like you do.

stay strong,

Hard To Keep Friends

Doolhof — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 09:30:52 GMT

Hi Phoenixstone,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community . I am sure there a lot of people who post here who can relate to how you are feeling and also to the actions that you take when you really don't want to be acting that way. Hope that makes sense!

Sometimes when we are depressed or are suffering from other mental health issues, we do tend to fly off the handle unreasonably or misinterpret what others have said or written! I know I have done so hundreds of times.

For me the trick is to acknowledge that I am angry or frustrated about something, then to try to calm down before I react and respond.

I'm sorry you have lost a friend on Facebook. Is there any way you can reply and say you are sorry that your reaction has hurt that person?

I don't find it easy to be told the truth about me, even when it is said nicely. I know that my words and actions can hurt others. Once I have calmed down from what first feels like an insult, I try to consider if what that person has said is real or not. If it is, then I need to find ways to change how I behave.

Hopefully you will find help and support here.

Depression and other mental health issues are not at all easy to live with! Some people just don't understand either that we are trying to do the best we can!

Hopefully others will respond to you and you will also find other posts that you would like to be a part of.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hard To Keep Friends

gremz — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 11:21:45 GMT

Hey Pheonixstone,

I have trouble with this too. And in NO way does this make you terrible. I think it shows that you really care but are scared of what you might lose.
What I try to to do is write about it, writing always seems to help me put things in perspective. What is the evidence and is it worth a fight? Sometimes even just getting my feelings on paper helps me to feel calmer and more in control.
I don't always get it right, but it works better than my old method of avoiding confrontation until I explode.
If this doesn't work, don't worry. You'll find something else that works for you, and it will also take practice.
I hope things get easier soon.

Hard To Keep Friends

Neil_1 — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 02:09:50 GMT

Hi there phoenix stone

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I must say, an intriguing and interesting name you’ve come up with. 🙂

Ahh, the perils of FaceBook and similar kinds of social media applications. I avoid them all – obviously, bar the interweb (otherwise I wouldn’t be here on Beyond Blue) and also my much loved, email. I’d be hopeless without my email. And that’s so much more sedate and mundane compared with FaceBook, which can be really “out there” and yes, it can be damaging.

That’s largely why I’ve never gone onto it and from all reports, I never will either.

As you rightly say, FaceBook and depression are not a good mix.

Too often things even if only slightly worded incorrectly can be taken the wrong way and from that, it can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety.

I’m not saying for you to get off FaceBook, but possibly to reduce the amount of stuff that is put on there, perhaps? In that regard, I’m not overly sure as someone who knows more about it would be better placed to talk about those kinds of things – who you can bar, etc, if they’re causing you hassles and grief.

I also doubt very much that you’re a terrible person, as you suggest – what’s happening with you is that you suffer from depression and that causes all sorts of dramas for us – and massive internal ones (and when I say internal), battles with our own thinking and our mind’s perspectives that screws around with things and makes them far worse, than what they possibly really are. That’s where we need to have people close to us, TO tell us that all is not as bad as we think it is.

Do look forward to hearing from you again.

Neil

Hard To Keep Friends

Isolationist — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 03:30:58 GMT

She recognises that you have low self-esteem and paranoia, but seemingly hasn't suggested or done anything to help you with these... not all people are able to (or want to) help others going through difficult times. Maybe she's just not a caring friend. The problem most likely isn't with you. There will be people out there who are prepared to give you time and support. Well, that's what I keep telling myself, anyway. I'm not sure I've found any yet - I too am finding it very difficult to keep friends, as none of them seem to really care and I don't ever hear from anyone anymore. I too tell myself it's because I am a shitty person. The rational side of me knows that it's probably not true, but I can't entirely believe it.

I find facebook (and also other social media such as instagram) makes me feel worse because it seems that everyone else is happy and having a great time, and I compare myself to everyone else. I am taking a break from social media at the moment for this very reason, and am going to concentrate on myself and try to find some positives on myself and spend my time trying to improve myself. Maybe give facebook a break for awhile too.

Hard To Keep Friends

Isolationist — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 03:34:49 GMT

Thanks for posting this, triptych. I already knew all this, but it was helpful to have it reinforced, as well as to read others' thoughts on the topics.

Hard To Keep Friends

Robbie81 — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 03:55:47 GMT

Hi, I am new here also. Definitely agree that writing down your thoughts and feelings helps. I wrote my first post in the depression section today after spending the morning in bed and feel a bit better after writing down how i feel (even if no one reads it or responds) . I was having a particularly bad day last week and sat down to text my wife which ended up being a 3 page essay but after sitting there writing and re writing that text i did feel better.

Also agree with others thay social media is very fake as people only post the best side of themselves and an edited version of their life to look good to others. I find only following pages/people of interest and close to me, using it as a positive influence helps.

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 04:14:28 GMT

It was hard and is hard to be able to come back when calm when a person or the person isn't backing down. I tend to feel like a cornered cat. I just lash out and no matter how hard I try to defend myself and recognise to the person as well as myself that I'm thinking irrationally, it doesn't help and things snowball.

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 04:18:15 GMT

I feel like social media is seemingly the only socialising I can do ATM. I'm pretty isolated. 😞 Easy to make friends. Hard to keep them. I work from home and most of my closest friends have jobs that take their time. I used to be a teacher but I've had to stop (by my own choosing). It's hard. I take a break but feel disconnected. But then I go on social media and I get upset. I can't win.

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 04:19:42 GMT

Yeah I've told myself that this is her issues not mine. She just isn't capable of handling depression.

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 04:23:26 GMT

I'm currently trying to post a 30 Day of Positivity challenge where I have to write 1 positive post a day for thirty days in hopes that I'll just keep going and influence others to do the same. My partner has even joined in. I'm finding as I go on though that I'm finding it hard to come up with more and more. Think I might start repeating. And the few I have on FB hardly interact so I just feel ignored. I don't know anymore. I don't know my self worth.

Hard To Keep Friends

Neil_1 — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 02:06:55 GMT

Hi there phoenixstone

Thanx for your latest responses and I really find a lot of positives that you’ve provided there.

The one where you wrote about that other person and those are her issues and not yours. Huge tick there for you – that’s absolutely right and let her go forth and carry on however she wishes too. If people fall off that quickly, then you perhaps need to look at ‘how much’ of a friend were they in the first place? And then you wrote that she isn’t capable of handling depression - ding ding ding, another huge tick for you there also. I find that sounds like you’ve really had some good thinking about this and yes, it is so true, that a lot of people out there simply cannot handle depression.

They don’t understand it and so they then will either run, or they’ll give some useless advice like, “pull your socks up” (particularly useless as the weather warms up and not so many of us wear socks) and then they’ll run.

But hells bells, I’ve had it for years and years and I still don’t understand the beast.

I LOVE your Positivity Challenge – a 30 day approach for positivity. That IS awesome. Yes yes, you CAN do it – 30 days. Look at it in the bigger picture context – say, this time next year. I mean, that’s 365 days away, but you just need to pick up and deliver messages of positivity for the coming month.

Now not sure whether you wish to or need to post them to Facebook, or whether you can just email them to each other – to your partner and back. But if you’re struggling, things like: spring is on the way and warmer weather is soon to happen, the spring racing carnival is just around the corner (that depends on whether you enjoy racing), the NRL and AFL Finals are commencing this weekend (that depends on whether you enjoy the footy), the fact that you have your wonderful partner, that your relationship is awesome, not sure if you have a job, but if you do, the fact that you’ve got a job, that you’re able to cook and perhaps cook up a favourite meal now and then. Other things could be: of favourite places you’ve been too, or things that you really enjoy doing, holidays, reading, movies, music/concerts you may have been too, or perhaps bands who you’d love to see. I could go on, but I’m probably boring you by now.

Love to hear back from you.

Neil

Hard To Keep Friends

MrsMoody — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 08:53:52 GMT

Hey , Sorry your feeling this way but I can relate, Im in a lonely place as well, I found that facebook made it worse for me, and always and do feel as though poeple are talking about me , I'm an honest person about my feelings and I know I complain , but complaing is just our way of looking for sympthy. I'm going to have a week break from silly facebook & dont look at any screens an hour before bed. Sorry about the hurtful things that were being said. Hope it gets better.

Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 21:14:57 GMT

There's something you said that really hit me. Depression has you complain to get attention. And it's so true. I'd make posts about something dramatic in my life just to get the feedback. When I didn't get the feedback I would feel like nobody cared. I hate how Facebook feeds on my securities.

But then again, I used to be a social butterfly. In recent years, my job has changed. My family dynamic has changed. My friends have changed. I went from a huge social circle to down to a handful. I learnt who my true friends were and it was much less than I thought.

My depression is making it hard to focus on the positives here. I'm trying.

Hard To Keep Friends

Neil_1 — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 01:43:10 GMT

Hi there

Just wanted to chip in once more – “silly facebook”, I think is a good call. Having a bit of a break from it, I don’t think is a bad thing either.

Being a non-FB user, I guess I am very biased on this subject and really there MUST be good things about it – I mean, I guess billions of people use it.

But for us who have our self-doubts, our anxiety’s, our stressors and stresses – being on such a device as FB has possibilities of really impacting our lives. We see or read something that can or could really affect us – whereas, say for so many others, they’ll think nothing of it and be able to move on. The thing with it, is that it might not necessarily have been a bad thing, but we’ve perceived it as such and it impacts badly on us. Those are possible subtle ones – but I guess those things can crop up anywhere as well.

The other one is for just plain nasty and vindictive kinds of people (and yes, they are out there and there are plenty of them) that there is something in their make-up, in their DNA that allows them to get some kind of weird and sick pleasure out of picking on others. And what better way to do it for a bully than to be able to hide behind a computer screen and do it that way.

I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to be on a soapbox here about the evils of FB and the perils of potentially being on it – I guess I’m just saying to who-ever is reading, that dear people, please be wary and aware of situations (and that can be where-ever also), that if you feel anxious or nervous about certain things, try to remove yourself from it.

I guess it’s like just having our antenna’s up, so we don’t get ambushed.

Again, I think I went a little over the top here.

Neil

Hard To Keep Friends

Blue_Kay — Mon, 21 Sep 2015 08:24:02 GMT

I do feel that no matter where we socialize, either in reality or social media, we can't win!! No matter what I do or say, people will tend to isolate me because they think I am weird. There were many times that I wanted to behave normally, I mean to be open minded and happy but they still played the game of isolation and even tried group attacking to prove that they were better. This is reality, I guess. Depression is not acceptable, loneliness, anger and sadness are the only feelings that I possess. Living in a black hole means endless pain and isolation. What should I do?